[FFML] [Azumanga] Tag Team

[DB Sommer]

Tag Team
(An Azumanga Daioh shortfic)

Standard Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the Azumanga characters

All fics but the lemons stored at fanfic.com, while lemons, adfics, and 
other miscellaneous stuff are stored at mediaminer


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Morning classes hadn’t started yet when Kagura spotted Tomo entering the 
room with an unmistakable bounce to her step. She waved at her fellow 
‘Blockhead’. “Hey, Tomo, you’re looking pretty happy.”

Tomo all but bounded over. “That’s because I got to see my favorite 
wrestler, Kenta Kobashi, kick butt last night.”

“I didn’t know you liked him.”

“Hell yeah!” Tomo shouted in exaggerated fashion. “He’s my all-time 
favorite, as well as the best, wrestler in the whole wide world.” At 
that moment Tomo focused on Yomi, who was sitting with her back to her. 
Tomo began moving up behind her, continuing on. “There’s nothing better 
than watching him hit someone.” She brought her elbow up above Yomi’s 
head then downward. “With the BURNING HAMM—“

Tomo’s target suddenly slipped out of the seat, causing the elbow to 
miss. Yomi maneuvered directly behind Tomo, wrapping her arms around her 
waist, then bending backward, taking Tomo with her. At the apex of her 
bend she shouted, “BACKDROP DRIVER!” and released Tomo, causing her to 
sail through the air several feet before landing on her head.

Semi-coherent, Tomo slurred out, “Oh, that’s right, Yomi’s a wrestling 
fan too.”

Yomi stood triumphantly over Tomo, much like a hunter would a kill. Her 
glasses gleamed as she proudly stated, “Foolish girl, aging relics like 
Kobashi are things of the past. Takeshi Morishima is where both the 
present and future of wrestling lies!”

Kagura grimaced a touch at Tomo’s crumpled form. To Yomi she said, “I 
didn’t have you pegged for the wrestling type.”

“Of course I am. Who isn’t?” she answered, still posturing. “Who do you 
like?”

“I prefer high flyers myself. Guys like CIMA or Dragon Kid.”

Osaka wandered over and volunteered her opinion. “I’ve always been 
partial to women’s wrestling. Sometimes I dream of being in a tag team 
with Aja Kong.”

Tomo, who had finally recovered, said, “She’s around 250 pounds while 
you’re about the size of her thigh.”

“Yep.” Osaka agreed.

“She’d probably eat you rather than tag you in.”

“I don’t think so. The human’s skull’s too large for any person to widen 
their jaws enough to consume.” Osaka pointed out. She then looked around 
the room. “I wonder who else is into wrestling.”

All eyes settled on Chiyo, who was sitting in her seat.

Tomo asked, “Hey, Chiyo, who’s your favorite wrestler?”

“It’s all fake,” she said matter-of-factly.

Everyone stared at her silently for several seconds. Finally Tomo spoke. 
“You are dead to us.”

As Chiyo sat there, stunned, all eyes turned to Sakaki, who was sitting 
in her seat.

Tomo asked, “Hey, Sakaki, who’s your favorite wrestler?”

“Big Van Vader.”

Osaka whistled appreciatively. “He’s like, 400 pounds of pure mean.”

Sakaki nodded. Wrestling was the one thing where cuteness wasn’t a 
factor: only the ability to dish out and absorb punishment was, and 
Vader had both in abundance. She remembered his squashing of Antonio 
Inoki with fondness.

“Who else could we ask?” Osaka wondered as her eyes scanned the room, 
finally settling toward the front. “Let’s ask Miss Yukari.”

The group of five approached the teacher, whose head was pointed down as 
she wrote furiously.

Tomo asked, “Miss Yukari, who’s your favorite wrestler?”

“Masked Zapper II,” she answered instantly, not missing a stroke.

Kagura said, “I remember her. She wrestled as part of a tag team in a 
women’s organization a few years ago.”

“Why is she your favorite?” Osaka inquired.

Yukari’s head remained pointing downward. “Because it was me.”

The girls froze in shock.

“You’re kidding, right?” Yomi asked.

“Did it for a year right after college.” Her pen never wavered.

Osaka turned to Kagura. “Does Miss Yukari look liked Masked Zapper II?”

“You do understand that she was masked like her name says, right?”

Osaka considered that. “Oh, I thought maybe that was just her stage 
name. Kind of like how Mammoth Sasaki isn’t an actual mammoth.” Osaka 
processed that. “So we have no way of knowing, do we?”

It was at that moment that Nyamo stormed into the room. “Yukari, I told 
you I’m not falling for your so-called. ‘watch me make 5000 yen 
disappear’ magic trick. Give me back my money!”

“Nyamo would know,” Kagura said.

Yukari finally looked up. “Of course she would. Who do you think Masked 
Zapper I was?”

Hearing Yukari’s statement, Nyamo stared at her in horror. “I thought we 
agreed never to tell anyone that!”

“The girls were clever enough to figure it out on their own,” Yukari 
assured her.

“Actually you just told us out of the blue,” Yomi pointed out.

“Don’t clutter your head with useless details,” Yukari said 
dismissively, rising from the chair. “Yep, we were the hottest team in 
the country. And we would have won the championship if only someone had 
the guts to do what it takes to win!” She shot Nyamo an accusing glare.

Nyamo turned red. “I told you I wanted to be a face, not a heel. There’s 
no way I’m smashing someone in the head with a chair while the ref’s 
back was turned!”

Yukari rolled her eyes and addressed the girls. “After Nyamo went 
yellow, it became obvious we weren’t cut out to be a tag team. Since I 
didn’t feel like going singles, I retired.”

Nyamo snarled, “You didn’t feel like going singles because I carried our 
team! The only times you tagged in were when I softened up our opponent 
beforehand! And even then all you did was jump off the top rope and 
flatten them with your butt!”

“And no one kicked out from the ‘Flying Ass Blast’, now did they!” 
Yukari got up in her face. “I say I’m the one that carried the team, and 
you only rode my flying ass to victory!”

Nyamo wouldn’t back down. “Why don’t we go out to the gym and settle who 
the better grappler is once and for all?”

“You’re on!”

Nyamo turned around and headed toward the door.

Yukari picked up a chair and smashed Nyamo in the back of the head with 
it, knocking her senseless. Yukari stood above her, laughing triumphantly.

The girls stared in awe.

Osaka said, “Wow! Yukari just properly broke up her tag team with a heel 
turn.”

Yomi nodded. “She really was a professional wrestler.”

Tomo turned to Chiyo, a wide smirk on her features. “I guess this proves 
wrestling isn’t fake.”

“All it proves is Miss Yukari is crazy!” Chiyo insisted as Nyamo got up 
and she and Yukari began wrestling on the ground while Osaka tried to 
count a pinfall.

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[End fic]

A silly idea? Sure, but damn fun for me to write.