[FFML] [fanfic][MLP:FiM][Trigun] SKYGUN, chapter 1

[Mythril Moth]

Here's another little pony project I've been brewing up.

MLP belongs to Hasbro, Trigun belongs to Nightow, Funimation, etc., C&C 
welcome, you know the drill.

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The sun-baked desert stretched for endless iles in all directions. Two mares 
crested a rise, hooves kicking up dust and startling the occasional lizard 
or desert-dwelling rodent.

Of these mares, one had a sun-bleached lavender coat and a pink-streaked 
blue-violet mane and tail; she was draped in stark white blankets and a 
matching poncho, with heavy saddlebags clanking noisily against her flanks 
as she walked. Her gait was more of a trudge; her eyes were dull and weary, 
heavy with telltale bags.

The other mare was more upbeat and cheerful in both attitude and appearance. 
The twin suns had not managed to leach any vibrancy from her bubblegum pink 
coat nor her poofy, vividly pink mane and tail. Even with the heavy suede 
poncho draped over her and the bulging saddlebags she carried, she was 
positively bouncing alongside her companion.

"How far do you reckon it is to St. Germaine, huh Twilight?"

"A few more iles, Pinkie."

"Goodie! I can't wait to see what kind of sweets they have there...Strong 
had all those tasty sugar bubbles but they also had that weird--"

"Could you PLEASE focus, Pinkie?!" Twilight interrupted. "We're not on a 
world food tour. We're on an important mission!"

"We are?" Pinkie asked, confused.

Twilight facehoofed. "The whole reason we're OUT HERE in the middle of 
nowhere, remember? What the chief sent us out to do?"

"I...uh...huh?"

The purple pony sighed in frustration. "Nevermind. Just...keep your eyes 
peeled. She could be anywhere. If we're not careful, we could end up dead. 
Or worse."

"Who could be anywhere, Twilight?" Pinkie asked.

"HER. The Equine Typhoon. The pony with a bounty of sixty billion bits on 
her head. The pony we were sent to find. Dash the Stampede."

- - - - - - -

=THE 60,000,000,000 BIT PONY=

- - - - - - -

"Dash the Stampede? Why, I heard she passed through Weseluck 'round about a 
few days ago."

"Yeah, an' y'heard what happened to th' town, right?"

"Oh yeah, I heard there ain't nothin' left nowhere, 'cept a pile of bodies."

"Naw, what I heard is, a lotta ponies got hurt, but ain't nopony got 
killed."

"Kinda like a miracle without Celestia?"

Everywhere she went, she was used to hearing this kind of gossip.

Presently, she was seated on a cloudstool in a saloon called Thirsty Wings, 
a pegasus bar that perpetually hovered above the town of St. Germaine. She 
tried her hardest to drown out the incessant chatter as she poured a shot of 
Zap Cider.

So engrossed was she in her drink that she almost failed to notice the 
entire top half of the bar disappearing.

The other barflies had completely freaked out and bolted for any convenient 
exit, of course--those that were still whole, anyway. Quite a few of them 
had been shorn in half by the enormous cloudplow that had demolished the 
saloon.

The cloudplow sailed back on its original course and was caught in the mouth 
of a massive, heavily-muscled white pegasus stallion with tiny wings and 
bulging legs that had been liberally modified with the sort of odd, 
barely-reliable steampunk implants one saw all over this Celestia-forsaken 
planet.

"YEEEEAH!!" the hulking horse roared, bloodshot beady red eyes bulging. His 
thick red duster coat billowed impressively about his hooves. All around 
him, several smaller pegasi raised hailguns. The rapid staccato thunder of 
gunfire roared out; the din was joined by the ear-splitting cacophony of 
shattering glass as the saloon's surviving wares spilled out into the fluffy 
clouds, which were themselves being chewed to wispy white shreds by hundreds 
of small hailstones. Within seconds, the saloon had ceased to exist, save 
for one cloudstool, upon which sat one mare, holding a bottle of Zap in one 
sky-blue hoof.

She looked up, magenta eyes narrowed annoyance. With her free hoof, she 
flipped a pair of orange-tinted glasses onto her face, adjusting them as she 
stood, kicking away the stool she had been seated upon. Setting aside her 
bottle, she dipped her snout into a pocket of her travel-worn old red 
longcoat, emerging with a massive chrome steel revolver clenched in her 
teeth. She took one step forward with her left front hoof, which was wrapped 
tightly in black leather and shod with a gleaming, studded steel shoe. The 
wind picked at strands of her wild rainbow-hued mane.

The cylinder of her revolver clicked once, the small sound somehow deafening 
in the stillness of the sudden showdown.

- - - - - - -

"Dash the Stampede?" the sheriff asked. "Yeah, I saw him. Him an' his whole 
damned posse, come ridin' right inta town like Hell's own cavalry."

The stallion who had just woken him up from his nap scowled, the wild blond 
mustache above his lip quivering. "Him? But...Dash the Stampede is a mare, 
not a--"

"Nah, he's a stallion alright," the sheriff interrupted. "Saw him myself. 
Big fella. Huge. Pegasus, tiny wings. Earrings in both ears, bloodshot red 
eyes. Wears a red coat. Carries a huge weapon." He gestured vaguely with a 
hoof. "Saw 'im ter headin' east, that was right around supper yesterday. 
Want my advice? Stay away. Y'heard about Weseluck, right? Whole town shot 
right t' hell. Funny thing is, nopony died. Lotta ponyfolk got hurt, but 
nopony died."

The blond-mustached stallion snorted. "Like a miracle without Celestia, 
huh?" He shook his head, his long blond mane fanning out from beneath his 
wide-brimmed hat. "Anyway, thanks." He tossed two bits onto the desk and 
turned, adjusting the harness carrying his rifle. The tail of his gray suede 
coat whispered on the ground around his hooves as he turned and left.

- - - - - - -

Two exhausted mares trudged into a saloon in St. Germaine. They had hoped to 
stop and rest in Weseluck, but by the time they arrived, the town was in 
shambles, the latest victim of the Equine Typhoon.

"What'll it be, ladies?" the stallion behind the bar asked.

Twilight slammed a purple hoof on the bar, upsetting and annoying a white 
bunny that had been napping there. "I'll have an alfalfa smoothie and an oat 
muffin with raisins!"

"And I'll have a big piece of raspberry meringue pie!" her pink companion 
bubbled. "Oh, with whipped cream and a cherry! Oooh, and ice cream!"

The bartender stared flatly at them.

The patrons, a collection of rough, ill-mannered, drunken stallions, laughed 
raucously and gathered around them. "Hey now, just where'n the hay d'you 
think you are, little lady?" asked a stallion whose cutie mark was 
completely encrusted with lice eggs.

"This ain't one'a them fancy-dancy city places, silly filly," another pony 
with a cloud of flies swarming around his hindquarters grunted in a gravelly 
voice. "You wanna make a joke like that, you gotta remember t' ask fer 
milk."

"Yeah, we'll give you all the mi--" the speaking stallion's mouth abruptly 
snapped shut, surrounded in a red-violet magical glow.

"You *really* don't want to go there," Twilight advised sweetly.

Beside her, there was a loud, sharp THUMP; the entire saloon shook. The 
gathered barflies stared, wide-eyed, at the massive, colorful, 
gaudily-decorated cannon which had fallen out of the pink mare's saddlebag.

"Whoopsie," Pinkie lamented. "Broke another saddlebag."

"Good thing you have a spare, huh?" Twilight asked.

"Yeah..."

As Pinkie resecured her frighteningly large weapon, and the bar patrons 
scurried away from the two mares, Twilight turned back to the bartender. 
"We're looking for information about Dash the Stampede."

"Oh, him," the bartender grunted. "Yeah, saw him an' his posse breeze 
through town a little while ago. Reckon we're lucky t' still be alive."

"I thought Dash was a mare?" Pinkie asked.

"Naw, Dash is a big ol' fella. White, red eyes, tiny wings, earrings in both 
ears. Wears a big ol' red coat an' carries a huge weapon." He paused to spit 
into a glass and wipe it with a grimy rag. "Yep, heard he done steamrolled 
right over Weseluck, t'ain't nothin' left but rubble an' a whole lotta 
scared, confused ponies." He peered sharply at the two mares. "Don't tell me 
two sweet li'l things like you...you ain't after that bounty...?"

"We're only here on business," Twilight said curtly. "So, which way was he 
heading?"

"East, I reckon," the bartender said with a snort and a shrug. "Y'all better 
get a move-on if'n ya want first crack at him."

"Thanks," Twilight said, turning to leave. "Come on, Pinkie."

"But...I never got my raspberry meringue..."

"NOW!" Twilight snapped. Pinkie squeaked and bounded after the irritable 
unicorn.

- - - - - - -

"I'm telling you, boss, I don't think that was Dash," a dark gray stallion 
with a short-chopped mane and tail said. He let out a choked whinny as the 
massive white pegasus cuffed him on the head with a steel-clad hoof.

"AN' I TOLD *YOU*, *I* DO THE THINKIN' AROUND HERE. YEAH!!"

"S-sorry boss..."

The overly muscled pegasus returned to scanning the dusty, rocky terrain 
below with his beady red eyes. "Now, where the hell'd that slippery little 
shit..."

At the base of the mountain, the posse was busily searching for their 
escaped quarry. An old stallion with a gray mane and mustache crept 
stealthily along the ground, gun clenched tightly in his mouth.

Had he been looking up instead of down, he'd have noticed the red-garbed 
blue pegasus mare falling out of the sky. He'd have noted, with an 
appropriate level of alarm, that she was about to collide with him at 
potentially catastrophic speeds.

However, the poor old pony failed to notice any of this, which is how he 
wound up flat on the ground, his spine twisted at an odd angle, as the very 
mare he was searching for crashed plot-first into his face.

He might've even enjoyed that last part, if he were still conscious.

"CRAP that was close!" the mare said as she stood, dusting herself off. She 
looked down at the old-timer she'd landed on, and smirked. "Enjoy the show? 
Think I'll charge you, oh...all your bullets for that."

As she rifled through the stallion's possessions, she reflected on the 
incredibly awkward moment, back at the remains of the saloon, where she 
realized she was completely out of ammunition.

"Talk about being hip-deep in manure," she muttered. "Almost bought the farm 
there..."

"THERE SHE IS!" a voice cried from a rocky outcropping.

"CRAP!" the mare spat, bucking the unconscious old-timer's gun at the 
lookout. It collided with his face, knocking him off the rock. Three more 
ponies popped up behind him, raining hailfire on the sky-blue pegasus. 
Whinnying, she rounded up her newly-acquired stash of ammunition and 
scrambled for cover.

"IT'S NO USE HIDIN'," a rough voice bellowed from above. "WE KNOW YOU'RE 
DOWN THERE, DASH THE STAMPEDE! YYEEEEEAHH!!"

"Alright, if you want a fight--"

She heard a click and felt hard, unyielding metal press against her right 
ear.

"--shit."

- - - - - - -

"So what's the plan?"

Pinkie and Twilight were galloping briskly over the rocky terrain. "Well, we 
catch up to Dash, and we give him the peace offering..."

"We're only giving him one piece? I thought we were giving him the whole 
box! Oooh, can I have the rest?"

Twilight muttered something impolite under her breath. "Look, just...stay on 
your guard, okay?"

"Okey-dokey-lokey!"

Ahead, through the shimmering waves of the afternoon heat, they could see a 
huge, red-clad pony. Several other armed ponies stood around him; at the 
base of the mountain just ahead, a miserable-looking blue mare with a wild, 
rainbow-colored mane was tied up helplessly.

"There he is. That's him." The two mares slowed to a trot.

"Okay boys, good work. Let's get out little bounty head here to the feds--"

"Hey boss, look behind you."

The massive pegasus turned, fixing his red eyes on the two mares. He 
sneered. "Whadda YOU want?" he grunted.

The two mares crept slowly toward him. The purple unicorn's horn glowed; a 
cardboard box lifted itself out of her saddlebag and hovered in front of her 
face as she approached. The pink mare behind her was hunched down, trying 
her best to hide behind her friend's rump, eyes wide and terrified, ears 
flat against the sides of her head.

"Mister Dash the Stampede?" the unicorn began. "My name is Twilight Sparkle. 
On behalf of the Barnyardelli Insurance Society, my partner Pinkie Pie and I 
would like to present to you this token of respect..."

"Nice, Twilight!" Pinkie whispered.

The white stallion snorted. "You fillies with her?" he asked, gesturing with 
an enormous hoof at the trussed-up mare on the ground, who offered a 
sheepish grin.

"No," Twilight said curtly. "As I said, we're representatives of the 
Barnyardelli Insu--"

A gunshot rang out, silencing her.

The posse turned and stared up. Perched atop the rocks was a steely-eyed, 
brown-coated, blond-maned unicorn stallion with a mustache. A wide-brimmed 
black Stetson topped his head, and his long gray duster flapped in the hot 
wind. A cross-shaped shotgun hovered in front of him, enveloped in a brown 
magical aura. The ponies on the ground heard the sound of another shell 
being chambered as the stallion's narrowed eyes came to light on the hulking 
pegasus. "There you are, my little sixty-billion-bit pony."

The pegasus snorted. "Who the hell are YOU?"

"My name is Loose Hoof," the unicorn said in a calm, conversational tone. 
"Also known in some parts as Constance Rifle. I'm a bounty hunter, and I've 
come to collect your head, Mister Dash the Stampede."

The blue pegasus on the ground blinked. "Wait what?"

The dark-gray pegasus henchpony laughed. "Oh man! Hey boss, this guy thinks 
you're Dash!"

The white stallion blinked. "Huh? What the hell?"

"Don't try to deny it!" Loose Hoof said, gun aimed squarely at the massive 
pony's face. "I heard it all from a reliable source. Dash the Stampede is a 
huge white pegasus with tiny wings, beady red eyes, earrings, a big red 
coat, and a huge weapon."

"Uh-huh, that's what we heard too," Pinkie spoke up, coming out from behind 
Twilight.

The hulking horse snorted. "You dumbass," he replied, "Dash the Stampede is 
a *mare* in a red coat, with a big handgun!"

Loose Hoof blinked, as did Twilight and Pinkie. "That's weird," Twilight 
said, "the rumors don't match at all."

The white pegasus' henchpony suddenly noticed something, and sidled up to 
his boss. "Hey boss," he whispered, "look..."

As Loose Hoof's duster flapped in the wind, its red satin lining was clearly 
visible.

The stallion grinned. "YYYYYEEEEEEEAH!!" he whinnied. "So that's your game, 
is it? Even came up with that stupid fake name...Dash the Stampede! C'mon 
boys, LET'S GET 'IM!" He slung the massive cloudplow out of the sheath on 
his back and took to the air, his posse spreading out around him.

Loose Hoof backed up a step, his shotgun wavering. "Well I'll be damned," he 
whispered softly. "So that's how--"

"Oh my gosh! The Equine Typhoon is on the loose! This is bad!" Pinkie 
squeaked. "What do we do?"

"What do we do?" Twilight asked. "I'll tell you what we do..."

- - - - - - -

"We get the hay outta here!" the purple unicorn cried as the two mares 
galloped back to St. Germaine as fast as their hooves could carry them.

"But should we really run away?" Pinkie asked. "I mean, aren't we abandoning 
our post?"

"Right now, it's more important that we warn the townsponies," Twilight 
replied. "The same thing that happened in Weseluck could happen here, and if 
we can get everypony out of town--" She trailed off. "Wait..." She turned to 
look behind and to her right, eyes narrowed. "Hey, you...!!"

The blue pegasus mare had somehow managed to extricate her wings and one 
forehoof from the ropes binding her, and was racing alongside the two 
ponies, happily chowing down on the box of cupcakes Twilight had been 
carrying earlier. "Ffnks ff thf fffd," she said around a mouthful of 
frosting. Licking her lips, she added, "That really hit the spot!"

"HEY!" Twilight cried. "That wasn't for you, you--"

"So, don't tell me you ponies are after that bounty too," the rainbow-haired 
pegasus said as she finished off the last cupcake.

"No, we're not," Twilight said. "Our company sent us to find Dash the 
Stampede and stick to him like glue 24/7--" She trailed off as she realized 
she was talking to empty air.


The blue pegasus had stopped a short distance back, wings beating idly, 
blinking distractedly behind her orange glasses.

An idea suddenly formed, and Twilight circled back. A money pouch floated 
out of her saddlebag, and several coins drifted out, landing in front of the 
bound pegasus. "Tell you what," she said. "How about in exchange for this 
and the cupcakes, you go on ahead and warn the townsponies about Dash?"

"Twilight, you're not thinking of--" Pinkie asked, a hoof raised to her 
mouth.

"Yep," Twilight replied, face set in a hard, determined expression. "We're 
gonna go back up there, and we're gonna do our job!"

The ropes binding the blue mare glowed magenta and began to unravel.

"There, that takes care of that," Twilight said happily, smiling at the 
pegasus. "So, we're agreed then? Good! Good luck!" With that, she and Pinkie 
charged back in the opposite direction, toward the battle they had just 
left.

The rainbow-haired pegasus just stared after them.

- - - - - - -

"Wow, it's quiet up here," Pinkie whispered as the two mares entered the 
shadowy pass near the outcropping where the stallions had been fighting.

"Yeah...wait, there they all are. Doesn't look like anypony's injured," 
Twilight said softly.

"But didn't they kill that bounty hunter?" Pinkie asked.

A shotgun pumped behind her, its muzzle buried in her flank. "Not exactly," 
Loose Hoof said calmly.

"Huh? Hoof, did you find 'er?" the gruff voice of the bulky pegasus called 
out.

"No, it's just those two silly mares from before," Hoof replied, gesturing 
for the two ponies to trot out into the open.

The white pegasus snorted. "An' what th' hell're you two doin' back here?" 
he grunted.

"Mister Dash the Stampede," Twilight began, bowing down low with her front 
hooves, "on behalf of the Barnyardelli Insurance Society--"

"Ah, shut up, I don't really care," the stallion snorted dismissively, beady 
eyes scanning the ridge line. "Any sign of her at all?" he asked the bounty 
hunter.

Hoof shook his head. "Pretty sure she's cleared outta here by now..."

"Dammit, it took forever to catch that little bitch..."

Twilight blinked. "Wait...you're all working together now?"

"Well, when we realized we'd made a mistake..." Hoof began.

"Hey, YOU made the mistake," his erstwhile partner rumbled, jabbing with a 
hoof for emphasis. "We HAD Dash, but YOU let her get away..."

"It doesn't matter," Hoof said dismissively. He eyed the two mares. "Well, I 
suppose we should get back to town, see if maybe she's gone back that way. 
But first..."

The hulking white pegasus followed his gaze, beady red eyes narrowing. He 
leered. "YEEEEAH..."

Twilight's eyes narrowed. Her saddlebags suddenly burst open, and several 
dozen tiny pistols erupted from within, surrounding the surprised stallion 
and pointing right at him. "Don't. Even. Think about it."

The pegasus gulped.

Hoof coughed. "Now, Miss...t'ain't no need to get all in a huff over a 
little...misunderstanding..."

"Oh, I think we 'understood' just fine," Pinkie said from behind him, blue 
eyes narrowed. Hoof turned and swallowed audibly as he beheld the enormous 
pink cannon aimed right at his flank.

"Ah...heheh...yeah..." the musclebound stallion said nervously, ears 
twitching as he backed away from the two mares. "Um...we'll just get back to 
lookin' for..."

He fell to the ground suddenly as a colorful blur shot past him, scattering 
Twilight's magically-levitated guns all over the place. The flying blur 
curved, leaving a rainbow trail in its wake as it slammed into Loose Hoof, 
who was knocked clear into the wall of the mountain pass, nearly knocking 
over a startled Pinkie Pie.

"What the--?" the white pegasus grunted, shaking his head to clear it. He 
looked up, and his eyes widened. "YOU!"

"Now, you fellas weren't gonna throw down over little ol' me, were ya?" the 
blue pegasus asked, batting her eyes playfully as she hovered in the air.

"GET 'ER, BOYS!" the bulky brute below bellowed.

The pegasus posse took to the air, their hailguns blasting away. The red 
longcoat of the blue mare flapped wildly around her flank as she dodged, 
ducked, and dived at dizzying speeds. Twilight and Pinkie could only stare 
in shock and awe.

"She's...she's crazy..." Twilight breathed. "Totally, completely horse-apple 
crazy..."

"Could she be..." Pinkie wondered, blinking her bright blue eyes. "Could she 
really be...Dash the Stampede?"

"No. There's no way. There's absolutely no way that completely insane pony 
is the world's most dangerous outlaw..."

"DIE, YOU LITTLE--!" the muscular horse bellowed, unlimbering his cloudplow. 
The belted mechanism on his foreleg whirred and hummed to life as he drew 
back to throw.

High in the sky, the blue mare listed wildly to the side, dodging the 
enormous blade as it whizzed past...in the direction of the two insurance 
mares. Scowling, she darted after it, violently kicking it to knock it off 
course. It slammed into Loose Hoof, who had just been getting to his hooves, 
knocking him out cold again.

The rainbow-maned pegasus turned and faced the bulky stallion, cocky smirk 
firmly in place. She flew high into the air, then streaked down in a steep 
suicide dive. The beady red eyes of the white stallion widened in alarm as 
he took a hoof to the face and was laid out cold.

His posse bolted off in multiple directions, not daring to look back.

The blue pegasus came to a stop, hovering just above the two insurance 
mares, who blinked up at her. "Well, whaddya think?" she asked, grinning 
cockily. "Did I work off the money and the cupcakes?"

"You...came back...to save us?" Twilight asked.

"Eh, I couldn't just leave ya hangin'," the rainbow-maned mare said.

A cluster bomb tumbled across the rocky ground, landing just beneath her 
hooves.

The three mares looked down at it.

"Oh SHI--"

- - - - - - -

A bedraggled Twilight Sparkle sat at a desk in their room at the inn in 
Klassen. A quill floated through the air in front of her, scratching 
furiously on a sheet of parchment.

"Our investigation has determined that the rockslide which destroyed half of 
St. Germaine was caused by the illegal use of explosives by a bounty hunter 
named Loose Hoof. Please pay all insurance claims related to this incident 
as per company policy." She sighed, setting the quill down. "And we still 
haven't completed our mission...we never DID find Dash the Stampede..."

Behind her, Pinkie lay on her back on the comfortable feather bed, snoring 
loudly, a huge bubble of snot dangling from one nostril.

- - - - - - -

"Didja hear about St. Germaine?"

"Yeah, they said Dash the Stampede buried half the town in a pile of 
rubble."

"Yeah. Strange thing is, nopony got hurt."

"Who needs Celestia for a miracle, huh?"

The wind carried the gossip through and past the ears of a blue pegasus mare 
in a red longcoat, who flapped slowly east, the setting suns at her back 
making her shadow stretch out in front of her.




==================
Mythril Moth
www.mythrilmoth.net