[FFML] [COEG] PDF link

[Valkyrie McGill]

Well, I'm not the author, just the editor, so I won't address the story 
criticisms.

But I am an artist, and those edits to the pictures will EVENTUALLY be done 
for the final. I already have plans to do so, just need to find time, and at 
present I'm saving up to upgrade my comp from a P4 to a i7 and getting 
better digipad for art. For example, I have several pics of Mari I plan to 
alter to blond so she can fill in for Annie, Urd pics that need to be 
altered to fit akane, etc.

--------------------------------------------------
From: "Dot Warner" <dotchan at dotchan.com>
Sent: Thursday, May 09, 2013 9:15 AM
To: "The Fanfiction Mailing List" <ffml at chez-vrolet.net>
Subject: Re: [FFML] [COEG] PDF link

> Just a couple of things that jumped out at me while skimming through the 
> text:
>
> 1) I think you could have started the story at Shinji entering NERV HQ and 
> agreeing to pilot, as that's where the plot starts to really diverge.  The 
> scene setting where Shinji arrives on the train, meets Misato, etc etc 
> etc, is in my opinion too long and too similar to "canon", as it were, to 
> serve as a hook for the reader.  Also, little call-backs are fine, but try 
> to avoid too many parallels to how things played out "originally".  The 
> major events of the angels arriving in their order might be ordained by 
> the Dead Sea Scrolls, but Touji's sister's still injured? I call 
> shenanigans.
> 2) If you are going to include pictures, please go through the trouble of 
> editing them to fit your "universe".  Misato still wearing her old cross, 
> while a minor detail, jumps out at me since you bothered to describe it as 
> something different.  (Of course, if you took my first suggestion, that 
> particular tidbit would not appear in the narrative until later, so having 
> the necklace look different in the picture would serve as a clue for 
> sharp-eyed readers to realize that things are definitely not the same.) 
> You may also want to get yourself an artist so that you have a more 
> unified visual style.
>
> -"Dot"
> http://dotchan.com/
>
> I'm my own mind-altering substance. 8)
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