[FFML] [fanfic][Ranma][Sailormoon][SMT] Chikan Senshi Sailormoon, Chapter 4

[skychan]

So far for Chikan Senshi Sailormoon I have to say that the first chapter
would benefit from less analitics at Usagi's death and more
suffering/emotional responses.  Perhaps with Ranma and maybe Ami concerned
at how to stay in touch before the entire situation is made meaningless by
his decision to acompany them with the body.

As it is right now it just didn't feel as momentus as it should have in the
other Senshi's reaction to her death.  The second and third chapters were
good, and I like broken protective Mamoru.  I admit I'm curious to see how
your going to deal with Setsuna and time, and Hotaru if you decide to
include her at all.

The op sec for the sailor senshi has always been a bit of a problem, and it
looks like the enemy is already on top of things.  I'm a little curious how
your going to explain away a simple or series of simple decapitating
strikes launched against lone senshi when they are asleep and far from
help.

A purely realistic progression of the story from this point would be
incredibly dark and I'm not sure if that is where your headed or not.  I
just caution you to consider just what the capabilities of your enemy are
with apparently unlimited ability to teleport and either swiftly recovering
from near fatal wounds (in less than half an hour to pick up the trail of
the senshi after the battle) or longer wound recovery but incredible
seeking/detection skills (to find them at the shrine without prior clues)
or the simple ability to be as familiar with the real world as a native
(tracking the disposition of a corpse to the hospital and those assosicated
to it.)

I just urge caution in how you handle that.
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