[FFML] [Ranma][Spamfic][Lime] Intercurse

[Gary Kleppe]

This is a teaser for an idea I had a while back but never did anything  
with. It's an intro for what would likely be a lemon or at least lime,  
though the teaser itself has no lemon content. I think the idea itself  
has never been done, but I could be wrong, so let me know if it has.

I'm not going to continue it, so if anyone else wants to, feel free.  
Just credit me for the idea and teaser. In any case, all feedback is  
welcomed.



                               INTERCURSE

                        Ranma 1/2 manga fanfiction
			     by Gary Kleppe

The characters of Ranma 1/2 are the creation of and rightful property
of Rumiko Takahashi. They are used here without permission. This story
may be freely redistributed, but it should not be altered substantially
nor used for profit in any way.


                                *********


"Two order seafood ramen." Shampoo placed the bowls onto the table.

"Thanks, Shampoo," Daisuke said. It was nearly the end of the lunch
shift; tables at the Cat Cafe were beginning to empty and the noise was
dying down to a low murmur.

"You welcome." She smiled. "I going on break now. You want anything
more, you talk to Mousse, okay?"

"Okay," Hiroshi said, and the two boys began to dig into their food.

"Shampoo, I need to talk with you for a moment," Cologne called from
the kitchen.

"I tell you, we should write a letter to the editor," Hiroshi said
between bites.

"Forget about it, man," Daisuke said. "It's just a stupid humor
column."

"Yeah, I know, but naming the two of us as 'Least likely to get laid'?
That's positively unfair."

"That's his schtick. He insults everybody. I mean, in the same column
he called Ranma 'Most likely to win a martial arts tournament' and
'least likely to spell "tournament" correctly.' About the only one in
our class he never insults is Akane, and that's for pretty obvious
reasons."

Hiroshi nodded. "Okay, but I still think it's unfair. I mean, there are
lots of guys in our class with less chance of getting laid than us."

"Dude, as long as we're in class with Ranma, *no one* has *any* chance.
Except Ranma. And that's only if he wants to. Which he doesn't."

Hiroshi chuckled.

"Okay, I'll bite," Daisuke said. "Who in our class has less chance?"

Hiroshi thought for a moment. "Gosunkugi."

Daisuke rolled his eyes. "Better be more than that. I mean, being named
'Least likely to get laid except for Gosunkugi' isn't too good either."

Hiroshi thought some more, then pointed to a table two rows down.

Daisuke boggled. "Are you nuts? Kuno?! He's got looks, he's got
money...."

"Maybe so, but he's such an obvious flake. I mean, chasing after
multiple women is one thing, but letting those women *know* that you're
doing it is a recipe for disaster. Women like to feel like you think
they're special, even if you don't really."

"Like you're the expert." Daisuke smirked.

"It's the Charlie Brown principle: We learn more from losing than we do
from winning. Which makes us the smartest people in the world."

"Good grief," Daisuke said.


                                *********


Shampoo met up with Cologne in the back room. "You want talk with me,
Great-Grandmother?"

"Yes, child. I have good news. I spoke with some of the Elders from
back home. The Council has voted to issue a pardon."

"Pardon me?"

Cologne nodded. "Right. They've pardoned you."

Shampoo shook her head. "No, I say 'Pardon me,' mean I no understand
what you saying."

"Oh." Cologne decided she'd better start from the beginning. "You
remember your failure to follow through and win Ranma's love after
giving him the kiss of marriage. Your punishment for that was the
training session at Jusenkyo, and consequently the curse that you
picked up there."

"Uh huh."

"This decision, based on some complicated analysis of circumstances
that I won't go into, excuses you from that punishment. I can now
legally help you get rid of your curse."

"Great!" Shampoo cheered. "Ranma no like cat body." Her eyes scanned
the room. "Great-grandmother bring back niangniquan water for me use?"

"No, child. It won't be that easy. Haven't you noticed how many times
Ranma's tried to cure himself that way, and how it's never worked?"

Shampoo nodded, listening intently.

"A curse is a stubborn thing. It's almost like a living being. Once
imposed, it doesn't *want* to be removed. If you try, something will
*always* go wrong. Fully eradicating a curse is a job for an expert
mystic, which I am most definitely not."

Shampoo sighed. "So what good this decision?"

"I'm coming to that. As I said, you can't safely just get rid of your
curse. What you *can* do is transfer it to someone else. Curses are
stubborn, but not all that finicky about *who* they affect. So, you
pick an unsuspecting dupe; he gets your curse, and you get off free."

"Oh yes! What I need to do?"

Cologne hesitated for a moment. She wasn't Shampoo's official guardian,
what with her father still in the picture; but after her
granddaughter's departure she had raised the girl like a daughter, and
felt responsible for keeping her on the right path. What she was about
to advise was something that responsible parents worked hard to *keep*
their teenage girls from doing.

On the other hand, the curse *was* an obstacle to her relationship with
Ranma, and as such it needed to be removed, and this was the only
feasible way of accomplishing that. An Amazon warrior did what was
necessary.

"It's actually quite simple. There's a feature of Jusenkyo curses of
which very few people are aware." Cologne swallowed. "They are
transferred from person to person during unprotected intercourse."

Shampoo stared back blankly. "Pardon me?"

"I'm talking about sex. If you have sex with someone, he'll end up with
your curse, and you'll be free of it."

Understanding dawned on Shampoo's face. Then her eyes narrowed
thoughtfully. It was obvious that she was considering the only question
that remained: who would be her dupe.


                                *********


Hiroshi and Daisuke stood at the register, a thousand-yen banknote in
the latter's hand. They watched as Shampoo came back into the room and
made a bee line straight to the table where Upperclassman Kuno sat. She
stood beside his chair, bent down to look him directly in the face, and
smiled. "You want go upstairs?"

"Eh?"

"You want go upstairs?" She winked at him. "With me?"

Kuno blinked several times. "No! You must not yield to temptation! It
is wrong!" He kicked his seat away from the table and stood up. "And
what of my love for Akane Tendo and the Pig-Tailed Girl?" He glanced
toward the back. "Are the stairs that way?"

Shampoo nodded and, taking his hand in hers, led him away.

Hiroshi sighed.

"Don't worry," Daisuke said. "There's still Gosunkugi."

Cologne leaned toward them and spoke in a low, almost conspiratorial
tone. "Take my word on this one, boys. There are some times when you
don't *want* to be the one to get the pussy."