[FFML] [FanFic][SM][NETTG] Terra in Tokyo Ch. 16 & 17

[Benjamin A. Oliver]

On Thu, May 9, 2013 at 12:00 PM,  <ffml-request at chez-vrolet.net> wrote:
> From: "=?iso-8859-1?Q?Dot=20Warner?=" <dotchan at dotchan.com>

> <snip>
>
> I realize that ArbyFish is _meant_ to be an irritating magical talking sidekick with a stupidly over the top accent, but...could you tone down the cockney somewhat? Written accents are always tricky, and it can impede proper understanding of the text.  As a suggestion, try to keep at least 50% of the word spelled in the right way so my poor brain can make an attempt to hash out what's being said.  I haven't struggled this much with phonetics since ESL class 25 years ago!
>

Arby(smiles and nods with satisfaction, hands Dot a mushroom, and then
flutters off)

Hmm.  And I thought I HAD toned it down from some of the earlier text.
 I'll see if there's a way to improve the presentation of the text
while still emphasizing the bizarre cockney...ness of Arby the
ArbyFish.

> I suggest that you describe the song for those of us who are not familiar with it.  Does it inspire people to new heights because of magic, or because of the music itself? What key is it in? What sort of beat does it have? Etc and so forth.
>

I'll see if there's a way to improve the description of it.  From a
text standpoint, it mentions drums, a guitar and a harp.  The tempo is
sufficiently high and the notes sufficiently deep that a master harp
player has extreme difficulty keeping up.

And... it's not really the music itself inspiring people.  It was more
the fact that it was part of an ancient forgotten ritual that sucks
out Moon energy and pumps it into the listeners.  But, it helps a lot
if the listeners like what they're hearing.

Later on, Endymion did pretty much the same thing with his group and
Earth energy, except he used a short speech, not a song.

Thanks for the comments!

-- 
Benjamin A Oliver
benjamin.a.oliver at gmail.com

Technical Writer / Translator
M3 Engineering & Technology

Master of Science in Management Information Systems
Eller College of Management
University of Arizona

Writings: Fan Fiction
http://boliver.florestica.com/

Webcomic: Nuke 'Em 'Till They Glow!! The Early Years
http://nettg.com