[FFML] [fanfic] [Ranma] (second attempt) The Return of Loo

[hans.holm2 at bredband.net]

It appears I did not remember all the details of how to post stories.

Anyway, once again:
Inspired by Gary Kleppe revising and trying to finish I Dream of Ranma,
I went back and had a look at some of my fanfics, to try and clean them
up and finally post them here (while it is still possible). Not only did
it turn out that they didn’t star the characters I recalled they did, but
this one seemed to be missing a few scenes and the other one was actually
unfinished.

This takes place after a fanfic I did post here (and at fanfiction.net)
ages ago, Duck and Peaches…, but all one might need to know to avoid
confusion is that Hairspray is Mousse’s daughter, that Mousse lost his
curse at the end of the aforementioned story and that he has not yet been
recursed.) And there should probably have been a fic or two between that
and this one.


The Return of Loo
A Ranma ½ fanfic
by Hans Holm

Disclaimer: Ranma ½ and all its characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi.
I’m only appropriating them for my own entertainment and hoping she
doesn’t get too upset by my use of her works.

The non-Amazon (presumed) Chinese characters are named in what I, for
lack of better words, think of as in the style of the Jademan
translations/editions of various Hong Kong comics. (The mentioned
presumably Indian character is named by consulting a Sanskrit
translation page/engine and mangling the result to match it with names
on Behind The Name with the same final element.)

PROLOGUE

The Elders looked at each other, some conspiratorially, some speechless, but
none entirely unsurprised.

“A baby!? How?”
“Now you’re just being naive, Basin. You know very well how.”
“But Shampoo hasn’t managed to snare her supposed husband…”
“I think they’ve pretty much given up on that. I know Cologne has.”
“It says here that Mousse is the father.”
“So, _someone_ got lucky at least.”
“Pay up, Sponge-bag.”
“Not until they’re married.”
“Come on, they’re practically married already. They’ve…”
“You said the same thing when they were three.”
“Besides, the letter also says that Shampoo isn’t the mother.”
“Hah! Pay up, Plunger.”
“QUIET! The mother is missing, presumed dead, and apparently there are
plenty of local girls volunteering to help out...”
“Cologne even added profiles and assessment on what they could add to
the line.”
“And you said she didn’t take these things seriously.”
“She still doesn’t. _This_ profile, for example, lists, as a minor drawback,
‘Subject is a male crossdresser.’ Which is a shame, since it’s apparently a
genius ninja.”
“But that’s just one…”
“Two. Three, if we count Shampoo’s supposed husband and retroactively
change _that_ rule to count for males defeated by outsider women too.”
“She also mentions that Shampoo doesn’t seem entirely happy with the
idea. She’s warming up to the child …at least.”
“This sounds like a perfect opportunity to make things more interesting…
Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
“At your age? SHAME!”
“I don’t think we have any of _those_ agreements at the moment… None
that we could apply to either of those two.”
“I have an idea that could be fun…Bath has had visions of his brother
acting strangely…”
“Bath’s brother always acted strangely, that’s why he’s in exile.”
“I know, but listen…His brother lives far away from both us and Japan, but
he’s still, technically, our responsibility, so here’s what we do…”

           THE RETURN OF LOO

*    *    *    *    *    *

Cologne looked at the letter in her hands again and groaned (again).
“What’s the matter, great-grandmother?”, Shampoo asked.
“It’s this message from home”, Cologne replied. “It seems Ba Fu has had
another of his visions…”
“Didn’t they get him something to stop having those?”
“I guess the effect wore off. Anyway, the other Elders has decided that
you and Mousse should go and deal with whatever the vision was
about.”
“WHAT? Why us? What is it we’re supposed to do, anyway?”
“Well…they say it’s because it’s easier for you to go abroad since you’re
already there, but they seem to hint at the lack of intimacy for a young
couple living with a months-old baby and a nosy old woman.”
“Didn’t you tell them Mousse and Hairspray moved out?”
“They are rather…selective…about what they remember when they
want to. Now go and get Mousse, and I’ll tell you what they want you
to do.”

*    *    *    *    *    *

About twenty minutes later, Shampoo was standing outside Mousse’s
new apartment. She hadn’t seen much of either Mousse or Hairspray
since they moved, and she hadn’t seen the apartment since the
morning after the house-warming party two weeks ago. And she doubted
_that_ was what it normally looked like.

He seemed to take an awful long time to answer the door. Visions of
knocking down the door and catching Mousse in the act started flashing
through her mind. Maybe one of his co-workers from the bar/nightclub…
or maybe Ukyo (she hadn’t forgotten that ‘purple wig’ comment)…or
even Nabiki. That…that… She was interrupted by an unrobed Mousse
opening the door.
“I’m sorry it took so long, but Hairspray just decided to have spit up on
my robe.”
“Naturally”, Shampoo replied suspiciously, while discreetly trying to
peer into the room to see if there was another cause for Mousse’s state of
undress.
“Please come inside…Could you keep an eye on Hairspray while I find
some clean clothes.”
“OK. You know, this isn’t just a social visit.”
“I guessed that. What’s the occasion?”
“I don’t know. Great-grandmother got a letter from the other Elders
and they want us to do something. She’ll tell us once we’re back at the
restaurant.”
“Just a minute. I’ll just get Hairspray ready.”

*    *    *    *    *    *

“We’re back!”
“Good. Sit down, and I’ll tell you what this is all about…I just got a letter
from the other elders. Ba Fu has had another vision and they want you
two to go and deal with it, since you’re already outside China. I guess it’s
possible that you made personal appearances in the vision too.”
“Oh, joy.”
“Did they bother to explain what the vision was?”
“No, but apparently Ba Fu’s brother is involved somehow and they seem
to expect him to explain what’s going on once you get to Singapore. Now
go get packed, the plane leaves tonight.”
“Tonight?! But I can’t…I mean…what about Hairspray?”
“I’ve already asked Mrs. Saotome if she’ll look after her while you’re
away. She should be around soon to pick her up. It’ll only be a couple
of days.”
“But…but…”
“And don’t worry. They promised to make sure Genma wouldn’t try to
teach her anything. And even if you probably should be there, it might be
a good idea if the one who goes to handle the paperwork is a respectable
adult Japanese woman.”
“Wait, Great-grandmother. What paperwork?”
“Just a few trifles. Like making Hairspray’s existence official, having
a doctor examine her and so on.”
“Isn’t that done automatically? At the hospital?”
“I imagine that if any paperwork had existed, we’d either get told or
get copies when she arrived, and, either way, it’s a safe bet that the
Japanese authorities haven’t seen any sign of her.”
“Shouldn’t Mousse be doin…have done this weeks ago?”
“Yes. But he didn’t and then it got scheduled for  tomorrow. But now the
pair of you have to go to Singapore.”
“And what happens when we get to Singapore?”
“I think one of Ba Fu’s brother’s students will come to pick you up.”

*    *    *    *    *    *

Considerably later, at Changi airport in Singapore…

“Did you catch who Great-grandmother said would pick us up?”
“No. Did she say anything?”
“Great! She just sent us here without any clue as to what is going on,
where we’re going or who’ll meet us.”
“The other Elders planned this, I’m sure some of them would remember
to arrange things with Ba Fu’s brother.”
“You’re right. So all we have to do is find somebody who looks like he’s
waiting for somebody he doesn’t know…”
Suddenly Shampoo spotted a young monk looking as indifferent as a bald
man can while holding a large sign with various hair care products
written on it.
“…something like that, maybe?”
Then he spotted them too.

“Mousse and Shampoo, I presume”, the monk said.
“Uh…yes. And you’re one of Ba Fu’s brother’s students, right?”
“Sort of.  I’m Peaceful Ocean. Please call me Peace, in English. Please.
Pleased to meet you. We’ll just have to wait for Schemer to get back,
then we’ll drive you to the mansion.”
“Schemer?”
“Mansion?”
“Well, not really a _mansion_ but…”
They were interrupted by the arrival of Schemer. Presumably. It was
possible that the pink-haired girl in school uniform suddenly pouncing on
them was just an even more complete stranger being overly friendly.
“Ooh, youmustbeShampooandMousseI’veheardsomuchaboutyouIamso
happyIfinallygetto…”
“Calm down, Schemer. Breathe, remember? And where did you ‘hear so
much about them’?”
“I read Master’s mail.”
“… Yes, yes, of course you do. You can let go of them now.”

The pink-haired girl bounced back several feet again and had the decency
to appear something like slightly embarrassed as the young monk
introduced them to each other.
“Mousse and Shampoo. This is Schemer, one of my fellow sort of
students.”
“I’m_ Shampoo. _He’s_ Mousse.”
“Oh, sorry. Master wasn’t very specific. He didn’t tell me anything but to
pick you two up at the airport. Schemer, this is Shampoo and Mousse.”
”Schemer?”
”I know. It’s a male name, but I didn’t pick it myself. It’s sort of a
traditional name in my family.”
“That wasn’t what I was thinking of.”
“It’s the main thing she thinks of and the only explanation she’s ever
given. Now that everybody’s here, let’s go.”

*    *    *    *    *    *

“Peace, you said that you were sort of Ba Fu’s brother’s student?”,
Mousse asked while they were driving. “Could you explain what you
mean?”
“Well, basically it means…”
“He _does_ have a name, you know”, Schemer interrupted. “How would
you like it if everybody referred to you as Shampoo’s boyfriend?”
“HE’S NOT MY BOYFRIEND!!”
“Really? Can I have him?”
“NO!”/”Schemer!!”
“Just kidding!” Then she added quietly. “Mostly.”
“I’m sorry, but I never heard him called anything but Ba Fu’s brother”,
Mousse said, trying to bring the conversation back to its original subject.
“I guessed as much”, Peaceful Ocean answered. “I think that’s why he
left the village.”
“Uh…so what is his name then?”
“Loo.”

*    *    *    *    *    *

Loo turned out to be living in a house of the traditional square compound
type. It was slightly larger than the Kuno mansion. And possibly slightly
too traditional, as if aspiring to be in an open-air museum instead of a
modern city.

Loo himself met them at the entrance. He was clearly at least as old as
Cologne and Happosai and must have been a giant in his younger days –
despite being equally shrunk and mummified-looking, he was at least a
foot taller.

“Ah, Mousse and Shampoo. I’m Loo, Ba Fu’s brother. I trust you had a
pleasant journey. Please come inside and I’ll tell you why you’re here.”
“Is it just me or is he a little bit stressed?”, Shampoo asked.
“He’s been like this for the last month or so”, Schemer said. “I guess it
has something to do why you were sent here.”
“I’ll show you your room so you can leave your bags first”, Peaceful
Ocean said.
“Our room?! We have to share a room?!”, Shampoo almost-shouted.
“Ah…uh, well…we got the impression that you were…”
“MOUSSE IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND!”
“Yes, you already told us that, but we didn’t know that then and, as you
can see, we don’t have that much spare room here.”
“Master Loo refuses to throw away or sell any of his old junk and he
keeps getting more of it all the time”, Schemer added.
“I’ll see if we can clear some space later, OK?”
“I guess so”, Shampoo admitted.

*    *    *    *    *    *

A few minutes later they gathered in what looked like it might have been
a drawing-room half a ton of unsorted antique knick-knack ago. Three
more persons joined Shampoo, Mousse, Loo, Peaceful Ocean and
Schemer. Schemer had somehow found time to change, and to
Shampoo’s relief had done so into a baggy tracksuit in green and
checkered orange.

“I guess some introductions might be in order”, Loo said. “Sort of
students, this is Shampoo, great-granddaughter of an old…friend from
my home village, and her…friend… Mousse, also from my home village.
Shampoo and Mousse, you’ve already met Peaceful Ocean and Schemer,
the this is Obvious Alias, Mock Duck and Intrigeur.”

Obvious Alias was a handsome man, about Kasumi’s age, with shoulder-
length blond hair and about a head taller than Mousse and Peaceful
Ocean. He was also the only one to wear what could be described as
nondescript everyday clothes. Mock Duck and Intrigeur were about the
same age as Shampoo and Mousse. The former was a few inches taller
than Mousse, with small, obviously non-prescription, glasses, his long
hair gathered in a topknot, apparently designer Chinese robes and a smug
grin. The latter was shorter than Shampoo but more muscular than
Ryoga, with shaggy blue hair and a baggy sweatsuit much like Schemer’s,
but in mostly red and black.

“And now to the matter at hand”, Loo continued, before the students’
names could be commented on or explained. “I was quite surprised
when I got the message about my brother’s vision, but I think I’ve
worked out what is going on.”
He made a dramatic pause just long enough for everybody to catch their
breath before beginning their questions.
“I just found out that certain individuals and representatives of various
groups, hostile to the Amazons in general or particular Amazons, recently
started to arrive in Singapore”, he continued.
“But why?”
“What groups?”
“Anybody we’ve actually heard of before?”
“Well, I haven’t really kept up to date with their current membership,
I assume it’s changed since I was your age. Let’s see…there’s supposed
to be a couple of guys from the Five Venoms school and Monster Society
…and someone from the Broken Hand, presumably…and whoever is the
current Pirate King of Pagong…and the Infernal Rats and King Snake
and the Western Branch…the Children of Perinzia…the Baleful Stars if
they’re still around…and the Distaff Musk.”
“What? No Phoenix tribe?”, Shampoo muttered.
“You Amazons sure know how to piss people off, eh?”, Intrigeur noted.
“I don’t think I’ve heard of any of those…”, Mousse said. “Wait a
minute! The Distaff Musk? But all the Musk are male, they hadn’t even
seen a woman until last year.”
“How do you know about the Musk? Even Great-grandmother thought
they were extinct!”, Shampoo added.
“Tsk. There’s a lot of things Cologne never knew about. Like the peep-
hole in the bathhouse”, Loo answered. “And as for female Musk, have
you ever seen any adult members of the Musk? The young men and
women live in separate fortresses until they marry, and then go to live
with the other adults in yet another fortress.”

“OK, OK!”, Schemer said. “There’s a lot of people around who’s after
the Amazons. So, what are they doing in Singapore?”
“I was coming to that”, Loo said. “There’s only one reason that I can
think of. It all began a long time ago…just before the war with Japan, I
think. My supposed friends and I fought and sealed off a demon in a
cavern under a temple ruin on one of the islands to the south…”
“Which one?”
“But why would they want to release the demon? And how would they
know about it, anyway?”
“Since it was mostly Amazons and their husbands-to-be who sealed it
off, I guess it shouldn’t be too hard to convince it to, at the very least, go
for Joketsuzoku first. The Monster Society was founded by one of those
Amazons and it’s not impossible that another survivor went on to co-
found the Broken Hand, so they would know about it. And I don’t think
the island has a name anymore, other than The Haunted Island or
something like that. Nobody’s lived on it for hundreds of years.”
“What do we do now?”, Mousse asked.
“You rest. Or take in the sights. I have some last minute research to do
tomorrow. The day after that we go to the island.”
“How do you know it won’t be too late by then?”, Shampoo asked.
“You don’t know much about unsealing demons, do you?”, Loo smiled.

*    *    *    *    *    *

After a quick tour of the house and moving Shampoos bag to Schemer’s
room, they finally got some hopefully unobserved time on their own.
“I think Schemer is a little disappointed that she’ll have to share her room
with you.”
“She clearly wanted to share it with _you_. Of all of Ranma’s traits to
copy you had to pick the worst, didn’t you?”
“It’s not my fault that the irresistible Saotome charm has begun to rub of
on me.”
“Yes it is. You didn’t have to come running after us like that. And you
really didn’t have to join the circus afterwards…”
“Don’t bring Tao Tao into this…”
“Hmpf!”
“I can’t believe it! You’re actually jealous! A girl we’ve just met looks at
me and you start acting like I…”
“Womaniser.”
“…Bimbo.”
“_What_ did you call me?”
“I couldn’t ca…” WHACK! “Stop it!” WHACK! “I didn’t…” WHACK!
WHACK! WHACK!
“Well, now that we’ve cleared that up…Mousse don’t you think that Loo
seems to be acting a little odd? Mousse? Are you listening to me?
Mousse! MOUSSE!” WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!

“I guess you’re right, Shampoo. Loo appears to have something else on
his mind than the possible release of a demon.”
“Maybe I should go and see if I can find something as a cat? This place is
full of cat-sized hiding-places.”
“But we don’t know if they know about Jyusenkyo-curses, and it might
be hard to get hot water discretely if needed. Actually, I’m pretty sure
Loo knows about them. He seems to know everything.”
“We’re going to need to bring hot water to the island anyway. Let’s see
if we can get some hot water first, then I’ll go snooping, OK?”

*    *    *    *    *    *

Loo’s mansion turned out to be well supplied with hot water – it seemed
as if every room except Mousse’s had an electric kettle, a samovar or
even hot water taps for no apparent reason, or what looked like safety
showers. Almost as if its inhabitants wanted to have immediate and easy
access to hot water, Shampoo-cat thought to herself as she sneaked
through its halls and corridors. The place was actually larger than she had
thought at first. Most of the rooms was more organised than the drawing-
room and the guestroom, at least the apparently unsorted junk was of
similar types – weapons in one room, stuffed animals in another and so
on. It was also strangely deserted, she had glimpsed Intrigeur down a
corridor and Peaceful Ocean doing a form in a courtyard but nobody else.
No servants, no other students, no pets. Nothing. She really had to keep
an extra eye on Schemer, to make sure she kept her hands off Mousse.
There really should be servants in a house this size. And more
importantly, keep Mousse’s hands of Schemer. Kuno’s house was
smaller and they had lots and lots of servants, didn’t they? It wasn’t as if
she _cared_ what Mousse did, but somebody had to keep him out of
trouble. Well, they _acted_ like they had a lot of servants even if you
only ever saw Sasuke… Somebody’s coming!

Shampoo-cat barely had time to hide behind a large sack apparently
filled with old toys. The person entering the room was not one of the
students Loo had introduced earlier, but a tall, handsome young man
with almost waist-length dark green hair and tight snakeskin pants. It
would probably be a good idea to follow him. He was obviously either
someone who shouldn’t be there or someone she wasn’t supposed to
know about being there… She gingerly followed the man as he made his
way through the cluttered rooms, making sure to stay out of his sight. It
quickly became obvious that he didn’t want to be discovered either, as he
made some obvious detours to avoid meeting people. Eventually he made
his way to what Shampoo had decided to call the small library.
Somebody else was waiting for him.

It sounded as if there was three persons in there, including the stranger
she’d followed. Two of the voices sounded familiar, but she couldn’t
quite place them and they were all speaking a dialect she couldn’t
understand. And there was this strange smell…She had to try to sneak in.
It should be easy to hide behind a bookshelf or something…the voices
seemed rather pre-occupied at the moment and the door wasn’t closed
properly. The smell became much stronger once she entered the room.
A small table at the centre of the room immediately drew her attention to
the point of forgetting the people present. On it stood an ornate bowl, and
the smoke coming from it was clearly the source of the smell. This
couldn’t be good. The smell was getting to her…those two other figures
seemed to be wearing some kind of masks. She had to get out!

*    *    *    *    *    *

“Shampoo? Shampoo!”
Shampoo woke up finding herself human and lying on a couch, with
Mousse hovering worriedly over her.
“Mousse? What happened? Where am I?…When did I turn back and why
am I wearing your robe?”
“You were gone for too long, so I went looking for you. You were
passed out in the pile of stuffed animals. What happened to you?”
“A stranger showed up. I followed him to one of the libraries, where he
met two others. They sounded familiar but I couldn’t place them or
understand what they were saying. Then there was a bowl with strange-
smelling smoke. I guess it knocked me out.”
“Two people that sounded familiar? As in two of Loo’s students or as in
somebody we’ve met before?”
“I can only remember that I recognised the voices.”
“Should we tell Loo?”
“No, it might as well have been him. Let’s just keep quiet about this…”
“Hush! Somebody’s coming.”

Obvious Alias suddenly appeared in the doorway.
“Ah, there you are! You weren’t in your rooms so…am I interrupting
something?”.
“No, no. We just finished…uh…I mean…we didn’t really…I know it
looks like…”, Mousse and Shampoo babbled, only strengthening the
wrong impression.
“Sigh. I really don’t need to know. It’s just that Master Loo has some
pretty dangerous things lying around, so it’s not safe to run around here
without knowing what’s what. I’ll show you the way back to your
rooms.”

*    *    *    *    *    *

“It seems we have the whole day off, while Master Loo does his final
research”, Peaceful Ocean noted at breakfast. “I think he wants all of us
out of the house and not back until tonight.”
“Do you have any plans for today?”, Schemer asked Mousse and
Shampoo (well, mostly Mousse). “How do you guys usually prepare for a
possible fight with a demon?”
“Most of the big fights seem to involve long hikes”, Mousse answered.
“Sometimes somebody shows up without warning, kidnaps somebody
and makes everybody else go on a trek through China to get them back.”
“Of course, the usual demon lives in the neighbourhood”, Shampoo
added.
“No preparation, then?”, Obvious Alias asked.
“Come to think of it”, Shampoo said. “Removing all lingerie, short skirts
and things like that from the area might be a good idea.”
“And if Loo have any special anti-demon things somewhere it would be
a good idea to go and dig them out”, Mousse said.
“I think Master Loo will do that, but if he forgets I know where at least
some of them are”, Peaceful Ocean said.
“Going back to plans for today, I think the gang back home expects us to
buy them gifts”, Shampoo added, turning to Mousse. “At least you
should get something for Mrs. Saotome for taking care of Hairspray.”
“So, shopping and sight-seeing today?”, Obvious Alias noted.
“Well, since Loo wants us out of the house, we don’t have much choice,
do we?”, Shampoo answered.

*    *    *    *    *    *

Meanwhile, back in Nerima, Nodoka Saotome was, strictly speaking, not
having second thoughts, but she could have done without the looks. Then
again, this _was_ one of the branches of Nerima City government which
had not yet been exposed to her son and his friends. If nothing else, it
would be the honourable thing to ease them into it. Her further thoughts
were interrupted by the arrival at the desk of two young-ish men in black
suits.

“Mrs. Saotome? You are Nodoka Saotome, here and acting on behalf of
the parents of this child, who were suddenly and urgently called away on
important business?”
“That is, the child’s parents were called away on business. Not the child.”
“I am.”
“Mr. Oomu and I are from the Agency. We want to have a word with you
about the as of yet not registered name of said aforementioned infant.”
“Ah, yes. Hairspray.” To be honest, Nodoka had been wanting to have
more than a few words regarding the name herself.
“Am I right in thinking that’s meant to be a hair care product?”
“Yes, in English.”
“How would you spell it in Japanese, in kanji?”
“I probably wouldn't... It would be either gibberish or something like
[Kami]+[Shibuki], I think.”
“You can’t call her that. It’s silly.”
“Agreed.”
“They are on the list of kanji allowed for use in personal names”, Oomu
interjected. “Right after [Kuso].”
“That may be the case, but it is still a silly name. Why don’t you go into
more conventional naming? Like birds or flowers, a very popular choice,
I’ve been lead to believe.”
“Her father had intended to name her after her intended maternal
grandmother. Who was a Chinese Amazon.”
“F**k the Chinese Amazons! We have to think of the children.”
Nodoka found herself wanting to point out how that was how all this
began. And how it sounded as if the civil servant who according to his
card was named Praline had personal experience of the Chinese
Amazons.

Then she remembered how Cologne, with a wink and a… certain… tone
of voice, had said that she trusted her to do the right thing when the issue
of Hairspray’s name came up.
“Mr. Praline? If I suggest some other names, would you tell me if you
would accept them?”
“Try me.”
“Lucy Kimiko Akie Airi Shiori Rinne Yoshiho Chihoko Ayano Fumika
Chitose Sanae Mikiko Ichika Yukino Reina Eri Ai Tamiko Chikage
Emilia Julia Shizue Erina Chisa Yumeka Natsuki Ranran Rieko Setsuri
Chikako Azumi Marina Hideko Chiaki Misaki Naomi Campbell Miku
Yuka Masako Sachiko Nana Mutsumi Haruka Yuna Shimako Yukie Rin
Sakura Kanna Wakana Hazuki Hanami Ruri Mihane Momoka Himari
Nozomi Futaba Mayuyu Ayano.”
“Hmm… It’s a bit long, isn’t it? And I think Campbell may be
trademarked.”
“*Sigh* Jugemu Jugemu Gokoo-no surikire Kaijarisuigyo-no
Suigyoomatsu Unraimatsu Fuuraimatsu Kuunerutokoro-ni Sumutokoro
Yaburakooji-no burakooji Paipopaipo Paipo-no-shuuringan Shuuringan-no
Guurindai Guurindai-no Ponpokopii-no Ponpokonaa-no Chookyuumei-no
Choosuke”
“That’s a boy’s name.”
“Yes. Going back to the list of girls’ names. Will Haruka do?”
“After the racecar driver?”
“Yes. Does that matter?”
“Isn’t he male?”
“The one I know isn’t. Besides, it’s a unisex name.” And if you squint
your eyes it sounds almost vaguely similar to Hairspray.
“Fair enough. Haruka it is. Now, little Hairsp… Haruka’s family
name…”

*    *    *    *    *    *

The next breakfast in Singapore was way too early, as the plan was to
leave early in order to draw less attention. Mousse and Shampoo noted
absently that of Loo’s sort of students, the only ones to really changes
their clothes or styles for the mission was Obvious Alias, who’d changed
into a slightly unfortunate yellow jumpsuit, and Intrigeur, whose
preferred fighting gear apparently was heavy boots, jeans and a
checkered shirt, accessorising them with an axe that clearly was more
intended for felling trees than fighting.

“This is the plan”, Loo said, as they got aboard the boat. “We’ll reach the
island in about two hours, then it should be about ten minutes before we
get to the temple. There’s an extensive system of caves connected to it
and that’s where the demon’s sealed off. Once we’ve disposed of any
eventual guards in the temple, we’ll split up to search the caves. Mousse
and Mock Duck, Shampoo and Intrigeur…”
“Why split up? You’re the one who sealed off the demon, right? It should
be in the same place, shouldn’t it?”, Mousse asked.
“…Ah…uh…actually it was just severely weakened and sealed in the
_caves_. It should still be mobile but too weak to do any serious harm.
Now, let’s continue, Obvious Alias and Peaceful Ocean, and myself and
Schemer.”
“Is it really wise to split up?”, Shampoo asked. “If we’re looking for a
demon in a cave filled with enemies, wouldn’t it be safer to stick
together?”
“And shouldn’t someone stay behind an watch the boat?”, Obvious Alias
added.
“We have a lot of tunnels to search, not enough time and we’d only get in
each other’s way, anyway. As for the boat, Haunted Island hasn’t been
inhabited for centuries, and I’d be surprised if anybody had landed here
since I did.”
“But, didn’t you say…”, Shampoo began, but thought the better of it.
They were after all surrounded by water that probably did not count as
hot.


*    *    *    *    *    *

The stone pier on Haunted Island was in remarkably good repair for a
place uninhabited for centuries, and there were no signs that the supposed
opposition had used it. The temple ruin, overgrown by the forest and
impossible to identify regarding original builders, appeared equally
unguarded.

“So they’re all down in the tunnels, eh?”, Intrigeur muttered.
“Yes. Everybody ready?”, Loo asked.
Without waiting for any answers he tapped the base of a broken pillar
and it shifted to reveal a winding staircase.
“Hmm. This wasn’t here last time…”
“Really?”, Shampoo asked.
“Well, it was in so bad condition that it was safer to climb down on a
rope. That’s why we left it here.”
“In other words, somebody went through a lot of trouble to make this
place more accessible”, Obvious Alias said.
“Just as well, I guess. I’m not as agile as I used to be.”

It turned out that the room at the bottom of the stairs and the tunnels
closest to it had been equipped with electric lighting.
“Curiouser and curiouser”, Peaceful Ocean said.
“Surprisingly clean and well-kept for a place that’s hasn’t been visited
for nearly a century”, Shampoo noted.
“Whatever”, Loo said. “Mousse. Mock Duck. You take that tunnel.
Peaceful Ocean and Obvious Alias, that one. Shampoo and Intrigeur, that
one. Schemer and I’ll take this one…”
“Wait a minute. Are there any traps or something like that we should
know about?”, Mousse asked.
“Any traps? There wasn’t any the last time I was here, but the people
who built the stairs and put up the lights could have prepared some…and
there’s the hall of small gods.”
“Hall of small gods?”, Shampoo asked.
“I don’t know if they’re ghosts or spirits or weak and forgotten gods, but
there’s a cave here that’s filled with them. At least that’s what Vidyudeep
said…I have no idea what they do, though. Let’s go.”

*    *    *    *    *    *

The lighting in the tunnel ended shortly after the first bend.
“Hmm. If you where going to put lighting in a tunnel you were actually
going to use, you’d put it all the way, right?”, Mousse said, mostly to
himself. “I think this is the wrong way.”
“Maybe there’s a secret door”, Mock Duck suggested. “And I doubt the
demon keeps to the light. It might even be the kind that avoids it.”
“Right.”
After a few minutes futile search, they continued down the tunnel.

“Mock Duck, don’t you think this looks a little too regular for a natural
cave.”
“Huh?”
“I’m no expert at caves, but I thought natural caves change size and fork
and stuff, instead of just being an almost straight ten by ten corridor.”
“It is, or was, connected to a temple and someone has worked on it since
then. Even if Master Loo left the demon in a cavern there’s no reason for
the rest of this place to be more of a dungeon… Heh! I bet there’s some
pointless monsters that attack on sight in the first room we come too.
Maybe if you talk a little louder we’ll attract some of the wandering
monsters.”
“Hush! There’s a light up ahead.”

*    *    *    *    *    *

“I think this is the wrong way”, Shampoo said. “If whoever put the lights
in the tunnels didn’t think it was necessary to put lights here…”
“Maybe the lights aren’t meant to light the way, but to frighten the
demon or something”, Intriguer said. “Master Loo said that before you
couldn’t use the stairs and the demon was too weak to get out.”
“So they repaired the stairs to help it get out and put in the lighting so it
wouldn’t escape at the wrong time…”
“So to find the demon we have to get further in, eh? Great.”
“Don’t tell me you’re afraid of the dark.”

They continued in silence for a few minutes.
“Stop! I think I heard something”, Shampoo whispered.
There was no reply from Intriguer.
There was no Intriguer to reply.
“Great”, Shampoo muttered under her breath, preparing for something or
someone to show up to attack.

*    *    *    *    *    *

The lights were clearly from a room rather than somebody else carrying
a light around. Mousse and Mock Duck switched off their own lights and
silently crept towards it.

The tunnel opened up into a larger room, obviously occupied, judging by
the sleeping-bags and backpacks scattered about it. The two most
obvious occupants seemed totally oblivious to them – one was still in its
sleepingbag and the other, in what looked like a bathrobe, was shielded
from the rest of the world by headphones and a book.

“OK, Mock Duck. You take the…” Mousse was interrupted by Mock
Duck giving him a hearty shove.
The person in the sleeping-bag turned out to be a girl, who
understandably, was rather upset by having a strange man throwing
himself on top of her.

“He’s all yours, girls!”, Mock Duck shouted and ran off. Not back the
way they had come, but through a tunnel on the other side of the room.

“You must be that Amazon guy”, the girl in the bathrobe said, while
Mousse tried to extricate himself from the sleeping-bag and its occupant
(whose comments were fortunately unintelligible, even if the general
meaning was clear). She stood up, stretched, yawned and let the bathrobe
slide off. She had very long black hair and wasn’t wearing much under
the robe. It was leopard-patterned (managing to fit in a full three spots)
and in a style more likely to draw attention to what it was supposed to be
covering than anything else.
“I’m Liquorice of the Musk dynasty. I get to keep you after I’ve beaten
you, right?”
She attacked before he had a chance to answer.

Mousse barely dodged Liquorice’s first attack, more through luck than
skill. She was fast, maybe as fast as Mint. And her friend would join
them any second now. He had to think of a way to distract or incapacitate
them quickly. They probably weren’t as easily distracted as Mint and
Lime. Probably not by the same things either. Liquorice would have
caused a mental meltdown if they had seen her. Flasheggbombs? Then
maybe tie them up or knock them out, if necessary.

Liquorice swatted the eggbomb out of his hand almost as soon as it
appeared – it landed safely on her companion’s sleeping bag – and that
this almost left her open to the baton in his other hand was no comfort.
“Oh, yeah, the hidden weapons thing”, Liquorice said, taking a step back
to get out of his immediate reach. “The quickest of hands deceives the
eyes and all that…"

“Then again, that’s not _your_ hands. I can see _them_ just fine”, she
continued, closing the distance again and snatching a weighted chain out
of his hand.
Which left her open to a snap kick to the thigh.
Liquorice withdrew a few steps again. “Oh, right. The basics. Distract at
one end, attack at the other.”
She gave a demonstrative jiggle to emphasize and seemed disappointed
that Mousse ignored it in favour of inching his way towards the tunnel
Mock Duck disappeared into.

“Oh no, you don’t!” Liquorice quickly put herself between Mousse and
the tunnel, but keeping her distance. “And no funny stuff either. I’m
keeping my eyes on all of you now...”
Mousse feinted with a few darts well to the right of Liquorice, then
slipped to her right and made a break for it. He was almost at the opening
of the tunnel when she grabbed him by the collar.

She had presumably intended to yank him back into the room, but what
happened was that his robe tore. His weapons scattered all over the room
as part of the robe remained in Liquorice’s grasp.
 “You’re supposed to defeat him first!”, the other girl shouted from her
sleeping bag. She did not seem eager to leave its comfort and join them.
Still, her interjection distracted Liquorice, giving Mousse a chance to
recover. He ripped off the remains of the robe while taking a quick stock
of what had remained in it and what of it he could take with him without
it. When Liquorice pounced again she was met with a flasheggbomb,
followed by the sound of a rapidly departing Mousse following in Mock
Duck’s tracks.

“This is all your fault, Vanilla. If you hadn’t distracted me I would have
beaten him…You’re just jealous because I got to fight him first.”
“He threw himself at _me_, not you.”
“And you didn’t even try to fight him.”
“I… I’m not an exhibitionist like you.”
“So why do you sleep wearing nothing but a sleeping bag?”
The sound of the escalating argument followed Mousse through the
tunnels.

*    *    *    *    *    *

The expected attack failed to materialize and after a few tense moment,
and no signs of what had happened to Intrigeur (or of it happening to
her), Shampoo continued down the tunnel. Then the sound of running
steps approached from the darkness up ahead. Moments later Mock Duck
appeared in the ray of her flashlight and, despite its light, nearly ran into
her.

“Where did you come from? Weren’t you with Mousse? What’s…?”
“Mousse was right behind me when I last saw him, but we ran into
company and he might be tied up. Weren’t you with Intrigeur? Seen
anybody else?”
“No, and Intrigeur disappeared from right behind me a bit back...”
Shampoo wasn’t sure she could do much more to find or help Intrigeur
right now, but Mousse was another matter. “So, this tunnel joins the one
you and Mousse went into? How far back did you leave him?”
Mock Duck smiled.

“Far enough that he couldn’t help you even if he made it past the Musk
girls.”
“What?”

Mock Duck emphasised his point with two fingers clearly aimed at a
pressure point somewhere on Shampoo’s head, which was no longer
where it had been when he began the attack. Shampoo retaliated by
hitting him in the mouth with her flashlight and followed it up with a
couple of kicks. Her flashlight broke and everything went dark, but she
could sense Mock Duck staggering back from the kicks, even if none of
them really hit him.

Mock Duck cursed loudly and Shampoo threw some more kicks in the
general direction of the sound. A few of them connected, but not solidly.
Then Mock Duck grabbed the ankle of the kicking leg.
“Got you now!” She could almost hear his grin.
“Don’t worry”, he continued. “I won’t hurt you too much…”
He started to twist her ankle. Shampoo interrupted him with a kick with
her other leg and rolled away from him.
“You’re only wasting time. I weigh more than twice as much as you,
there’s no chance a girl like you can defeat a man like me.”

He followed up his statement by lunging for Shampoo. He missed her by
several feet. Shampoo, again going by sound and general direction, did
not and this time got in a good hit. Mock Duck cursed again, but then
took a deep breath and apparently found his composure.
“You hit like a girl.”
“Of course I do, and you don’t hit at all.” Shampoo’s ankle hurt more
than it should from how little he had twisted, but there was no need to tell
him that.
“Can’t argue with that. I just lock and press and twist and crush, and
you’re already down to one leg.” He was closer now, almost close
enough that she could feel his breath.
“I’m down to one _foot_. I still have knees.” Shampoo wasn’t sure what
part of Mock Duck her knee struck, but it was satisfyingly soft, she could
feel him bend over and the curses were, if not higher-pitched so at least
wheezing. To emphasize her point and capitalize on the situation, she
found his head and, holding him in place, threw several more knees at
him – with the additional bonus of keeping weight off her ankle. Mock
Duck made a gurgling sound and went limp. She let him drop.
“No chance a girl like you can defeat a man like me, huh?”

Her foot hurt, _a lot_, and there was no light, but if Mock Duck had told
the truth there should be light – and Mousse – further ahead. And since
Mock Duck clearly could not see in the dark and had been running, there
shouldn’t be any obstacles. Somebody applauded behind her.
“Oh my. How vicious. Can’t say I blame you, though”, a woman said.
“And I’m impressed you’re still able to stand on that foot.”

Another figure, bringing a light, joined the woman, giving Shampoo a
better look at her. She was looked like she was about Mrs. Saotome’s
age, had a hairstyle strongly resembling a bat’s wings and wore a dark-
coloured Tang dynasty noblewoman’s dress decorated with what looked
like bats. There was something familiar about her face, but Shampoo
couldn’t place it. The other figure was the unknown young man from
Loo’s house, now dressed in some old-fashioned European uniform. In
addition to a light, which he handed to the woman, he’d brought a
bucket…

“Now, Shampoo of Joketsuzoku, I’ve heard a lot about you”, the woman
said. “You might even be a challenge, so we’re not going to take any
chances…Van Slang.”
Shampoo had suspected this as soon as she saw the bucket, but somehow
getting its contents thrown at her – remarkably accurate for the distance –
came as a surprise. Then the young man was looming over her and
picked her up.
 “What do we do with her now, Ginger?”, Van Slang asked, holding up
Shampoo-cat to study her closer.
“Oh, you defeated her. I believe she’s yours according to Amazon law.”
“Really? Cool!” His face was just a few inches from Shampoo’s. His
eyes were disturbingly snake-like.
“Hot water will turn her back to human.”

Shampoo had heard enough and lashed out at Van Slang’s face with her
claws. He screamed in pain and dropped her. A stream of invectives
from Ginger followed Shampoo as she bolted through the tunnels.
Most of them were directed towards Van Slang.

*    *    *    *    *    *

It seemed the girls weren’t to keen on following him. Or maybe they
were very good at being stealthy. Anyway, he might just as well turn
his flashlight back on. No point in knocking himself out by running into
the walls.

The tunnels looked more like tunnels in a natural cave should now.
Crazy girls behind him, _maybe_ a demon in front of him. Easy choice.
With any luck, the tunnels turned back and connected with one of the
other at the entrance.

Then he heard voices up ahead. The tunnel widened as the sound grew
and the light from his flashlight grew dimmer. Soon, it disappeared
completely leaving Mousse in complete darkness surrounded by
disembodied voices.

“Make deal?”, the voices tittered. “Give you things, fulfil dream. Girl?
Many girls? One particular girl? How about that Uuu-kyo? Shampoo-cat-
girl! Better eyes? See beautiful daughter’s face clearly? Parentage? Tell
you who father is? Where mother went? No longer be son of nameless
wanderer and never-noticed girl? Tell where parents live now? Who they
married? Be number one son, elder brother, not worthless-abandoned-
nobody! Your wish, our command! For price!”

He tried to ignore the voices. There _had_ to be another way out.
Something brushed against his legs…

*    *    *    *    *    *

Her cat-form was only marginally better at handling the complete
darkness of the tunnels, and her injured foot didn’t help. At least it was
easier to hide as a cat. She had to find Mousse before her opponents
decided to start looking for her more seriously. Hopefully he hadn’t lost
his hot water. Maybe there was a reason for them not following her. The
demon or that hall of small gods Loo had talked about, maybe? Then
again, Mock Duck had come from this direction.

Then she heard the voices. First as an indistinguishable murmur but
growing and becoming more intelligible as she continued on. It felt as
if there was somebody else nearby, in addition to the insubstantial
whisperers that giggled in the darkness around her.

“Make deal? Make dream true? Get dreamed-of boy? Get all the boys!
Make all dreamed-of boys one boy! Lift curse? No more scare rightful
husband! Look better? No more bouncy-cute-silly little girl, but elegant-
sexy woman like in magazine! Fame? Power? Better fighter? Best fighter
in world! Give Heaven’s mandate! Become Empress of China! Mother of
dynasty! Not just China! World! Universe! Your for asking! For price!”

Then she brushed against somebody’s leg. There _was_ someone else in
there…and that surprised yelp he let out sounded very familiar…Mousse!
After a few moments she found him again and started pawing at his leg,
while meowing to show that she wasn’t the demon. Eventually, he picked
her up. Soon, the voices shrank back to a low murmur and the flashlight
started to work again.

*    *    *    *    *    *

“Shampoo? What happened?”
“Meow!”
“OK, OK. You want the hot water, right?”
“Meow!”
“Damn! I must have lost the bottle when the Musk girl tore my clothes
off.”
“Meow! Meow meow. Meow?”
“Well, yes, but I don’t have any water to heat and I don’t think we have
time to go and get some.”
“Meow! Meow meow meow! MEOW!” SCRATCH! SCRATCH!
“Stop it! It’s not as if I wanted her to! Stop it! I think she was
misinformed about the beaten by outsider-rule.”
“Hmpf. Meow.”

Suddenly, two lights appeared from a corner.
“Splendid, Shampoo of Joketsuzoku”, Ginger said. “You’ve lead us
straight to your boyfriend.”
“MEOW!”
“But…but you said she was _mine_!”, Van Slang whined.
“Obviously the girls and Mock Duck didn’t do their jobs properly. Just
kill him and everything’ll be alright.”
“ALRIGHT!”
Van Slang charged.

Mousse met him with a kick to the stomach. Van Slang doubled up and
just laid there whimpering.
“Sigh. Pathetic. City kids, you bust your ass to find the right balance
between mind control potions and keeping them able to fight and they
collapse after a simple kick”, Ginger said. “I guess I’ll have to do this
myself.”
She pulled two metal fans from her sleeves and attacked.

“Tell me something, boy”, she said as she dodged Mousse’s counter-
attack. “Is that marriage rule still in use?”
“Uh…”, Mousse answered, as he dodged in turn. “I _think_ that rule
only covers outsider _males_ beating Amazon women…”
“Hah! Shows what you know!” She blocked his claws with her fans.
“…but I’m sure Cologne will make one up”, Mousse continued, as he
slashed at her again. “If you ask her nicely.”
“Cologne?! Is that old witch still alive?” She side-stepped him and
elbowed him in the back of his head. “I’d hoped she died years ago.”
Mousse rolled out of the way of a stamp kick and retaliated with a sweep.
Ginger dodged, but it gave Mousse the time to get back up. Which he did
in time to get a kick to the stomach. There would have been more kicks
but, as Ginger found out, it’s hard to kick, or to be more exact, to keep
your balance, while you have an angry cat attached to the leg you’re
standing on by claws and teeth. While she was distracted Mousse
recovered and knocked her out.

*    *    *    *    *    *

They eventually made their way back to the entrance.
“Which way this time?”
“Meow!”
“You’re right. It definitely looks as if Loo is behind all this. I wonder if
all of his sort of students are too…”
“Meow.”

That looked like it was the right tunnel, well, at least the lights continued
after the first bend. After a while it opened into a natural cave, containing
a very unexpected object…

“A hot spring! Here?! Somebody obviously like you, Shampoo.”
“Or maybe not”, a voice said.
“Talking to yourself, Amazon?”, another voice added.
Two men entered from a tunnel at the far end of the cave. They looked
almost identical – maybe one was a little taller, or maybe the other was a
little wider. They wore identical brown jumpsuits and overcoats, and had
identical antennae hair..
“It’s about time we got something to do, isn’t it, Elder Brother?”, one
said.
“I still think we should just have poisoned the hot spring, Younger
Brother”, the other answered. “And let nature take its course.”
They attacked, moving as one.

As Mousse counterattacked there was a barely audible ‘plop’ and the
men stopped in their tracks. And just stared. At the nude girl in the
hot spring. A few moments later they were both unconscious and
Shampoo was in the process of borrowing their clothes.

“Are you OK, Shampoo?”
“I’m fine, I just hurt my foot a little while fighting Mock Duck. Now
what was that about a Musk girl tearing your clothes off?”
“Later, OK? Now, which tunnel…”
“Why not _now_?”
“It’s no big thing, OK? It can wait.”
“If it’s not a big thing you can just tell me now so we can get on with
what we’re supposed to do…My guess would be that the tunnel these
clowns were guarding is the right one.”

*    *    *    *    *    *

Several minutes and attempts at convincing Shampoo of the
unspectacular truth later, they could hear voices ahead of them. As they
crept forward the tunnel once again widened into another, larger, cavern,
obviously some kind of temple. At the centre of the cavern, a plain metal
mask was hanging in the air.

Loo was pacing back and forth in front of it. Schemer and Intrigeur were
lying tied up, and probably unconscious near the entrance of another
tunnel. Ginger and the Musk girls (now fully dressed – Liquorice in a
slightly larger piece of leopard-spotted fabric and Vanilla in a more Tang
dynasty dress patterned with foxes) were standing to one side quietly
discussing something (most likely still their, Liquorice’s, fight with
Mousse). Van Slang was lounging near yet another tunnel entrance.

“How did they get here?”, Mousse whispered.
“You see all the other tunnels, don’t you? ”, Shampoo whispered
back. “They’ve been here longer than we have, so they must know some
shortcuts. What do we do now?”
“Maybe we should wait for Peace and Obvious Alias? Unless they too
are involved in this, like Mock Duck.”
“Schemer and Intrigeur clearly aren’t, and Mock Duck sounded like he
expected the others to help me if they were within ear-shot…Here’s what
we’ll do: Nobody’s watching them so I’ll go back and try to find the
tunnel they’re lying by. I’ll free them and then we’ll either sneak back
here or attack depending on what’s going on. And if Loo tries to do any
funny stuff, you stop him. You still have some weapons left right?”
“More than enough…Be careful, Shampoo.”

*    *    *    *    *    *

“Where are the others?”, Loo muttered. “They should have been here by
now.”
“Mock Duck is out of action”, Ginger said. “He’ll live and should
recover just fine, probably won’t mind proper medical attention. He did
try demanding some care from the girls, which didn’t help his condition.
The rest are still out looking for the Amazons and the rest of your so-
called students, I guess.”
“It’s not like you actually need them for whatever you’re going to do,
is it?”, Van Slang added.
“No, but it will be much easier if I know where they are.”

*    *    *    *    *    *

Mousse watched quietly and tried to make sense of what was going on.
That floating mask was obviously what all this was about…and Loo
was planning to do something with it, probably nothing good. Then he
heard steps behind him.
“That was fast, Sham…”
It wasn’t Shampoo, it was a huge man in torn and dirty clothes, carrying
Peaceful Ocean and Obvious Alias over his shoulders. He looked as
surprised as Mousse.

Then _somebody_ sent Mousse flying into the temple. And into
Vanilla again.
“Ah. Mousse. How nice of you to join us”, Loo said as his henchmen
and –women surrounded Mousse. “Girls, tie him up…sigh…no…just tie
him up…Ginger, please?”
A few invectives and threats of violence later, Vanilla and Liquorice
had Mousse nicely if inexpertly tied up.
“And Udenashi?”, Loo continued. “Good work, but could you turn
visible now? You’re making the girls nervous. Mo Guei?…Just put
them with the other two.”
Somebody muttered a barely audible “Yes” and an armless ninja
materialised as the huge man lumbered over to Schemer and Intriguer to
dump his prisoners.

“Well, now that we’re all here, Master Loo, maybe you could explain
what’s going on?”, Mousse said. “Please?”
“Do you really expect me to explain everything like a cheap comic-book
villain?”, Loo said, grinning at him.
“It would be very nice of you. This far, everybody has said ‘go there’,
‘I’m sure _he_ will explain’ and so on. I would really, _really_ like to
know what’s actually going on.”
“Actually, I’ve been wondering too…”, Liquorice added.
“Of course you do”, Loo interrupted angrily. “You want me to reveal
everything so Shampoo can hear it and pass it on to Cologne and Soap
and Towel and Perfume and everybody who laughed at me and didn’t
have a damn lunatic for a brother who got all the attention and they’ll
tell the Inaccurately Depicted Interpol and they’ll drag me away
and…and…and…NEVER AGAIN!”
He grabbed the floating mask and put it on his face.

This kind of transformation sequence works much better in a visual
medium and with a much younger, and, usually, female, subject.

The end result was a, presumably younger and certainly taller, Loo with a
red metal mask covering his face and dressed in a costume that looked
like it belonged on stage in a Peking Opera. One that featured gods and
demons prominently. He literally glowed with power and floated a foot
or so above the ground.

“Aaah. _Much_ better”, he said in a completely different voice. “Now
where were we?”
“Uh…You were about to reveal your plans?”, Mousse tried.
“…No…no, that not it…there was something else I was going to do.”

Before they could start offering suggestions they were interrupted by a
boy in a leather flight helmet with sewn-on wings entering the cavern.
“Hehehehe, I got him! I got him!”
“Got who?”, Ginger asked.
“The Amazon guy! See, I’ve got his head!”, he said, holding up a
volleyball with a face drawn on it. A face with X:s for eyes and a
sticking-out tongue.
“No, Gu Rem Lin, that’s a volleyball”, Udenashi said, stepping away
from him. “And the one who pulls those kind of tricks is Intrigeur”
“Who is lying tied up over there.”, Van Slang added, doing likewise
while indicating the direction of the prisoners. “Just like the Amazon
guy.”
“Heheheheh…uhm, oops?”, the newcomer said nervously as Loo
turned towards him.
“Count yourself lucky, little man, that your incompetence has not
interfered with my plan. You get to demonstrate a small measure of my
power and probably get to live.”
Before Gu Rem Lin could do anything, a beam shot from the mask’s
eyes, folding him into an eggshaped cocoonish thing that looked not
entirely unlike it was wearing a leather flight helmet with sewn-on wings.
Loo imperiously turned his (non beam-shooting) gaze on his remaining
henchpeople.
“Now, let us proceed…wait, we are missing someone…where is the
Amazon girl?”
“I’ll go and look for her”, Ginger said. “She can’t be far.”
Mo Guei looked from Gu Rem Lin’s cocoon to Loo and back to the
cocoon. “What happened to ‘probably get to live’?”
“He _is_ still alive, and unless I decide to do more the sphere will release
him eventually, unfortunately unchanged.”

*    *    *    *    *    *

Shampoo came back into the cavern – through another tunnel than she
had hoped – just as this happened. As first thing she saw on re-entering
was Loo turning the boy with the winged hat into some kind of cocoon or
egg and Ginger heading straight for the tunnel she was standing in,
Shampoo decided to retreat. She turned into one of the smaller natural
caves branching out from the tunnel, managed to find a suitably large
crevice hidden behind some rocks and curled up to think. At least the
lack of lights down here would be in _her_ favour now…

OK. She was still alone in a place that the bad guys knew much better
than she did. They were now lead by what probably counted as a demon
and definitively was out of her league. What to do? What _could_ she
do? What would Ranma have done? Not run away in the first place. OK,
what would somebody sensible, who planned ahead do? Her thoughts
were broken by a sound near the entrance.
 
From behind the rocks she could hear Ginger, stopping from time to time
to give a series of quick, short, clicking yells.
“You can come out now, Shampoo of Joketsuzoku, I know you’re there.”
Shampoo tried vainly to keep her breath and heartbeats under control.
“Listen, the old man’s gone nuts. You saw what he did to Gu Rem Lin.
Let’s call a truce. We’ll never get off this island if we don’t cooperate.
Loo’ll kill us unless we work together…You can come out now, young
lady. I know you’re behind those rocks.”
No point in hiding anymore. Shampoo warily left her hiding place,
prepared to attack the older woman if she tried anything.
“Why should I trust you?”
“I didn’t say you should. I asked for a truce. As much as that kid deserves
pretty much anything that happens to him, that’s not the way a sane
person treats his allies, especially not the Monster Society. And I’d rather
not have to explain to the Musk royals that the next generation will have
to be postponed…”
“What makes you think you’ll survive to tell them?”
“I don’t think being dead will help me getting out of giving a report. But
I’d rather give it alive. And once he’s finished here, he’ll go after all the
other Amazons.”
“Then possibly the Musk. And the royals _really_ wouldn’t want that,
would they?”
“True. You’re smarter than they say. Truce?”
“…OK. For now. First take me to the tunnel where you put Schemer and
the others.”
“Fine. This way.”

*    *    *    *    *    *

As they reached the pile of prisoners (none of them really unconscious,
just tied up and carefully stacked – Mo Guei took pride in his work), it
became clear that Loo was in the middle of a rant about power, revenge
and the world conspiracy against him. And had been since Ginger left, as
the still conscious henchpeople had a definitively numb and inattentive
aura to them. However, just as they were freeing and reviving the last
prisoner (Obvious Alias), Loo turned towards them…

“Yes. Now everybody’s here. Excellent. Let’s proceed.”
The mask seemed to smile as the eyes started to glow again. This time
the beam missed as Liquorice pulled Vanilla away, but it was followed
by second one that folded away Udenashi before the ninja had time to
realise that it was now open season.

Mo Guei, moving with a speed belying his bulk, not only dodged the next
beam but then got close enough to slam Loo into the ground.
Peaceful Ocean followed him with, of all things, a flying headbutt.
Then the rest of his sort of students and until recently henchmen (with the
exception of Ginger) dogpiled on Loo. He swatted them away.
“ENOUGH!”
He floated back up into the air, while his glow increased.

“This doesn’t look good”, Mousse noted.
“I think his powering up for something”, Ginger said. “Now would be a
good time to start running away.”

*    *    *    *    *    *

Just as they climbed out into the temple ruin, the ground started to shake
and it seemed as if a not inconsiderable part of the island exploded. Loo
floated up from the crater, Gu Rem Lin and Udenashi’s cocoons trailing
him.

He started by taking revenge on Mo Guei and Peaceful Ocean, and a few
quick strafing rounds took out the Musk and the rest of his former sort of
students.

Loo hovered in the air before Mousse and Shampoo, looking like he was
trying to compose a suitable speech – presumably about why he’d left
them for last and how they’d be only the first of all the Joketsuzoku to
fall before his might and revenge.
“Shampoo, do you have any last words or confessions?”, Mousse said,
only half-joking, keeping his eyes on the floating Loo.
“No. Why? Do you think I should?”
“There’s only us left, it would be too much to expect Ryoga to show
up… I said it would be too much to expect Ryoga to show up! And to be
honest, it seems like the best fighting any of us have done the past few
days is when you have been a cat.”
Shampoo turned to Mousse, suddenly realising something.
“That gives me an idea. One that goes with a hunch. Do you have an
ropes or chains left on you?”
“I was tied up not five minutes ago...”
“Ah, never mind. Time’s up!”, Loo said, as if on cue.

“What ex…” DODGE “exactly” DODGE “is the plan?”
“Look, Loo” DODGE “is an Amazon too,” DODGE “and not” DODGE
“a very good one.” DODGE “So…”
“Oh, I see.” DODGE
“Basically, you” DODGE “throw me at him” DODGE “and when
DODGE “he’s distracted you” DODGE “Meow!”
Shampoo’s dodge carried her out into the water. Mousse dove after her as
she furiously paddled further out, and found himself thinking how
turning into a somewhat flight-capable waterfowl would have been
actually useful right now.
He found and picked up Shampoo-cat, and stood up, waist deep in the
surf. Loo floated over to them, lazily and almost mockingly, stopped to
hover just out of reach and a few feet over the water’s surface.
“Meow!”
Before Mousse could throw her, Loo darted forward, snatched Shampoo-
cat from his hand and returned to several feet above Mouuse and even
more above the water..
“Oh, I see. Cologne told you, didn’t she?”, Loo said, holding up
Shampoo-cat by the scruff of her neck and staring into her face. “She said
I must have tripped or slipped, but I knew.”
Shampoo struggled and shifted around, trying to reach and grab Loo’s
wrist, or, failing that, claw at his face. Loo, distracted by Shampoo and
by his own imminent triumph, failed to notice that Mousse, despite being
unrobed earlier, was not without ranged weapons. There was a yelp
unbecoming of a man of his age as the rope that had tied up Mousse
earlier whipped around a leg and yanked Loo down to, in, the water.
Followed by a lot of thrashing about, bubbles and foam.

Shampoo-cat strolled out of the water looking very pleased with herself,
as if everything had gone exactly as planned, carrying unconscious Loo-
treeshrew by the tail. Mousse followed, gingerly holding the metal mask.
“I guess now we just have to wait and see if he was telling the truth about
the cocoon-things”, Mousse said. “And I’ll go and see if there’s a kettle
and some better spare clothes in the boat, OK?”

*    *    *    *    *    *

“I think the part were we left our stuff survived”, Vanilla said breaking
the silence. “Let’s go back and get them before we leave.”
“Do you really think the tunnels are safe?”, Liquorice asked. “What if
they collapse?”
“We have to go get Mock Duck anyway”, Ginger said.
“WHY?!”, Shampoo, Vanilla and Liquorice screamed.
“We can’t just leave him here.”
“Why not?”
“Because _I_ said so.” Ginger glared at the girls. “And because if you do,
he’ll just show up for revenge at some inopportune moment.”
“And those two guys in brown…”, Mousse asked.
“The Cockroach Brothers? They’re called that for a reason. Very hard to
kill. Besides I don’t think that area is safe to enter, if it’s even still there.”

“I think the big question is ‘_how_ do we leave?’”, Mousse said. “The
boat’s out. I think debris from Loo’s exit dropped on it.”
 “How did _you_ get here?”, Shampoo asked Ginger.
“Same boat as you. Loo was the one organising this, you know.”
“So, what was all this about?”, Peaceful Ocean asked.
“No idea. Revenge, I suppose. Loo contacted us with a plan for taking
revenge at the Amazons and the princess jumped at the idea and sent
the girls, her father sent me as their chaperone. Nobody explained much
to me either. And the girls know even less.”
“So we’re stuck here”, Shampoo muttered.
“Oh no”, Obvious Alias replied. “We’re on a tiny island in international
waters and there have been martial arts-adjacent shenanigans. Incorrectly
Depicted Interpol should show up any second now.”
“We’re already here!”, Schemer announced, striking a pose.
“’Though hitherto concealed!”, Intrigeur added, mirroring her.
“I’m not sure how that gets us off the island”, Mousse said.
“Uhm… an island blowing up like this is bound to get noticed”, Schemer
explained. “And we’ve had both helicopters and boats on stand-by since
yesterday. They should be here any minute.”

*    *    *    *    *    *

Several hours later, Mousse and Shampoo were once again at Changi
airport…

“Are they gone yet?”, Mousse whispered, hiding under a pile of luggage.
“Don’t you want to say good-bye to your fans? I thought you didn’t mind
the Saotome charm rubbing off on you?”
“Rubbing off, no. Transferring whole, yes. Also, I could do without a…
well, you, let alone two. Now, if they were more like, say, Ukyo or
Akar…” WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!

THE END

NOTES
If Wikipedia is to be trusted, the kanji for kuso (excrement) spent over a
month on a list of potential additions to the one of kanji allowed for use
in personal names in 2004, apparently with the arguments that it was
frequently used and easy to read and write…

This was originally written for a fanfic contest, presumably at what I
think was called the Mousse and Shampoo fanfiction archive (it’s been
gone for a long time – going by the date on the fic that turned out to be
unfinished it could have been as early as 2003 – which could also be the
reason it was unfinished).


-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: <http://www.chez-vrolet.net/pipermail/ffml/attachments/20210425/7bccf2b3/attachment.html>