[FFML] [FanFic][SM][NETTG] Terra in Tokyo Ch. 2 (of 27)

[Benjamin A. Oliver]

The story continues.  Starting it off slow and low-key.  Those
familiar with Sailor Moon will note certain intentional similarities.
Thanks for reading! ;)

Disclaimer:
This story is based on Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon by Naoko Takeuchi.
This is a non-profit fan work created as a tribute, and no
infringement is intended. All rights to the characters, settings, and
situations of Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon belong to Naoko Takeuchi,
Koudansha, TV Asahi, and Toei Douga, and DIC. ArbyFish belong to
Daniel Oliver and are used with permission.


Nuke 'Em 'Till They Glow!!
Terra in Tokyo
Final Mix

---Chapter 2:  Indubitibility Factor 'Shroom...

	Terra Incognita awoke in her bed with a sore skull and a splitting
headache.  She was in her pajamas and her poor throbbing body felt
like it had been put through a food processor on 'puree.'

	Her memories and the contents of her mind were a blur.  For a few
minutes, she really did not know who she was, what she was, where she
was, or what she was supposed to be doing.  But then she remembered
the move to Japan, the hazy, dreamlike day at school, and the
weird--but kind of good-looking--guy she met up at the park.

	As soon as she recalled those events, her head flared up once again
in pain.  "ACK!  Ow, ow, ow!"  Writhing in pain, she fell off her bed
and landed on her face, which made it worse.  "Owwwwwwwww!"

	It took a few minutes for the throbbing waves of agony to stop and
the endorphins to kick in, by which time her mother had entered the
room.

	"Oh, good!  You're awake," said Kasumi as she pulled aside the
curtains, allowing the sunrise to spill in.  "It looks like you had a
nasty fall yesterday evening.  Your father had to bring you home.
What happened?"

	Like chunks of a badly-frayed jigsaw puzzle, Terra gradually put her
thoughts back in order.  "I was talking with some guy and he hit me
hard in the head with a gas-powered electric guitar."

	"Oh my!  Were you being rude to him?"

	"I... don't think I was."

	"Well, you might have insulted him without noticing it.  These sorts
of things happen in Japan.  I suppose we should be thankful he wasn't
carrying an umbrella."  The ponytailed woman smiled.  "Oh well, it
can't be helped now.  You'll need to hurry up.  There's school in an
hour."

	Holding her head, Terra looked up at her mother with a pained,
disbelieving expression.  "Um, right.  Okay.  I kinda... forgot about
that."

	Humming a cheery tune, Mrs. Incognita dusted the furniture and
departed.  "I'll have breakfast done when you finish getting ready,"
she called back.

	"Haaaai," Terra replied, her voice wavering due to the soreness of
her entire body.

	When she finally got her muscles to respond, she set about getting
out the clothing she'd use that day.  The previous morning, her mother
had laid out her blue and white sailor dress, and since that seemed to
be Juuban Junior High's school uniform, Terra determined that it would
be more of the same today.  Looking through her closet, she found a
half-dozen matching uniforms, plus a couple of dresses--one white and
another green--toward the back.

	But first, she'd need a shower.  She grabbed a towel and went down
the hall to the bathroom, and quickly discovered an astonishing lack
of shower equipment available.  There was a bucket, a stool, and a
big, tiled bathtub.

	Terra blearily rubbed her cheek and pursed her lips in thought.  "Hmm."

---

	Terra eventually rigged up a remedy that involved filling up the
bucket from the faucet, washing up, and dumping the water over
herself.  It worked okay, but what she really wanted was a shower.
Soaking her head in the warm bathtub for a long while felt really
good, though.  REALLY good.  She just knelt down and basked in the
comforting ambience for as long as she could, oxygen be darned.

	When she finally got dressed and brushed her hair, she noticed
something odd.  Her hair was considerably coarser than she remembered
it having been the day before.  It tended to want to spike out and got
really rebellious when she tried to put it into ponytails, sproinging
out into jagged locks.  She washed it again and used up half a bottle
of conditioner, but finally, she gave up and left it untied.  At the
moment, a bad hair day was probably the least of her problems.

	Breakfast good, she thought, though it took a bit of effort to keep
it down.  Cleaned up and fed, she felt a lot better now than she did
before, but she was still a bit woozy.

	"Itekki-maa... something or other.  Bye, Mom!"

	Kasumi waved to her pleasantly as she departed.

	Lost in thought, Terra headed in the general direction of school.
She hardly noticed when she bumped into the giant robot with a
lawnmower for a face.  Her head started aching again.

	"Oh, hello," Terra said weakly.

	"I AM THE FIRST HARBINGER OF DESTRUCTION!!" the robot bellowed
through speakers in its chest.  "YOU HAVE NO CHANCE TO SURVIVE!  SAY
YOUR PRAYERS!  HA HA HA HAAAA!!!"

	"The First Harbinger of Destruction," absently repeated the girl.
"How nice!  Can you please grind up my head so it'll stop hurting?"

	"WITH PLEASURE!!"

	The titan raised a bladed hand, and thrust downward with a tremendous
force.  A giant cloud of dirt and cement fragments arose when it
struck, obscuring the area.

	When the dust parted, the First Harbinger of Destruction was frozen
in place, its claw held up easily by a tall man in shining, green
camouflage armor.

	"What in the heck was that!?" the man--the Star Light Knight, Terra
recalled suddenly--shouted at the girl.  "You're supposed to fight
back and blow the thing to bits!  Not just stand there, waiting to get
killed!"

	"Head... hurts," Terra replied, pushing past him.  "AND IT'S ALL YOUR
FAULT!  YOU DID THIS TO ME!"

	"Hah, some thanks there, 'princess.'  I unseal your mind and all you
do is complain about it."

	"Don't call me princess, baka," Terra said.  She felt proud having
been able to think of the word.  Its meaning danced on the edge of her
mind.  But it might have either been a sort of steamed cabbage or a
kind of Australian dog.  "Go away.  I don't ever want to see you
again!  Even if you are a really cute boy."

	"Who are you calling 'cute?!'"

	Terra didn't reply.  She only whimpered from the reemerging pain and
trudged onward towards school.

	The Star Light Knight folded his arms and turned away.  "Fine!  See
if I ever help you out again!"  For all his bravado, though, his voice
was tainted with sadness and grief.

	The First Harbinger of Destruction put a comforting claw on his
shoulder, but he smacked it away.  "Hey, hands off the steel, buddy."

---

	In class, Terra sat down and rested her head inside her almost chilly
book.  For a few seconds, it offered respite from the burning of her
skull.  But it didn't last.

	Usagi tapped her on the shoulder.  "Uh, hey, Terra-chan?  Is something wrong?"

	"Blunt trauma and a bad migraine," the redhead whispered back.  "My
head feels like it's about to explode.  It gets worse when I try to
think."

	The blonde grinned.  "Oh, there's no need to worry about having to
think today.  It's not like we're going to have a pop quiz or
anything, right?"

	Haruna-sensei walked in with a great big smile plastered all over her
face.  "Hello, class!  Guess what?  Today, we're starting off with a
nice pop quiz!  Take out a pencil and let's get started!"

	Terra once again sought refuge against her desk.  "Mmmmohhdear."

	The quizzes got passed out, and Terra struggled to focus upon hers.
They were word associations, mostly, accompanied by a bit of math.
"If Hat is to foot," she subvocalized, "as... boot is to head, then
cat is to... what?"  The choices were dog, slipper, collar, and
rugrat.

	If Terra thought her head was going to explode before, it most
certainly was now.  The throbbing of blood vessels intensified
exponentially, and Terra screamed out loud.

	A yellow crescent moon glowed on her forehead for a second, and then
the sigil cracked and fragmented into a puff of pixie dust.  Her
forehead was left bare once again.

	Then the pain stopped.

	Terra snapped her head up.  Everyone was staring at her.  She covered
her mouth.  "Oh my."

	"Incognita-san," said Haruna-sensei, "even if the quiz seems
impossible, please don't scream about it."

	"Ah, yes!  Right, right."  Terra blushed in embarrassment, her pain
almost totally forgotten.  She glanced down at the page and found
herself scribbling out the answers.  "I'm done!"  She held up her
paper for her teacher to grab.

	"You're done?!" asked Naru.  "I haven't even written my name down yet!"

	Terra snapped her fingers.  "I knew I forgot something."  She wrote
her name at the top of the quiz and held it up again.  "Done!  For
real, this time."

	"Let me see that," said the teacher.  Her eyes widened as she scanned
the answers.  "You must have cheated!"  But then her demeaner relaxed
as she read further.  "No, wait, there's explanations written down,
and... oh, I'm sorry, class, there's a mistake on question four.
Answer C should be twenty-six and D should be twenty-five."  She
looked apologetic at Terra.  "Sorry for having doubted you.  But
yesterday, you seemed so, so... not smart."

	Usagi raised her hand.  "She hadn't slept since her trip from Europe.
 It was jetlag."

	Haruna examined the innocent-looking Irish redhead seated before her.
 "Jetlag?"

	"Must have been," Terra replied slowly, confused as to what just
happened.  "It was a long trip."

---

	This time, during lunch break, more students seemed interested in
chatting with Terra, but most of the cross-examination got done by
Usagi and Naru.

	"Incognita-san," Naru began, "you seem so... very different today."
She looked impressed, as if seeing the real Terra for the first time.
"Wow... hello!"

	Terra laughed nervously and waved a hand.  "Naru, please, call me
Terra.  No suffixes, no honorifics.  They still give me a headache,
and believe me, I've had enough of that for today."

	Naru nodded.  "All right."  This time, it seemed, she had a good
enough reason to accept the request.

	"So are you a really a genius transfer student from Britain?" Usagi
asked conspiratorially.  "Were you just toying with us yesterday?"

	"No," Terra replied, "it's just that... the world seems... somehow
clearer today."  Actually, things started becoming clear for her
during the pop quiz.  She remembered what S.L.K. had said about the
seal on her mind; that he'd broken it.  She suspected that it didn't
fully crack until just a little while ago in class.

	Wanting to shift the subject, Terra smiled at Usagi and asked, "So,
what do you want to be when you grow up, Usagi?"

	"Me?"  The blonde held a finger to her cheek in thought.  "Well, I
want to be a superstar idol and a model, have a cute boyfriend, drive
around in a limo... oh, lots of things."

	Naru laughed quietly at that.

	Terra nodded pleasantly in return.  "Hey, yeah! Me..." she started to
trail off, her smile fading, "...too?"  Then she thought about all the
stuff popular singers had to go through, like all the public
attention, lack of privacy, getting swarmed all the time, and the
scandals that happen no matter how moral one keeps one's self.  It all
started to seem like too much of a hassle to be worth it.  But, deep
down, she just wanted to be happy and help people, if she could.  In
her mind, the possibilities of the future unfolded before her.  "On
second thought, maybe I really want to become an interior decorator.
Or a nurse.  Or a public safety director.  Or a CEO of a major
multinational corporation.  Or... hmm.  This is a big decision."

	"Wow, I hadn't thought about those," Usagi awed.

	"Best not rush it," Naru advised.

	"Yeah, I guess," Terra said distantly.

---

	The rest of the day went by pretty well.  Terra answered a lot of
questions in class, and Haruna-sensei seemed a lot more at ease with
her than the day before.  After school, Terra asked to go along with
Usagi and Naru.

	"We're just going over to my mom's jewelry store," said Naru.

	"That's all right.  Can I come?  I'd just like to go with you and see
what's around.  Remember, I'm new to the neighborhood."

	"Well," Naru began thoughtfully.

	"Yeah!  We'd love to show you around."  Usagi slapped Terra on the
back.  "All right!  Let's all go!"

	So they went.  Out of habit, Terra attempted to skip alongside them,
but it didn't quite feel right anymore, so she stopped doing it and
walked instead.

	"Naru, what does your dad do?" Terra inquired.

	"My dad?  Well, I'd rather not talk about my dad.  But my mom owns a
jewelry shop.  I think I mentioned that to you before.  What do your
parents do?"

	"Mom's a homemaker and Daddy," the redhead stalled in her words as
she tried to piece together the details from what she remembered.
Neither of her parents had ever come out and said what his job was.
"He's a swordsman, I think.  I'm pretty sure he trains people in
martial arts.  He always goes off with this huge katana of his.  He
travels, too.  I don't see him for months, sometimes."

	"A stay-at-home mother and a father who's hardly ever at home?"

	"Did I say homemaker?  I meant housemaker--er, architect.  Yes,
that's the right word.  She's an architect, but usually finishes
quickly enough with the blueprints and everything so she doesn't tend
to go for very long."

	"Your mom's an architect?" asked Usagi.  "Neat!"

	"She did some designs for museums and government buildings back
home--in Ireland.  Mostly romanticized gothic buildings with lots of
marble, arches, and pillars."  Terra suddenly realized her mouth had
used some adjectives that she really hadn't known the meaning of the
day before... at least, not in the same sense.  In her mind, gothic
had previously meant wearing lots of black, being anemic, and never
going out in the sun, not something describing thirteenth century
European building styles.  Whatever happened to her mind, it seemed to
go much deeper than simply unlocking her memories and improving her
I.Q.  She trepidaciously wondered where the surprises might end.

	"Anyway," Terra continued, "what's this jewelry store like?"

	Naru pointed to a sign that read, "Osa-P."

	"We're already there."

---

	The Osa-P was having a big sale.  The place oozed with people--mostly
young girls and middle-aged women--who seemed desperate to get in on
the huge, juicy deals being advertised.  Nevertheless, Naru's trio
managed to push forward to the checkout counter.

	"Mom!  What's going on?" Naru called through the bustle of the crowd.

	"That's right, everyone!" Naru's mother called through a megaphone.
"For today, it's ninety percent off on EVERYTHING!"

	Naru slapped her forehead and groaned.  "Oh no, she's finally
snapped.  All those years setting gems and engraving rings... it must
have been too much for her.  I tried to tell her, 'try investment and
real estate instead for a while,' but no, she had to keep with the
jewelry store, didn't she?!"

	"All right!" Usagi exclaimed.  She whipped out her little money pouch
and reached in side.  Frowning, she turned the bag upside down and
shook it.  A ball of lint and half a cotton swab fell out.  "Aww!  I
knew I shouldn't have bought that last ice cream sundae yesterday."

	"Ninety percent off," remarked Terra, looking quite impressed.  "Is
this a going out of business sale?"

	Naru nodded.  "Yes, you're very insightful.  If it lasts for more
than ten minutes, you can bet it will be."

	Terra liked jewelry.  At least, she did a day before.  She'd need to
check on that.  Looking at the various objects in the display cases,
she determined that, yes, she still liked jewelry.  It was just as
pretty as the day before--prettier, actually, since now she could
appreciate it on another level.  On the other hand, adorning one's
self with bits of metal and rock could be seen as frivolous and
pointless....

	The redhead shook her head and dispelled the thought.  No, she
decided, she liked jewelry, regardless of what her mind might want to
tell her.  In fact, she saw a diamond necklace she thought would look
very pretty on her.  She maneuvered around the lines and pointed at
it.  "Excuse me?  I'd like to buy that necklace over there, please."

	"Of course," said Naru's mother.  She smiled deeply--almost evilly,
thought Terra--as the transaction took place.  It was pretty
inexpensive for something so elegant, only a couple thousand yen.  A
rough calculation in her head put that at less than 10 pounds
sterling.

	When Terra's hand brushed that of the other woman's, she felt another
sharp jab somewhere inside her cranium.  The girl took a step back and
stared at the shopkeeper, who had already gone on to serving another
anxious customer.  "Something's not right about her...."

	"You're telling me," sighed Naru.

	Terra held her temples.  "My head's hurting again.  I think I'll head
home."  She looked at her two new friends.  "Thanks for letting me
come!"

	"Sure!" beamed Usagi.

	"No problem," said Naru.  "See you tomorrow."

---

	Terra hurried out and headed home.  It wasn't like the slow,
agonizing pain she'd had earlier.  It was more of a pressure, like a
memory politely trying to surface and explain something important to
her.  She clutched at her new necklace in hopes of getting it sorted
out, but it was so hot it stung her palm.

	She stopped.  The jewel had been ice cold when it had been handed to
her.  Looking down at it, she saw it glow and shine brightly.  A wispy
thread of something that looked like a light mist flowed out from her
chest to the gem.

	Terra Incognita may have been a bit oblivious at times in the past,
but she knew that this was not normal.  She experimented with it to
see if she could get the flow to change.  The mist sped up, rushing
into the gem at an incredible rate.  She gasped when her heart skipped
a beat.

	But then, then flow stopped and the diamond started vibrating.  It
let out a high-pitched whine and finally shattered.

	"Ow!"  Some of it landed in Terra's eye.  "Cheap foreign jewelry!"
She wiped it out.  Examining the remains of her necklace, she said,
"How curious.  Are they supposed to do that?  I'm glad I kept the
receipt."

---

	Back at home, Terra sat down, opened her bookbag, and started on her
homework.  It was a little something on the highlights of Japanese
history from Oda Nobunga up until the Meiji era.  She whipped out a
pen and finished the worksheets in a couple of minutes.  Then she
realized that she actually knew nothing about Japanese history, so she
went through her books and confirmed that she'd gotten the answers
right.

	"Hmm.  That was simple.  Mom!  I'm going upstairs to rest up a bit.
I've had a long day and need to think things over."

	"All right, honey!"

	Terra finally remembered to take her shoes off, since that's what
Japanese people tended to do inside their houses, and went upstairs.
But then she remembered that she was Irish, so she went back down and
put them back on before heading up again.

	She lay down and breathed a sigh of relief.  Her brain churned with
random activity.  Whatever had just gotten unsealed obviously had a
lot of catching up to do.  The Celtic schoolgirl let her thoughts
wander.  Compared to yesterday, things felt so much simpler, and yet
somehow much more complicated.  She ignored what went on at the Osa-P
and the incident with her necklace.  There were plausible explanations
for what happened, including but not limited to parlor tricks and joke
jewelry.

	Quick comprehension of the world around her, she considered, required
that difficult outlying statistical information be left out of the
equation before a properly solid view could be achieved.  That meant
she had to go on hard, proven evidence of things that science had
discovered over the years.  It all began with a bang, and nine months
later, she was born.

	Terra blinked at her train of thought.  No, that wasn't right.

	It all began with a bang, and superheated components of the universe
later cooled into stars, which later allowed planets and smaller
celestial objects to form.  On one world, a black ooze spewed out from
cracks in the lithosphere while supernovas flared all around, then a
comet hit the planet, shattering it, and then she was born.

	"That's... that can't be it, either."

	The girl pieced together a solid view of the universe, beginning with
a matter explosion, leading up to the creation of the solar system,
the evolution of mankind from bacteria, rats, monkeys, and other lower
life forms.  Civilizations rose and fell, culminating in her Irish
heritage as well as the Japanese culture in which she now lived.
School developed as a result of numerous factors, including the need
to learn a trade as well as give the kids something else to do other
than cause trouble in the mornings.

	Terra nodded to herself.  That felt about right.  She now held the
universe in her mind, condensed down to one easy formula.  She took
out a notepad and started writing it down.  It took up several pages,
but when she was just about to finish, she heard a tap at her window.

	Either a branch, Terra thought, or that dreadful Star Light Knight
that had been bugging her since the day before.  She sighed and looked
out the window.  But then she stopped.

	There, on the window sill, sat a most peculiar creature.  At first,
Terra thought it might have been some sort of giant moth, which Japan
was sometimes famous for.  But then she saw the whiskers, the catlike
face, the fins, and tail, along with the odd green, black, and white
pattern on its back, and didn't know what to make of it.  What's more,
it had a set of tools out and just finished jimmying open the latch on
her window.

	To her surprise, her bedroom door flew open instead, and in flew the
creature, mystically having bypassing the window.  Smiling in a
cheerful way, it fluttered onto her armoire, using its tail in a
manner very similar to how a hummingbird might use its wings.  Then it
hopped over and perched on her head.

	"'Ello sez Oye ta Yew ta Me n' Yew back in return," it greeted her in
a formal tone.  "Who's ya wotsit, ow's ya 'shroominum?"

	Terra's perfect mental view of the universe wavered ever so slightly.
 "Wha...?"

	"Al-yew-shroominum!  Well, ya can't pick a nut'atch before sunroise
if ya don't gots th' proppa' pop off th' yellow red green mush-rock.
Isn't'chew?"

	If the girl's universal theory had been a mirror, a spiderweb of
cracks would have spread across it just now.  "Er--"

	The seal-like creature started hopping across her head back and forth
such that one might imagine that it was pacing.  "After awl, it's in
th' lawbooks.  Can't 'ave a roipe rich rhubarb rock ruffle run before
Tuesday.  They'd lock ya up if they did."  It jumped off and fluttered
around her head, asking, "Why is th' question?  Wot is th' answer?
Hmm?  Hmm?"  It produced a large mushroom from behind its back and
dropped it into Terra's hands.  "There ya go.  Don't spend it awl in
one place."

	"Eh heh.  Mushroom.  This... seal-thing is flying around.  And it's
talking to me."  The redheaded teen giggled nervously.  I've totally
cracked, she thought.  The strain on my mind was too much for me.  If
I tell anybody about this, they'll lock me up!

	On the last desperate hope that she might be hallucinating, she
pretended she was seeing something else and bravely commented, "Wow,
they sure have big fuzzy moths here in Japan."

	The thing looked offended.  "Ey!  Oye'z not a fuzzy moth."

	Insanity one, sanity zero, thought Terra.  "Ummm, what are you, then?"

	The creature perched atop a lamp and replied proudly, "Oye's an
ARBYFISH!"  Then it looked her over and inquired, "Wot iz yew?"

	"I'm... a junior high school student."

	"Junia' 'oigh school student?"  The ArbyFish whipped out a book and
flipped through it.  "Oh, so yew's a very rare species a' peacock?
Roight!  Spread ya feathers!"  It briefly spread out Terra's pleated
skirt to the point where her slip was showing, but then she pulled her
clothes back and brushed the intruder away.

	"Keep your hands--er, flippers--to yourself!"

	The ArbyFish fluttered out of reach in a gleeful, impish manner.
"Oh, well, Oye WOULD, but we 'asn't outloined terms a' service n' th'
end-usah loicense agreement yet."

	"Terms of service and end-user license agreement?"

	"A'course!" the creature replied in a jovial, salesman-like way.
"Gotta 'ave terms a' service n' marketing agreements.  Wouldn't be
proppa' if Oye didn't."  He handed the girl a thin slice of a large
mushroom with writing on it.  "'Ere's me card."

	Terra read the 'shroomcard and noted that it had nice printed
calligraphy on it.  "R.B. Fish and Associates.  Indubitibility for
hire, rent, sale, loan, or rent to own.  Very unreasonable rates."
She looked at her visitor.  "You're advertising what?  And... why
would you advertise unreasonable rates?"

	"Oh, well, Oye dunno.  Gotta make a livin' some'ow."

	"And your name is R.B. Fish?"

	"In-deed!"

	"What does... R.B. stand for?"

	R.B. saluted.  "Tooth, mushrooms, n' th' ArbyFish way."

	"Nooo, your initials.  R.B.?"

	"Oh, R.B.?"  The ArbyFish thought about it.  "Roast Beef!"

	"You're... Roast Beef Fish?!"

	"No, no, no, yew asked wot R.B. meant.  Oye suppose it could also
mean Real Brazilian or Rheumatism Barbeque.  Or Rotund Barwench, for
that matta'."

	"What in the world do I call you, then?!"

	"R.B. Fish, the ArbyFish.  Th' one n' original."

	"I'll bet it stands for 'Really Bizarre.'"

	"Moight be."

	Terra shook her head.  "All right, 'Arby,' why are you here?"

	Arby held up a flipper.  "Yew asked your questions n' now Oye ask
moine."  He took out a large clipboard, with a set of forms on
legal-size mushroom paper.

	"You're making me do paperwork before you answer more questions?"

	"A'course!  Ya gots ta 'ave paperwork.  Wot'd th' pencil pushers do
if we didn't?"

	Terra chewed her lip and reluctantly decided to fill out the forms.
Looking through them, they seemed to be more of a demographic profile
than anything else.  They asked for statistics and wanted her to put
down her name, but not her address.  The information she wrote on the
papers really only seemed like the sort that would be helpful for
telemarketers and salesmen.  Still, she left a couple of spaces blank,
such as her weight and figure measurements.  A girl's gotta have at
least a little dignity before such an obvious insanity trip.

	When Terra finished, she handed over the results, and Arby shuffled
through them.  "Oh, yew'z Oyerish, is ya?  Faith in being gory n' awl
that rot.  Roight proppa' manner a' regurgitatin' the ol' Scottish
tra'itions in this 'ere brandy-bush."

	Terra winced.  It wasn't just the creature's language--she'd been to
Liverpool and heard worse.  Everything about the self-proclaimed
ArbyFish... hurt somehow.  The mere fact of its existence was
fundamental proof that there was something terribly wrong with the
universe, and that something was sitting right in front of her.

	"Yes, I'm Irish, but I think I'm going to become a naturalized
Japanese citizen."

	Arby made some smacking noises with his mouth when he finished
reading.  He produced an additional set of papers.  "Roight!  Now th'
terms 'a service.  Ya new ArbyFish comes with a warranty, too.  If Oye
breaks, yew's outta luck.  Soign on th' dotted loine."

	Terra took the license agreement and read through it.  Just like
Arby, it was just plain wrong.  "I'm not signing this!  It says I give
you all my rights, my immortal soul... plus a million, bazillion yen!
And what's this about badgers, snakes, swallows, and bits of yellow
twine?!!?"

	"A'course!  Can't forget th' badgers.  Wouldn't be proppa' otha'woise."

	"I'm not paying."

	Arby squinted at her.  "Oh, not payin' for me services?"  He started
to looked angry and folded his flippers defiantly.  "Foine, then ya
gets 'em for free!"

	"Er, what if I don't want them?"

	"That'd cost extra."

	Terra shook her head and sighed.  "Okay, fine.  What now?"

	Arby smiled and handed her a series of brochures entitled, "Silver
Millennium Powers," "So You Want to Be a Sailor Senshi," "Energy
Draining:  The Truth About Earth, the Dark Kingdom, and You," and
"Moon Prism Power for Dummies."

	"Read 'em n' Oye'll be back in foive minutes.  Got 'shrooms to attend
to n' such."

	The ArbyFish fluttered out unlatched the window, which opened in the
wake of his presence.

	Terra stared after him, then sighed and skimmed through the
brochures.  They were difficult to decipher in the ancient marketing
language of the 1960s, but from what she could tell, they talked about
magical girls in miniskirts, that a great evil was awakening, and
something about the end of the world.  Basically, it included
everything that went against her perfect scientific view of the
universe.  "How curious."

	Arby came back inside, carrying a bunch of school supplies.  "Roight!
 So, ya knows awl about the Negamafoozles n' wot they wants ta dew,
roight?"

	"I think so.  You're saying that if I don't help out, the world will
be destroyed."

	"In-deed!"

	"...Negamafoozles?"

	"They comes from th' Negamafoozleverse.  Ya gots ta foind 'em and
whack 'em, ya see."

	"And what's this about running around in a miniskirt, fighting evil?"

	"That's wot these is for," Arby explained, dumping the supplies on
Terra's bed.  He held up a mushroom.  "'Ere, lookit this."

	"That's a mushroom."

	Arby shook his head.  "No, no, no, it's--" He looked at it.  "Oh, so
it is."  He tossed mushroom over his shoulder.

	He pulled out another one.  "Eat this instead."

	"I recognize that.  That's a hallucinogenic mushroom!"

	"No, no, no, it's a Madagascar Metamorphic Meddling Monogonal
Meandering 'Shroom."

	"Oh, that's all right, then."

	"They's 'oighly 'allucinagenic, too!"

	"Then I don't want one."

	"Aww, c'mon.  Just a lil' one?  Tastes great on a cracker..."

	"No!"

	Arby reluctantly put it away.  "Foine, then."  From the pile of
school supplies, he took out a heart-shaped locket.  "Put this on th'
bow of ya sailor suit."

	Terra took the locket and examined it.  "Why?"  But then she decided
that it was actually quite a nice-looking object, and suited her quite
well.  She snapped it onto the front part of her dress, on the bow
over her chest.

	"Now say, 'Shroom Prism Powah!'"

	"'Shroom Prism Power?" Terra asked.  Nothing happened.  "Why?"

	"Oye dunno.  Just wanted ta see if yew'd say it."

	"Arby!" Terra scolded the ArbyFish.

	"The real phrase is... Moon Prism Powah!"

	"Moon Prism Power?"

	"Roight!"

	The locket blinked and let off a few toyish squeaks.  In the next
instant, Terra was flung into the air upside-down and smashed her rear
against the roof.  In a puff of pink smoke, her sailor outfit was
replaced by yet another sailor outfit, this one considerably
odder-feeling and certainly more strange-looking than her last one.
The white bits of her previous outfit had merged into a sort of
leotard, her skirt was now pink, several inches shorter, and connected
to that leotard, she had pink knee-length boots on, and wore a lot of
jewelry, including crescent-moon earrings, a tiara, and a pair of
cone-shaped jeweled barrettes in her hair.

	Terra landed hard on her bed.  "Arby!"

	"There ya go!  Yew's now Sailor Chibimoon, ready to whack some Negamafoozles."

	"That hurt, Arby!"

	"Oh, well, we'll foind more open spaces before dewin' it again.
'Ere, yew'z just a lil' chibby sushi, yew is!"

	"Chibi?  You mean, like, little?  I'm fourteen, you know.  Why Chibimoon?"

	Arby shrugged.  "Oye dunno.  Oye just makes th' deliveries.
Wots'isbucket--th' Loight Noight--"

	"The Star Light Knight?  That jerk, he sent you?!"

	Arby looked away.  "Nope!  Can't tell.  'Snot in th' terms a' service."

	"But I didn't sign the terms of service!"

	"In-deed!  By not soigning th' terms a' service, yew agreed to 'em.
Look, it sez roight 'ere!"

	The heated conversation dissipated when an explosion rocked the
landscape.  Terra--er, Sailor Chibimoon--rushed to look out the
window.

	"Something's happening at the Osa-P!" Chibimoon exclaimed.

	"They's th' Negamafoozles," Arby noted.  "Wots'er'face's in trouble."

	"Naru's in danger," Chibimoon whispered.  "I have to go help her!"
She whipped out her notepad, scribbled something down, ripped it out,
and rushed down the steps, putting the note on the table as she left.

	"Oh my!" said Kasumi as she watched her daughter leave, along with
the ArbyFish.  She picked up the note and read it.

	"Dear Mom, gone off to fight the Negamafoozles and save a friend.
P.S.  Don't worry, okay?"

	Terra's mother put down the note and pondered this turn of events,
and then clasped her hands together in joy.  "They're growing up so
fast these days!"  She went back to cleaning the dishes.  "I hope that
fuku's warm enough for her.  It gets very cold at night here."  She
hummed her favorite tune to herself.

---End of Chapter 2

And now it's time for... "MIND YOUR MANNERS!" with Sailor Nuke.

(Terra yelps in surprise during her pop quiz.)

Sailor Nuke:  Today, we learned how important it is to get noticed.

(The First Harbinger of Destruction slashes town at Terra.)

Sailor Kawaii(butts in):  Some people have to shout it out to get
noticed, but that's not the best way.

(S.L.K. catches the Harbinger's bladed claw.)

Sailor Kawaii:  But stick to being cute and you won't even have to
move a muscle!

(Terra's about to comprehend the meaning of the universe.)

Sailor Nuke:  But sometimes, if you just can't stand that stuck-up guy
or gal that keeps flaunting themselves, go for the direct
approach--the best approach!

(Arby flies in and totally messes up Terra's train of thought.)

Sailor Kawaii:  You have to get in, do the bare minimum of what you have to--

Sailor Nuke:  But if that won't work, and trust me, it usually
doesn't, roll a grenade in and come in firing!

(The Osa-P jewelry store erupts into flames.)

Sailor Nuke:  Sailor Nuke sez.  BWAHAHAHHAHAHAAAA!

Sailor Kawaii:  And Sailor Kawaii says.  Tee-hee!

----

Author:  This is like... a bunch of marketing people got a hold of the
series and decided to rewrite it.  Who did this?!

Arby(flutters in):  Oye did!  Roight proppa' marketing techniques, it is!



-- 
Benjamin A Oliver
benjamin.a.oliver at gmail.com

Technical Writer / Translator
M3 Engineering & Technology

Master of Science in Management Information Systems
Eller College of Management
University of Arizona

Writings: Fan Fiction
http://boliver.florestica.com/

Webcomic: Nuke 'Em 'Till They Glow!! The Early Years
http://nettg.com