[FFML] [Fanfic][Marvel][Draft 1] Siblings, Spiders and Squirrels! Oh My! Chapter 7 - Mystery Man

[O David Morgan]

Sweet, have been catching Castle occasionally in the break room at 
work and it reminds me of this 'fic :D

I mostly forget where we left off, but whatever, lets see what we've 
got...  ;)

Ragman Jack wrote:
 > M3 alumni include several city officials, the state treasurer and
 > the AtlanticAtlantic City City Manager."

I'm assuming the doubled "Atlantic City" is a typo.


 > Next to Tony, Bruce leaned down. "Is it my imagination, or did
 > Coulson just take on a student?"
 >
 > "Imagination," Tony said, perhaps a little too quickly.

That could be interesting :)


 > Xavier's handshake was firm, skin slightly on the cool side. "Thank
 > you for your time, Ms Potts," Xavier said. "This is Oro Munro, the
 > Institute's legal counsel."

Actually didn't catch this the first time, but that should Ororo, 
right? Typo, I assume?

 > "Of course," Xavier replied. "As your husband is part of the
 > Avengers., I assume  that you've reviewed the reportedly extensive

Punctuation typo there, if you care about such things. (also a doubled 
space a few words after, which wouldn't be worth mentioning by itself)

 > The smile returned with such ease that
> Coulson wondered which expression was genuine or if either of them
> were.

OK, now that's something I don't hear often, but makes a lot of sense. 
Thanks :)


 > In the waiting room, she saw Chris setting some papers on the
 > secretary's desk and grabbed his arm. "Chris!" She pointed at her
 > office. "Show Xavier and Munro to the V.I.P. lounge and see to
 > their needs." She ran off.

Oh, right! That's which story this is! ^_^


 > "Pepper, this is Science. Science the science dog.

... "Science the science dog"?  OK, Tony, whatever you say  >_>
So long as he doesn't start reading or talking or anything we should 
be fine, right?

 > "When Maria married and moved across town, Science followed."

That sounds funnier than it should. I'm not sure why. ;)


 > "Stuff for Science." Stark grinned. "The dog," Chris clarified.
 >
 > "Dogs need stuff?"
 >
 > "Yes, Tony," snarked the boy from where he was filming the Squirrel
 > Girl and Science with his phone. "Dogs need stuff."

Ah, possible readability issue here that I missed on my first 
readthrough: "the boy" is meant to refer to your mention of "a boy and 
a girl" in the room, but I read it as Chris, not Peter. Not sure if 
there's a reasonable fix for that or not, since you were careful to 
qualify this boy. I also admit I was reading quickly the first time, 
and that's my fault.

On the other hand, not entirely certain why you named her (Squirrel 
Girl) in the sentence I quoted above, but hadn't mentioned her name 
previously. Is that just Chris figuring out who she is?

 > "I thought rich people stayed rich because they were cheap."
 >
 > "Lies. Lies told by people who are not me."
 >
 > "Incoming projectile," Jarvis warned.

Nice segue ;)

 > Another blast split the couch in two and the man leapt off his
 > disc. Seeing his chance, Chris sprang. "Run, Mr. Stark!" he yelled,
 > wrapping himself around the armored man's body. "I got him!"
 >
 > "Do you?" The armored man asked and then pried Chris off himself
 > and threw him at the window. An unbroken part of the window and
 > Chris covered his face with his arms. This was going to suck. It
 > was (more or less) according to plan, but it was going to suck.
 >
 > Tony stared at the second hole and then focused his furious glare
 > on the man. "I'm not going to kill you for that," he snarled. "Not
 > at first."

Oh! Ok. Interesting move, Chris, but OTOH it seems pretty 
in-character, too.

 > "Sir," Jarvis reported, "those blasts are composed of Beta Particle
 > energy."

Wait--is this Cardiac?? I totally don't remember any flying disc, but 
then I barely remember Cardiac at all (aside from the color scheme, 
the name, and a reference to beta energy) so I could easily be wrong.

 > "Any good news?" Tony muttered.
 >
 > "The Giants have scored two runs in the fourth inning against the
 > Red Sox and Stark Industries stock stands to close for the day with
 > three point gain." That was good news.

I love how Tony isn't taking this seriously ;)

 > "Silence!" the man bellowed and was then knocked aside by a red
 > blast of energy. Standing in the window was a man in black armor.
 > "What?"

Red blast? So, not the chest/medallion/darkforce beam then?

 > "My name? My name is CARDIAC!!"

Wow, I was right. I'm slightly impressed with myself now, haha.

 > "Hey, Blackbird Pie," Tony called out. "Do me a favor, find out how
 > he said his name in all caps like that."

Lol!


 > "I have been studying the TV Tropes website and episodes of Jeeves
 > and Wooster. I have found both to be highly instructive."

That is somewhat scary. Jarvis should continue to do this.


 > A bolt of lightning flashed between them. "Cease this now!"
 >
 > "Thor, buddy, you need to--" Iron Man stopped. Hovering just
 > outside the window was a woman in a silver costume, held aloft
 > through a massive tornado, her white hair whipping in the breeze.

I was expecting Thor as well. I approve.

 > "Hold, Villain!" Bellowed Thor's voice. "For Asgard!"
 >
 > "Thor, no!" Iron man called out.
 >
 > With a crack of thunder, Mjolnir hurtled in, striking the silver
 > woman in the back and throwing her forward into the room.

That could be bad. The XMen and Avengers fight all the time though, 
right? >_>

 > "That's the bad guy, Thor, Iron Man yelled, firing his repulser
 > beams. "On the disc!"

Think you mean are "repulsor", but my spellcheck doesn't like either one.

 > Iron Man raised his visor. "Nope. And also, the 'I saved the guy
 > from falling' line? Seriously, Igor? That's so Saturday Morning."
 >
 > Darkhawk stared at him. "Hell."
 >
 > Iron Man looked around the room. "Yeah, that about sums it up."

At least Tony was kind enough to let Chris in on his own secret identity.

Well, not sure where this is really going now, aside from adding more 
characters (and getting Chris into a more major role), but we've got a 
couple leads on Important Villains at least.

This chapter 7 now? I may have to go back and reread it when the next 
chapter comes out, there's a lot I know I'm forgetting.

-Strike & Co.
-- 
Rule # 1: There are always exceptions to the rules.