[FFML] [fanfic][lime][Yotsuba&!] Pretty Neighbor 2nd Visit, Chapter 18: Everyone & Games

[Mythril Moth]

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

I've gone back over the last few chapters and realized I started writing 
Torako very badly somewhere along the way. I'll be fixing her dialogue in 
older chapters as I format this for the web.

Meanwhile...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

EVERYONE & GAMES

by Mythril Moth

based on Yotsuba&! by Azuma Kiyohiko

subsequently based on the "Pretty Neighbor" Yotsuba& doujinshi series

no permission asked or given

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Now, I want to make sure everyone is absolutely, perfectly crystal clear on 
this," Fuuka told the two younger girls, arms folded and face stern. "Your 
bedroom is a one hundred and fifty percent NO SEX ZONE, understood? Even if 
Yotsuba-chan isn't there, YOU ARE FORBIDDEN to do ANYTHING remotely erotic 
in that room. If I find out something happens in there, I'll skin you both 
alive and wear the skins. Got it?"

"GOT IT!" Ena and Miura chorused.

"Ne, Ena-chan," Miura stage-whispered, "is that another one of Neesan's 
freaky sex fetishes?"

"If it is, I really don't wanna know," Ena replied, turning green.

"We *could* always just build a doghouse outside and put you in it," Fuuka 
told Miura crossly.

Miura shrugged. "I thought I was pretty much ALWAYS in your doghouse, 
Neesan."

"Fuuka-san?" Torako called from the genkan.

Fuuka gave Miura a frosty, withering glare, then walked off to the front of 
the house.

"Mou, Miura-chan, why do you keep pissing off Oneechan?"

"Cuz it's fun," Miura said. "She's so cute when she's pissed."

Ena stood in front of Miura, evincing the exact same pose of sternness and 
disapproval Fuuka had just moments earlier. "What about me? Am *I* cute when 
I'm pissed?"

"No, YOU, I'm scared of."

"Good."

At the genkan, Torako bowed to Fuuka. "Fuuka-san, do you still have the keys 
to next door?"

"Yes, of course, nobody has come to pick them up," Fuuka said. "And I'm 
honestly not expecting them to...I have a feeling Mom and Dad will come home 
eventually."

Torako nodded. "I pray that you're right. For now, though...I'd like to 
borrow the keys."

"Sure, but what for?"

"There isn't enough space to train Miura-dono around here, and I'd rather 
have an empty house for running combat drills in any case."

Fuuka blinked. "Wow. You're super-serious about this stuff."

Torako stared levelly at her. "Fuuka-san, I've agreed to train Miura-dono to 
do what I can't. I can't give her the resolve to kill. Nobody can give 
another that resolve. But the skills she will need to kill Asagi, *those* I 
can offer her. And even though I've never killed anyone, I have had...a 
great deal of experience in this area. If Miura-dono intends to become a 
killer, then I'll make her into the best killer she can be."

Fuuka sighed, bowing her head. "I'm getting really tired of all this stuff 
about Miura-chan killing Asagi." Torako opened her mouth to retort, but 
Fuuka waved her off. "I know, Torako-san. If ANY of us are to have peace, 
it's going to cost us. I just...this feels really wrong."

Torako looked away. "This IS really wrong. But sometimes...that's what doing 
the right thing is all about."

-----------------------------------

"I guess I'll spend today playing with Yotsuba-chan," Ena said with a sigh. 
"I really wish you didn't have to do this, Miura-chan."

"I know. Me too. But..." Miura looked down, fists clenched at her sides. "It 
just has to be done. I'm sorry."

Hugging Ena and kissing her lightly on the cheek, Miura followed Torako next 
door.

"It's good that you dress like a tomboy," Torako said as she and Miura 
entered the Ayase residence. "That'll certainly make our task easier. 
Fighting in a dress is a lot tougher than fighting in stuff like that."

"Yes, Sensei."

"Bring that box, the one over by my car. Be careful. It's heavy."

A few minutes later, a sweating, straining Miura had dumped the box on the 
kitchen floor. "Jeez, the fuck's IN this thing?" she asked.

"Weapons," Torako said. "Training weapons. Nothing lethal." She cut the tape 
on the box with a pocket knife, then opened it.

Miura stared, wide-eyed.

Plastic combat knives. Foam rubber nunchaku. Soft pellet guns. Rubber-tipped 
throwing darts. Stuff Miura could not even immediately identify.

"Whoa."

"I have no idea what you might be gifted with, so I brought a little of 
everything." Torako paused. "I considered bringing shinai, but honestly, I 
do not foresee you engaging Asagi in a sword duel. And I haven't trained in 
kendo in any case." She took out the plastic knives, and tossed one to 
Miura. "Let's start with this." She pulled a small pot of some black 
substance out of the box and placed it on the table. Scrounging up a dish 
rag, she opened the pot and scooped out a small amount of sticky tar, which 
she began rubbing on the edge of her knife. Once she was done, Miura did 
likewise.

"I need to see what you've got so I know what you need," Torako said.

"Lemme guess. We run around the house trying to 'cut' each other and leave a 
tar mark someplace vital, right?"

"Exactly. NOW!" Torako plunged into Miura, stabbing with her knife. 
Squawking, Miura jumped out of the way, and began backing up the stairs, 
wary of the other girl.

Torako shook her head. "Not a bad idea, but you're trapping yourself..."

-----------------------------------

Asagi panted, lying on the floor and sweating.

"WHY?" she screamed. "WHY. WON'T. YOU. *BREAK*?!"

Jumbo was still tied to the bed; his entire body including his genitalia was 
covered in red, angry welts; some of those had begun to bleed. Small 
puncture wounds on various parts of his body told of other things besides 
the whip Asagi had used on him; there was also a nasty-looking burn just 
above his left nipple, cauterized with the very same red wax that had made 
it.

Throughout the night, he had not fallen asleep, he had not so much as 
grunted once, and he absolutely had not become aroused.

"Why won't I break?" he asked. "Because I hate you, and I frankly find 
absolutely nothing sexy in this entire ridiculous situation."

"You..." Asagi growled. "Do you have ANY IDEA how many men would die to be 
in the situation you're in, for even just ten minutes?"

"What can I say?" Jumbo asked, smirking. "As far as I'm concerned, even 
Miura-chan is sexier than you."

Asagi screamed wordlessly.

-----------------------------------

Ena panted, lying on the floor and sweating. "She...runs...so...fast..."

"Eeeeeeenaaaaaaaa!" Yotsuba called. "You're still it! Come on, this ain't 
fun if you're not gonna chase me!"

Ena stood up, groaning. "Whose idea was it to play tag with only two people, 
anyway? Mou..."

-----------------------------------

Fuuka panted, lying on the floor and sweating. "I...don't 
believe...something like that was so much hard work."

"Well yeah, that kind of thing takes a lot of energy," Koiwai said, sitting 
on the floor next to her drinking a can of tea.

"I'm sorry, Kotashi. I just don't think I'm any good at this. I can't get 
the fingering right or anything."

"Give it time," Koiwai advised patiently.

"Yeah, maybe," Fuuka said, dubious. She giggled. "Still, it WAS a lot of 
fun."

Sighing, she stood up and unslung the plastic guitar from around her neck. 
"Maybe I'll sing next time instead."

"What, so we can fail out of the song even faster?" Koiwai snorted.

"Jerk," Fuuka replied, bopping him over the head with the plastic guitar. 
"Well, I gotta do housewife stuff. Have fun with your little imported toy!"

Smirking, Koiwai slung the guitar on, bumped the difficulty to Expert, and 
spent the next hour completely lost in Rock Band.

-----------------------------------

Yanda panted, lying on the floor and sweating. "Goddammit...it's too hot in 
here...but I don't wanna run up the light bill..."

Sighing, he stood and stretched, sniffing himself. "Eh...change of clothes," 
he decided.

After all, Koiwai certainly didn't worry about running HIS air conditioner 
at all.

-----------------------------------

Miura panted, lying on the floor and sweating. Much of her body was covered 
in tar marks from Torako's knife.

"Hmm," Torako mused, examining the many times she had hit Miura, and two 
glancing blows she had taken on her left arm. She shook her head. "Pitiful. 
We'll have to work on this."

"I never thought..." Miura complained between pants, "...training to kill 
Asagi...would be...this rough."

"Um. We're not even *training* yet, Miura-dono. This is called an 
*evaluation*. And quite frankly, you suck ass."

Miura sighed. "So what, I gotta do a whole bunch of cut wood and carry water 
or wax-on wax-off bullshit?" Sitting up, she groaned. "Just how tough IS 
Asagi, anyway? She never really seemed to be, you know..."

Torako laughed. "Asagi? In a fight? A fair fight? The very first lunge you 
made at me would have done her in."

Miura blinked at that, then stared long and hard at Torako. "Then what the 
hell is all this bullshit for?!" she demanded.

Torako shook her head, lighting a fresh cigarette. "Miura-dono, you're not 
training to fight Asagi. You're training to survive long enough to get the 
*chance* to kill her."

"Survive..." Miura thought about that, then her eyes widened. "Oh."

"I'm one of her *least* dangerous servants," Torako said, inhaling and 
exhaling, spraying smoke in a wreath around her head. "If you can't get past 
me without looking like the cutting board at a sushiya, you'll NEVER get 
close enough to Asagi to kill her."

Miura sighed. "I was close enough that one day..."

"That was when her guard was down. Now that she's revealed her true colors 
to the world, trust me, she's protected every hour of every day." Torako 
sighed. "The honest truth? You're going to have to evade, not confront. You 
need to learn how to get *past* her guards, not *through* them. And then, 
with the right training and the right weapon..."

She pulled one of the plastic dart guns from the weapons box, and in a fluid 
motion, put a tiny papier-mache pointy dart right in the center of Miura's 
forehead.

The younger girl frowned. "Uh...there's a slight problem with that," she 
pointed out. "This is kinda Japan, you know? I mean it's not like I can just 
g--"

A cheap faux crystal vase on the living room bookshelf exploded, shattering 
loudly enough to cover what little sound the shot made.

Miura jumped at the unexpected sound, then turned to face Torako. A silenced 
pistol was in the older girl's right hand, smoke still curling from the 
barrel.

"Whoa," Miura gaped.

"And no, I'm not giving you this one," Torako said. "IF you demonstrate 
proficient aim and caution with fake dart pistols, I can acquire a suitable 
gun for your size and build, filed and silenced."

The gun disappeared back wherever Torako had pulled it from. Miura felt 
distinctly uneasy. "I...think I wanna give the knives another go first, and 
maybe learn to use the throwing darts. THAT was kinda scary."

Torako gazed steadily and seriously into her eyes. "What's scarier?" she 
asked. "An unexpected gunshot destroying something in an instant, or an 
entire lifetime of psychological battery?"

Miura had no answer for that.

"We *will* train with the guns. Frankly, they're your best bet. But you're 
right, we need to cover all the bases. Plus, if you have to draw on her 
bodyguards, she'll know you have a gun long before you get anywhere near her 
with it, and then you are *screwed*."

"I am?" Miura asked.

"If she's where I think she probably is? Yes. She has an assault shotgun 
stashed there. Lots of luck surviving THAT." Torako flicked the finished 
butt of her cigarette to the floor with total disregard, grinding it out 
with her foot. "That's why you absolutely must reach her with a minimum 
amount of commotion and never present her with even the barest hint of a 
target. And that's the true objective to our training."

"Oh," Miura said at length, nodding. "Okay, that makes sense. I...guess we'd 
better get back to it then, huh?"

"Yeah, but you probably ought to get a drink of water first."

Miura nodded, running off to get a glass and thankful the utilities had not 
been turned off. "You know, it's funny though," she commented, "when we 
started all this, you had this kickass samurai vibe going on, and now you're 
telling me I gotta be a ninja to win?"

Torako chuckled. "Well, you're a little too small to be a proper samurai 
anyway."

Miura gave her the finger. A paper dart bounced off the very tip. Miura 
didn't even see Torako move.

Twirling the dart gun on her fingertip, Torako smirked. "Then on we go."

-----------------------------------

"Hey Ena?" Yotsuba sat cross-legged on her bed, clearly unhappy.

"Yes, Yotsuba-chan?"

"You said Miura wasn't gonna move in with us. You said it. You lied." She 
had on her pouty face.

*Uh-oh.* "Well...the thing is...something happened we didn't think was gonna 
happen," Ena explained weakly. "You know how Asagi made Torako-san steal 
Miura-chan?"

"That was mean. How come nobody's mad at Tigey when she did somethin' bad, 
but everybody's mad at Asagi?"

Ena sighed. "It's complicated."

"It's always complicated!" Yotsuba whined.

"That's life, Yotsuba-chan. I'm sorry. It doesn't get any easier when you 
get older."

"Oh," Yotsuba replied in a small voice, frowning.

"You see, Torako-san is a very good person. But Asagi makes her do a lot of 
really bad things," Ena tried to explain. "Torako-san..." She paused, trying 
to think how to explain it. "Asagi stole the most important thing in the 
world from her, and it made her very sad. And she can't ever have that thing 
back, but as long as she does whatever Asagi tells her, her most precious 
thing in the whole world will still be around."

"That's pretty complicated," Yotsuba agreed, nodding, arms folded.

"You don't understand, do you?" Ena asked weakly.

"No, I don't." Yotsuba sighed. "But I'm not as worried about Tigey as I am 
about Miura movin' in. I'm not gonna get throwed out again, am I?"

"Of COURSE not!" Ena cried fiercely, sitting on the bed next to Yotsuba and 
hugging her. "Miura-chan is only staying until we deal with all this crazy 
stuff with Asagi, so we can all keep each other safe. While she's here, 
we'll all three sleep in here."

"And you'll take turns sharing your beds," Fuuka said from the doorway. 
"Each night, Yotsuba-chan will sleep with either Miura-chan or Ena-chan. 
That's the rule. If we ever catch Yotsuba-chan in a bed by herself and the 
other two are sharing one, we're gonna have problems."

Ena paled. "Don't worry, Oneechan. NO problems here, promise!"

Yotsuba blinked. "Mommy, why're you bein' mean to Ena an' Miura? They ain't 
done nothing..."

"It's more what they *might* do," Fuuka said, smirking.

Yotsuba blinked. "....huh?"

"Oneechan! We already promised we won't do anything...*weird* in front of 
Yotsuba-chan!" Ena complained.

"Weird?" Yotsuba asked, head tilted.

Fuuka raised an eyebrow. "I'd love to hear you talk your way around THAT 
one, Ena-chan."

Ena sighed, scrubbing a hand through her hair. "You *do* realize this whole 
damn house is a powderkeg just waiting to blow," she muttered.

Yotsuba's eyes widened. "OUR HOME'S GONNA 'SPLODE?!?!?!?!"

"AUUUUUUUGH!" Ena screamed. "I didn't mean that like that, Yotsuba-chan! I'm 
sorry! The house isn't gonna explode! Don't freak out!"

Fuuka rolled her eyes. "That's strike one," she said, walking away.

Ena collapsed flat on her belly on the bed, eyes closed and arms stretched 
out in front of her. "I give up," she moaned.

Yotsuba patted her on the head. "I dunno what's goin' on, but don't ever 
give up, Ena."

Ena smiled up at her. "Thanks, Yotsuba-chan. Thanks."

"So if our home ain't gonna splode...?"

Ena sighed. "Yotsuba-chan...just ignore anything that comes out of my mouth 
until you're about eight."

"You mean like if you puke?" Yotsuba asked curiously.

"I mean like if I start pooping out of my mouth, which I seem to do a lot 
lately."

"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!"

------------------------------------

Asagi had left sometime around noon, presumably to rest and eat. With her 
gone, Jumbo could finally relax. *Damn, I gotta piss. Then again, it'd hurt 
like hell right now...*

He tugged at the silk cords binding him. *Still too tight...or else she shot 
me up with something REAL strong...*

Idly, he mused at the very interesting corpse he would leave behind at this 
rate: malnourished, covered in urine, tied to a bed with velvet ropes, and 
being over two meters tall...

*Heh. Good luck explaining THAT, bitch...*

------------------------------------

"I'll get it!" Yotsuba called out as the bell rang. Skipping to the 
entryway, she opened the door...

...saw who it was...

...and tried to force it shut on his foot, screaming bloody murder.

The entire household--which at the moment just meant the immediate Koiwai 
family--sprang into action, worried that something was about to go horribly 
wrong...

"Dammit, brat, stop DOING that!" Yanda ground out between his teeth. He 
forced the door open, sending Yotsuba tumbling back into the house. "Yo, 
Senpai," he greeted as Koiwai stepped into view.

Fuuka shot Koiwai a hard look, and he scowled, nodding.

"Aw SHIT, *THAT'S* still here too?!" Yanda asked with an exaggerated moan of 
pain. "You DID teach her some manners after the last time, right?"

Koiwai sighed. "Yanda..." He looked straight into his junior's eyes, and 
there were hard flints that made Yanda back up slightly. "I've put up with a 
lot of crap off you over the years...well, let's just say, I had my reasons 
for looking out for you.

"But see, here's the thing..." Koiwai reached out and placed his hands on 
Yanda's shoulders.

"You are a complete and total fucking asshole."

Yanda flinched away. "The hell?"

"You're an asshole," Koiwai repeated. "Do I need to SHOW you what an asshole 
is? Do I need to draw a diagram? Bring out a dictionary? Maybe goatse.cx 
perhaps?"

"Whe...where the fuck is THIS coming from?" Yanda asked, repulsed.

"Well, let's see," Koiwai said, making a great show of pondering such a 
weighty question. "Well, for starters, you've always been a jerk. I never 
have actually liked you. I just put up with you.

"And then Yotsuba came along. You *do* realize that she's my daughter, 
right? I thought for certain if you had any real respect for your 'senpai', 
you'd treat my child with respect as well. Instead, you harass, harangue, 
and bully her at every opportunity, to the point where she gets positively 
rabid when you come around.

"And then there's Fuuka-chan. My wife."

Yanda blinked. "Your...wife."

"Yeah."

"You got married and you didn't even tell me? Didn't even invite me to the 
wedding?"

Koiwai shrugged. "We haven't had an actual ceremony yet, we've just gotten 
the legal stuff out of the way. But rest assured, you're absolutely not 
going to be receiving an invitation." He paused, then added, "And the fact I 
never told you should pretty much speak for itself as to how far I regard 
you as a friend."

Yanda just stared at him.

"Don't you understand, Yanda-san?" the long-haired girl he had yet to meet 
said in a plaintive tone. "Nobody in this house wants anything to do with 
you. So please...just go away."

Yanda snorted, shaking his head. "Oh, I get it, this is for the kids, right? 
So they don't know this big-tits chick is really your sex slave--"

Koiwai grabbed Yanda by the throat so suddenly nobody had even seen him 
move. He lifted the towheaded idiot off the ground, then powerbombed him 
hard, head-first, into the rubbery mat just inside the door.

"Holy SHIT, a chokeslam!" Ena cheered. "Nice, Oniisan!"

"Excuse me for a moment, ladies," Koiwai said. He grabbed Yanda by the hair 
and dragged him outside.

At the gate, he released Yanda. "Before I throw you the hell out of here 
once and for all, where the HELL did you get the bullshit idea I'd ever do 
something that SICK, especially with a five-year-old daughter in the house?"

"It was the tall pretty girl next door," Yanda wheezed. "Dammit, Senpai, 
that shit HURT--"

"Yeah, well, you deserve it. Especially after talking that way about my 
wife. ESPECIALLY after talking that way about my wife in front of her little 
sister and our DAUGHTER."

"You mean that's the little fart's actual mom?" Yanda asked.

"Not that it's any of your business, but no. She's Yotsuba's stepmother now. 
And from what I hear, you were as insulting to her as you are to Yotsuba." 
Koiwai stared hard at Yanda.

Yanda shifted. "Don't blame me. Like I said, it was that chick next door..."

"My wife's former elder sister," Koiwai replied. "Who uses people for her 
own petty amusement, like she used you that day to annoy Fuuka-chan. And 
who, by the way, took Jumbo prisoner a few days ago and forced him to marry 
her by threatening to kill one of Yotsuba's friends."

Yanda stared at him. "Man, I gotta come over more often, this is better than 
fuckin' television."

Koiwai pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. "What about any of 
what I've said do you not get? You are no longer welcome here."

Yanda stood and dusted himself off. "Yeah, well..fuck you too." With that, 
he left, hopefully never to darken the Koiwai doorstep ever again.

Back inside the house, three girls were still staring in shock. Yotsuba 
recovered first, and seemed about to ask something...

"Yotsuba-chan?" Fuuka began. "Anything that Yanda says is a total lie, you 
know that, right? So if you were about to ask about that disgusting thing he 
just called me, don't. It's stupid and nasty and it's just him being mean."

"Huh?" Yotsuba asked. "Oh, nuh-uh, I wasn't gonna ask about that."


"Oh. Okay then."

"I was gonna ask what a goo...gootsu...whatever that last thing Daddy said 
was."

"I have no idea, and I don't really think I want to," Fuuka replied.

------------------------------------

At dinner, Fuuka, Ena, and Yotsuba related the tale of Yanda's epic ejection 
from the house, while Miura and Torako talked shop without really talking 
shop, due to Yotsuba being blissfully ignorant of Miura's mission.

As Koiwai listened, occasionally interjecting a comment or clarification 
here and there, he couldn't help but notice that Yotsuba's attention seemed 
oddly fixated on Ena.

"Hey, Yotsuba," Koiwai asked. "You sure do seem to be staring at Ena-chan a 
lot today. Did something happen?"

"Ena said she poops out of her mouth," Yotsuba explained. "I gotta see 
that!"

"UGH!" Miura groused, mimicking sheer horror. "And you let me KISS you? What 
the hell?"

"I'm pretty sure nobody's plumbing works in reverse like that," Torako 
commented, arching an eyebrow.

Ena facefaulted right into her dinner.

-----------------------------------

Yanda sat in his own room at home, sulking.

*What crawled up Senpai's ass and died?*

After all these years, and suddenly Koiwai wanted nothing to do with him? 
Called him an asshole? Threw him out the front gate?

*Well FUCK YOU anyway, bastard...*

Yanda's phone beeped its incoming mail beep. Frowning, he pulled it out and 
looked at it.

The message was sent by a "T_ASAGI", and contained only two things: a 
website link, and the instruction "Spread the word."

Bored and irritated, Yanda clicked the link more out of anything whatsoever 
to do than any real interest.

When he realized what he was looking at, his eyes bugged out. "Oh...oh man. 
Oh man, this is some CHOICE shit!" he cackled.

"Hmm...spread the word, huh? T. Asagi, whoever you are, your wish is my 
command."

Forwarding the link to his PC, Yanda began pulling up every message board 
and social networking system he could think of.

By six o'clock the following morning, Yotsublog had jumped from 194 to 
30,000 hits.




==================
Mythril Moth
www.mythrilmoth.net