[FFML] [AdvTime][Lime] The Rape of the Flame Princess

[Henry Cobb]

The Rape of the Flame Princess
By Henry J. Cobb

[Adventure Time is the creation of Frederator Studios for Cartoon
Network. This work is done without their knowledge or involvement. May I
burn in the Fire Kingdom forever for even thinking such a thing.
-HJC]

"Finn."

I ignored him and continued to look out over the field, my legs dangling
out over the balcony of our shared treehouse.

"Finn, there you are." Jake stretched out his neck from within the
treehouse and turned his head to look at me. He can do that. It's part of
his powers as a magical dog.

I didn't look at him, but I may have sighed.

"Finn, let's go on an adventure."

Finally I responded, if only to get it over with. "Why, has there been
some problem?"

"Naw, it's been quiet. Too quiet. Let's go check on the Ice King. We
haven't heard anything from him in almost a year."

"I can't attack him, if he hasn't done anything wrong. It's against my
alignment."

"Now look, who said anything about attacking him? Let's go see if he's
turned over a new leaf."

"Good for him then."

"If he's behaving himself now then we ought to establish relations. That
way we can prevent trouble in the future."

"Why bother?"

"You know how dangerous his powers are. If we prevent fights then we can
keep innocents from getting hurt."

"Very well, if we must." I stood up and went into the house.

We packed up some traveling things, including warm furs, and I strapped my
sword onto my backpack.

We traveled quickly to the Ice Kingdom. I rode on Jake's back as he
stretched out his four legs to stride like a giant. Finally he climbed up
the side of Ice Kings mountain and I dismounted to jump through the always
open door of his ice cave.

"Finn! Thank the Cosmic Owl, you've come."

I turned towards the Ice King, and my hand went to the hilt of my sword.

"It's my princess. Something terrible has happened to her."

"Your princess?" I didn't like the sound of that. I followed after the Ice
King, with Jake right behind me.

"Yes, she used to be so lively, but now she just lies there. I fear
something dreadful has happened to her." Ice King pointed towards his bed
which had a gray figure lying there.

"Who is it?" I walked up to the bed.

The figure slowly turned her head in my direction and as she spoke I knew
who she was, even though her voice was now so faint. "Finn?"

"Flame Princess!" I reached out and grabbed her hand, which felt cool to
my touch.

"I don't know what's wrong with her." The Ice King walked up next to
me. "She used to have these fire outbursts. I'd treat them with lots of
snow and ice until she'd settle down, but now she doesn't even have those
anymore."

"You did this to her!" I spun with my sword in hand and ran it through his
foul heart.

His eyes blazed for a moment as he raised his hands and then he collapsed,
held up only by the sword which pinned him to the wall.

"Finn, I, aigggh!"

"Flame Princess!" I turned back to her. "Don't worry, we'll get you out of
here."

"Finn, we can't move her."

"Why, Jake?"

Jake pulled the covers from Flame Princess's body, revealing a large lump
on her belly. "It's her time."

"Her time for what?"

Flame Princess screamed ever so softly and I reached out for her hand
again. Her grip was so weak. I stayed there by her side as she struggled
for several minutes and then she seemed to relax.

I heard a cry and I turned to Jake, who was wrapping a baby in a fur.

"Where did that come from?" I asked.

"It's her baby boy." Jake stretched out his front paws to hold the baby
where she could touch it.

"A boy?" FP tried to move her right arm and I helped lift her hand to
him.

"I'll call you Ray..." FP collapsed. The final bit of strength left her
arm and her head dropped to the side.

"Flame Princess! Nooooo!" I gathered her up in my arms. She felt so light
as she lay there limply. She made no noise and didn't even breathe.

"Please no, no, no." I sobbed over her for minutes, until I heard the baby
crying.

"We best get Ray here home." Jake held the baby in his paws. "We've got
milk and it's warmer there."

"Yes, do that. I will take the Flame Princess back to her kingdom."

"Finn, are you sure?"

"She deserves to be back with her people." I stood, and yanked my sword
from the chest of the Ice King, who collapsed onto the ground. I wiped the
blade on his robes to clean it, then strapped it to my backpack again. I
turned back to the princess and wrapped her body in the blankets. As I
lifted her into my arms I felt how light she was. I thought of how she
must have suffered.

Jake lowered us to the foot of the mountain and then we parted company as
he rushed back to the treehouse, while I headed the other way, towards the
distant volcanoes.

I walked through the sunset and all through the night. By sunrise I was
walking up a hill. I couldn't see very far through the smoke and before I
knew it I found myself at the edge of a volcano's caldera. I looked down
into the lava and then at my bundle.

As good a place as any, I thought. I raised her covered body in my
arms. "Good bye Flame Princess." I threw her as hard as I could.

I strained my eyes to see through the smoke and heat and I thought I saw a
tiny spark as the bundle landed in the lava. I stood there for a few
minutes choking on the ash, when suddenly the volcano erupted. I leapt
back and ran downhill, lava chasing after me as stray sparks bounced off
my clothes.

I turned back after a few miles and saw that my path into the Fire Kingdom
was blocked, so I turned back to home.

My vision was swimming as I turned the doorknob. And I fell forwards into
our front room.

"Finn!" Jake stretched out his front paws to catch me. "You're all burned
up. What happened? Did the Flame King send his troops against you?"

"I saw no one." The darkness overcame me.

I awoke to the sound of Jake singing. I looked out from my bed and saw
that he was rocking the baby gently in his arms.

"Is Ray okay?" I asked.

"He's fine. Aren't you little buddy?"

The baby gurgled happily.

"Don't worry, Ray." I walked over and looked down at him. "You'll be safe
with us. We're all orphans here."

Jake sniffed and seemed worried.

"What is it, Jake? Does he need to be changed?"

"No, it's smoke. Are you sure that nobody followed you from the Fire
Kingdom?"

I got dressed as quickly as I could. "You take the baby to safety, while I
handle this." I picked up my sword and ran out the door.

There was an immense figure of flames walking towards us through the
fields. I ran towards it with my sword at the ready.

"Finn!" It shouted in a loud crackly voice then with an obvious effort
shrank down to a human sized pillar of flame. As she spoke again I
recognized her voice. "Finn, hand me my baby."

"Flame Princess?" I was so surprised that I dropped my sword.

"Here you go." Jake stretched out his paws with the baby.

"Jake, no!" I reached out my arms, but he pushed the baby forwards above
my reach.

"Ow!" Jake yanked his empty paws away.

I looked away and yet I heard niether tiny screams nor the sizzle of
burning flesh. I looked towards Flame Princess, who had undone her top and
was holding her baby to her breast. He seemed to be feeding. I looked away
again and blushed.

Jake looked up from licking his paws. "Flame Princess, will you be
returning to the Fire Kingdom now?"

She looked up from her baby. "I cannot. My father could not bare the
embarrassment of my shame. He would kill my baby."

"Stay with us."

"What?" Flame Princess turned to me.

"Be part of our family." Somehow I found the strength to look right in the
eyes of a princess who was standing in front of me with her top
undone. Though I had to admit that she seemed quite a bit fuller in that
area than when I had first seen her almost a year before.

"Finn, I." She seemed to be lost in thought as she shifted her baby to her
left arm so she redo her top with her right hand.

I shifted my gaze to look at Ray, who seemed to be sleeping happily and now
had a faint shimmer of flame above his head.

"Yes, Finn. I accept." FP stepped up to me and put her right hand around
my waist. Her touch was warm, but not scalding. She lifted her head to
mine and kissed me on the lips. Then moved a little back to look me in the
eyes. "You will be my prince."

Two weeks later, after Ray's third fire tantrum. We all stood outside the
treehouse, to let the smoke clear.

"I'm sorry to cause you such problems." FP stood with her baby in her arms
as Ray looked up fascinated at the smoke.

"Well, that's just the drawback of living in a wooden house." Jake tossed
another bucket of water through the window, then walked back to the well.

"Let's move to a castle of stone." I put my arm around her. I felt this
need to comfort her. I couldn't stand it when she was unhappy.

In an instant the sky shifted from blue to overcast as a sudden snowstorm
hit.

"Aiie!" FP huddled over and Ray began to wail as the cold sliced through
them.

"Let's get you inside!" I threw my arms around them and tried to guide
them to where I thought the treehouse was. I found the door and nudged
them inside. Then as I turned to close the door, I heard a voice I was
sure I would never hear again.

"Give me back my princess, and my son." The Ice King's voice had
changed. Gone was any hint of human feeling. Now it was dry and cold.

I grabbed a sword, then shut the door behind me as I charged into the
storm. "You can't have them!" I sensed the ice bolt over the howling winds
of the storm and just barely managed to deflect it away.

"They belong to me, Finn." The robes, beard and crown of the Ice King
stepped through the storm, worn by a skeleton. "You have no right to keep
them from me. They're mine."

"What's happened to you, Ice King?" Jake lunged forwards. "You've gone all
bony."

"What? I feel fine!" The thing that had once been the Ice King fired
another ice bolt at Jake, who dodged the attack.

I took advantage of the moment's distraction to lunge forwards, but had to
dodge another bolt myself. "He's turned into a lich, Jake."

"It's to be expected when you kill an evil wizard." Jake stretched in a
wavy pattern to avoid a volley of ice bolts.

"I'm no lich. If I'm thin it's only because I'm worried about my family. I
won't be happy until they're safe in my house again. Urk!" Suddenly the
Ice Lich was struck by a fireball. He turned towards the source. "There
you are, my princess. See, you're just having another of those fire
attacks. Don't worry, I'll cool down your fever."

"You will not touch me again." Flame Princess had put on a fur
coat. Apparently she had left Ray back inside the treehouse. She raised
both hands and launched another fireball.

"There, there, it'll be all better soon enough." The Ice Lich launched two
ice bolts, one to cancel out her fireball and the other one directly at
her.

"Flame Princess, no!" I ran forwards, but I was too far away. I couldn't
block the ice bolt.

Suddenly Jake stretched in front of her and was frozen in a big block of
ice as the bolt struck him.

"One more shot ought to do it." The Ice Lich stepped to the side to get a
clean shot at FP.

I shattered his bony neck with my sword and he dissolved into a pile of
snow that blew away on the breeze.

I used the hilt of my sword to shatter the block of ice off Jake, then
asked him, "What happened."

"As an elemental lich he needs to return to his element to reform." Jake
rubbed his limbs. "He'll be back."

"Don't worry, FP. We'll never let him have you."

"Are you alright, Finn?" She ran up to me.

"I'm fine, but what about Ray?"

She rushed back into the house and returned with the baby in her arms.

Just then I heard the sound of wings and turned to the sky. I saw who it
was and strapped my sword to my back.

The swan landed and Princess Bubblegum stepped off and walked towards
us. "It can't be. Flame Princess, you're alive? Everybody's been looking
for you all over the place. That baby, is it yours?"

"Yes, your highness. This is my Ray."

PB turned to me and blanched all the way to spearmint. "Finn, what have
you done?"

"Do not talk to my prince that way."

"Your ... prince. Oh my." PB turned to FP then stepped back and sat on her
swan again.

"What's wrong?" I racked my brains for what I could have done to make PB
act this way.

"Finn!" PB stepped up and grabbed my hands. "There is only one way we can
prevent war from consuming all of Ooo. I will host your royal wedding at
the Candy Kingdom."

"A wedding?" I looked at her befuddled, as she backed away.

"Yes." Flame Princess stepped up and grabbed my right hand with her left
hand as she held Ray in her right arm. "As I said, I accept."

PB turned to FP and asked her, "Your father does not know about any of
this?"

"No, the circumstances have been awkward."

"Best that he learn about it from the wedding invitation then. All of you,
come to the Candy Kingdom tomorrow. And, Finn?"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry that I seem to have waited too long to tell you about certain
things. I always thought you were too young. But I think you've made the
right choice."

"I know I have." FP leaned over to kiss me.

PB turned and without another word mounted her swan, then urged it into
the air.

The Flame King seemed a bit unhappy at the wedding, but everybody else
seemed happy enough.

That night FP showed me what sex was. It was wow, algebraic.

-HJC