[FFML] [Fanfic][Ranma] A Few Days in Maralapore

[hans.holm2 at bredband.net]

Changed title and some pretty major rewrites...
(and typographically, the wall of text is now a wall of text with random
holes in it).

Disclaimer: Ranma ½ and all its characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi.
I’m only appropriating them for my own entertainment and hoping she
doesn’t get too upset by my use of her works. Characters created by
Wodehouse, likewise, belong to him or his estate, even if their
mention here would likely go unnoticed if I hadn’t brought it up in
this disclaimer.

The non-Amazon (presumed) Chinese characters are named in what I, for
lack of better words, think of as in the style of the Jademan
translations/editions of various Hong Kong comics.

I have found no evidence of any real place called Maralapore.

This takes place after a fanfic I did post here (and at fanfiction.net)
ages ago, Duck and Peaches..., but all one might need to know to avoid
confusion is that Hairspray is Mousse’s daughter, that Mousse lost his
curse at the end of the aforementioned story and that he has not yet been
recursed.) And there should probably have been a fic or two between that
and this one.

A Few Days in Maralapore
A Ranma ½ fanfic
By Hans Holm

*    *    *    *    *    *

   Cologne looked at the letter in her hands again and groaned (again).
“What’s the matter, Great-grandmother?” Shampoo asked.
“It’s this message from home,” Cologne replied. “It seems Ba Fu has had
another of his visions...”
“Didn’t they get him something to stop having those?”
“I guess the effect wore off. Anyway, it sounds as if Ba Fu’s brother is up
to something and the other Elders has decided that you and Mousse
should go and deal with whatever the vision was about.”
“WHAT? Why us?”

   “They say it’s because it’s easier for you to go abroad since you’re
already there, but they also seem to hint at the lack of intimacy for a
young couple living with a months-old baby and a nosy old woman.”
“Didn’t you tell them Mousse and Hairspray moved out?”
“They are rather... selective... about what they remember when they
want to. Now go and get Mousse, and I’ll tell you what they want you
to do.”

*    *    *    *    *    *

   About twenty minutes later, Shampoo was standing outside Mousse’s
new apartment. She hadn’t seen much of either Mousse or Hairspray
since they moved, and she hadn’t seen the apartment since the
morning after the house-warming party two weeks ago. And she doubted
_that_ was what it normally looked like.

   He seemed to take an awful long time to answer the door. Visions of
knocking down the door and catching Mousse in the act started flashing
through her mind. Maybe one of his co-workers from the bar/nightclub...
or maybe Ukyo (she hadn’t forgotten that ‘purple wig’ comment)... or
even Nabiki. That... that... She was interrupted by an unrobed Mousse
opening the door.
“I’m sorry it took so long, but Hairspray just decided to have spit up on
my robe.”

   “Naturally,” Shampoo replied suspiciously, while discreetly trying to
peer into the room to see if there was another cause for Mousse’s state of
undress.
“Please come inside... Could you keep an eye on Hairspray while I find
some clean clothes?”
“OK... But hurry, Great-grandmother got a letter from the other Elders
and they want us to do something. She’ll tell us once we’re back at the
restaurant.”
“Just a minute. I’ll just get Hairspray ready.”

*    *    *    *    *    *

   “We’re back!”
“Good. Sit down, and I’ll tell you what this is all about... Ba Fu has had
another vision and they want you two to go and deal with it, since you’re
already outside China. I guess it’s possible that you made personal
appearances in the vision too.”
“Oh, joy.”

   “Did they bother to explain what the vision was?”
“No, but apparently Ba Fu’s brother is involved somehow and they seem
to expect him to explain what’s going on once you get to Maralapore.”
“Maralapore?”
“Tiny city state in Southeast Asia, a bit like Singapore but with more of a
flamingo theme and further from the mainland. It also has the biggest
Chinese Amazon population outside the mainland after Nerima. Now go get
packed, the plane leaves tonight.”
“Tonight?! But I can’t... I mean... what about Hairspray?”
“I’ve already asked Mrs. Saotome if she’ll look after her while you’re
away. She should be around soon to pick her up. It’ll only be a couple
of days.”
“But... but...”

   “And don’t worry. They promised to make sure Genma wouldn’t try to
teach her anything. And even if you probably should be there, it might be
a good idea if the one who goes to handle the paperwork is a respectable
adult Japanese woman.”
“Wait, Great-grandmother. What paperwork?”
“Just a few trifles. Like making Hairspray’s existence official, having
a doctor examine her and so on.”
“Isn’t that done automatically? At the hospital?”
“I imagine that if any paperwork had existed, we’d either get told or
get copies when she arrived, and, either way, it’s a safe bet that the
Japanese authorities haven’t seen any sign of her.”
“Shouldn’t Mousse be doin... have done this weeks ago?”
“Yes. But he didn’t and then it got scheduled for tomorrow. But now the
pair of you have to go to Maralapore.”

*    *    *    *    *    *

   The flight to Maralapore had been silent and rather tense. Shampoo were
half expecting Mousse to fall back into his old ways now that they were
alone (at the order of the Elders), while Mousse spent most of the journey
worrying if it was alright to leave Hairspray like this and to have the
blameless Mrs. Saotome handle the impending paperwork.

   The airport was labyrinthine, crowded and, as Cologne had hinted,
flamingo-themed in décor.
“Did you catch who Great-grandmother said would pick us up?”
Shampoo asked as she scanned the crowd in the arrival hall.
“No. Did she say anything?”
“Great! She just sent us here without any clue as to what is going on,
where we’re going or who’ll meet us.”
“The other Elders planned this, I’m sure some of them would remember
to arrange things with Ba Fu’s brother.”
“You’re right. So all we have to do is find somebody who looks like he’s
waiting for somebody he doesn’t know...”
Suddenly Shampoo spotted a young monk looking as unbothered as a
bald man can while holding a large sign with hand-drawn pictures of
various hair care products, and words in English, on it. A paper with their
names on it, in a clearly different hand, had been taped to the sign.
“Something like that, maybe?”
Then he spotted them too.

   “Mousse and Shampoo, I presume,” the monk said, coming over to them.
“Uh... yes. And you’re one of Ba Fu’s brother’s students, right?” Mousse
replied.
“Sort of.  Please call me Peace, in English. Please. Long story. Pleased to
meet you.”
“Oo-kay. Pleased to meet you, Peace. What’s with the sign?”
“For comedic purposes, supposedly. Schemer appeared to find it
hilarious when she wrote it.”
“Schemer?”
“She’ll be back any moment now, then we’ll drive you to the mansion.”
 “Mansion?”
“Well, not really a _mansion_ but...”

   They were interrupted by the arrival of Schemer. Presumably. It was
possible that the pink-haired girl in school uniform suddenly pouncing on
them was just an even more complete stranger being overly friendly.
“Ooh, youmustbeShampooandMousseI’veheardsomuchaboutyouIamso
happyIfinallygetto...”
“Calm down, Schemer. Breathe, remember? And where did you ‘hear so
much about them’?”
“I read Master’s mail.”
“Yes, yes, of course you do. You can let go of them now.”

   The pink-haired girl bounced back several feet again and had the
decency to appear something like slightly embarrassed as the young monk
introduced them to each other.
“Mousse and Shampoo. This is Schemer, one of my fellow sort of
students.”
“I’m_ Shampoo. _He’s_ Mousse.”

   “Oh, sorry. Master wasn’t very specific. He didn’t tell me anything but to
pick you two up at the airport. Schemer, this is Shampoo and Mousse.”
”Schemer?”
”I know. It’s a male name, but I didn’t pick it myself. It’s sort of a
traditional name in my family.”
“That wasn’t what I was thinking of.”
“It’s the main thing she thinks of and the only explanation she’s ever
given. Now that everybody’s here, let’s go.”

*    *    *    *    *    *

   “Peace, you said that you were sort of Ba Fu’s brother’s student?”
Mousse asked while they were driving. “Could you explain what you mean?”
“Well, basically it means...”
“He _does_ have a name, you know,” Schemer interrupted. “How would
you like it if everybody referred to you as Shampoo’s boyfriend?”
“HE’S NOT MY BOYFRIEND!!”

   “Really? Can I have him?” Schemer asked, turning around as much as
she could in the front seat to look at Mousse and Shampoo, mostly Mousse.
“NO!”
“Just kidding!” Then she added quietly as she turned back. “Mostly.”
“I’m sorry, but I never heard him called anything but Ba Fu’s brother,”
Mousse said, trying to bring the conversation back to its original subject.
“I guessed as much,” Peace answered. “I think that’s why he left the
village.”
“Uh... So what is his name then?”
“Loo.”

*    *    *    *    *    *

   Loo turned out to be living in a house of the traditional square compound
type. It was slightly larger than the Kuno mansion. And possibly slightly
too traditional, as if aspiring to be in an open-air museum instead of a
modern city.

   Loo himself met them at the entrance. He was clearly at least as old as
Cologne and Happosai and must have been a giant in his younger days –
despite being equally shrunk and mummified-looking, he was at least a
foot taller.
“Ah, Mousse and Shampoo. I’m Loo, Ba Fu’s brother. I trust you had a
pleasant journey. Please come inside and I’ll tell you why you’re here.”

   “Is it just me or is he a little bit stressed?” Shampoo asked.
“He’s been like this for the last month or so,” Schemer said. “I guess it
has something to do why you were sent here.”
“I’ll show you your room so you can leave your bags first,” Peace said,
gesturing for them to follow him down a hallway.
“Our room?! We have to share a room?!” Shampoo almost-shouted.
“Ah... uh, well... we got the impression that you were...”
“MOUSSE IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND!”

   “Yes, you already told us that, but we didn’t know that then and we
don’t have that much spare room here.” Peace nodded towards the walls of
the hallway, which were covered with shelves that, in turn, were full of
antique-looking knick-knacks and curiosities.
“Master Loo refuses to throw away or sell any of his old junk and he
keeps getting more of it all the time,” Schemer added. “I’ll see if we can
clear some space later, OK?”
“I guess so,” Shampoo admitted.

*    *    *    *    *    *

   A few minutes later they gathered in what looked like it might have
been a drawing-room half a ton of unsorted antiques ago. Schemer had
somehow found time to change, and to Shampoo’s relief had done so into
a baggy tracksuit in green and checkered orange. Two more people
followed Loo as he joined them.
“I guess some introductions might be in order,” Loo said. “Sort of
students, this is Shampoo, great-granddaughter of an old... friend from
my home village, and her... friend... Mousse, also from my home village.
Shampoo and Mousse, you’ve already met Peace and Schemer,
this is Mock Duck and Intrigeur.”

   Mock Duck and Intrigeur were about the same age as Shampoo and
Mousse. The former was a few inches taller than Mousse, with small,
obviously non-prescription, glasses, his long hair gathered in a topknot,
apparently designer Chinese robes and a smug grin. The latter was
shorter than Shampoo but more muscular than Ryoga, with shaggy blue
hair and a baggy sweatsuit much like Schemer’s, but in mostly red and
black.

   “And now to the matter at hand,” Loo continued, before the students’
names could be commented on or explained. “I was quite surprised
when I got the message about my brother’s vision, but I think I’ve
worked out what is going on.”
He made a dramatic pause just long enough for everybody to catch their
breath before beginning their questions.

   “I just found out that certain individuals and representatives of
various groups, hostile to the Joketzuko in general or particular
Amazons, recently started to arrive in Maralapore,” he continued.
“But why?”
“What groups?”
“Anybody we’ve actually heard of before?”
“Well, I haven’t really kept up to date with their current membership,
I assume it’s changed since I was your age. Let’s see... there’s supposed
to be a couple of guys from the Monster Society ...and someone from the
Broken Hand, presumably... people representing whoever are the current
Pirate King of Pagong and King Snake ...and the Distaff Musk.”
“What? No Phoenix tribe?” Shampoo muttered.
“You Amazons sure know how to piss people off, eh?” Intrigeur noted.

   “I don’t think I’ve heard of any of those...,” Mousse said. “Wait a
minute! The Distaff Musk? But all the Musk are male, they hadn’t even
seen a woman until last year.”
“How do you know about the Musk? Even Great-grandmother thought
they were extinct!” Shampoo added.
“Tsk. There’s a lot of things Cologne never knew about. Like the peep-
hole in the bathhouse,” Loo answered. “And as for female Musk, have
you ever seen any adult members of the Musk? The young men and
women live in separate fortresses until they marry, and then go to live
with the other adults in yet another fortress.”

   “OK, OK!” Schemer said. “There’s a lot of people around who’s after
the Amazons. So, what are they doing in Maralapore?”
“I was coming to that,” Loo said. “There’s only one reason that I can
think of. It all began a long time ago... just before the war with Japan, I
think. My supposed friends and I fought and sealed off a demon in a
cavern under a temple ruin on one of the islands to the south...”

   “But why would they want to release the demon?" Shampoo added. "And
how would they know about it, anyway?”
“Since it was mostly Amazons and their husbands-to-be who sealed it
off, I guess it shouldn’t be too hard to convince it to, at the very least,
go for Joketsuzoku first. The Monster Society was founded by one of those
Amazons and it’s not impossible that another survivor went on to co-
found the Broken Hand, so they would know about it. And I don’t think
the island has a name anymore, other than The Haunted Island or
something like that. Nobody’s lived on it for hundreds of years.”

   “What do we do now?” Mousse asked.
“You rest. Or take in the sights. I have some last minute research to do
tomorrow. The day after that we go to the island.”
“How do you know it won’t be too late by then?” Shampoo asked.
“You don’t know much about unsealing demons, do you?” Loo smiled.

*    *    *    *    *    *

   After a quick tour of the house and moving Shampoos bag to Schemer’s
room, they finally got some hopefully unobserved time on their own in
Mousse’s guestroom.
“I think Schemer is a little disappointed,” Shampoo said.  “She clearly
wanted to share it with _you_. Of all of Ranma’s traits to copy you had to
pick the worst, didn’t you?”

   Mousse tried to achieve the kind of smile Ranma would have worn in the
face of similar accusations. “It’s not my fault that the irresistible
Saotome charm has begun to rub of on me.”
“Yes it is. You didn’t have to come running after us like that. And you
really didn’t have to join the circus afterwards...”
“Don’t bring Tao Tao into this...”
“Hmpf!”

   “I can’t believe it! You’re actually jealous! A girl we’ve just met
looks at me and you start acting like I...”
“Womaniser.”
“Bimbo.”
“_What_ did you call me?” Shampoo reached out to the nearest
collection of knickknacks for a good blunt instrument.
“I couldn’t ca...” Shampoo interrupted him with what appeared to be an
antique baking sheet to the head. “Stop it!” She didn’t. “I didn’t...”
It didn’t take that many whacks before she realised that she might
damage the antique and stopped. Besides, Mousse had stopped
protesting.

   “Well, now that we’ve cleared that up... Mousse don’t you think that
Loo seems to be acting a little odd? Mousse? Are you listening to me?
Mousse! MOUSSE!” Surely he would dodge another whack if he was
just playing possum...
“I guess you’re right, Shampoo,” Mousse said, rolling out of reach as
Shampoo raised another blunt antique. “He appears to have something
else on his mind than the possible release of a demon.”
“Maybe I should go and see if I can find something as a cat? This place is
full of cat-sized hiding-places.”
Mousse got back up on his feet. “But we don’t know if they know about
Jyusenkyo-curses, and it might be hard to get hot water discretely if
needed... Actually, I’m pretty sure Loo knows about them. He seems to
know everything.”
“We’re going to need to bring hot water to the island anyway. Let’s see
if we can get some hot water first, then I’ll go snooping, OK?”

*    *    *    *    *    *

   Loo’s mansion turned out to be well supplied with hot water – it seemed
as if every room except Mousse’s had an electric kettle, a samovar or
even just hot water taps for no apparent reason, or what looked like safety
showers. Almost as if its inhabitants wanted to have immediate and easy
access to hot water, Shampoo-cat thought to herself as she sneaked
through its halls and corridors. The place was actually larger than she had
thought at first. Most of the rooms was more organised than the drawing-
room and the guestroom, at least the apparently unsorted junk was of
similar types – weapons in one room, stuffed animals in another and so
on.

   It was also strangely deserted, she had glimpsed Intrigeur down a
corridor and Peace doing a form in a courtyard but nobody else. No
servants, no other students, no pets. Nothing. She really had to keep an
extra eye on Schemer, to make sure she kept her hands off Mousse. There
really should be servants in a house this size. And more importantly, keep
Mousse’s hands of Schemer. Kuno’s house was smaller and they had lots
and lots of servants, didn’t they? It wasn’t as if she _cared_ what Mousse
did, but somebody had to keep him out of trouble. Well, they _acted_ like
they had a lot of servants even if you only ever saw Sasuke...
Somebody’s coming!

   Shampoo-cat barely had time to hide behind a large sack apparently
filled with old toys. The person entering the room was not one of the
students Loo had introduced earlier, but a woman about Mrs. Saotome’s
age, wearing a coat clearly meant to evoke a bat’s wings. It would
probably be a good idea to follow her. She was obviously either someone
who shouldn’t be there or someone Shampoo wasn’t supposed to know
about being there... She gingerly followed the woman as she made her
way through the cluttered rooms, making sure to stay out of the woman’s
sight. It quickly became obvious that she didn’t want to be discovered
either, as he made some obvious detours to avoid meeting people.
Eventually she made her way to what Shampoo had decided to call the
small library. Somebody else was waiting for her. Two people, by the
sound of it.

   The two voices sounded familiar, but she couldn’t quite place them and
all three speaking a dialect she couldn’t understand. And there was a
curious smell... She had to try to sneak in. It should be easy to hide
behind a bookshelf or something... the voices seemed rather pre-occupied
at the moment and the door wasn’t closed properly. The smell became
much stronger once she entered the room. A small table at the centre of
the room immediately drew her attention to the point of forgetting the
people present. On it stood an ornate bowl, and the smoke coming from it
was clearly the source of the smell. This couldn’t be good. The smell was
getting to her... those two other figures seemed to be wearing some kind
of masks. She had to get out!

*    *    *    *    *    *

   “Shampoo? Shampoo!”
Shampoo woke up finding herself human and lying on a couch, with
Mousse hovering worriedly over her.
“Mousse? What happened? Where am I? When did I turn back and why
am I wearing your robe?”
“You’re back in my room. You were gone for too long, so I went looking
and found you passed out on a pile of stuffed animals. What happened?”

   “A stranger showed up. I followed her to one of the libraries, where
she met two others... I don’t know who, but hey sounded familiar. Then
there was a bowl with strange-smelling smoke. I guess it knocked me
out.”
“Sounded familiar? As in people from this place or as in
somebody we’ve met before?”
“I can only remember that I recognised the voices.”
“Should we tell Loo?”
“No, it might as well have been him. Let’s just keep quiet about this...”
“Hush! Somebody’s coming.”

   Peace suddenly appeared in the doorway.
“Ah, there you are! You weren’t in your rooms so... Am I interrupting
something?”.
“No, no. We just finished... uh... I mean... we didn’t really... I know it
looks like...,” Mousse and Shampoo babbled, only strengthening the
wrong impression.
“Sigh. I really don’t need to know. It’s just that Master Loo has some
pretty dangerous things lying around, so it’s not safe to run around here
without knowing what’s what. I’ll show you the way back to your
rooms.”

*    *    *    *    *    *

   “It seems we have the whole day off, while Master Loo does his final
research,” Peace noted at breakfast. “I think he wants all of us
out of the house and not back until tonight.”
“Do you have any plans for today?” Schemer asked Mousse and
Shampoo (well, mostly Mousse). “How do you guys usually prepare for a
possible fight with a demon?”
“Most of our big fights seem to involve long hikes,” Mousse answered.
“Sometimes somebody shows up without warning, kidnaps somebody
and makes everybody else go on a trek through China to get them back.”
“Of course, the usual demon lives in the neighbourhood,” Shampoo
added.
“No preparation, then?” Schemer asked.
“Come to think of it,” Shampoo said. “Removing all lingerie, short skirts
and things like that from the area might be a good idea.”

   “And if Loo has any special anti-demon things somewhere it would be
a good idea to go and dig them out,” Mousse said.
“I think Master Loo will do that, but if he forgets I know where at least
some of them are,” Peace said.
“Going back to plans for today, I think the gang back home expects us to
buy them gifts,” Shampoo added, turning to Mousse. “At least you
should get something for Mrs. Saotome for taking care of Hairspray.”
“So, shopping and sight-seeing today, eh?” Intrigeur noted.
“Well, since Loo wants us out of the house, we don’t have much choice,
do we?” Shampoo answered.

*    *    *    *    *    *

   Meanwhile, back in Nerima, Nodoka Saotome was, strictly speaking, not
having second thoughts, but she could have done without the looks. Then
again, this _was_ one of the branches of Nerima City government which
had not yet been exposed to her son and his friends. If nothing else, it
would be the honourable thing to ease them into it. Her further thoughts
were interrupted by the arrival at the desk of two young-ish men in black
suits.

   “Mrs. Saotome? You are Nodoka Saotome, here and acting on behalf of
the parents of this child, who were suddenly and urgently called away on
important business?”
“That is, the child’s parents were called away on business. Not the child.”
“I am.”
“Mr. Oomu and I are from the Agency. We want to have a word with you
about the as of yet not registered name of said aforementioned infant.”
“Ah, yes. Hairspray.” To be honest, Nodoka had been wanting to have
more than a few words regarding the name herself.

   “Am I right in thinking that’s meant to be a hair care product?”
“Yes, in English.”
“How would you spell it in Japanese, in kanji?”
“I probably wouldn’t... It would be either gibberish or something like
[Kami]+[Shibuki], I think.”
“You can’t call her that. It’s silly.”
“Agreed.”
“They are on the list of kanji allowed for use in personal names,” Oomu
interjected. “Right after [Kuso].”

   “That may be the case, but it is still a silly name. Why don’t you go
into more conventional naming? Like birds or flowers, a very popular
choice, I’ve been lead to believe.”
“Her father had intended to name her after her intended maternal
grandmother. Who was a Chinese Amazon.”
“F**k the Chinese Amazons! We have to think of the children.”
Nodoka found herself wanting to point out how that was how all this
began. And how it sounded as if the civil servant who according to his
card was named Praline had personal experience of the Chinese
Amazons.

   Then she remembered how Cologne, with a wink and a... certain... tone
of voice, had said that she trusted her to do the right thing when the issue
of Hairspray’s name came up.
“Mr. Praline? If I suggest some other names, would you tell me if you
would accept them?”
“Try me.”

   “Lucy Kimiko Akie Airi Shiori Rinne Yoshiho Chihoko Ayano Fumika
Chitose Sanae Mikiko Ichika Yukino Reina Eri Ai Tamiko Chikage
Emilia Julia Shizue Erina Chisa Yumeka Natsuki Ranran Rieko Setsuri
Chikako Azumi Marina Hideko Chiaki Misaki Naomi Campbell Miku
Yuka Masako Sachiko Nana Mutsumi Haruka Yuna Shimako Yukie Rin
Sakura Kanna Wakana Hazuki Hanami Ruri Mihane Momoka Himari
Nozomi Futaba Mayuyu Ayano.”
“Hmm... It’s a bit long, isn’t it? And I think Campbell may be
trademarked.”

   “*Sigh* Jugemu Jugemu Gokoo-no surikire Kaijarisuigyo-no
Suigyoomatsu Unraimatsu Fuuraimatsu Kuunerutokoro-ni Sumutokoro
Yaburakooji-no burakooji Paipopaipo Paipo-no-shuuringan Shuuringan-
no Guurindai Guurindai-no Ponpokopii-no Ponpokonaa-no
Chookyuumei-no Choosuke”
“That’s a boy’s name.”
“Yes. Going back to the list of girls’ names. Will Haruka do?”
“After the racecar driver?”
“Yes. Does that matter?”
“Isn’t he male?”
“The one I know isn’t. Besides, it’s a unisex name.” And if you squint
your eyes it sounds almost vaguely similar to Hairspray.
“Fair enough. Haruka it is. Now, little Hairsp... Haruka’s family
name...”

*    *    *    *    *    *

   Breakfast was way too early, as the plan was to leave early in order to
draw less attention. Mousse and Shampoo noted absently that of Loo’s
sort of students, the only one to really change their clothes or styles for
the mission was Intrigeur, whose preferred fighting gear apparently was
heavy boots, jeans and a checkered shirt, accessorising them with an axe
that clearly was more intended for felling trees than fighting.

   Loo’s boat was, perhaps unsurprisingly, an antique, and of obvious
military origin. It was also painted a colour ideal for hiding in a flock
of flamingos.
“She used to belong to the Long Range Desert Group,” Schemer explained,
seeing Mousse and Shampoo’s reaction. “That’s also why she’s still in
perfect shape.”
“There’s a big hole in the deck,” Shampoo noted.
“But not the hull. All the _important_ parts are as new. See?” Schemer
demonstratively knocked on the side of the superstructure. Her hand went
through it.
”Ah, well,” Loo said, a little too brightly and paling visibly. ”It’s not
going to sink from a hole up here and...”
He was interrupted by one of Intrigeur’s feet going through the deck.

   Peace eventually took command and suggested that as long as everybody
stayed still, a cup of tea might help Loo regain both nerves and
composure. With Loo’s weakly voiced permission, and being the one
nearest to the door who had not yet put a hole in the boat, Mousse
carefully made his way below deck. The cabin smelled vaguely of
unexpected spices – star anise? and vanilla? – but seemed sturdier than
the outside of the boat and the electric kettle was brand new.

   By the time Mousse came back on deck, the boat had started moving and
Loo appeared to have both recovered without tea and worked out where
his sort of students and Shampoo would do the least damage..
“This is the plan,” Loo said. “We’ll reach the island in about two hours,
then it just a few minutes from the beach to the ruins. There’s an
extensive system of caves connected below and that’s where the demon’s
sealed off. Once we’ve removed any guards, we’ll split up to search the
tunnels...”

   “Why?” Mousse asked as he joined them. “It should be in the same place
where you sealed it off, shouldn’t it?”
“Errm... ah... uh... actually it was just severely weakened and sealed in the
_caves_. It should still be mobile but unless... uhm, the Monster Society
has come up with something, too weak to do any serious harm.”
 “Shouldn’t someone stay behind and watch the boat?” Shampoo added. “I
mean, if there are guards at the caves there could be some patrolling
the beach as well.”
“The island hasn’t been inhabited for centuries, and I’d be surprised if
anybody had landed here since me and my allies did, so I wouldn’t worry
about the boat.”
“But, didn’t you say...,” Shampoo began, but thought the better of it.
They were, after all, surrounded by water that probably did not count as
hot. And Intrigeur had just made another hole in the deck.

*    *    *    *    *    *

   The stone pier on Haunted Island was in remarkably good repair for a
place uninhabited for centuries, and there were no signs that the supposed
opposition had used it. The temple ruin, overgrown by the forest and
impossible to identify regarding original builders, appeared equally
unguarded.
“So they’re all down in the tunnels, eh?” Intrigeur muttered.

   “Yes. Everybody ready?” Loo asked. Without waiting for any answers he
tapped the base of a broken pillar and it shifted to reveal a winding
staircase. “Hmm. This wasn’t here back then...”
“Really?” Shampoo asked.
“Well, it was in so bad condition that it was safer to climb down on a
rope. That’s why we left it here.”
“In other words, somebody went through a lot of trouble to make this
place more accessible,” Mousse said.
“Just as well, I guess. I’m not as agile as I used to be.”

   It turned out that the room at the bottom of the stairs and the tunnels
closest to it had been equipped with electric lighting, and possibly
electricity in general.
“Curiouser and curiouser,” Peace said.
“Surprisingly clean and well-kept for a place that’s hasn’t been visited
for nearly a century,” Shampoo noted.

   “Whatever,” Loo said. “Mousse. Mock Duck. You take that tunnel.
Shampoo and Intrigeur, that one. We’ll take this one...”
“Wait a minute. Are there any traps or something like that we should
know about?” Mousse asked.
“Any traps? There wasn’t any the last time I was here, but the people
who built the stairs and put up the lights could have prepared
some... Nevermind. Let’s go.”

*    *    *    *    *    *

   The lighting in Mousse and Mock Duck’s tunnel ended shortly after
the first bend.
“Hmm. If you where going to put lighting in a tunnel you were actually
going to use, you’d put it all the way, right?” Mousse said, mostly to
himself. “I think this is the wrong way.”
“Maybe there’s a secret door,” Mock Duck suggested. “And I doubt the
demon keeps to the light. It might even be the kind that avoids it.”
“Right.”

   After a few minutes futile search, they continued down the tunnel.
“Mock Duck, don’t you think this looks a little too regular for a natural
cave.”
“Huh?”
“I’m no expert at caves, but I thought natural caves change size and fork
and stuff, instead of just being an almost straight ten by ten corridor.”
“It is, or was, connected to a temple and someone has worked on it since
then. Even if Master Loo left the demon in a cavern there’s no reason for
the rest of this place not to be more of a dungeon... Hey! There’s a light
up ahead.”

*    *    *    *    *    *

   The lights in Shampoo and Intrigeur’s tunnel stopped more suddenly,
although the tunnel continued straight ahead in the darkness, without
bends or exits as far as Shampoo’s flashlight could reach.
“I think this is the wrong way,” Shampoo said. “If whoever put the lights
in the tunnels didn’t think it was necessary to put lights here...”
“Maybe the lights aren’t meant to light the way, but to frighten the
demon or something,” Intriguer said. “Master Loo said that before you
couldn’t use the stairs and the demon was too weak to get out.”
“So they repaired the stairs to help it get out and put in the lighting so
it wouldn’t escape at the wrong time...” Shampoo filled in.

   “So to find the demon we have to get further in, eh? Great.”
“Don’t tell me you’re afraid of the dark.”
They continued in silence for a few minutes.
“Stop! I think I heard something,” Shampoo whispered.
There was no reply from Intriguer.
There was no Intriguer to reply.
“Great,” Shampoo muttered under her breath, preparing for something or
someone to show up to attack.

*    *    *    *    *    *

   The lights came from a room rather than somebody else carrying one.
Mousse and Mock Duck switched off their own lights and silently crept
towards it. The tunnel opened up into a larger room, electrically lit,
smelling vaguely of unexpected spices and obviously occupied, judging
by the sleeping-bags and backpacks scattered about it. The two most
obvious occupants seemed totally oblivious to them – one was still in its
sleeping bag and the other, a girl in leopard-spotted bathrobe and towel
turban, was entering from a tunnel to the side, shielded from the rest of
the world by headphones.

   “OK, Mock Duck. You take the...” Mousse was interrupted by Mock
Duck giving him a hearty shove.
The person in the sleeping-bag turned out to be a girl, who
understandably, was rather upset by having a strange man throwing
himself on top of her.
“He’s all yours, girls!” Mock Duck shouted and ran off. Not back the
way they or the girl had come, but through a third tunnel on the other side
of the room.

   “You must be that Amazon guy,” the girl in the bathrobe said, whipping
off the towel, while Mousse rapidly crawled away from the sleeping bag
and its occupant (whose comments were unintelligible, even if their
general meaning was clear). She removed the headphones, stretched and
let the bathrobe slide off. She had very long black hair and what she wore
under the robe was also leopard-spotted, although with barely enough
fabric to fit in a full three spots.
“I’m Liquorice of the Musk dynasty. I get to keep you after I’ve beaten
you, right?” She attacked before he had a chance to answer.

   Mousse dodged, barely, more through luck than skill. She was fast,
maybe as fast as Mint. And her friend would join them any second now.
He had to think of a way to distract or incapacitate them quickly. They
probably weren’t as easily distracted as Mint and Lime. Probably not by
the same things either, or Liquorice would have been unable to do
anything. Flash eggs? Then maybe tie them up or knock them out, if
necessary.

   Liquorice swatted the egg out of his hand almost as soon as it
appeared – it landed safely on her companion’s sleeping bag – and that
this almost left her open to the baton in his other hand was no comfort.
“Oh, yeah, the hidden weapons thing,” Liquorice said, dodging the strike
and taking a step back. “The quickest of hands deceives the  eyes and all
that...”

   “Then again, that’s not _your_ hands. I can see _them_ just fine,” she
continued, closing the distance again and yanked a weighted chain out
of his hand and sleeve as soon as it started appearing. Which left her
open to a snap kick to the thigh.

   Liquorice withdrew a few steps again. “Oh, right. The basics. Distract at
one end, attack at the other.” She straightened her stance – producing
what could have been quite distractive jiggle in the process – and then
noticed Mousse inching away from her and towards the tunnel Mock
Duck disappeared into.

   “Oh no, you don’t!” Liquorice quickly put herself between Mousse and
the tunnel, but kept her distance. “And no funny stuff either. I’m
keeping my eyes on all of you now...”
Mousse feinted with a few darts well to the right of Liquorice (his left),
then slipped to her right and made a break for it. He was almost at the
opening of the tunnel when she grabbed him by the collar.

   She had presumably intended to pull him back into the room, but what
happened was that his robe tore. Weapons spilled out of the tear as part
of the robe remained in Liquorice’s grasp.
“You’re supposed to defeat him first!” the other girl shouted from her
sleeping bag. Her interjection distracted Liquorice, giving Mousse a
chance to recover. He slipped out of the rest of the robe, taking a quick
stock of what had remained in it and what of it he could take with him
without it. When Liquorice pounced again she was met with a new flash
egg, followed by the sound of a rapidly departing Mousse following in
Mock Duck’s tracks.

   “Thanks a lot, Vanilla. You could have helped me,” Liquorice said
turning towards her companion, who in turn was struggling to stand up,
still in her sleeping bag.
“I’m not wearing anything under this sleeping bag, you know, and unlike
you I’m not an exhibitionist,” Vanilla replied, hopping towards the
backpacks, presumably containing her clothes.
“I AM NOT AN EXHIBITIONIST!”
“Uhm... So why did you strip out of your bathrobe?”
“I... WHAT?”
“You also talked about how you’d get to keep him if you defeated him.”
A howl of anguish and mortification followed Mousse through the
tunnel.

*    *    *    *    *    *

   The expected attack failed to materialize and after a few tense moment,
and no signs of what had happened to Intrigeur (or of it happening to
her), Shampoo continued down the tunnel. Then the sound of running
steps approached from the darkness up ahead. Moments later Mock Duck
appeared in the ray of her flashlight and, despite its light, nearly ran
into her.

   “Where did you come from? Weren’t you with Mousse? What’s...?”
“Mousse was right behind me when I last saw him, but we ran into
company and he might be tied up. Weren’t you with Intrigeur? Seen
anybody else?”

   “No, and Intrigeur disappeared from right behind me a bit back...”
Shampoo wasn’t sure she could do much more to find or help Intrigeur
right now, but Mousse was another matter. “So, this tunnel joins the one
you and Mousse went into? How far back did you leave him?”
Mock Duck smiled. “Far enough that he couldn’t help you even if he made
it past the Musk girls.”
“What?”

   Mock Duck emphasised his point with two fingers clearly aimed at a
pressure point somewhere on Shampoo’s head, which was no longer
where it had been when he began the attack.
He danced away with a simultaneously disappointed and mocking look
when Shampoo counterattacked, and grabbed the ankle of the kicking
leg. “You’re only wasting time. I weigh more than twice as much as you,
there’s no chance a girl like you can defeat a man like me.”
Then he started to twist the ankle. Mock Duck’s grin disappeared with
Shampoo’s next strike, hitting him in the face with her flashlight.
The flashlight broke and everything went dark, but she could hear
whimpering curses receding along with him scurrying away in the dark.
“No chance a girl like you can defeat a man like me, huh?” Shampoo
muttered.

   Her foot hurt, _a lot_, and there was no light, but if Mock Duck had
told the truth there should be light – and Mousse – further ahead. And
unless Mock Duck could see in the dark there shouldn’t be any obstacles,
as he had been running. She hadn’t gone far when somebody applauded
behind her.
“Oh my. Aren’t you vicious? Can’t say I blame you, though,” a woman said.
“And I’m impressed you’re still able to stand on that foot.”

   Mock Duck reappeared sullenly, with a black eye and an electric lantern,
beside the woman and gave Shampoo a better look at her. She looked like
she was about Mrs. Saotome’s age, had a hairstyle strongly resembling a
bat’s wings and wore a dark-coloured Tang dynasty noblewoman’s dress
decorated with what looked like bats. There was something familiar
about her face, but Shampoo couldn’t place it. She had also brought a
bucket. A grey plastic one with bats on it, Shampoo idly noted.

   “I am Ginger of the Musk,” the woman said. “Now, Shampoo of
Joketsuzoku, I’ve heard a lot about you. You might even be a challenge,
so we’re not going to take any chances... Mock Duck.” She took the
lantern from Mock Duck and handed him the bucket. Shampoo had
suspected this as soon as she saw the bucket, but somehow getting its
contents thrown at her – remarkably accurate for the distance – came as
a surprise. Then Mock Duck loomed over her and picked her up.

   “What do we do with her now, Ginger?” he asked, holding up
Shampoo-cat to study her closer.
“Going by what we have, I’m thinking a closely tied sack,” Ginger
replied. “Just keep her away from hot water. That’ll turn her back into
human.”
“But she’d still be tied up in a sack, right?” Mock Duck turned to Ginger.
“Besides, I almost beat her when she had clothes and two fully working
ankles, didn’t I?”

   Ginger sighed barely audibly to non-feline ears, with a slight note of
exasperation. With Mock Duck’s attention turned to Ginger, Shampoo-
cat took her chance and made her move. Still mere inches from Mock
Duck’s face, she lashed out with her claws and was rewarded with a yelp
of pain and the return of the whimpering curses as he dropped here. A
stream of more enunciated invectives followed Shampoo-cat as she
bolted down the tunnel. Most of them seemed to be directed towards
Mock Duck.

*    *    *    *    *    *

   Over in his section of the same tunnel, Mousse came to the conclusion
that the two girls either weren’t too keen on pursuing him (a relief on
several levels) or that they were very good at being stealthy (less so).
Anyway, he might just as well turn his flashlight back on. No point in
knocking himself out by running into the walls. The tunnels looked more
how one would expect a natural cave now

   Musk girls behind him, _maybe_ a demon in front of him. Easy choice.
With any luck, the tunnels turned back and connected with one of the
other at the entrance. Come to think of it, for all the supposed
preparations there had been very little said about what their opponents
or the demon was capable of or how to seal or banish it... Loo certainly
didn’t appear to have brought anything on or from the ship to handle
one... And he had been more relieved than concerned that someone had
put stairs down to the tunnels... Tunnels where he had sealed a demon,
on an island which he had been sure hadn’t been visited since the last
time he was there... Things didn’t add up. Unless... Of course! Hidden
in plain sight! Something small and feline ran into the ray of his
flashlight. Shampoo!

   He resisted the impulse to scoop Shampoo-cat up in his arms and settled
on squatting down. Another part of his mind idly noted that it had been a
while since she had seemed so relieved to see him.
 “Shampoo? What happened? Are you OK?”
“Meow!” Shampoo-cat tried to indicate her right rear leg while keeping
her dignity.
“Good. I’m fine too, but I left the thermos behind when I had to drop my
robe.”
“Meow!”
“I don’t know if it’s safe to go back there... There were two girls there
and they may have gotten the wrong idea...”
“Meow.”

   Then an electric lantern appeared from around the same corner as
Shampoo-cat had and carried by Ginger. A sullen and simmering Mock
Duck, with a black eye and fresh scratches on his face, followed a few
steps behind.
“Splendid, Shampoo of Joketsuzoku,” Ginger said. “You’ve lead us
straight to your boyfriend.”
“MEOW!”
“Fine.” Ginger sighed and turned to her companion. “Mock Duck, I don’t
know what happened to my girls, but since Mousse is here and they are
not, this is your chance to demonstrate that you are as superior to them as
you claim. Just remember that Loo wants them alive.”

   Mock Duck perked up, straightened his back and made an attempt to
convincingly smirk. Then he charged. Mousse met him with a kick to the
stomach. Mock Duck doubled up and just laid there whimpering.
Ginger sighed again. She was now, somehow, standing several feet
behind Mousse and Shampoo-cat. “Well, I guess I’m letting you go for
now. I either have to check on or have a talk with my girls in this
direction and Shampoo’s clothes are still in the other one.”
With that she disappeared into the tunnel and darkness, leaving only the
whimpering Mock Duck on the floor behind. Mousse and Shampoo-cat
looked at each other.
“Clothes first?”
“Meow.”

*    *    *    *    *    *

   “Oh, and you were right the whole time,” Mousse said as he scooped up
Shampoo’s clothes. “There is something fishy... fishier... differently
fishy going on here than the Elders knew or told us and it looks as if
Loo is behind it.”
“Meow.” Shampoo-cat couldn’t remember telling Mousse that, but she
_had_ thought it. Also, she was pretty sure the original description of
the situation had been ‘Ba Fu’s brother is up to something’.
“And Mock Duck is clearly in on it,” Mousse continued. “What
happened to Intrigeuer?”
“Meow.” Whatever faults Intrigeur may have demonstrated in their brief
interactions, his behaviour in the tunnels and the manner of his
disappearance had not struck Shampoo-cat as consistent with someone
assigned to ambush their exploration-partner.
“You’re right. We should get you changed back first.”

   Following the tunnel unsurprisingly lead back to entrance chamber and
it was not until then that Mousse made another realisation, apart from
how there had been no more appearances of Ginger, the two girls or Mock
Duck.
“She was wearing a bathrobe and a towel!”
“Meow?”
The girl! The one Mock Duck left me with. She came in wearing a
bathrobe and a towel.”
“Meow.” Shampoo-cat was not sure she liked or approved of the sound
of that.
“So she must have come from a shower or bath or something. Hot water!”
“Meow!” _That_, on the other hand she did. Then again...

   “That woman and those girls has had lots of time to catch up with us
if they wanted to and it’s not as if this tunnel is exactly a labyrinth,”
Mousse said, thinking aloud as much as addressing Shampoo-cat. “And
even if it sounded as if she knew about Jyusenkyo curses...”
“Meow.” She most certainly does and more, she knew about _mine_. Now that
I think of it, she might even know about your being uncursed, as she
didn’t try to transform you.
“...they might not be waiting for us there. It even sounded as if she
wanted you back in human form. So, shall we go over there to look for
hot water? If nothing else, that’s also where I left the thermos.”
“Meow!” That did indeed sound like an excellent idea.

*    *    *    *    *    *

   The only signs of Ginger and the Musk girls was that the sleeping bags
had been rolled up and put away by the wall next to the backpacks,
Mousse’s robe and most of the weapons he had left behind. The rooms
next to it did, indeed, contain an almost fully equipped bath- and laundry
room, culminating in a hot tub. As Shampoo dressed in the inner room,
Mousse inspected his robe and found it was not as it had sounded – a
tear, but nowhere near as big he had thought. He might not even notice it
while wearing the robe.

   As Shampoo entered he noticed the slight limp.
“Are you OK, Shampoo?”
“I’m fine, I just hurt my foot a little while fighting Mock Duck. What
was that about a girl wearing a bathrobe and a towel?”
“She was wearing something under it as well, if that’s what you’re
thinking about. All she did was tear my robe a little while we were
fighting. See?” Mousse indicated tear in the robe.

   They summarised their thoughts and experiences as Mousse bandaged
Shampoo’s ankle and they, once again, made their way back to the
entrance chamber. Whether there was a demon or not – it probably
wasn’t moving around if people were camping down in the tunnels – Loo
was clearly up to something. That something was presumably not good if
he instead of feigning ignorance or misdirecting them had brought them
here to... silence them? Keep them busy? Was this a distraction, after
all? Ginger had said Loo needed them alive, so maybe not.

    Mock Duck was on his side, but it seemed like Intrigeur was
not, so what about Peace and Schemer? It made about as much sense for
Loo to take them along with him in the tunnels either way. If they were
not, they were presumably known factors – they were his sort of students
after all – meaning he knew he and whoever else was waiting there could
handle them, while leaving the unknown factors of Shampoo and Mousse to
the Musk and Mock Duck, who apparently talked a good fight. Of course,
that didn’t take Intrigeur, and whoever made him disappear, into account,
but his sudden disappearance felt more like an easily handled known
factor taken off the board early and quickly. That left at least four on
the opposing side, five if they counted Mock Duck which they by now were
inclined not to.

*    *    *    *    *    *

   A further brief discussion in the entrance chamber lead to the conclusion
that, with the tunnels they had been sent into being different ends of the
same one and there being an odd number of tunnel entrances, trying the
one Loo had picked for himself seemed to be a good idea. Not to mention
that it stood out from the others in sloping slightly downwards and, apart
from the lights, being more left in its presumable original state, with
several smaller and unlit caves and tunnels branching off from it.

   Several minutes later, with the tunnel’s lights still present and working,
they could hear voices ahead of them. As they crept forward, the tunnel
widened into a cavern, with roughly hewn stairs leading up to a gallery
surrounding it. At the centre of the cavern, over a raised dais, a plain
metal mask was hanging in the air.

   Loo was pacing back and forth on the dais in front of the mask, talking
to himself. Schemer, Intrigeur and Peace were lying tied up on the far
side of the dais, at the foot of another stair to the gallery. Ginger and
the Musk girls (now fully dressed – Liquorice fidgeting in a long, baggy
and thoroughly zipped-up jacket that presumably covered what she had
intended to wear and Vanilla in a more Tang dynasty-inspired dress
patterned with foxes) were standing to one side quietly discussing something.
Mock Duck was sulking halfway up yet another stair to the gallery. Nobody
seemed to be paying any attention to the entrance to the cavern.

   “I guess that answers which of Loo’s sort of students are in on this,”
Mousse observed. “What do we do now?”
“Here’s what we’ll do first: Nobody’s watching the others so I’ll sneak
up to the gallery, down the other side and free them. Then we’ll either
sneak back here or attack depending on what’s going on. And if Loo tries
to do any funny stuff or anybody looks to start paying attention, you
distract them.”

*    *    *    *    *    *

   “Where are the others?” Loo muttered, stopping to look up at the floating
mask. “They should have been here by now.”
“Mo Guei and Udenashi are still out looking for the Amazons, I guess,”
Ginger replied.
“It’s not like you actually need them for whatever you’re going to do,
is it?” Mock Duck added.
“No, but it will be much easier if I know where they are,” Loo said. “Not
to mention that I need the Amazons here, at least one of them. Otherwise
what’s the point?”

   Mousse watched quietly and tried to make sense of what was going on,
not that much actually was at the moment. That floating mask was
obviously what all this was about... and Loo was planning to do
something with it. Then he heard steps behind him. Two sets, so besides
the other differences it could be neither Shampoo nor Shampoo _and_
three recently freed allies. He turned, slowly. It was a huge man in torn
and dirty clothes and an otherwise nearly stereotypical ninja apparently
missing arms. They were even more surprised than he were. Then the
huge man took a swipe and sent Mousse flying into the cavern. And into
Vanilla again.

   “Ah. Mousse. How nice of you to join us,” Loo said, walking up to
Mousse as Vanilla, Mock Duck and the newcomers surrounded him.
Liqourice pointedly stayed further away and stared intently at her own
feet. Ginger appeared to be listening, equally intently, to something
nobody else could hear. Just a few moments later, Vanilla had Mousse
nicely if inexpertly tied up, and the giant picked him up to put with the
other prisoners.

   “Well, now that we’re all here, Master Loo, maybe you could explain
what’s going on?” Mousse said. “Please?”
“Do you really expect me to explain everything like a cheap comic-book
villain?” Loo said, grinning at him.
“It would be awful nice of you. This far, everybody has said ‘go there’,
‘I’m sure _he_ will explain’ and so on. I would really, _really_ like to
know what’s actually going on.”
“Actually, I’ve been wondering too...,” Liquorice added.

   “Of course you do,” Loo interrupted angrily. “You want me to reveal
everything so Shampoo can hear it and pass it on to Cologne and Captain
Biggar and Tubby Frobisher and the Subahdar and everybody who
laughed at me and didn’t have a damn lunatic for a brother and they’ll
tell the Inaccurately Depicted Interpol and they’ll drag me away
and... and... and... NEVER AGAIN!”
He grabbed the floating mask and put it on his face.

   The subsequent transformation process was of a kind that works much
better in a visual medium and with a much younger, and usually female,
subject.

   The end result was a, presumably younger and certainly taller, Loo with a
red metal mask covering his face and dressed in a costume that looked
like it belonged on stage in an edgy and experimental Peking Opera production.
One that featured gods and demons prominently, not to mention tight-fitting
black leather and a surfeit of zippers. He literally glowed with power and
floated a foot or so above the ground.
“Aaah. _Much_ better,” he said in a completely different voice. “Now
where were we?”

   “Uh... You were about to reveal your plans?” Mousse tried.
“No... no, that not it... there was something else I was going to do.”
Somebody snickered.
“Ah, yes.” Loo turned toward Mock Duck. “Demonstrate a small
measure of my power on a dispensible henchman. Don’t worry, you’ll
probably survive.”

   Before Mock Duck could do anything, a beam shot from the mask’s
eyes, folding him into an eggshaped cocoonish thing. Loo imperiously
turned his (non beam-shooting) gaze on his remaining henchpeople.
“Now, let us proceed... wait, we are missing someone... where is the
Amazon girl?”

   “I’ll go and look for her,” Ginger said, stepping around Mock Duck’s
cocoon and up the stairs to the gallery. “She can’t be far.”
Mo Guei looked from Mock Duck’s cocoon to Loo and back to the
cocoon. “What happened to ‘probably survive’?”
“He _is_ still alive, and unless I decide to do more the cocoon will
release him eventually, supposedly unchanged.”

*    *    *    *    *    *

   Shampoo saw all this play out as she sneaked along the gallery, and when
Ginger started coming up the stairs she beat a hasty retreat to the ones
near the entrance and back up the tunnel. She turned into one of the
smaller natural caves branching out from the tunnel, managed to find a
suitably large crevice hidden behind some rocks and curled up to think.
At least the lack of lights would be in _her_ favour now...

   OK. She was still alone in a place that the bad guys knew much better
than she did. They were now lead by what probably counted as a demon
and definitively was out of her league. What to do? What _could_ she
do? What would Ranma have done? Not run away in the first place. OK,
what would somebody sensible, who planned ahead do? Her thoughts
were broken by a sound near the entrance.
 
   From behind the rocks she could hear Ginger, stopping from time to time
to give a series of quick, short, clicking yells.
“You can come out now, Shampoo of Joketsuzoku, I know you’re there.”
Shampoo tried vainly to keep her breath and heartbeats under control.
“Listen, the old man’s gone nuts. Let’s call a truce. We’ll never get off
this island if we don’t cooperate... You can come out now, young
lady. I know you’re behind those rocks.”

   No point in hiding anymore. Shampoo warily left her hiding place,
prepared to attack the older woman if she tried anything.
“Why should I trust you?”
“I didn’t say you should. I asked for a truce. As much as Mock Duck
deserves pretty much anything that happens to him, it’s unlikely that Loo
will stop with just him... The Monster Society and Broken Hand and all
those were his enemies back in the day. And I’d rather not have to
explain to the Musk royals that the next generation will have
to be postponed...”

   “What makes you think you’ll survive to tell them?”
“I don’t think being dead will help me getting out of giving a report. But
I’d rather give it alive, and once he’s finished here, he’ll go after all
the other Amazons.”
“Then possibly the Musk. And the royals _really_ wouldn’t want that,
would they?”
“True. You’re smarter than they say. Truce?”
“OK. For now.”

*    *    *    *    *    *

   As they returned to the cavern and again sneaked up into the gallery,
Loo was in the middle of a rant about power, revenge and the world
conspiracy against him. Mousse, and Mock Duck’s cocoon, had been
moved over to the other prisoners, but otherwise the remaining
henchpeople appeared to be mostly concerned with looking attentive.
Nobody seemed to notice as they stole along the gallery and down the
stairs by the unguarded prisoners. However, just as they were freeing the
last prisoner, Loo turned towards them...
“Yes. Now everybody’s here. Excellent. Let’s proceed.”

   The mask seemed to smile as the eyes started to glow again. This time
the beam missed as Liquorice pulled Vanilla away, but it was followed
by second one that folded away Udenashi before the ninja had time to
realise that it was now open season. Mo Guei, moving with a speed
belying his bulk, not only dodged the next beam but then got close
enough to slam Loo into the ground. Peace followed him with, of all
things, a flying headbutt. Then the rest of Loo’s sort of students and
until recently henchpeople (with the exception of Ginger) dogpiled on him.

   He swatted them away.
“ENOUGH!” He floated back up into the air, while his glow increased.
“This doesn’t look good,” Shampoo noted.
“I think he's powering up for something,” Ginger said. “Now would be a
good time to start running away.”

   They were almost halfway back to the boat when the ground started to
shake. Then it seemed as if a not inconsiderable part of the island
exploded, and Loo floated up from the crater, Mock Duck and
Udenashi’s cocoons trailing him.
“I said NEVER AGAIN!”

   He started by taking revenge on Mo Guei and Peace, and by the time
they had reached the beach and the pier, a few quick strafing runs had
also taken out the rest of Loo’s sort of students and the Musk.

*    *    *    *    *    *

   Loo hovered in the air before Mousse and Shampoo, looking like he was
trying to compose a suitable speech – presumably about why he’d left
them for last and how they’d be only the first of all the Joketsuzoku to
fall before his might and revenge.
“Shampoo, do you have any last words or confessions?” Mousse said,
only half-joking, keeping his eyes on the floating Loo.
“No. Why? Do you think I should?”

   “There’s only us left, it would be too much to expect Ryoga to show
up... I said it would be too much to expect Ryoga to show up! And to be
honest, it seems like the best fighting any of us have done the past few
days is when you have been a cat.”

   Shampoo turned to Mousse, suddenly realising something.
“That gives me an idea. One that goes with a hunch. Do you have any
ropes or chains left?”
“I was tied up not five minutes ago...”
As if on cue, Loo made up his mind and interrupted them. “Ah, never
mind. Time’s up!”

   Loo had either started to slow down, was toying with them or had
exchanged accuracy for rate of fire, but his eyebeams had become easier
to dodge now.
“What ex...” Dodge. “exactly” Dodge. “is the plan?” Mousse said as Loo drove
them towards the beach, away from the pier and the boat.
“Look, Loo” Dodge. “is an Amazon too,” Dodge. “and not” Dodge. “a very
good one.” Dodge. “So...,” Shampoo explained.
“Oh, I see.” Dodge.
“Basically, you” Dodge. “throw me at him” Dodge. “and when
Dodge. “he’s distracted you” Dodge. “Meow!”

   Shampoo’s dodge carried her out into the water. Mousse dove after
her as she furiously paddled further out, and found himself thinking
how turning into a somewhat flight-capable waterfowl would have been
actually useful right now. He found and picked up Shampoo-cat, and stood
up, waist deep in the surf. Loo floated over to them, lazily and almost
mockingly, stopping to hover just out of reach and a few feet over the
water’s surface.
“Meow!”

   Before Mousse could throw her, Loo darted forward, snatched Shampoo-
cat from his hand and returned to several feet above Mouuse and even
more above the water..
“Oh, I see. Cologne told you, didn’t she?” Loo said, holding up
Shampoo-cat by the scruff of her neck and staring into her face. “She said
I must have tripped or slipped, but I knew.”

   Shampoo struggled and shifted around, trying to reach and grab Loo’s
wrist, or, failing that, claw at his face. Loo, distracted by Shampoo and
by his own imminent triumph, forgot, or failed to notice, that Mousse
was not without ranged weapons. There was a yelp unbecoming of a man
of his age as the rope that had tied up Mousse earlier whipped around a
leg and yanked Loo down to, into, the water. Followed by a lot of thrashing
about, bubbles and foam.

   Shampoo-cat strolled out of the water looking very pleased with herself,
as if everything had gone exactly as planned, carrying unconscious Loo-
treeshrew by the tail. Mousse followed, gingerly holding the metal mask.
“I guess now we just have to wait and see if he was telling the truth about
the cocoon-things,” Mousse said. “And I’ll go and see if there’s a kettle
and some better spare clothes in the boat, OK?”

*    *    *    *    *    *

   Vanilla and Liquorice were crouching at the edge of the crater, trying to
identify the various tunnels still opening into it and work out how much
of them actually remained.
“I think the part were we left our stuff survived,” Vanilla said, breaking
the silence. “Let’s go back and get them before we leave.”
“Do you really think the tunnels are safe?” Liquorice asked. “What if
they collapse?”

   At a respectful distance, but close enough that Ginger could keep an eye
on the two, Mousse and Shampoo were discussing the situation with
Ginger and Peace.
 “I think the big question is ‘_how_ do we leave?’” Mousse said. “The
boat’s out. I think debris from Loo’s exit dropped on it.”
“How did _you_ get here?” Shampoo asked Ginger.
“Same boat as you. Loo was the one organising this, you know.”

   “So, what was all this about?” Peace asked.
“No idea. Revenge, I suppose.” Ginger continued. “Loo contacted us
with a plan for taking revenge on the Amazons and the princess jumped
at the idea and sent the girls. Her father sent me as their chaperone and
to put a stop to it if things went wrong. Nobody explained much to me
either. And the girls know even less.”

   “So we’re stuck here,” Shampoo muttered.
“I’m pretty sure Loo left some kind of record of where we’ve gone”,
Peace said. “Or at least that we’ve gone somewhere in the boat. The
authorities can be pretty picky about things like that."
“Besides,” Ginger added. “We’re on a tiny island in international
waters and there have been martial arts-adjacent shenanigans. Incorrectly
Depicted Interpol should show up any second now...”

   Schemer and Intrigeur jumped out of a nearby bush, to all appearances
as if they’d been hiding there waiting for their cue.
“We’re already here!” Schemer announced, striking a pose.
“’Though hitherto concealed!” Intrigeur added, mirroring her.
“I’m not sure how that gets us off the island,” Mousse said.
“Uhm... an island blowing up like this is bound to get noticed,” Schemer
explained, relaxing her pose. “And we’ve had both helicopters and boats
on stand-by since yesterday. They should be here any minute.”

*    *    *    *    *    *

   Several hours later, Mousse and Shampoo were once again at the airport,
now in the departure lounge.
“You know, I think that Ranma-thing may be wearing off,” Mousse said,
stretching his arms and looking relieved.
“The what?” Shampoo had been dozing off.
“The irresistible Saotome charm. I mean, I think Schemer may have been
teasing a little at the start, but considering what happened... Liqourice,
Vanilla or both would have been madly in love with Ranma by now if it
had been him.”

   “Considering what happened...” Shampoo began looking for any
appropriate blunt instruments nearby. “What _did_ happen? The leopard-
spotted one barely dared to look at us.”
“She got carried away and fought in a skimpy bikini while talking about
Amazon marriage laws to a handsome guy she didn’t know. Imagine how
you’d feel.”

   Shampoo not only imagined how she’d feel in that situation, but also
recalled what she’d actually done in various Ranma-related situations. It
was tempting to say that “the Ranma-thing” hadn’t worn off as much as
shifted into a different one, but, frankly, Mousse had been perfectly able
to put his foot in his mouth long before Ranma showed up. Where was
that blunt instrument? She’d already checked in the heavy bag. Well,
nevermind...
“Did you just indirectly call Ranma handsome?” Checkmate, no-longer-
duck-boy. “Wake me when it’s time to board the plane.”

THE END

NOTES
If Wikipedia is to be trusted, the kanji for kuso (excrement) spent over a
month on a list of potential additions to the one of kanji allowed for use
in personal names in 2004, apparently with the arguments that it was
frequently used and easy to read and write...


 


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