[FFML] [Ranma][Revised]I Dream of Ranma, Episode 3: On The Horns Of A Dilemma

[Elin B]

                                Episode 3:
                        On the Horns of a Dilemma

> Until two days ago, he
> hadn't even known that he *had* a mother. Not that he'd believed Pop's
> story about him having been cloned;
Ha! Love this detail.

> Maybe she wasn't really serious about making him honor> that agreement. But if he took a chance and was wrong, he wouldn't live
> to take any other chances.
Summing it up in a nutshell. 

> Though
> she'd supposedly invited Akane and 'Ranko' to lunch to get to know them,
> she only seemed interested in asking about her son. Ranma might have
> been offended if he and 'Ranko' hadn't been the same person.

Heh. 

>    "Did I tell you that I haven't seen him since he was a baby?
> That it's been more than ten years?"

Always ten years! 

> Oh, how I wish my manly son were here!"

>    Ranma, instantly male, dove quickly under the table.
Oh, dear!

>     Ranma felt sickened. His mother was going to dress him up in
>girl's clothes. Worse yet, Akane would see him that way. Then she'd
>probably make fun of him for the rest of his life.

Oh, right, this happens so early on. Ranma wouldn't be used to wearing dresses already like when he met his mother in canon. Good catch.

***
>    Akane receded into the distance. Hikaru Gosunkugi stood watching
>her, hypnotized by the beauty of her form and the grace of her
>movements. His eyes were riveted to her image, unable to move until she
>turned a corner and was out of sight, leaving behind one slightly
>disheveled kendoist.
I like that last clause for some reason; it's easy to go over the top with descriptors like that, but "slightly disheveled kendoist" is just right. 

 >   Until recently, he hadn't seen any need to
>intervene. Akane had always treated Kuno like something to be scraped
>off from the bottom of her shoes. But two days ago, Kuno and Akane had
>dated, and even skipped school to do it. Drastic measures were called
for in order to keep them apart. 

Ooh, right!! Natural that this change would set things in motion. Or at least set Gosunkugi in motion. 

>    Suddenly, he found himself flying through the air, courtesy of
Kuno's bokken. "I expect to see results this afternoon!" the kendoist
called at him.

Kuno may be gullible in many ways, but that doesn't mean he doesn't expect to see results!
***

>    He followed his mother out of the changing stall. She handed
some money to the clerk, and got a paper receipt in return.
I wonder if that receipt will make a return in the story, otherwise it seems kind of extraneous to include.(I say that as if I'm not including much more extraneous things in my own fics the whole time...)
 

***
 >      What the heck could he do now? He should've let Akane come
along. Then he remembered something he'd just seen, and an idea came.
Not a good one, but he was desperate. His hands flashed into action with
lightning speed, untying the braid in his hair and working it into
another shape....
Odango time!! :D

***

>    "Do you like it?" Ranma pointed at his hair, which was now
rolled up into balls that covered up the horns. "It's the Sailor Moon
look!"

Not gonna lie, that probably *would* look pretty cute on Ranma! Though Nodoka clearly disagrees, perhaps she finds anime otaku to be gauche or prefers a rival anime.
 ***

>    "Huh? I didn't retouch them. I used an instant camera." Hikaru
>looked closely at the picture; it appeared that Ranko had horns on her
>head. Strangely, they weren't there in the other shots.

 >   "This is most unusual." Kuno stared ponderously at the floor,
>then looked up. "The beauteous Ranko, it seems, has fallen victim to
foul enchantment of some sort.
Ha! For once he's not wrong. 

    
Hah, I loved the Gosunkugi-Nabiki-Kuno information route. 

 ***

>then to a fabric store and to another one that sold embroidery kits. What was
worse yet, he'd had to pretend to be interested in all of this. He hoped
he'd run into a rampaging martial artist or whatever; at least that
would give him something to do.

There's *got* to be someone practicing martial arts embroidery in that world... 

>    For a moment Ranma stopped to think. His usual response to Kuno
was to boot him down the street and walk away. But Kuno was acting
different now. Instead of making advances on his 'pig-tailed girl,' he
was getting violent. This was a totally different situation.

 >  Ranma booted Kuno down the street and walked away.
:DDDD 

***

 >     "Let me know if you change your mind," she said, sounding not
the least bit disappointed. "The offer's always open!"

Ominous! 

***


***

 >   Ranma entered the kitchen. His mother was chopping meat up into
little chunks with a cleaver. Kasumi stood over the stove, stirring the
contents of a fry pan.
Suggest maybe reword as: "In the kitchen, his mother..." , striking "Ranma entered the kitchen" as superfluous.
>    "Hey, Kasumi." Ranma opened up the refrigerator. "Got anything
to drink in here?"
Especially since otherwise I think the "Ranma opened up the refrigerator" line here will sound a bit repetitive.

>    Kasumi turned towards him, and her eyes widened into a puzzled
stare. "What's that on your head?"

>    His hand reached up to where she was looking and felt. The horns
were back. Lemonade sprayed from his mouth. His mother stopped cutting
and began to turn towards him.

Whoa, why did this happen?? I must have missed some subtle earlier implication!

  
>  "That's right, Kasumi." Ranma moved, trying to remember where
>the exit was, as the pot blocked his eyes. "You see, one never knows
>whether an opponent will place a pot on one's head during combat.
>Therefore, one must practice fighting with a pot on the head in order to
>cover that eventuality."

Excellent Genma-and-Soun-style bullshitting. :DDD
>    "Oh dear," Kasumi said. "I was going to cook tonight's rice in
>that."

 >   "There's something very odd about that girl," Ranma heard his
mother say as he left the kitchen.
I laughed out loud here. 

***

>    Before Ranma could react, Kuno's bokken smacked him in the head.
>At the same time, Nabiki whispered in his ear. "I wish your horns would
>disappear."

  >  "Victory is mine!" Kuno raised his stick triumphantly. "I,
>Tatewaki Kuno, have cast out the malevolent spirit which had possessed
>the beauteous Ranko!"

 >   "She was possessed?!" Ranma's mother gaped with astonishment. "I
>never realized...."

I love how this kind of thing is totally easily accepted in Ranmaverse. 

 
>His heart was in the right place, even if his brain wasn't. "Don't
worry about it."

>    "Please know that I bear you no ill will. On the contrary, my
fondest wish is to date with you."

>    Ranma's surroundings faded.

Oh noooo.... XDDD

***

>    *Ugh...* Ranma thought as he tried to mentally tune out Kuno's
>blather. *Kill me now.*

Hehe, love the anticlimax of Kuno's dates even though they have consequences. 

***

> AUTHOR'S NOTES: As even doing revisions on the previous chapters is
taking a good deal longer than anticipated, it seems pretty certain that
this series won't be finished by the time the FFML goes offline. I do
intend to finish it, though, and if you want to receive future episodes
post FFML, send your email address to gary at garykleppe.org and I'll make
sure they get to you when they're ready.
I would like to receive future episodes, please! *waves*

Cheers,
Elin

  
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