[FFML] [SHnY][AU] At a Glance (2/2)

[Brian Randall]

Aaaand ... part two.  Going to duplicate the header on the off chance
that the first message gets lost so no one gets confused. :3

     At a Glance

     A 'Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi' fanfiction

     Disclaimer: The novel series of Suzumiya Haruhi that began with
'The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi' is the creation of Nagaru
Tanigawa.  No disrespect is intended by the posting of this
fanfiction, as I do not own the characters or settings involved.  I'm
merely dabbling with another set of paints.

     Note: This is an AU, so it helps to be familiar with the first
novel, or the first season of the anime.
     -------------------------------

     When I reach the club room after school that day, I call a
greeting as I enter.

     Asahina responds nervously, and then there's Nagato's quieter answer.

     "Haruhi went home?" I wonder.  "I didn't think she'd take this so hard...."

     "W...what happened?" Asahina asks, clearly confused.

     I sense Nagato's curiosity as well, though she says nothing.

     Sighing, I decide it's better not to relate the entire truth....
But then, there's no good reason to lie to these two, either.  So,
just don't tell them everything.

     "I told Haruhi that if she made you cry again I'd quit the club,"
I answer.  "But then ... for all the trouble she caused you yesterday,
I can't really feel bad that she decided to take it seriously."  I
don't say anything for a moment as I find my way to the table, and
then my seat.

     "O...oh," Asahina finally responds.

     Some club.

     "Mm.  Haruhi said she wanted this club to be about finding ...
time travelers, aliens ... that kind of nonsense," I say.  "What do
you two think of that?"

     It's strangely quiet for a long while, just the sound of
Asahina's soft, somewhat nervous breathing.  Not even the sound of
Nagato turning pages in her books can be heard.

     "U...um," Asahina finally hazards, "i...is that what this club is about?"

     Come to think of it....  "I haven't any idea what she put on the
paperwork," I mused.  She must have written my name in a register
without asking me.  "But that's what she said."

     "O...oh," Asahina manages in response.

     "Well, what did she tell you when she convinced you to join?" I wonder.

     "I, er...."  There's a pause, and then she answers, "Ah ... that
is ... she told me that I was exactly what this club needs?"

     "You know ... you don't have to be in this club, if you don't
want to," I try.

     "N...no, this is where I need to be," she insists.  "Um...."

     Awkward silence reigns supreme once again.  With an internal
sigh, I change my tone slightly, saying, "Well then, Nagato-san, I
think it falls to you to decide the topic of conversation.  I don't
seem to be able to start one up, myself."

     She shifts in her seat, and her quiet steps approach before she
sets something on the table before me.

     I pick it up, somewhat curious.  It's not like I'm not familiar
with books, though they are by far one of my least favorite mediums.

     The only thing I care for less is manga.

     My fingers trace over the title, revealing that this is one of
those few books I can actually read.  "'Ringworld'," I quote the
title.

     Usually I only bother with digital copies of books ... but if she
went through the trouble, well....  "Thank you, Nagato," I allow.  "Is
this your book?"

     "It is for you," she answers, her voice hovering near and behind me.

     Well, stands to reason, after all.  She's a member of the
Literary club, regardless of what Haruhi might say, and with her
gone....  "Thank you very much for that, then; is there anything I can
do to pay you back?"

     I get the impression she's trying very hard to steel herself for
something, when she finally says, "Read it."

     "Can do," I assure her, opening the book up and running my
fingers over the first page.

     "U...um ... in that case ... is there anything I can read?"
Asahina asks timidly.

     "Yes," Nagato agrees, moving away from me.  My attention,
however, is on the pages before me.

     ***

     After getting home, enduring my sister's constant and friendly
pestering, I settle down in the living room with my new book.  When my
mother gets home, this prompts her to remark in surprise.  I ignore
that, right until my sister starts and says, "Kyon-kun!  A paper fell
out!"

     My mother finds it before I do.

     "Kyon!" she gasps, sounding pleased.  "Did you make a friend?"

     "She's in that club I joined," I offer.  It would have to be
Nagato; Haruhi hadn't known about the book, and if she _did_, well....

     "Is this a girlfriend?!" my sister yelps, making the couch shake
with her jumping.

     "Not knowing what the letter says, I couldn't possibly guess," I answer.

     "It's not to you, it's to me," my mother answers.  "Aw ... she's
shy!  She wants to invite you over for dinner, but she's afraid that--
 Well, this is fine!  How wonderful for you, Kyon!"

     "Dinner?" I wonder, frowning.

     "Yes!" she says, nodding.  "Now, let's see....  I'll give her
family a call and make the arrangements.  I think you'll be ready
tomorrow, won't you?"

     "Evidently," I answer.

     "Good," she decides, before going to the phone.

     "Tell me!" my sister demands from my side, putting her small
hands on my shoulder and giving me an insistent tug.  "Who's this
nee-chan?"

     Sighing, I check the page number I was on and close the book.
"She's shorter than me," I answer, "but pretty strong for her size.
She wears glasses, and she loves to read."

     "But ... what's she _like_?"

     That ... is actually a very good question.

     ***

     The following day, Haruhi is back to class, a quiet, tense bundle
of energy, radiating irritation from the moment she drops heavily into
her seat.

     I still have no idea what she got all worked up about.  I don't
really want to make it worse, but I also don't want to ask about it.

     It wouldn't kill me to be a little nice to her, if she _was_ so
down....  Whatever happened to Asahina, she didn't seem really
concerned about it the next day, surprisingly enough.  So....

     "You know, the club meeting yesterday was alright," I remark,
instead of greeting her.

     "Oh?" she asks sourly in response.

     "Seemed to be lacking leadership, though," I muse.

     She shifts in her seat, and much of her gloomy aura seems to
dissipate.  "Oh?"

     "Yeah."

     "Huh," she muses in response, sounding remarkably relieved.

     I guess that takes care of things, then?

     ***

     The club meeting is interesting, after that.

     While somewhat subdued, Haruhi also seems to be recovering her
energy -- though she's surprisingly polite to Asahina, now.

     In the meantime ... Haruhi wants me to do things on the computer.
 Well, fine; I'm good at that.  She wants a web-page created.  I can
do that; setting up and configuring the server, that's the easy part.
Whoever set up the computer initially took care of most of the things
I'd have to hunt down, and I had Nagato install some software to let
my PDA talk to the computer.

     And by 'talk' I suppose I mean 'place a back-door into the
system'.  But, hey; the system can spare a few cycles and megs of RAM
to give me a command-line-interface that Haruhi can't even see when
she's using the system.  That does let me mess with the system without
leaving my seat.

     She even actually laughs the first time I do it, waggling the
fingers of one hand in her general direction as I declare the problem
to be fixed, 'auto-magically'.

     "I think you would make a better web-page for the Brigade if you
actually got out of your chair and _looked_ at it!" she protests.

     "GUIs are easy-mode," I respond.  "Real ninjas surf via telnet on
port eighty."

     "I ... what?  I know what a GUI is, but what the hell?" Haruhi
asks, chuckling.

     "T...telnet would be text only," Asahina clarifies.

     "See?" Haruhi protests.  "Text only--  We need a great, flashy
layout!  Something to draw people in!  Come on, can't you fix this?"

     Not really....

     "How often have you found something on the internet because it
had a great picture on the front page?" I wondered.  "Because
search-engines don't usually check art or layout; just content.  If a
picture has alt-text, that much might show up, but in a search engine
that's pretty much just going to be a text description of--"

     "Now you're boring me," Haruhi grumbles.  "I still want it to
look better than this!"

     "I'm all about function over form," I answer.  "So, how about
since I already made the page, _you_ adjust it to taste?"

     "I--  Uh....  Some subordinate you are!" she sighs.  Then, very
quietly, she mumbles, "Well ... it's not like I'll be handing out
fliers, now...."

     "What's that about fliers?" I wonder.

     Her chair creaks as she sits up abruptly.  "I was going to make
fliers for the club, and we....  Never-mind that, though," she sighs
again, before she begins tapping away.  Not wanting to be an
electronic voyeur, I disable my PDA's wireless link to the desktop and
focus on the more important task of the diabolical level five AI.

     After a fierce battle of attrition, it wears me down, pinning my
king.  I think I'm making it really fight, though.

     Remembering something Haruhi mentioned, I ask, "What 'Brigade'?"

     "Eh?"  Her typing abruptly stops, and in answer, she rises from
her seat and marches to my side, slapping a piece of paper onto the
table before me.  "Here!" she says, sounding smug and self-assured.
"Take a look!"

     "Um ... the ... 'Save the world by Overloading it with fun,
Suzumiya Haruhi's Brigade'?" Mikuru asked.

     "I'm sure he can read it himself, Mikuru-san," Haruhi says,
somewhat dryly.  "But, see?  Like this drawing here!  That's the kind
of thing I want on the website."

     I bite back my caustic rejoinder of, 'Well, good luck with that.'
 Instead, I give a small grunt in response.  "I don't really know what
to make of this," I answer truthfully.  "I suppose as long as it
doesn't conflict with my Council of Evil business, it's fine though."

     "You are really slow on the uptake," Haruhi chides me.

     "I can't see why you would think that," I tell her as earnestly
as possible.

     "There are none so blind as those who will not see," she says,
with remarkable gravity.

     I want to laugh, but instead respond with the same seriousness,
agreeing, "Truer words have never been spoken, Suzumiya-san."

     She makes a satisfied noise at that, and her steps lead her back
to the computer, where the quiet tap of keys resumes.

     ***

     Haruhi is always the first to go, and after her, Asahina excuses
herself as well.  Once Nagato and I are alone, she walks to my side on
almost completely silent feet, the fingertips of one hand touching
gently on my shoulder.

     "Yes, right," I say, shaking off my admitted nervousness.  "I'm
sorry if I do anything wrong, or bother your family ... I haven't ever
done this before."

     I rise from my seat, and Nagato takes my hand after handing me my
bag.  I follow her silent guidance to the shoe lockers, and after
that, she leads me into the warmth of the afternoon.

     I know almost nothing about this girl, and quiet people,
by-and-large, have always been a mystery to me.  I'm not really
worried ... my mother seemed convinced that it would be fine, after
all.

     It's just that none of that tells me what to say or do here.

     We walk the familiar route to the train station, and then turn to
one side, going an unfamiliar direction.  Eventually, we reach a point
where she pauses, opening a security door to the lobby of her
apartment building before we ride an elevator up some distance.

     Not much longer after that, she leads me through another door to
the place where she actually lives.

     I'm seated at the table and handed a cup of tea before I ask, "Is
your entire family as quiet as you?"

     "I am alone," she answers.

     Disconcerting.  I would be hopeless without my mother and sister.
 How does Nagato get by?

     "I didn't have any idea," I tell her honestly.

     She shifts about and her quiet feet pad across the rug.  "I will
prepare dinner," she says in that whisper-soft voice.

     Without anything better to do, I give the level five AI a break
from its largely victorious streak and lose myself in the book Nagato
gave me for a while.

     I shouldn't be critical, but this is honestly a bit more boring
than I had anticipated.

     Some time later, with almost no sounds of cooking, the smell of
curry begins to fill the air.  Not long after that, Nagato re-enters
the room.  I clear the book off the table and she sets a plate in
front of me with a clank before taking her own seat.  "Tea," she
comments, notifying me that she's refreshed the teapot.

     "Thank you," I tell her earnestly, finding the chopsticks and
hesitantly trying the curry.  Nothing to write home about, but no real
complaints.  It's decent, I guess.

     After I finish eating, I set the chopsticks down on the plate and
prompt, "Nagato ... I appreciate you inviting me over, but I have to
admit; I don't understand why you asked me here."

     She takes a soft breath and begins suddenly, haltingly,
explaining, "There is an issue concerning myself and Suzumiya Haruhi.
Words may not be sufficient to explain the situation.  Despite that,
your attention is requested."

     I can imagine far too many things that don't really make sense at
that.  "Ah ... okay," I allow.  "Though I think it should be obvious,
you have it."

     She pauses, presumably collecting herself in the silence before
she explains, "Suzumiya Haruhi and myself are not ordinary humans."

     "Yeah, I get that," I acknowledge, shrugging.  "I'm not really a
typical example myself."

     "That...."  She starts speaking before trailing off, clearly at a
loss for what to say next.  Finally she says, "In this case, you are
relatively normal."

     I get that, too, but I don't say anything else.

     A moment later, Nagato launches into her explanation.  Once she
concludes telling me that she's the advance for an alien civilization,
sent to observe Haruhi, but distracted by my 'interference', I tell
her, "I don't think you're very funny, Nagato-san.  I had really hoped
that--"

     I cut myself off right there.

     Whatever.

     Instead I say, "Thank you very much for the meal and the story.
I'd like to leave, now."

     "You do not believe me."

     "You're just another name on the list, Nagato-san."

     "I...."  She trails off, her voice troubled.  "List?"

     I don't let myself tell her about that -- but she's right after
Asahina and Ryouko.  Maybe one of them will tell her.

     "I'll find my own way home," I decide.

     "I will take you."

     "No, thank you."

     ***

     "Why do you look so exhausted?" Haruhi asks me the next day, when
she sits down behind me.

     "Someone decided to play a practical joke at my expense," I
answer without thinking about it.  "I took a long time to get home."

     Followed by the fact that I wasn't about to tell my mother what
really happened ... so she filled in the blanks and then gave me a
stern lecture about 'responsibility', which was really fun.

     I mean, it was an awesome time, and the ideal follow up to last
night's post-dinner discussion.

     "What?" Haruhi asks, suddenly indignant.  "Who's picking on one
of my Brigade members!?"

     The other Brigade members?

     Saving myself a great deal of trouble, I sigh and rest my head on
my crossed arms.  "It was Batman.  He came in out of no-where and
stole my prototype gun-gun."

     "...what?"

     "You know, that thing that would finally get Superman off our
backs, so we could rule the world?"  I shake my head.  "Some days, it
really just doesn't pay to be evil."

     "Damn it!" she snaps.  "Don't joke around like that!  Looking so
upset over a--  Ugh!"  She grumbles loudly in annoyance, then more
quietly, in that whisper, "Don't make me worry about you like
that...."

     At least Haruhi's not mean, just oblivious.

     I hate that list.  Why did I even make a joke about it?

     And of course, now it's real, and taken on some sort of
malevolent sentience.

     Normal high school life.  That's all I wanted.  And then ... this?

     ***

     The next few club days are fairly mellow, with Haruhi discussing
ideas for places to search for aliens and espers with myself and
Asahina.  I don't want to bear a grudge against Nagato, but I admit
I'm somewhat relieved she doesn't contribute to discussion except when
Haruhi prods her.  For myself, search locations are naturally limited,
so I abandon reason and suggest mythical or fantastic places.  This
seems to amuse Haruhi, at least.

     I'm sure I'll get over it ... and it could be that maybe Nagato
just doesn't know how to talk to people.  I can be in the same club
with her, but after that, well, friend might take a while.

     If anyone else notices, they don't remark on it, so I think that
things might actually calm down for a bit.

     The following Tuesday, of course, I find a note in my locker.

     ***

     Despite a very strong urge to ignore the missive, I find myself
loitering in the hallway outside of the classroom once Haruhi
dismisses us.  I supposed I could have stayed in the clubroom once she
left, but then, Mikuru would have been changing, so....

     Not sure what to make of the note, but deciding that I should at
least believe that anyone who would bother going through the trouble
was sincere, I let myself into the room at the appointed time.
"Hello?" I asked, having -- naturally -- no idea who might have sent
me the message.

     "Ah, hello," Ryouko answers, her voice sounding faintly troubled.

     I stop a few steps into the room and wonder, "What is it that you
wanted me here for?  And why a note instead of asking me directly?"

     "I'll explain that in a bit," she says hesitantly.  "I'd like to
ask you a question, first, though.  I suppose you could say that I
asked you here to ask you a question?"

     "Okay ... I guess.  Is this something about Haruhi?"

     "Yes!  Well ... somewhat....  Actually, let's disregard that for
the moment.  This is, a bit, more about initiative, I suppose?"

     "You sound very uncertain," I remark.  Her feet were shifting in
place as her balance went from side to side with the force of her
indecision; the quiet grinding noise of the few particles that the
cleaning team had missed against the floor breaks the otherwise
completely quiet air.  "Calm down ... what's bothering you?  Were my
jokes too much?"

     "Ah, no, no....  I can't feel you've ever overstepped any bounds,
personally.  At least, not in my observation," she assures me,
stepping closer and placing the fingertips of one hand on my shoulder.
 "Um, no, it's more....  Let's say that a situation has become stable,
but also uninteresting because of that stability.  Does that make
sense?"

     "I can imagine that," I allow.  There's a certain amount of
dissatisfaction with my current situation, as things stand, though it
has ... more or less ... worked out in a reasonable manner.

     "So ... when it's stable, wouldn't it be okay to upset that, in
the search for something more interesting?"

     "For a whole series of reasons, I can't blindly say 'yes' to
that," I return, frowning.  "Thinking about it ... if things aren't
broken, why fix them?"

     "But ... they are uninteresting....  It's all so stagnant...."

     Well, she's the kind of girl who made class president.  No wonder
she's tired of all of the boys at this school -- myself included.  "In
that case, maybe you should consider how to change the environment."

     "That takes rather a lot more authority than I think I can get
away with, long-term," she mused.  "It would be an abuse of authority,
certainly."

     "Well ... I meant by that, changing which environment you're in,
not altering your current environment entirely to suit you."

     "Oh ... I had liked the first one a bit more...."

     I can't help but laugh.  "Being honest, don't we all?  But
really, I think that's one of the lessons we're supposed to be
learning here at school, certainly much more than math or science or
anything like that in particular -- it's how to deal with the world.
If things here aren't satisfying for you, shouldn't you instead maybe
consider finding some place where things are more to your liking?"

     She's quiet for a long moment, her grip on my shoulders
tightening before she sighs.  "Aha....  It was foolish of me to hope
for otherwise, I suspect....  The idea of a sweeping dramatic approach
-- a truly jarring, maybe even alarming change in the social
dynamic....  But you're right, too.  In that case ... really--"

     "You will not--"  Nagato's voice breaks through Ryouko's speech,
and I almost turn, hearing her behind me.  Instead of facing her, I
keep my attention on Ryouko, though.  "What is...."  After a heartbeat
she sighs and says, "I see."

     "What?" I ask.

     Ryouko's arm shifts a bit, and the pressure of her fingertips
increases before it suddenly lessens, incredibly faint at the end.
"U...um, hehe, I ... already overstepped my bounds, didn't I?  Oh,
well -- I can tell you that I hope with your future, you're happy,
hmm?"

     I don't understand....  "Nagato--  What do you have to do with
this?  And what are you talking about, Asakura?"

     "Ah--  I have to go, and was considering....  Well, we may meet
again, Kyon, but somehow, I think...."  She trails off and giggles,
though it sounds somewhat pained.  "Oh, well -- take care of that girl
there, won't you?  As the departing class representative, and the most
protective member of your little club -- you've got an important duty!
 So ... good luck!"  And then, her breath was against my face, and the
next thing I knew, I could feel her lips pressing against my cheek,
the softness of her nose pressing into my face gently as her hair
brushed my forehead, and the sensation of her hand on my shoulder fell
away, dissolving as though it had never been.

     Something amazing happened again, there.  Before I could get my
bearings or really understand what was going on, my vision filled with
those same blurry smears, completely dazing me.

     I got sense of my surroundings in an awkward position on the
floor, held in someone's arms.  My face was in the -- and I try not to
be critical here -- limited softness of a small but undoubtedly female
chest.  All the same, let's be honest; no man complains about a pillow
of this sort.

     Unless they have a better option, but I admit, in my dazed state,
my mind wanders far, far afield.

     "For-for-for~got my ba--  Oh," Taniguchi barks, along with the
sounds of the door being slammed open behind me.  "Um....  S...so,
should I offer my help or is everything in order here?"

     "Everything is fine," Nagato's voice answers.

     "Right on!  I--  Well, take care!"  The door slams shut again.

     Silence for a moment, Nagato's soft breath brushing against my
cheek, my head still pillowed on her chest as I'm sprawled on the
floor.

     "Asakura Ryouko is a friend of mine," Nagato explains, somewhat
haltingly.  "She engaged me to confuse you with a prank.  When this
did not work as planned, I persuaded her to more seriously consider
her motivation for doing this, as I deeply regretted your reaction to
my involvement in this plot."

     I spend a minute digesting this.

     "What do you really feel, then?" I wonder.

     "It would be ideal if we could be friends."

     Those thoughts were on my mind, as it so happened.  Ryouko put
her up to that prank, though?

     In answer to my unspoken question, she continued, "Asakura
Ryouko's motivation, to clarify, is that she wanted to cause you
trouble because she was romantically interested in you, but did not
realize this until after she'd suggested distance between you.  After
this, she engaged in her juvenile tactics and coerced me...."  She
trails off there, and the fingertips of one of her hands traces across
my forehead, banishing the last of the trembling, greasy lights in my
vision.

     "I guess I'm sorry I took it out on you, if it was actually her
fault," I allow.

     "Suzumiya Haruhi, however, may have a negative reaction to the
disclosure of this information."

     "I'm not sure I really see why."

     There's a pause before Nagato sighs very, very softly, and says,
"She will see it as a missed opportunity to regain your trust and good
graces by defending you from Asakura Ryouko.  She may attempt to
extract some measure of vengeance or otherwise retaliate against me to
satisfy the desire for that same thing."

     "So, basically ... because you and Ryouko were friends, you want
me to play dumb about that story you told me, and what happened in
here so that Haruhi doesn't take it out on you?"

     "Correct."

     I guess that's not actually too unreasonable.  I still don't get
it, exactly, and there's no reason to give full one hundred percent
trust to Nagato -- especially given that she did play along with
Ryouko's scheme ... whatever that was -- but then, she's probably
easily cowed by either Ryouko or Haruhi.  I can actually understand
that, though.

     But, how did I end up on the floor?

     "Asakura Ryouko stumbled and happened to forcefully trip you.
This was ... entirely on accident.  She fled from shame, and due to a
need to catch her flight."

     Alright, then....  And Nagato's presence?

     "I was concerned for your wellbeing considering past interactions
between her and yourself."  No hesitation on that one, and honestly, I
believe that.

     "In that case, I probably should get home soon."

     "I will walk you to the station," she agrees, helping me to my
feet, levering me off her chest.

     Hmm.  I guess we have to stick together, or something like that?

     "Thanks then, Nagato."

     "It is nothing."

     ***

     The following day was the worst day of my life.

     It didn't feel that way when it started.  Everything went as I'd
expect it to normally -- alarm goes off, get up, brush teeth, wash,
get dressed, breakfast, brush teeth again (might as well, right?),
begin the walk to school....

     Even alone, everything is fine, and Asahina meets me at the train
station to walk to school with me.

     The obvious issue withstanding, spending time with her isn't so
bad, and then it's time for class.  Haruhi is already bouncing in her
seat when I work my way to my own seat.  "Blinded by grief, eh?  Give
it up -- you were close to Asakura, so what happened?"

     "I don't know a thing," I lied.  I knew a little, but I had hit
my head, so I had no idea how reliable any of it was.

     "Huh," Haruhi sulked, clearly unconvinced.

     ***

     She drilled me with different wordings of the same question all
day during breaks, until finally deciding at lunch that I genuinely
was clueless, and dismissing the others from the club.  At the end of
class, she hauled me along with her by my hand, instead of my necktie.
 For the sake of the novelty, I allowed this, and she grumbled,
leading me after her out of the school.

     "Slow down!" I insisted, nearly stumbling with every single curb.

     "You speed up!" she demanded.  "You're so dumb!"

     "How is speed even related to intelligence?"

     Grudgingly, she did slow down, working up a fuming temper the
entire time, starting with a diatribe against school in general, but
specifically the conspiracy that was trying to conceal the
circumstances of Ryouko's departure.

     Eventually, we made it to an unfamiliar location.  Through some
means, Haruhi got us through a number of doors she labeled, 'weakly
secured', and then disguised herself as a charming, sweet, innocent
schoolgirl who just-so-happened to be looking for her friend.

     It's even possible that while I wasn't paying attention she left
the room, and someone else took over for her.

     She extracted some information from the man behind the counter --
evidently Ryouko had paid in cash, the man had never seen her other
family, and she'd vanished in the night to move to Canada without any
further explanation.

     Haruhi was deeply dissatisfied with this, but she didn't express
this in _words_ until after I was hauled through the security doors
with her, outside once more.

     She led me with her in annoyed silence for a time, until I began
to wonder how I would ever get home.  "Let me tell you something," she
said abruptly, coming to a stop somewhere, and turning me -- by force
-- to face her.  "I can see on your face, even though you don't have
the chutzpa to say it, that you think my club and my ideas are
stupid."

     "I never said anything like that," I protest.

     She chuckled humorlessly.  "Let me see your phone," she demanded.

     I was concerned enough.  "Where are we going, anyway?  Do you
even have a destination in mind?"

     "Shut up!  Listen it's....  So, nowhere."

     Despite my misgivings, I handed it over, uncertain where this was
going.  It beeped and clicked as she mercilessly pummeled the buttons.
 "Okay," she said, after a minute, handing it back to me.  "Now,
listen close, alright?"

     "I'm listening," I allow.

     "So ... do you know what it's like to feel unimportant?

     "I'm not talking about something that comes along that you're not
part of -- I mean, truly irrelevant.  Like, nothing at all matters,
alright?

     "There's a reason I feel the need to search for the amazing.  So,
in sixth grade, I went to see a baseball game with my family."

     I can't help but stiffen at that.  She either doesn't notice, or
doesn't care.  I'm not sure which.

     "And ... when I was there, at one point, I saw everyone in the
stadium, packed in like wiggling grains of rice.  I asked, 'How many
people are there', right?"

     "Yeah...."

     "Well, my dad said, 'Probably as many as fifty thousand, maybe?'
I had thought before he said that, 'Hey, did the entire country come
here all of the sudden to watch this one game?'  And then later ...
when I got home, I did some math.  Do you know what fraction of the
nation fifty thousand people is?"

     "Something around ... what would it be, zero point zero five
percent, something like that?"  I knew a lot of stats about the
nearest stadium, as it turned out.

     "Huh!  Smart-ass!"  She fumes for a moment, and there's the
thunderous sound and vaguely nauseating sensation of something huge
moving past as a train roars along.  When it passes, Haruhi has
somewhat calmed and says, "Well ... maybe somehow you, of all people
might get it, huh?"

     "I follow you so far," I allow.  "But what's your point?"

     "The point is this!  Of all the people in that stadium, some of
them surely must have an interesting life!  At least one of them!  If
there was only one, why the hell couldn't it be _me_?" she complained.

     "After that everything was so dull....  It was--  It was like the
color had faded from everything, can you imagine?"

     "Mm, yeah, no trouble imagining that at all."

     "You and your attitude!" she cries, her voice hitching on the
verge of hysteria.  Have I been overdoing it?  I can't feel I am ...
but then, this is only her half of the story.

     "Sorry, go on?  I'll be good," I sigh.

     "Er....  A..._anyway_," she says, coughing, "what I'm saying is
that no matter what I'm not going to give up!  I'm not every going to
quit!  I'm going to find something amazing, something truly special
and astounding!  I don't ... don't really know what it is with one
hundred percent certainty at this point, but then, if I knew, what
kind of mystery would it be to uncover!  I'll never give up or stop --
I'll always, _always_ keep on searching for that brighter future!"

     "That's ... inspiring," I answer, somewhat flatly.

     "Oh--  Whatever!  I expect you to keep pressing on, too--  So,
you've given up on finding something amazing and remarkable with
Ryouko."

     You don't know the half of it.

     "Whatever!  We're going to keep on looking for _something_
amazing, even if it has to be something else!  So fine -- you're
dismissed.  With that, let's go!"

     She stepped away from me, just ahead of the sound of the gates
going down before another train thundered past.

     Damn it.

     What a stupid, selfish little girl.

     ***

     As it turns out, there are some things to consider.  I will
relate a number of details that I couldn't have known at the time
barring omniscience, or at least some form of telepathy, but I know
them now, so I'll spare you some minor agony.  First, some review, for
things both you and I should know.

     The cell phone is an interesting device, though I'll admit, I've
never become particularly adept at using it outside of calling
certain, important people.  It does a lot of things I don't care about
because I've got this awesome PDA.

     I also tend not to pay much attention to cell phone numbers,
because they're a pain, and I have the magic of speed-dial.

     On this particular day, speed dial one went to Haruhi's voice
mail box.  This did not help me in the slightest, so I hung up without
leaving a message.  No one was home; my mother was at a late meeting,
and my sister had her phone off because she was seeing a movie with
her friend Miyokichi.  Kunikida's phone went to voice-mail -- again, I
passed on leaving a message.

     I skipped over that middle-school girl, though I called home and
did leave a message, explaining ... some ... of my current situation.
It would be a while before it got an answer, but I had to hope.  After
that, I called Taniguchi, since he had insisted I have his number.

     There was no answer there, either, but I left a voice mail
anyway.  After that, another call and voice-mail to Kunikida, and I
began to wonder why I hadn't thought to have my uncle's number saved
for situations like this.

     You may call me pathetic, or a quitter, but given my situation --
hell, I wasn't even entirely certain how close I was to the train,
which it felt at that moment ran far too frequently.  So, I called
emergency services, since it was a number I could remember.

     ***

     Two days later, after uncomfortable circumstances I don't
particularly wish to relate here, I was back at school again.

     Asahina met me at the train station, sniffling quietly --
revealing her presence before she even announced herself, actually.
She wordlessly took my arm and led me up the hill to my classroom,
where I claimed a seat before the majority of the class arrived.

     Not long after that Haruhi stormed in, stomping across the
classroom, unmindful of the fact that a careless collision on her part
bumps into a desk and sends it scraping across the floor.  "Kyon!" she
roars.  "Where the hell have you _been_?"

     A number of other students have arrived -- though I can't tell
because that strange thing where I see stars is happening again,
thanks to Haruhi grabbing my coat and jerking me around, causing my
head to shake back and forth.

     Almost as quickly as that starts, she's wrenched off me, and
Taniguchi's angry voice cuts in, "That's enough, Suzumiya, you stupid
bitch!"

     I had thought things were bad enough given what I had to do to
convince my mother to let me go back to class.

     "How the hell do you get off--" Haruhi begins.

     "Enough!  I know what you did to Kyon!"

     "I--  What?"  Haruhi sounds completely confused, and -- despite
everything -- I actually start to feel embarrassed for her.

     "You idiot!  You ditched him in the middle of nowhere, some place
he's _never been before_, and replaced his mom's cell phone number
with your own in his phone book?"

     "S...so?" she retorts hotly.  "It's not like he's an
e...elementary student!"

     "No!" Taniguchi roars, before I hear stumbling, and someone fall,
landing to sit heavily on the floor, palms slapping the tiles loudly.
"He's _blind_!"

     "Oh, no _way_," one of the other students, near the back of the
room whispers in awe.  "Seriously -- Suzumiya was really that
ignorant?"

     "Better ignorant than intentionally cruel," someone else retorts.

     Well, I think _my_ school life is just about ruined.

     So, thanks for that, Taniguchi.

     "N...no," Haruhi moans weakly from the floor.  "T...that--  I--"
And then she scrambles to her feet and I hear her thunder away,
crying....

     ...again, I guess.

     ***

     Haruhi avoids class for a while, and since I fought so hard to
stay, I don't drop out of school, even though I feel more like an
object of pity than anything else.  I still go to the club, motivated
more by Asahina and her strange behavior -- helping me to school in a
mysterious suffering silence -- and Nagato's odd request that I be her
friend.

     And, I guess because she's a member of the literary club, she's
able to find copies of books in braille, which is a fun alternative to
recorded books.  I really appreciate that, actually.

     It's the second session of that club that Haruhi returns, though
she skipped school that day.  She comes in after we've settled down
and Asahina has served the three of us tea from a set she thought to
add to the other strange things Haruhi had stacked in the room.

     I can tell it's her footsteps outside the door.  She pauses for a
while, and I go ahead and finish my current page of 'Stranger in a
Strange Land'.  Not long after that, she sighs and opens the door,
though with less than her usual enthusiasm.

     "H...hey," she calls in greeting weakly.

     "Hello, Suzumiya-san," Asahina says cautiously.

     "Hello," Yuki echoes.

     "Nice to see you," I say, smirking.

     "Y....  Ah, heh....  You...."  Haruhi clears her throat and then
closes the door, stepping around the table and taking her usual seat.
"Um, so....  I don't--  Okay, it's too late to not want to be stupid,
and I guess it's pointless to say that much.  God ... I get it,
though.  I was so distracted by my search for things that were
amazing, I made something amazing myself after all--

     "Suzumiya Haruhi -- the incredibly stupid girl -- W-who manages
to s-somehow not even notice that the o-only person she really p-pays
attention to is d-d-different, h-huh?"  Her voice picks up a tremble
long before she pauses for breath, then she shifts, and I hear the
wood of the desk creaking; I imagine it in her grip.  "So ... I have
to apologize, because....  W...what Taniguchi said is true, and
th...there's probably no reason to search for the amazing until I can
even s-- notice the things around me, right?"

     "Don't be ... too hard on yourself," I allow.  "I mean ... my
eyes look fine, I hear, and I kind of went out of my way to try and
keep you from knowing about it.  I've had most of middle-school to
practice....  So, it blew up in my face, but...."  And I think about
it, but being honest, "I can't really hold it entirely against you.  I
mean, a little, but I'm not that angry considering how much of it is
my own fault, huh?"

     "I....  Hehe," she starts, laughing uneasily.  "I guess so....
Say, how d...did it happen, if um ... I can ask anyway?  You weren't
... born unable to see?"

     I settle back into my chair and think a little.

     Did I want to share this with Asahina and Nagato?

     What the hell....  Most of the facts are out there anyway.

     "About ... five years ago, my father was going to take me to a
baseball game," I start.  "Um ... there was a ... a truck in front of
us.  One of those big delivery platform trucks, you know?  It was
filled with cement piping segments a half meter across.  Someone had
secured them properly, and then later, someone else had filled them
with lose rebar that was being moved between sites.

     "This had the effect of unbalancing the load...."

     There's the sound of Asahina's soft gasp, the rustle of Nagato
turning a page in her book, and then the squeak of Haruhi's chair as
she adjusts her position.

     "Um ... I remember it really well, actually."  It's the last
thing I ever saw, after all.  Several tons of rebar-filled cement
tubing suddenly landing across the hood of our car as we pulled away,
into traffic....  The pickup with the terrified driver to our right,
trying to somehow evade, the storm of bars being launched through the
compartment of the vehicle like buckshot, most of them only clipping
me, catching me slightly.  To the side, the central mass of steel
was....

     In the driver's seat....

     "A...after three months in the hospital, I started
rehabilitation.  So, my eyes are undamaged, but the optic nerves have
been severed.  They react to light, still, but the rest of my brain
can't receive any signals from them, really.  Anyway, um ... my uncle
on my mother's side is a lawyer, so he sued the transport company.

     "The uncle on my father's side owned a small computer firm that
was going under -- they invested the proceeds from the court case and
the ... insurance from my father....  Well, after my medical expenses
were taken care of, the money mostly went into developing things like
this."  I heft the PDA in one hand, angling it so Haruhi can examine
it more closely -- I think.

     "Oh," she exclaims softly, realization seeming to set in.  "Hey!
It's exactly as I guessed!  Your family _does_ own some sort of
computer conglomerate!"

     "It's a small company," I say, personally doubtful.  "But ... I
really like the stuff they make."

     "Huh....  That's....  Well, you haven't really said you've
forgiven me, and I have to admit, even if you do want to say I'm not
entirely to blame....  I do feel stupid, and that you have to let me
do _something_ to make it up for you!"

     "Well, then I leave that to be your responsibility to figure out
what that thing you have to do is," I retort, putting my PDA down on
the table before me.  "Now that you know my big..." and I have to
chuckle a little bit at this, "secret, haven't I become dull to you
yet?"

     "Hardly!" she protests.  "You have some amazing skill to get by
without being able to see!  Hey--  Hey, if you were trying to see how
long you could keep me from noticing, what was your plan?"

     "I don't know," I admit, shrugging.  "It was kind of just a
misguided prank, you know?  I thought it was kind of funny...."

     She makes an angry noise before she sighs.  "You're probably
right," she allows.  "Well, what about your bigger plans?  You know,
your hopes and dreams?"

     I think about that a bit, then say, "Well, my plans are really,
really boring.  Behind the council of evil jokes, and everything."

     "Those are kind of funny...."

     "Only kinda?  I'm flying blind here!"

     Asahina giggles before gasping in embarrassment.  "Oh, I shouldn't have--"

     "It's fine," I assure her, before she can get really started.

     "Well, in that case ... what were those plans though, Kyon-kun?"
Asahina wonders.

     "I am curious, too," Nagato adds, not sounding ... quite as
interested as her question suggested.

     "Nothing big," I sigh.  "I mean ... go to school ... make some
friends....  Maybe at some point meet a nice girl...."

     "Eh~!" Haruhi chirps, suddenly sounding far too happy, as her
chair makes skating noises across the floor.  "Is that--  Ehe, you've
never had a girlfriend?"

     "Well, we've been over that, for some reason...."

     "Hehe," Haruhi chuckles, sounding mysteriously pleased.  "Okay.
Okay!  That decides me!"  Her voice has circled around to behind me,
and her fingertips suddenly touch on my shoulders.  I can feel her
breath tickling the top of my head -- strangely, even the scar where
my hair has turned bristly and stiff seems to feel it.  "I think some
of what I said to you last is still applicable.

     "At the same time, you've opened my eyes ... er....  I...."  She
coughs, one hand rising briefly to smother it before she quickly
continues, "You've made me more aware of amazing things that I could
have overloo-- uh, missed by being close-minded.  So ... if one of the
things you're seeking is friends, then I'm going to try really hard to
be one--  Because you're amazing, and that's the kind of person I've
been trying to have fun with!"

     "What, really?" I wonder, somewhat surprised as her fingertips
creep down and her palms rest on my shoulders fully, thumbs pointing
down my shoulder-blades.  It makes me shiver nervously.

     "Ah..." Asahina breathes.  "O...oh, but, that's true,
Suzumiya-san!  I agree!  Kyon-kun--  You're really amazing!"

     "Uh...."

     "Hah--" Haruhi starts to laugh again before catching herself, her
breath tickling my scalp again.

     Strange sensation; I wish I could say I disliked it.

     "Um....  But ... thinking I might have missed things I shouldn't
... do you think that maybe ... letting Yuki have this club back as a
literary club is...."  She trails off without completing the thought.

     "It is not needed," Nagato returns.  "This is fine."

     "No; you deserve your club back," Haruhi decides.  "W...we can
just also do other stuff, right?  And, hey, if someone else joins,
then it won't matter, because we can do whatever else we like outside
of school as friends!  That Brigade thing wasn't taking off anyway."

     "Really?" I wonder.  "I heard--  I'm not clear on everything, but
I heard that there was a transfer student recently, and you might want
to investigate him or her for mysterious circumstances, right?"

     "I've got to l-- search closer before I search further," Haruhi
declares, shifting her grip and dragging my chair backwards a few
steps before she shifts herself in front of me, taking my hands in her
own.  "So, maybe later we can check that out.  For _now_, I've
realized you don't even have any idea what kind of appearance I have!"

     "That's true," I admit.

     "Heh," she chuckles, slowly moving my hands to her face,
presumably crouching before me.  "So," she murmurs, before falling
silent, "someone _told_ you about my hair, huh?"

     ...she's pretty sharp after all, I guess.  At least, when she focuses.

     "Alright!  Who's up for an outing this weekend?  The four of us,
so far, and, hmm ... what can we do?  Hey!  Let's check online for a
library with a braille section, huh?"

     "That sounds interesting!" Asahina agrees without hesitation.

     "...very interesting," Nagato chimes in quietly, not much later.

     "Um ... well, I'm not sure my mom wants to let me out alone..." I
admit.  "Given that I told her, eh ... that I got lost on my own a few
days ago...."

     Haruhi gasps softly at that, as I finish exploring her face --
committing it to memory.  I guess, really, she _is_ pretty, actually.
Soft -- that's for certain; her skin is amazingly smooth....

     "W...well, we'll meet up at your house, and your mom will have a
chance to meet us all," Haruhi decides abruptly, rising to her feet,
incidentally filling my hands with something ... very firm, but also
soft ... for a heartbeat before she squeaks, Asahina gasps, and I hear
what I gather is a soft chuckle from Nagato.  "Ah....  Em....  Er....
W...well!  Anyway, we'll promise to take care of you!"

     "Y...yes," Asahina agrees, sounding like she's trying to stifle a
giggle of her own.

     "That is fine," Nagato chimes in.

     And then, hey, after a terrible day, why not a great one?  So
maybe things will work out, and Haruhi seems nice enough when I'm not
trying to be 'clever' and hide things from her....

     ...maybe, somehow, that girlfriend thing I'm hoping for will work
out anyway, huh?

     -------------------------------
     Author's notes:  So there you have it.  Been working on this one
off-and-on for ... eh ... a few months.  It's just a kind of an idle
thought, and then grew into this, and ... here it is.  Posted as a
one-shot, because it kind of doesn't go further. ;3

     Well, it does, but I don't need to tell that story.  Originally,
I was just trying to see how long I could carry it before it was
obvious what the difference was, but then I decided that the actual
story of how Haruhi would handle interacting with someone who was
disabled was more interesting.  Plus, I wanted to see if I could write
from such a PoV....

     Nagato's probably somewhat OOC, but if she weren't, she would be
practically inobservable to the narrator of the story.  Well, it may
be reasonable to say the entity has instituted some social protocol
for such situations, though.


Now, to work on that Higurashi/Bokura no/Haruhi fic....

-- 
Brian Randall
--
I write fanfiction. Too much of it. You can read it here, thanks to a
kind grant from the Larry F foundation:
http://www.florestica.com/brandall/
--
Together. Allegiance or death. BIGFIRE!
--
Haiku of my lament:

Forgive my spelling,
my U.S. education,
is the source of blame.