[FFML] Mobile Suit Gundam Storm, Ch. 6

[Andrew Dynon]

-----Original Message-----
From: ffml-bounces+adynon=internode.on.net at chez-vrolet.net
[mailto:ffml-bounces+adynon=internode.on.net at chez-vrolet.net] On Behalf Of
Arthur Hansen
Sent: Thursday, 26 May 2011 11:40 AM
To: The Fanfiction Mailing List
Subject: Re: [FFML] Mobile Suit Gundam Storm, Ch. 6

On Wed, May 25, 2011 at 6:59 PM, Andrew Dynon <adynon at internode.on.net>
wrote:
> Ouch.  Yeah, as I've said, I'm aware that descriptiveness is one of my 
> weaknesses (and part of this is not being aware when I need to go into 
> more detail until it's pointed out to me).  I do want to build better 
> emotional intensity, and would appreciate any advice on how to go 
> about it.  Nothing against you for pointing this out.

<< A lot of what helps evoke really strong feelings is the descriptive in
this, I think. Athene and Pallas being shown to to have dilated eyes,
shaking hands, invading other people's personal space with such things as
'heavy sweat that left her cold as she exited her barely functioning
mobilesuit'. >>

Ah, there's my problem (well, one of them, anyway).  In real life, I pretty
much suck at reading body language and other nonverbal cues (in fact, there
was one time I lost a friend because of it), and I'm guessing that's showing
in my writing.