[FFML] [Haruhi] Sympathy -- Chapter One

[Brian Randall]

And the first chapter.  Second chapter's still being polished. >_>

Feedback is welcomed!

#     Sympathy

##     A 'Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi' fanfiction
###     Chapter One -- The Day I Met Him
     Disclaimer: The novel series of Suzumiya Haruhi that began with
'The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi' is the creation of Nagaru
Tanigawa.  No disrespect is intended by the posting of this
fanfiction, as I do not own the characters or settings involved.  I'm
merely dabbling with another set of paints.
     ---------------------------------
     Most people are satisfied with achieving whatever they think is
good enough, and then stopping there.  But what's the point of that?
     Taking an uninspired step in a well-worn path....  It's fine to
be able to do the same things as everyone else, sure, but don't get
fooled into thinking that's the most important thing in the world!
     So, I'm not at the top of the classes -- I'm still pretty high up
there.  I have enough spare time after studying to investigate more
interesting things, too.  Okay, yeah, I could be going to the school
at the bottom of the hill if I worked a little harder, but that'd be
throwing my life away completely.
     Plus, there's another reason to go to Kitago, anyway.
     In some senses, and it really pisses me off to admit it, I'm not
different from anyone else at all.  Except for the fact that I realize
it.  To get really astounding grades, I'd have to give up all my free
time entirely.
     Maybe, over the last few years, I haven't found anything....  But
I haven't stopped looking, and this place will be no different.
     If anything, this represents a whole new frontier of interesting
and amazing things to find!  A whole new population of students to
search for something amazing -- a demon, a hidden shrine maiden, a
secret fighter for justice!  A psionic warrior who fights against
alien invaders from a dimension beyond time itself to protect our
world -- and the universe!
     ...was my initial expectation.
     Something like that was what I had hoped for, at least.
     Reality just has a way of letting you down.  After enduring the
opening speeches, watching closely -- without hesitation -- for any
sign of the unusual, I saw nothing.  The faces of the other students
passing me were as blank and boring as anywhere else.  Shiny new
uniforms and dull faces.
     Class just made things worse, with boring introduction after
boring introduction.  The most profound was the student directly
before me, who seemed to go out of his way to sound even _less_
interesting!
     After that, I'd heard enough, so let my frustrations be known,
rising to my feet so quickly my chair slid back behind me, clattering
against the desk of a student I remembered from last year in middle
school.  I slapped my palms against the top of my desk for extra
emphasis, ignoring the sting from being a little too enthusiastic as I
declare my name and my mission.
     This draws Boring-kun's attention to me and he turns slowly
around in his desk to look at me with the same expression as everyone
else.  As if to say, 'Was I for real?'
     I had no time for that -- or them -- if they had nothing else to offer.
     ***
     You would hope after making such a declaration that someone would
come.  That someone would approach, give you a little amused, slightly
embarrassed smile, and start off a conversation that goes something
like, "So ... do you really want to find out more about...."
     And there, I'm not ... really sure what I expected to find.
_Something_, though.  At least a pointer to him!
     But in the end....
     ...no one came.
     At least, no one I cared about.  A few girls approached me and
tried to get me to talk about whatever mindless shows they watched.
Asakura Ryouko was probably the most annoyingly persistent of them; I
got the impression she wasn't going to give up, even if I _did_ stop
talking to her.  She's the kind of easy-going, popular girl that's
likely to end up class representative.  As if I'd fall for something
like that?
     Annoying meddlers....  Like I care what she thinks?  This is the
absolute epitome of what I don't want to deal with!
     And except for Ryouko, all of them give up fairly quickly, so ...
how sincere were they, in the first place?
     You try and put up a strong front, and not to give up hope.
Hell, I followed the clues left to me by that person back in middle
school and came here to find something!  I'm sure ... that person is
long gone by now.  Even so....
     Does the trail of clues just end like that?
     I can feel the beginnings of a truly frustrating depression
welling up.  When the chime between classes rings, I don't even bother
to scout the school until the next chime, like I usually do.  Instead
I just wait at my desk.
     Before I really have a chance to think about what that all means,
Boring-kun turns halfway around in his seat and gives me a wary
regard, one eyebrow raising as he gives me a curious half-smile.  "Did
you really mean that?" he asks, taking nearly a week to voice the
question I saw on his face the first day I met him.
     Yeah, that's some real initiative there, waiting until everyone
else loses interest in me before you even say 'hello.'  I bet you get
all the girls, don't you?
     Somehow, as dispirited as I am, I can't just tell him, 'Actually,
lately I've been depressed and frustrated about not getting anywhere;
maybe I should just quit.  What do you think?'
     I mean ... I can just say that.  But quitting once someone has
actually noticed what I'm doing?  Thanks, Boring-kun, you may not have
meant to, but you've reminded me I can't give up.  Someone has to be
special, different, and unique.  And until I find that person, I may
as well be the placeholder for them.
     Glaring at Boring-kun's face ... what was his real name, anyway?
I'll have to find out at some point, but no way in hell am I going to
admit I forgot already.  Well, shooting him an unimpressed look, even
though I'm actually a little glad he noticed, I wait for him to say
something else.
     He looks only the slightest bit uneasy, weathering the gaze that
sent the boy behind me running after a mere five minutes, back in
middle school.
     Okay, seriously lacking in initiative, but....
     "About the aliens, espers, and time travelers," he clarifies, as
though I didn't already know exactly what he was talking about.
     Not impressing me so far, Boring-kun.
     ***
     I don't need to ask Boring-kun himself to find out more about
him.  Anyway, if I did ask him, he'd just say what he thought I wanted
to hear, not the truth.  So, in order to find out more, I spend some
time over the next weeks studying him.
     He tries to talk to me every day, though I honestly can't really
tell what he's getting at.  He doesn't _seem_ to be moving towards
asking me out, at least at first.  I'm not sure what compels him to
keep talking me, but it keeps me searching, so as annoying as he is
... he's useful, too.
     In the meantime, from the opening athletic competition, I notice
very quickly that Boring-kun is, or could be, a star athlete.
     It's not too hard to linger near the other girls as they dumbly
moon over the guys, saying which one is 'hottest,' and who's most
likely to place well in the athletic teams.  One of them must have
shared a class with him in middle school, remarking on his nickname.
'Boring-kun' was nice, but he already hates his own nickname, so
that's perfect; I can annoy him back just as much as he annoys me!
     He set a record for the hundred meter dash, and generally did
about as well as the top athletes.  Despite all that, he's as lazy as
he looks, and shows no interest in joining a club.  Even when students
approach him and ask him to join sports clubs, he politely defers with
an explanation that he enjoys the 'going home' club just fine.
     It could just be left at that, but Kyon's inexplicable athletic
prowess is one of two odd factors about him.  I could dismiss him
being some sort of physical savant, just with good reflexes and in
good shape, sure.  Maybe he even has some part time job that just kept
him remarkably healthy, and that's why he doesn't join any clubs.
     It'd be fun to imagine him as a crime-fighter, patrolling the
streets late at night, but I don't see him as having the personality
for that.  Jumping from rooftop-to-rooftop in the dead of night,
probably wearing some sort of badass trenchcoat, like some ... big
damn hero?
     I wish!
     Anyway, the other thing that sticks out about him doesn't come up
until our first test.  For a guy who seems to put no effort into
studying, he sure aces every exam.  He doesn't look like the most avid
student, but without fail, the bigger idiots in the class -- the
student who sits behind me, and a pair of annoying girls named Saeki
and Onoki -- approach him to beg him for permission to copy his
homework.
     He doesn't much react to them, except to roll his eyes and hand
his assignment over with a rueful grin.
     I grumble about people who can't accomplish anything on their
own, but he just ignores that to ask me about something else I did in
middle school -- the talismans I hung up everywhere, this time.
     "What does it matter, if it didn't work?" I mutter at him.  It's
not like I can be that surprised that it's going around ... but who
keeps telling him about me?
     ***
     Kyon isn't the only thing I investigate, of course.  There's a
lot to search for, and at least one amazing person to find ...
hopefully.  Or some sign of him, right?
     I don't find that, though.
     Sure, I spend every lunch for a week checking the pool for kappa.
 I inspect the grounds and get used to finding the spots around campus
where it's easy to hide under bushes -- a few discarded packs of
cigarettes betray most of them with no effort.
     And, really ... that's the best thing you guys can think of to
hide?  That you _smoke_?  Talk about being clever about being
stupid....
     It's not that hard to get into almost every locked room in the
school, though I don't find anything good in all my searching.
Certainly, no clues or notes on how to find ... him.
     So, when everything else turns up blank, I've got a justifiable
reason to investigate this guy -- Kyon.
     It doesn't take long to track down the girl that mentioned having
a class with him last year -- a girl named Sakanaka.  I capture her on
the way to homeroom one day, surprising her by grabbing her shoulder
and spinning her around in the hall.
     "W...what...?" she begins uncertainly, revealing a startled, panicked look.
     Whatever.  "Tell me what you know about Kyon," I bark at her.
"You had a class with him last year?"
     Her look becomes even more confused before understanding of some
sort seems to dawn on her, and she offers me one of those empty smiles
girls like her are _always_ sending one-another.  "Oh, so that's why
Saeki-chan...."
     I can't imagine what pointless thing she's talking about; she
thinks about it for a moment and then shakes her head.
     "Um ... well!  I can say that he doesn't appear to put much
effort into academics, but always gets good grades!  And you saw him
during the athletic competitions, didn't you?  He's not often
motivated, but he's always been popular for sports in middle school!
It's something of a surprise that he doesn't join a club, really; I'd
think he'd be a natural for that."
     Yeah, well, if I applied myself just a bit harder and focused on
just one thing, I could join any sports club I wanted, probably.
     They're too boring to stick with for more than a day, though.
     So, as far as that goes ... Kyon's probably not a total idiot.
     It's not much new, but probably Kyon doesn't have any amazing
supernatural back-story for his classmates to all know about him so
casually.  I release Sakanaka's shoulder and nod thoughtfully.
     "Ah, though...."  She seems hesitant, and doesn't quite meet my
eyes, giving me a shy, wary smile.  "As I understand it, he's not
actually dating anyone."
     Another passing student catches this remark and freezes, shooting
me a hard glance.  It takes less than a minute for me to recognize
Yanagimoto from middle school.  "Serious?" she asks, glancing between
Sakanaka and me.  "Suzumiya's got a crush on someone?"
     I give Yanagimoto a flat stare.  Is that really what they think
an investigation means?  Is that the _only_ reason a girl would ask
questions about a guy?
     Aside from which ... even if he looks ... kind of similar to what
I think I remember, Kyon's not the one I'm looking for!
     "I know Kyon spent much of his time last year with a female
classmate; she was ... a bit off-putting, and had trouble making
friends.  Still!  It seemed they became quite close, and studied
together to keep her out of cram school!" Sakanaka offers, sending me
a hopeful, encouraging smile.
     "Oh, this is too rich!" Yanagimoto chuckles, rolling her eyes and
flashing her teeth in a grin.  "So, he hung out with some awkward girl
that no one else got on with?  You should be set, Suzumiya!  Sounds
like your perfect match!"
     That ... isn't the kind of information I was looking for,
exactly.  "What about his habits and behaviors?" I ask.  "Strange
associates?  Mysterious circumstances?  Any signs of hidden powers!"
     "The legendary aloof 'beast girl' of East Middle school falling
for Kyon!  Haha!"  Yanagimoto shakes her head and dashes to another
nearby friend, whispering in her ear urgently and gesturing at me,
before the pair both break into amused giggles, looking at me as
though somehow, _they_ knew something I didn't, instead of the other
way around.
     Idiots.
     Sakanaka gives them an unhappy frown, then offers an apologetic
smile.  Dismissing them, she shakes her head and says, "Um, really,
that's about all I can say about him?  I know he and Kunikida are
close friends -- probably, he'd be the best person to go to in order
to discover more!"
     And then he'd immediately tell Kyon that I was investigating him.
 While he _may_ be interesting, am I really willing to watch him slide
into the same tired, predictable patterns as everyone else?  I can
imagine that happening, whatever potential he does have vanishing into
a tide of unremarkable teenage hormones.
     But then ... I suppose that would be him showing his true colors,
wouldn't it?
     And thanks to Yanagimoto trying to start a rumor about me -- a
rumor that no one else from East Middle school will believe, I expect
-- that's going to be what happens.
     Except ... it isn't.
     ***
     I have to admit, being caught by the shoulder the same way I
originally grabbed Sakanaka was an unusual experience, but not a
particularly pleasant one.  I spun around, only halfway intentionally,
since I was moving fast enough, and quickly planted my feet, glaring
into the deep blue eyes of the girl that had accosted me.
     "What do you want?" I growl at Asakura Ryouko.
     Her expression is surprisingly flat, though her eyes narrow and
she gives me a very small frown.  "Suzumiya-san," she starts in a
warning tone, "I need to discuss your intentions with Kyon-kun."
     ...what?  My _intentions_?  "How is this even your business?" I wonder.
     "Your business is not mine," she says carefully.  "But Kyon-kun
is a good boy, and well liked by his friends.  I don't think it will
go well for you if you're trying to cause him trouble or lead him on!"
     "Are you serious?"
     "Absolutely," she swears, her look becoming even more solemn.
     Well, this is the girl who's probably going to be class
representative.  I guess, to some degree, it makes sense.
     Still!  "What does it matter to you, anyway?  Unless _you're_
planning on asking him out?" I snap, ignoring the other students
around us.
     Her eyes track to one side briefly, then back to mine.  "Well,
since fair is fair, if I do, should I expect your interference?" she
returns.
     "Like I give a damn what he does!" I counter, glowering at her,
prompting her to release my shoulder as her eyebrows rise.  "Or you,
either!  Whatever it is, it's not _my_ problem, so just back off!"
     Her response is a quiet, "I see..." and a smile that doesn't seem
to really reach her eyes as I storm away.
     Stupid people and their pointless, inaccurate labels!
     That's so....  She's so fake, anyway!  Like she even knows Kyon?
Onoki knows him better than Ryouko does!
     Annoyed, but not really sure about why, I skip homeroom and
redouble my efforts to find something hidden.  And, maybe a little, I
also go off to a corner of the school where no one else will get in my
way or distract me.
     It isn't too hard to find a container of tennis balls, and from
the roof of the main building, I can _just_ pitch them at the
decorative dome on top of the adjacent building -- the one with no
roof access.
     Like that isn't suspicious?  What's inside that dome, anyway?
     Maybe they're only tennis balls, but if they knock something
open, revealing a hidden entrance -- maybe a secret compartment full
of notes!  Hey, while we're at it, maybe he's there, inside, just
waiting....
     But, really, I can't make myself think anything except that I'm
flinging tennis balls at a remote rooftop for no reason.  I can hear a
nice metallic ringing noise when the balls bounce off the sides of the
dome, but that's absolutely it.
     Maybe something exciting will happen over Golden Week?
     Hopeful for that, I keep glaring at the distant dome and pitching
until I run out of tennis balls, wiping at my eyes when the wind makes
them water too much.
     Stupid....
     ***
     The next day of school, after a vacation too disappointing to
discuss, when Kyon gets to class and sits down in front of me, he
turns around and starts talking to me like he usually does.  I guess
... he must have been investigating me a little bit.  I've been
investigating him, so how long did I _really_ expect to keep it in the
dark?
     Rumors really do get around, huh?
     I guess, actually, I wanted him to find out maybe even earlier.
Somehow, the question he asks is just the perfectly wrong combination
of words; it makes me angrier than I should be:
     "So," he starts without preamble, "I hear there's a rumor going
on about the two of us."
     At least he leaves it at that, instead of trying to take credit
for it -- or put the blame on me.  Still!  I'm _Suzumiya Haruhi_!  Am
I just going to let my investigation turn into something so ... cliche
and predictable?
     Hell no!
     "And what if it's true?" I snap, shooting him a glower.  "Would
someone as unmotivated as you _do_ something about it?"
     He snorts, looking amused.  "Well ... if one rumor is true, two
might be, as well.  According to that, the best record is just a week,
and we've been talking before class longer than that.  I'm satisfied
with what we have, really."
     Somehow ... that ... felt like the right answer.  I think I'd be
angrier if he said almost anything else there.  I can't actually think
of anything else I'd rather have heard him say.  But at the same time,
it _still_ makes me angry!
     As though our discussions even come close to proper conversation,
anyway....  But ... they have become a daily thing, haven't they?
     Not sure why, but annoyed anyway, I give him my well-rehearsed
rant about 'love.'  Sure, even I ... sometimes get those lapses in
judgment.
     But that's all they are!
     As far as him....
     He's still annoying, but he's not a total idiot, and it's a
useful kind of annoying.
     ***
     I didn't mean it to be that way.  It just happened.
     Everyone is subject to patterns -- repeating behaviors because
they're familiar.  Even if you try and devote yourself to never being
static, and to always being something that changes ... sometimes, it
takes someone even more static and less impressive to point out that
you've fallen into a rut, too.
     The first time it happens, it's like a stinging slap on the
wrist, a painful reminder that you've strayed and wandered into
territory you'd planned on avoiding.
     I wasn't sure how to feel about it.  He hadn't cracked the system
entirely, but he'd figured enough of it out.  He missed the
significance of the colors, and he didn't realize that I started
counting with zero instead of one.
     But even _Kyon_ saw through what I was doing.
     I could try and tell myself that it didn't matter; if I was
trying to attract the attention of the unusual, the unnatural,
wouldn't some normal and boring people notice me, too?
     It pissed me off that I went so far out of my way to attract the
attention of something or someone _amazing_ ... and all I got was
_Kyon_.  Stupid hair!  I don't need to look good for _Kyon_, I need to
get the attention of someone else!
     That's why my hair was cut that morning.
     I didn't need to focus so much on a dead-end, did I?  If changing
it all the time only gets _his_ attention....
     Except, I'm so distracted by the idea of Kyon's reaction to my
new hair, I totally miss Sakanaka coming up behind me in the hall
outside of class.  "Um ... Suzumiya-san, that's a very ... interesting
style choice!" she remarks slowly.
     "It's efficient," I reply tersely.  Hell, her hair is shorter,
too.  Just like Yanagimoto's, come to think of it.
     While they aren't friends, seeing the two of us side-by-side, the
other girl in question joins the pair of us, smirking at me.  "Trying
a new hairstyle to get his attention?" Yanagimoto heckles.
     "I...if so, that's probably the ideal choice, then," Sakanaka
agrees reluctantly, offering an uncertain smile.  "Your hair is ...
rather an awful lot like the girl he spent so much time with in middle
school, now!"
     By the time he comes to class, I've managed to work some ribbons
into my hair, changing it to something that Sakanaka unhappily agrees
is different from ... whoever, anyway.  Come to think of it, I had the
same color ribbons when I met that person in middle school, didn't I?
     I don't know why it bothers her so much, but to be completely
honest ... I'm not sure why it bothers _me_ so much, either.  Trying
not to think about it, once class starts, I watch Kyon covertly.
Taniguchi, the last straggler to still bother Kyon for homework,
copies answers frantically, trying to avoid being caught by the
teacher.
     Onoki seems to have moved on to copying off Sakanaka, for some reason.
     ***
     I had been putting off trying to join the Supernatural Research
Society for last.  You could say that I was saving the best for last,
but really, it feels a lot more like I'm trying to delay yet another
inevitable disappointment.  What's the best I could hope for?
     Well, the _best_ I could hope for is that the Supernatural
Research Society is everything I want, and I'll get to meet him again!
     What ... I actually get is a group that rivals the Mystery
Research Club in terms of boring activities!  A pack of ghoulish
freaks who look like _they_ would burst into flame if they were
exposed to proper sunlight!  A bunch of giggling girls and two solemn,
pale boys who take themselves far too seriously -- and seem to get
along all the same anyway.
     As a group, unbelievably boring!  The most repugnantly stagnant
group dynamic ever!
     Worse, they don't even actively _investigate_ supernatural
phenomena, they only _discuss_ it!  Please!  How can you consider
yourself a research society if you don't actually _research_?
     Their defense is a pathetic excuse that books are a form of
research too -- this lot of people shouldn't even disgrace a club room
with their formation!  They should just be members of some other
group, like that Literary Club.  Heck, they're so pale, they look like
they need sun even more than the one girl in that other club did!  But
her club could use members, and if these wastrels are just going to
_read_, at least they'd be making room for legitimate researchers!
     They don't really see it that way, of course.
     Worthless group of occult freaks can't even find anything _real_
to research, and are way too narrow-minded for what 'Supernatural'
means, anyway.
     The biggest disappointment of the entire year so far!  With
something so unbelievably lame, and no real sign of him....  I'm
forced to admit that if it weren't for Kyon, reminding me that I
couldn't give up ... I probably would have.
     ***
     After that ... though he was still annoying, I couldn't figure
out why.  He kept talking to me, though, so I kept talking back.
Answering his questions, more than anything else.
     I wanted to be angry at him for being so annoying, and a little
bit, I was.  I couldn't be truly furious, though ... even if he didn't
realize it or mean to, he had showed me that I was slipping, falling
back and becoming that person I didn't want to be -- another dull
conformist!
     He probably wouldn't admit it, watching me, studying me, I guess
... which wasn't the worst thing in the world.  I mean, he pays
attention to me, but not in the annoying, fawning way of some of the
idiots I've sent running over the years do.  He's not an alien, or a
time traveler, or an esper that I can tell -- I have a hard time
buying any of those things, from him, really.
     Anyway, it's something.  And it's _his_ predictable behavior, not
mine, so I don't have any reason to doubt myself over it.
     He may think he was figuring me out, but I've been spending just
as much time figuring him out, too!
     So he's some wonder-kid -- big deal!  He puts no effort into his
assignments, but always turns up passing grades, and is always at the
top of the class on tests.  He doesn't show any interest in
participating in sports, just chatting about baseball stats -- but
he'd be a star player, and if he weren't too lazy to sign up, he'd be
picked up by the baseball club faster than he could say, 'Koushien.'
     He's a waste of his own potential!
     Still, this leads to the following conversation:
     I probably shouldn't but, hell ... everyone else is even _less_
worthwhile to talk to, so when I find myself getting the second-best
seat in the class (right in front of Kyon, of course), I turn around
to face him when he greets me.
     "So," he asks, "is it true you've tried out every club in the school?"
     Like I need a reminder for that....  "Not one of them was good,"
I sulk.  "I tried them all, sure...."  Then, since I _am_ frustrated,
and he _is_ the one I talk to ... who, even if he doesn't realize it,
gives me a reason to keep searching....
     So, not expecting it to go anywhere, I vent and voice all of my
frustrations about the lacking clubs in this school.  He weathers my
diatribe without batting an eyelash, and when I'm done, he looks out
the windows.
     Still ... at the end of it, he turns to face me and gives a
surprisingly profound speech about how we should all be happy and
complacent with what we have.  Somehow, he himself doesn't catch the
most important part of this speech:  That there _are_ people who are
special, unique, and different.
     And these special, unique, different people -- these _geniuses_
-- weren't satisfied with the world, and strove to make it more
interesting!  Exactly like I was!
     I mean, he's wrong, but he's _so_ wrong, he reminds me of why I
have to keep searching.
     And, even if he didn't realize it, he was right when pointed out
that I would never just 'find' the club I was looking for.  Obviously,
if I want this to happen, I have to do it _myself_!
     Even if the epiphany comes in the middle of class, and he seems
utterly indifferent to me when I jump up in front of him and block his
view of the chalkboard.  So, in a way, that's the second time he's
done me a favor by reminding me how little I'm working to stand out.
What does he give me for my thoughtfulness when I'm ready to thank
him?
     He reminds me we're still in class.
     Like I care!
     Still....  Annoying though he may be, he's way too useful to ignore.
     So, because of that, he'll have to be my first member!
     ---------------------------------
     Author's notes:  Thanks to Halbarad and the rest of the
Soulriders for their extensive help pre-reading this one, and sorry
for the necessary evil of 'yet another take on Melancholy from
Haruhi's PoV'....  Hopefully, it still worked. :)


-- 
Brian Randall
--
Yrne awaits those with the courage to seek it.
--
I write fanfiction. Too much of it. You can read it here, on my
terrible webpage:
http://pishoque.net/brian/