[FFML] [FanFic][SM][NETTG] Terra in Tokyo Ch. 20 (of 27) "The Princess's Chide! Why did it have to be ArbyFish?!"

[Benjamin A. Oliver]

I wonder, is it a bad idea to kill off a story's title character with
seven chapters to go?

...

Anyway, onwards! ^_^

Disclaimer:
This story is based loosely on Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon by Naoko
Takeuchi. This is a non-profit fan work created as a tribute, and no
infringement is intended. All rights to the characters, settings, and
situations of Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon belong to Naoko Takeuchi,
Koudansha, TV Asahi, and Toei Douga, and DIC. ArbyFish belong to
Daniel Oliver and are used with permission.  Gotta have ArbyFish.
Wouldn't be proper if we didn't.*

*This chapter may contain too high of a dosage of ArbyFish under
ordinary circumstances.  May cause abdominal distention.  Do not take
in combination with the following: Guu, Mokona, Pikachu, Jar-Jar
Binks, or anything that speaks Swahili.  Doing so may amplify the
results.


Nuke 'Em 'Till They Glow!!
Terra in Tokyo
Final Mix

---Chapter 20:  The Princess's Chide!  Why did it have to be ArbyFish?!

	With the help of her friends, Princess Serenity escaped the clutches
of the Dark Kingdom.  During the scuffle, she created a barrier that
shut off access to that dimension, forever trapping Beryl and Metallia
inside.  It was fairly simple once she put her mind to it.

	That same week, Terra died of complications from her injuries, ending
any worries the Sailor Soldiers might have had about her ever
attempting to murder again.

	All was well, and peace had been restored to the city of Tokyo.  The
Princess was reunited with her Prince at last.  Completely in love,
they were married in a lavish ceremony with flowers, cake, and
hundreds in attendance.  Many of those who came were members of the
human race who had been reborn from an untimely death in the Silver
Millennium.

	As Serenity and Endymion kissed at the altar, a golden glow
surrounded them, and fireworks shot off into the crystal clear night
sky.  A grand gemmed tiara appeared on the Princess's brow, as well as
a crown on Endymion's head.  The man's tuxedo took on a regal,
lavender hue, and the woman's white gown grew ever more pure,
sprouting bows at her back shaped like gossamer wings.

	The two walked with arms locked back down the aisle toward the
entrance of the chapel.  All knelt in turn before them while they
passed.  Her friends, the Sailor Soldiers, each popped open a bottle
of Champaign when they reached the wooden doors, which swung open to
allow the light to pour in.  Outside, cherry blossoms fell and white
doves flapped away in a flurry.  A grand audience awaited them.

	Ushered forward amidst the calls for a speech, Serenity brushed aside
a lock of her bangs and began her oration.  "I'm very happy to be
here, with all of you, once more reunited."  She gazed at the glory
and awe with which all viewed her.  "I'm sorry that I was not able to
stop our enemies before, but the greatest of our foes are gone.  Beryl
has been sealed away, and Princess Terra is no more.  We spoke before
she passed away.  Her final words were, 'Forgive me, for all I've done
to you.'  The poor wretched thing.  But that is the past, and now we
must look forward to begin once again our great and glorious new
Millennium.  Under our leadership, you will never know such suffering
again."

	"All hail Neo-Queen Serenity," a voice intoned, "and King Endymion!
Long live the King and Queen!"

	All erupted into cheers, and bowed before their rulers.  Serenity and
Endymion looked into each others eyes with such love and admiration.
But then, the harmony struck a harsh discord.

	"BOO!" someone shouted.

	The crowd parted to reveal a ten-year-old blonde girl, who looked
vaguely reminiscent of the newly-crowned Queen.

	"BOOOOOOO!"

	Serenity felt perplexed.  "Why do you do this, little one?"

	"Because you had a really great friend!" the girl shouted in reply.
"And you totally dissed her off!"

	The Queen frowned.  "A friend?  Terra was a murderer and a genocidal maniac."

	"Your best friend lay there suffering!  And you kept on attacking
her!"  The girl looked around at the crowd and pointed at Serenity.
"Her best friend SAVED her from the Dark Kingdom, like, three times,
and she treated her like GARBAGE!"

	The girl now glared at the newlyweds.  "And that's what you are:  the
Queen of Refuse!"  She waved at those assembled around the church.
"So bow down to her if you like.  Go on, bow to her!  Bow to the Queen
of Slime!  The Queen of Filth!  The Queen of PUTRESCENCE!"

	Serenity trembled at the railing accusation.

	"BOO!" the girl repeated, and many people stood up, looking doubtful
at their supposed new leader.  "RUBBISH!  FILTH!!  SLIME!!!  MUCK!!!!
BOOO!  BOOO!!  BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

...

	Sailor Moon awoke, screaming at the top of her lungs.

	She sat up against the dank dungeon wall and thought hard about her
situation.  It had been many hours since she'd been captured.  As far
as she knew, Terra still lived and she hadn't been married, but every
minute trapped here had been an exquisite torture.  Something about
her cell seemed designed to drive her totally mad.

	The girl's magic seemed to have protected her fairly well, but she
had no way of knowing how much longer it would last.  The nightmares
were growing steadily worse, made all the more horrible by a terrible
guilt and grief she held inside.

	"Terra-chan," Usagi sobbed, "what have I done?!"

---

	"She has a very strong resistance to Metallia's energy," Bruce hissed
to Nephrite.  "It's unlikely we'll be able to turn her to our side,
but that's no reason we can't... play with her just a bit before we
break her completely."

	"Why are you wasting Metallia's energy on her, then?" Nephrite asked.
 "We have more pressing matters at hand than your entertainment."

	The White ArbyFish waved off the General's comment.  "Pain and
suffering is a key element we need to revive your precious little
goddess.  Count yourself fortunate that I managed to obtain such a
powerful specimen."  He grinned, showing his fangs.  "Also consider
yourself very fortunate that I didn't choose you for the same task."

	The last General looked at him in horror.  "You would have tortured
ME to fuel Metallia's revival?"

	"You have to ask?  Of course, it would have taken a few extra months,
but you would have done the job nicely.  As it stands, this could
possibly take a week or so."  Bruce licked his lips.  "In the
meantime, don't worry.  This exercise leaves me somewhat sated as
well.  Tsh-hssh-hssh-hssh!"

	Spooked by the creature's hissing laugh and frightening attitude,
Nephrite spun about and departed quickly.

	"Why did it have to be Arbyfish?  Why couldn't we have had demons
instead?" mourned the Second General.  "At least then, we'd know their
motives, and besides, they'd be easier to deal with and less
frightening."  He shuddered in terror of the evil thing behind him.
"Why did it have to be ArbyFish!?"

---

	"Whoie does it 'ave ta be ArbyFish indeed!" Arby said indignantly as
he hopped in a pacing manner across the blanket atop Terra's chest.
"Gotta 'ave ArbyFish!  Why, if we didn't 'ave ArbyFish maraudin'
across the landscapes, the very foundations a' proprioety'd be ripped
asunder.  No mould-cakes for breakfast, no fungus-roind soufflee, no
indubidabili'ee spread ta butta' the masses with."  He glared at the
girl.  "And no half-baked sales for twenty-two cents off the dollar.
There'd be riots, y'see.  Riotin' badgers and nut chucking squirrels!"

	"Good morning Arby," Terra whispered dully.  Her neck itched.  She
scratched it.  "How are you today?"

	"Quoite," Arby replied graciously, "and indubidable!"

	"That's nice to hear," the girl deadpanned.  "I'm dying again, by the
way.  That cursed mushroom mark spread and is eating my body.  Plus, I
got convicted of murder and genocide, then was nearly blown away by my
friends, and I think the battle destroyed my energy's ability to fight
off your infection.  Pretty fun, huh?"

	"Well a'course!  Gotta have complete and total mayhem going on in ya
loife.  If ya didn't, yew'd get awl complacent and full'a beans.
Beans, roice, and giblets for all, and to all a glorificous mushroom!"
 He held up a rather large mushroom.  "'Ere, this'll cure what ails
ya!"

	Terra looked at it.  "That's a poisonous wild mushroom."

	"No, no, no," Arby insisted, "it's a _Deadly_ poisonous woild
mushroom.  It'll clear that a'itude of yours roight up!"

	"I'm not eating it."

	"Oh please?"

	"You just want to toy around with me and watch my reaction.  Well,
you're going to have to find a new plaything, Arby."  Terra stretched
her shoulders to feel the ever-squelching fungusy gristle in her back
that had replaced part of her spine.  "And you know what?  Maybe I
don't want to survive after all.  Take your cure and peddle it to
someone who cares.  Bye, Arby.  May we never meet again."

	Terra flicked the ArbyFish away and pulled the blanket up over her face.

...

	Downstairs, Kasumi Incognita was serving tea to her two guests.

	"I'm so glad you could make it on such short notice, Meiou-sensei,"
Kasumi said gratefully to the formally-dressed woman at the table.
"Do you think you can help my daughter?"

	Meiou was a sort of tallish woman with rather tan skin and dark
calf-length hair tied with a bun at the back of her head.  She sipped
her tea in a classical, businesslike manner.  "I can... attempt to
make things right with her."

	"So you will help."

	"Whether I can help her or not is actually of little importance,"
Meiou explained.  "But if she has had such a profound effect on time,
I have little choice but to come and investigate.  Whether she lives
or dies depends greatly on her choices today."

	"I nearly broke the window trying to get her up," the Star Light
Knight grumbled.  He was the second visitor, but had refused anything
to drink on account of his robotic head being presently tucked under
his arm.  He worked furiously with a set of ratchet tools to
straighten something out on the main connector.  "It's like she's lost
hope and just wants to curl up and die."

	"Do you think your little ArbyFish friend will be able to motivate
her?" Kasumi wondered.

	S.L.K. chuckled in his synthesized voice.  "Ma'am, never
underestimate the power of an ArbyFish."

	There was a lot of bumping from up in Terra's room, like someone
being dragged across the floor, and then a lot of ripping noises and
finally a splash.  Terra's frustrated screams echoed throughout the
neighborhood.  Continued thumping indicated that she tried to get back
to her room after that.

	"Oh my!" Kasumi asked, placing a hand to her cheek.  "Will she get hurt?"

	S.L.K. shrugged.  "Arby'll get the job done."

	After a few minutes of going back and forth, Terra finally rolled
down the steps, bumping and hitting hard on every single stair.
Soaking wet and wrapped in a towel, she scooted against the wall,
wrapped her arms about her chest, and shuddered with wide eyes.  "The
horror.  The horror!"

	Meiou gave a polite golf-clap.  "Congratulations, Terra-san.  You've
finally gotten out of bed."

	Arby fluttered downstairs to perch on the girl's head.  He saluted.
"Awlroight, got the li'l spit outta' her nest for ya!"

	"Why can't you leave me alone?" cried Terra.  "Let me die in peace!"

	S.L.K. snapped his head back on and shook it.  "Whoa there, no can
do.  I've waited thousands of years to get you back, and now that I've
got you, I'm not letting you die.  Not 'till our business is done."

	"Why not?  It's my life, isn't it?  It's not yours, you big armored
jerk, that's for sure.  There should be a law or something."  She
looked up at the businesswoman.  "And who the heck are you?"

	"Terra," Kasumi said carefully, "this is Setsuna Meiou-sensei."

	"San, sensei, chan, kun, sama, chauma-chauma-BOOM," Terra moaned.
"Why do you Japanese people have to make things so complicated?"

	Setsuna looked at her impassively.  "Such an unmannered tongue for
one in such a dire position!  Please, call me Meiou-sensei."

	"I hate suffixes," muttered the girl.

	Meiou had at her side a rather pointy umbrella, and she gripped its
handle meaningfully.  "When speaking to me, I ask that you use proper
honorifics."

	"Nah, forget it.  I've never been good at them and I don't feel like
starting today."

	"You will.  I insist."

	"Bah, I got'cher proper honorifics RIGHT HERE, missus-baka-lady-ma'am--!"

	The businesswoman didn't hesitate to jab Terra sharply in the head
with her pointy parasol.

	"Ow!  Hey!"  Most of the strike was absorbed by Terra's hair, but it
still hurt.  She held her head at the impact point.

	"Please, be nice," Kasumi requested as she stood between them.
"Terra, she's come to help."

	Terra looked up at Setsuna.  "You're here to help?"

	"Perhaps I may assist you if I deem it proper," said the woman in a
manner that may as well said, "Pfft.  No!"

	Terra looked at her mother.  "Mom?  Her words are all pretty but I
just don't feel the love."

	"She is the most capable person I know," Kasumi assured her.

	"More likely, though," Meiou continued, "I am here to test if it is
true what your mother says about your ability to manipulate time."

	The nearly naked teen raised an eyebrow at her.  "Oh?  And if it is true?"

	"Then I may have to consign your body and soul to the depths of
dimensional chaos, forever to be torn asunder by its destructive waves
which will form your great and eternal torment."

	"You're going to make me watch a whole season of Small Wonder?"
deadpanned Terra.

	Setsuna didn't even blink.  Instead, she paused to sip her tea.  "You
joke, but I am serious.  No one can be allowed to have such power over
time.  It is my solemn obligation to prevent such tampering, and
remove such influences as I deem necessary."

	"You're protective of the timeline," Terra said, "I get that.  But if
you're going to give me a fate worse than death, I'd want to submit to
this test... why?"

	"Because you have lost all hope and wish to disappear forever."

	"Hey, I'm a little down right now, but I wouldn't go quite that far."

	"So says the little depression princess," muttered the Star Light Knight.

	"Meiou-sensei," said Kasumi, "I requested that you come to HELP, not threaten."

	"I know what I am doing," said Setsuna, "'Incognita-sama.'"  Terra
noticed that the way she said her mother's last name seemed
condescending--almost sarcastic.  "Permit me to remind you that it is
your poor 'parenting' decisions that brought us to this point."

	Kasumi paused, then nodded grudgingly.  "I... accept that,
Meiou-sensei.  Nevertheless, here we are."

	"Here we are."  Meiou did not break her gaze.  "And nothing will
change that.  Thanks to you."

	"Quit picking on Mom," Terra whined.  "She let me go out and make a
difference in the world."

	Meiou looked bitter, and her emotions seemed directed at the girl and
her mother.  "Such a difference indeed."

	Terra took Arby off of her head, and in response he perched on the
downside of her hand, despite her attempts to shake him off.  "And why
should I have to listen to anything you say?  It's Arby's fault I'm
getting eaten alive by fungus."

	Arby nodded, apparently quite pleased by his accomplishment.  "In-deed!"

	"Actually," Setsuna said, holding up a pamphlet, "according to this,
it was his intervention that kept you alive on several occasions."

	The Irish redhead raised an eyebrow.  "What?  Let me see that."  She
took the paper and skimmed through it.  "Regenerated my body at the
hospital, also during Bruce's attack...."

	"Soide effects," Arby explained.

	"Wait a second.  Arby, you wrote this!  It says so on the copyright
and publisher's notice."

	"Well a'course!  Oye did me research and experimented roight noice
and proper on ya."

	"You used me as a lab rat?!"

	"Oh, not a rat as such.  More loike a... cute li'l red-headed lab
badger.  Even made up a collar for ya!"  He held up a leather ring
with a tinkly charm hooked to it at one point.  The charm had the
initials 'GD' engraved on it.

	Terra brushed away the collar, put the pamphlet down and wondered if
she really wanted to go along with an idea that involved Arby in any
way, shape, or form.  "Can't I just die instead?  It'd be so much
easier on everyone."

	"Certainly not on ME," her mother affirmed.

	"Well, not on you, maybe, but on everyone else, yeah."

	"But Terra," Kasumi said, "yesterday you seemed so optimistic about
finding a cure."

	"I don't feel like fighting today.  I mean, look at me.  I'm soaking
wet and wrapped in a dripping towel, with some crazy robot guy that
wants me dead or tormented and a total stranger watching me, and I
don't even feel like going upstairs to get dressed.  I say, if fate
wants me to die, who am I to argue with fate?  I'm tired.  So very
tired...."

	Terra went limp on the floor, unconscious.

	Kasumi and S.L.K. tried to wake her, but she was unresponsive.  Her
pulse seemed to be fading away as well.

	"She's slipped into a coma," Setsuna noted.  "If you want her to
live, you had best revive her."

	"Oh my!"

	"Don't hurry on my account."  The edge of Setsuna's mouth curved
upward.  "Perhaps it was her fate?"

	"Arby," S.L.K. said, "keep her alive at least a while longer."

	"Roight!" Arby exclaimed, and pulled out a pair of flat mushrooms
hooked up by vines to a larger, glowing, humming mushroom.  "Moigraine
Headache!"

	He put the paddle-shrooms to Terra's head and, when the humming hit a
specific frequency, he let fly with the electricity.  Her body spasmed
wildly and she threw off the towel, bouncing off the nearby walls and
landing under the table.

	"GYAAAAAAAH!!!" Terra cried.  A vein filled with cursed
mushroom-flesh pulsed on her forehead.  "AAAARRRRBBYYYY!!!"

	"It's an Ova'powered Brain De-mushyalator," Arby explained after he
quickly swallowed the device whole.  "Normally used on Flatulent
Flourentine Flatloinin' Fibullator 'Shrooms."  Something beeped on his
left flipper.  He pulled aside a tuft of moldy fur to reveal a digital
watch shaped like a strapped mushroom.  "Oh, it's toime for Mrunch!"

	"Mrunch?" asked the Star Light Knight.

	"Not quoite mushrooms," Arby explained, "not quote Cap'n Crunch, but
when yew goes ta the bathroom, it makes ya royally flushed!"

	He fluttered off without further explanation.

	Shivering, Terra whispered, "So, are you going to keep bugging me
till I agree to go with you?"

	"Yeah, pretty much," S.L.K. replied.  "Say no one more time and I'll
toss you over my shoulder and haul you off right now."

	"It is the Will of Fate that you come with us," said Setsuna.

	"Sheesh," Terra sighed.  "Okay, okay, I'll go get my stuff.  Mom, in
the interests of modesty, I'm going to borrow the tablecloth and dump
everything currently on the table onto the floor.  Is that all right
with you?"

	"Goodness, no!  You mustn't break all my good dishes!"

	"Fine!  In the buff up to my room it is, then.  Turn around,
everyone, lest ye be blinded forever by my pale naked flesh!  Arr,
here I come!"

---

	In fact, they handed her back her towel before she left the shade of
the tablecloth.  With Arby finally gone, Terra had a fairly peaceful
morning.  Out of her wardrobe, since her new dress was torn, she only
had a couple of clean school uniforms left, although she did have her
green dress and white dress.  She didn't want to bother with the
dresses, so she donned one of the school uniforms and went back down
where S.L.K. and Setsuna were waiting.

	"You sure took you sweet time," S.L.K. complained.

	"I'm a girl," Terra shot back, "deal with it."

	"And WHAT is the deal with those ponytails!?  I thought you got rid
of those big dumb things!"

	"I LIKE my ponytails," Terra insisted, tossing her hair around with a
shake of her head.  "I haven't been able to wear them like this for
the past few months because my hair's been such a mess, but through
the miracles of excessive mousse, hair spray, and high-density polymer
resins, I've discovered ANYTHING is possible."  One ponytail made a
tinging noise when she flicked it, vaguely reminiscent of a spoon
hitting a metal cup.  Her expression was proud and defiant.

	"Sheesh, I'm waiting out in the car with Setsy."  S.L.K. walked out
and slammed the door behind him.

	"You look very nice," Kasumi tried to beam at the girl.

	"Don't want to look nasty going to my own funeral," Terra replied.

	"Terra," Kasumi said disapprovingly.  "Please don't."

	"I know, Mom," Terra sighed.  "Just trying to vent."

	"Does it make you feel any better?"

	"No, not really."

	"You really do look nice."

	"Aside from the blemished skin, you mean," Terra noted, scratching a
darkened portion of her face.  "Seriously, if I do get destroyed mind,
body, and soul, it'll be a relief not to have to deal with it
anymore."

	Kasumi's eyes glistened.  "Let's not talk about that, please.  Go
with Meiou-sensei, and we'll hope she can help you."

	"What's her deal, anyway?  It's like she hates me, but I didn't do
anything to her."

	"I had a talk with her and tried to help her understand your
situation.  But she has been dealing with an extremely upsetting loss
for a very long time.  Try not to take it personally."

	"Well, SHE sure seems to be taking it personally, whatever it is."

	Kasumi started to speak, but she hesitated.  A moment later, she
said, "It's not my place to say.  She promised to make things right.
She's very special.  I trust her to do the right thing."

	Meiou honked the horn of the expensive vehicle parked outside.

	"Failing that," Kasumi added, "I trust you to make it through.  I
know you can do this."  She hugged her daughter, gave her a kiss on
the forehead, and opened the door for her.  "Don't hurt anyone."

	"I'm kinda more worried about them hurting ME."

	"Fair enough.  Good luck!"

---

	At the Hikawa Shrine, Ami worked on changing the bandages on Rei's
and Makoto's midsections.  Perhaps it had been foolish to open a
gateway last night directly into the Dark Kingdom without a backup
plan, but none of them had expected an instant counterattack from the
temporary portal.

	The youma themselves wouldn't have been so bad, either, had a certain
White ArbyFish not followed them out and slashed everyone up so badly.
 It was he that kept Sailor Venus at bay while his minions hauled
Sailor Moon away.

	Bruce fought with his usual ferocity, but it really looked like Venus
stood a chance.  However, the Warrior for Beauty and Fashion obviously
had some major problems with her own powers, as if she were using most
of them for the first time.  It wasn't much of a stretch for Bruce to
take advantage of the girl's distraction and knock her out.

	"I've failed everyone," Minako lamented.  "Once again.  Alan,
Katrina... heck, the whole British Motor Boat Police?  And now
Serenity."

	"We were there too," Rei said, "but we couldn't stop them either.
Don't blame yourself for that."

	"We'll get her back," Makoto affirmed, and winced when she tried to
move.  Her wounds had been particularly severe.  "Urgh!  Somehow,
we'll do it."

	"What I don't get," Luna said, "is why none of you will go to a
hospital to get those cuts taken care of.  I mean, you've spent all
night here being miserable."

	"Since it wasn't anything life-threatening, our powers will heal us
quickly enough," Ami said.  "A few more hours and we can begin a
rescue effort."

	"What made you think you could take on the Dark Kingdom by yourselves
anyway?!" Artemis asked.

	"The Princess seemed so sure we could defeat Beryl and her forces
since we've never really lost as such before," Ami replied.

	"The rainbow crystals?" reminded Luna.  "The Moon Kingdom?  Princess
Terra?  You're not invincible!  You're not even using fully fledged
powers yet!"  She stopped.  "You should have planned better!  Or at
least talked about it with Artemis and myself!"

	"She... seemed so confident!"

	"Oh, please," Luna sighed, "Usagi-chan may have a lot of spirit, but
she's definitely not a military tactician.  Even if she is our
Princess, anything she orders really ought to be taken with a grain of
salt."

	"Well EXCUSE US for obeying the chain of command!" Makoto growled.
"We really thought we could take 'em."

	Artemis shook his head.  "Even if we decided to storm the Dark
Kingdom with a fully-charged Silver Ginzuishou Crystal in hand, we
can't forget scouting things out and having a plan.  You can't just
crash the front gates and expect to come out on top!"

	"That's right," agreed Luna.  "We need to have all of our forces
united and maybe do a little training first."  She looked around.
"Speaking of having our forces united, where are Terra and Mamoru?"

	They told her about Terra.

	"You did WHAT!?"

	Apparently no one had bothered to mention the trial, conviction, and
attempted execution to the two cats prior to this.

	"She's Princess Terrifying reborn!" Rei nearly shouted.  "She's the
one who killed us and toppled the Silver Millennium Alliance.  Of
course we put her on trial.  She's dangerous!  We don't want her to
kill us again."

	Luna didn't look convinced.  "Oh, come now, do you really think that
sweet little Terra, of all people, would deliberately harm any of you?
 Moreover, would she be able to?  She has trouble BRUSHING HER HAIR in
the morning!  She's nothing like Princess Terrifying."

	"Look," Makoto chipped in, "we all remembered what she did, and it's
obvious who she is.  She even remembered a lot of what happened!"

	"The fact of the matter is," Artemis said, "now your--what was it?
Good luck charm's gone, and I doubt she'll be wanting to come back
after all that."

	"We'll have to make due without her," Makoto replied.  "I'll miss
her, I guess, I mean we'll miss her the way she was before we knew
what she was."  She looked doubtful and uncertain about what she was
saying.  "She came up with something handy once in a while, but I'd
hardly say we're totally crippled without her."

	"And Tuxedo Kamen," muttered Luna, "simply left and didn't come back
after the fight.  We're going to have to rethink things, and fast!
Who knows how long our Princess has left!"

---

	Wracked by the agony of her incarceration, Usagi called out to the
universe in general, "Okay, uhhh, now would be a good time for a
rescue!"

	There was no response aside from the chuckles of her jailers.

	"Someone?  Anyone?!  WAAAAAAH!!!"  She pounded on her head.
"Princess Serenity!  Why did you have to be so, so... stupid?!  Why
did *I* have to be so dumb!?"

---

	Terra, Meiou, and the Star Light Knight took the businesswoman's
souped-up Delorian through the streets of Tokyo.  Terra was scrunched
up in the back while the other two took the front seats.  During the
drive, Terra asked for more details about the tall dark lady.

	"So," the redhead began, "what do you do for a living, Meiou?"

	"Meiou-san," Setsuna corrected her.  She was driving and the armored
man was in the passenger side, while Terra sat in back.

	"Uhh, yeah, whatever.  Do you work in an office somewhere?"

	"I guard the Secrets of Eternity, and ensure that everything is in
its proper order.  I guide the way of all to What Must Be.  Those who
come to me seldom return unchanged."

	Terra scratched her head.  "You're... a fashion consultant?"

	Meiou coughed slightly and replied without turning around, "Well yes,
but that's not what I was referring to."

	"Then what?"

	"You will discover the answer in the fullness of time."

	"Meiou, how do you know my mom?"

	"You may refer to me as Meiou-san or Meiou-sensei."

	"I'll see if I can work that into my brain somehow.  Or not.  Never
worked before.  So... my mom?  Did you two meet at a social gathering?
 Are you childhood schoolmates or something?"

	"We have a long history," the woman said enigmatically.

	"Could you be a little more vague please?" Terra said sarcastically.
"I don't think I'm nearly confused enough yet."

	"If you must know," replied Meiou in a measured tone, "I knew you
when you were... younger."

	"You never really liked me, did you?"

	"No.  You were trouble."

	"Wow," Terra commented at the woman's directness.  "Didn't even like
me a smidgen?"

	"Your... mother and I have always disagreed on certain things.
Primarily, that means you."

	"You've known her for a while?"

	Meiou nodded slightly.  "It seems like millennia.  We got back into
touch a short while ago.  It had been such a long time."

	"You had a talk and she asked for help."

	"Yes."

	"But you don't want to help me?"

	"Yes."

	"Are we there yet?"

	"No."

	"Are we there yet?"

	"No."

	"Are we there yet?"

	"NO!"

	"Hoo-kay...."  Terra turned to the Star Light Knight.  "So,
Tommy-boy, what brings you over to darken my life once more?"

	"Oh, nothing," S.L.K. said.  "You're just the reincarnation of my
past-life self, off of which I draw all of my life and power, so I'm
trying to get you to remember who you really are since life as it was
has no meaning, but the methods we're going to use to bring back your
mind might be fatal."

	"I only caught the last part of that," Terra noted.  "I think.
Fatal?  Hmm.  But still, that sounds wrong.  I can't be your
reincarnation.  You're sitting right by me!  Reincarnation doesn't
work that way.  I'm a girl, for one thing.  I can't be you."

	"I'm a figment of your imagination.  Therefore, I am you."

	"No, that's not right.  Weren't you, like, a slave to Terrifying's mind?"

	S.L.K. shook his head.  "Can't say I remember that."

	Terra shrugged.  "If your amnesia is keeping you from trying to beat
me up, why should I have a problem with that?  And, if it's like you
say, why would you think I'm your real self?  Do you really think I'm
her reborn?"

	"Pretty sure that you are."

	"I'm pretty sure that I'm not," Terra insisted.

	"You've got her eyes, her red hair, you're floating in her black energy--"

	"Read my lips, metal man!"  Blood rushed to the girl's face as she
spoke.  "I. Am. NOT. Princess. Terrifying!!"

	"Heh.  And you're stubborn, just like her.  If you're not her, that
angry face was a dang good impression.  What's more, you remember the
Moon Kingdom through her eyes.  Sounds like pretty compelling
evidence, doesn't it, Setsy?"

	"Very compelling indeed," agreed the woman.

	The android pointed at Meiou.  "There, see?"

	"Whatever."  Terra folded her arms.  "And even if I was her, why are
you trying to help me?  I mean, don't you want to kill me in revenge
for killing your daughter and messing up your life?"

	"I don't have a daughter," replied the armored man.  "I've been
hanging around for twenty thousand years for you to come back so we
could reunite."

	"Look, I get that you might lose some details over time, but you had
this huge grudge because of your daughter that you swore never to
forget.  You HATED being bound and controlled by Terrifying!"

	"But us being connected is what keeps me alive.  Why would I want to
cut that off?"

	"You fought me," Terra said, "back in the Moon Kingdom.  You said
something about 'seven hundred million years a slave.'  What was all
that about?"

	"Sorry, I don't remember any of that."

	"Come on!  'Seven hundred million years a slave?!'  Swords and
Terrifying's severed arm?  That doesn't ring any bells?"

	"It's possible.  I chop off a lot of arms."  He tapped his metallic
head.  "My positronic matrix has trouble with memory that's over a few
thousand years old."

	"He never had his daughter," said Meiou.  "That potential timeline
was aborted the second he became a traitor."

	"Hmph.  Then who is 'Lynne?'"

	Setsuna slammed on the brakes.

	When they came to a stop, the woman turned around and looked into the
girl's eyes.  "Where did you hear that name?" she asked.  Her voice
was low and dangerous.

	"Lynne?" asked the armored man.  "That's a good name.  Think I named
a giant transforming robot that once."

	"I kind of inferred it," Terra said, pointing at him.  "He kept going
on about how Princess Terra messed up his family and killed his kid."

	"You MUST be mistaken," insisted the woman.  "That girl never existed
and he was never a family man."

	"For never existing," Terra said, "she sure helped us out a lot.  We
met her.  Her ghost, at least.  She was, like, maybe ten?  Bright
blonde--or was that redhead?  Kind of orange hue?  Had good taste in
clothes.  She got taken up when people started speeding off to Earth
to get reborn.  Maybe she's hanging around somewhere today."

	"I eliminated that timeline," Meiou said.  "That girl was never born."

	"Then who did Terrifying kill that Tommy-boy here was so upset
about?"  Terra gave S.L.K. what she hoped was a meaningful look.

	The man shrugged.  "Don't look at me.  I don't remember anything about that."

	Meiou stared at Terra for a long time.  She looked into her eyes and
examined the details of her face, looking for a sign of something that
Terra could not quite figure out.  Then she looked at the man next to
her in the same way.  He winked back, pointed fingers at her and made
a clicking noise at the corner of his mouth.

	After a while, the fashion designer turned back around and allowed
the car to start moving again.

	"So...?" Terra asked to break the silence.

	Meiou did not turn around when she replied.  "I must think upon
this," she said.

	"You do that."  Terra perked up.  "So how about that fate and destiny
stuff, eh?  Pretty cool, eh?"

	"Your fate will be determined soon enough," sair Meiou.

	"Unless I miss my guess, most of the paths I'm going on look like
they want to be fatal.  But I'm not worried.  I'll get out of this one
way or another."

	"Talk about mood swings," muttered the Star Light Knight.  "One
minute you're half-ready to kill yourself, and now you think you're
invincible."

	"Being away from Arby has its effects on me," Terra said.  "After
all, if he's out of the picture, I can deal with life in general,
pretty much."

	Right then, Arby slipped out of Terra's left sleeve.  He carried a
little pickaxe and wore a hardhat with a glowing mushroom on the brim.
 "G'day!"

	"GAH!" cried Terra, and shifted to the other side of the car.  "Arby!
 How did you get there, and what are you doing with that pickaxe!?"

	"Oye've struck MOLD!" announced the creature, holding up a glob of
something icky.  He bit it, and it squelched back.  "Twenty-four
carrot mold!"

	Terra's mind screamed at her to not ask where the mold came from, but
she couldn't resist saying, "Ah, where did you get that from?"

	"Moined it straight off ya backsoide.  'Ere, troie some!"  The
ArbyFish proffered the portion of sliminess.

	"Eh, no, Arby, you keep it."  Terra pushed up against the side of the
car and tried to reach the door's handles, but the Star Light Knight
was in the way.  "Golly griping gosh darn it!  Meiou?  Tom?  Can we
leave Arby out of this, please?  He scares me."

	"No," replied Meiou with a certain finality in her voice.

	"Why not!?"

	"Only he can perform the first phase of the test."

	"Oh, really?"

	Arby grinned at the redhead and hopped over to place a flipper around
her arm.  "Yup!  We's gonna be roight noice chums, we is!  Chum for
sharks, and toss mouldy-crumbs to the otters!"

	Terra whimpered in terror.

---

	"So," Rei said, "anybody got any more bright ideas about how we can
rescue Usagi-chan?"

	"Opening up a portal didn't seem to work," Ami noted.  "If we tried
that again, more of us would probably get captured.  And besides,
without the power of the Silver Ginzuishou Crystal, we might not be
able to do it at all."

	"Want to just go to class and think it over?" Makoto suggested.

	"YOU want to go to class?" Luna said incredulously.

	"Yeah, well, I don't want to get held back again."

	"You got held back?"

	"Only a couple times."

	"Oh," said Rei.  "Then that explains why you're so much taller than
the rest of us.  How old are you, anyway?"

	"Never ask a girl her age!"

	"All this wasted time."  Minako shook her head.  "Do what you like,
but I'm going to find a way to rescue y... OUR princess."

	"Where are you going to start?" asked Artemis.

	"Covert ops," Minako said quietly.  In a flurry of ribbons, her
outfit changed shape into a surprisingly stylish dark purple and
yellow kunoichi garb.  "I plan on infiltrating their ranks, planting
explosives, and setting them off when the time is right.  Hold down
the fort until I return, everyone."

	She scratched her white cat on the scruff of his neck and then
teleported away, the energy around her making swishing noises as she
departed.

	"I really hate it when she does that," shivered Artemis.

---

	The trio went down to the beach and found a cave mostly hidden by the
high tide.  It was very moist and slimy stuff grew on the walls.
Terra was quickly seated in an alcove.

	"Dang it!" cried Terra while the others stuffed her into a
triple-layered straight jacket and shackled all of her limbs together.

	"What is it this time?" S.L.K. asked.

	"There's a test today in class, and I forgot to study!"

	"Eh, 'sowlroight," Arby said.  "You'll just have to call in sickly
shroomifoied anyways."

	"Yes," added Setsuna, "you're all funged up at the moment."

	"You might say," S.L.K. added, "you're covered in mildew and you need
to get aired out."

	Meiou shot him a sideways glance.  "I'm sorry, but you killed the pun."

	"Why am I wearing this straight jacket, by the way?" Terra inquired.

	"Oh, that's just for fun," replied Arby.

	"Hoo-kay, what's going to happen to me?"

	"You will discover the answer in the fullness of time," said Setsuna.

	"You don't KNOW, do you?!" taunted Terra.  "Huh,
missus-silly-business-lady-ma'am?!"

	Meiou jabbed her repeatedly in the head with her umbrella, hard
enough to make her point but not hard enough to break skin.

	"Ow!  Oww!  Owwwww!  Quit it!"

	"Your honorifics, please," insisted the dark woman.

	"Honorifics, honor-shmiphics.  It's just a bizarre social construct
anyway.  Kind of like--"

	"Being polite?" suggested the Star Light Knight.

	"Yeah, being polite.  Who wants to be polite in this day and age
anyway?"  Terra thought about it and realized that she really did like
being nice, though her splitting headache was making that
extraordinarily difficult.  "Oh, wait."

	"Are you ready to begin?" inquired Setsuna.

	"Begin what?"

	"The first stage of the test."

	"Oh, that.  Sure, why not?"

	"The first stage is easy," Setsuna reassured the girl.  "If, of
course, you can resequence your DNA in real time."

	"Er, I'm not sure I can do THAT, exactly."

	"Too bad," said S.L.K.  "If you can't, you're pretty much screwed."
He grinned and flashed a thumbs up.  "But I know you got this."

	Setsuna stood up tall.  "Now I will explain the rules."

	"Yeah?" Terra said, glancing away from the armored man and towards her.

	"All you have to do," the woman added with a calculating gaze, "is survive."

	"Sounds easy enough."

	Setsuna smiled in a way that indicated Terra had no idea what she was
getting into.  She turned towards Thomas.  "I'll be going for a while.
 You can stay and try to coach her through this, if you like."

	S.L.K. nodded.  "Okay."

	While Meiou walked off, Arby grabbed a hoe and tended to some rather
large cave mushrooms.

	"What happens now?" Terra asked the knight.

	"Eh, nothing much," he replied.  "This'll be a piece of cake for ya, kid."

	A stray neuron in Terra's head made a connection and prompted her to
mention something.  "Say, didn't you really like Sailor Moon?  In a
close, romantic sense or something?"

	S.L.K. shrugged.  "Meh."

	"What do you mean, 'meh?'"

	"I mean exactly that:  Meh."

	Terra frowned.  "She's been captured, you know."

	"Really?  Heh, sucks to be her, then, don't it?"

	The Irish redhead glared at him.  "You just toyed with her feelings
and shrugged her off like that?  That's horrible!"

	"I got mixed up and thought she was you, kid.  Instead, she turns out
to be bratty old Princess Serenity.  That's a real turn-off, if you
know what I mean."

	"You thought she was ME?  We don't look anything like each other!"

	"Like I said, it was a little mixup."

	Terra shook her head.  "When this is over, I want you to apologize to
her."  She thought for a second.  "In fact, why don't you go rescue
her right now?"

	"No way!"

	"Why not?!"

	"You want me to go invade the Dark Kingdom?" the man asked
incredulously.  "With this crummy metal body, I'm useless in
high-magic areas like that.  I'd fall apart in ten minutes.  Thanks,
but no thanks.  Besides, wasn't she really mean to you yesterday?  I
heard something about a trial and an attempted execution."

	"Usagi wasn't herself.  She thought she was some betrayed royal from
the past.  I want to talk it over with her better.  They just caught
me off-guard with that trial-thing so we didn't get to discuss it
properly."

	S.L.K. sighed.  "Look, if you want to help out blondie, you can do it
yourself.  When we're done here, you should have plenty of power to do
that."

	Terra's eyes widened in almost pleased surprise.  "Really?  I'm not
just getting healed if I pass?  I'm going to get power from this?"

	"Yup.  Basically, if you can survive the test, that means you'll have
all the power you need to invade the Dark Kingdom."

	"What's this test all about, anyway?"

	"Heh.  There's a poem about it I think I heard Setsy talking about
once that describes it."

	"A poem?"

	"A test to prove all, a trial by fire.
	 One will face death and overcome ire.
	 Two may fail with no great loss,
	 But overcome and rise again the boss.
	 Three challenges life, limb, and soul.
	 Four tosses you into a black hole.
	 None offers innocence.  One, a cure.
	 Two brings powers, but three devours.
	 Four has little chance of success,
	 And really does give no redress."

	"My goodness," Terra said in awe.  "You said all that in one breath?"

	S.L.K. chuckled.  "The benefits of just having a voice chip instead
of real lungs."

	"Anyway," said Terra.  "That does sound rather bad.  I feel like I
should have studied or trained for this."

	"Nah.  I told you: a piece of cake."

	Something beeped on Arby's flipper.  He rolled his eyes and sighed,
"Oh, for th' love a' Purple, wot toime is it?"  He looked at his
watch, then at Terra, and grinned.  "Phase one!  Excessive fungal
growth, 'orrific agony, permanent disfigurement, irri'able bowel
syndrome, n' death."

	Terra coughed.  "What?!"

	The fungus squelched under her skin, and began, uncomfortably, to
move.  Stinging tendrils spread out to the unaffected flesh, painfully
devouring and assimilating whatever it came into contact with.

	"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!"

---End of Chapter 20

And now it's time for... MIND YOUR MANNERS!!! with Sailor Nuke.

(Usagi gets terribly tormented by her Negamafoozle captors.)

Sailor Nuke:  Today, we learned an important lesson about dealing with
adversity.

(Setsuna stabs Terra repeatedly in the face with a pointy umbrella)

Sailor Kawaii:  Don't look mean!  Look cute and they'll NEVER stab you
in the face.  The worst they'll say is, "Ohohohoho!  Silly gaijin
thinks she can speak Japanese.'  If you can, speak in an
ultra-high-pitched voice and always refer to yourself in the third
person and everyone else as '-chan.'

(Terra gets quickly devoured by cursed mushroom flesh)

Sailor Nuke:  ...right.  But if that doesn't work, THEN YOU JUST BLOW
'EM TA BITS!  (fires off a pair of automatic rifles)  YEAH BABY!!!

Sailor Kawaii:  Be cute.  Cute people don't let themselves get bitten
by poisonous ArbyFish!  Sailor Kawaii says.  Tee-hee!

(Arby swallows a whole cat live)

Sailor Nuke:  Yeah!  Cool people shove some fuel air explosives down
its gullet if it tries it.  Sailor Nuke sez.  BWAHAHAHAHHAHA!



Yeah, I'm not fooling anyone.  Thanks for reading! ;)


-- 
Benjamin A Oliver
benjamin.a.oliver at gmail.com

Technical Writer / Translator
M3 Engineering & Technology

Master of Science in Management Information Systems
Eller College of Management
University of Arizona

Writings: Fan Fiction
http://boliver.florestica.com/

Webcomic: Nuke 'Em 'Till They Glow!! The Early Years
http://nettg.com