[FFML] [Lime] The Eclipse of Haruhi Suzumiya

[Brian Randall]

Gosh, I'm lagging....

On Sun, Jun 19, 2011 at 8:17 PM, Henry Cobb <henry.cobb at gmail.com> wrote:
> On Sun, Jun 19, 2011 at 7:00 PM, Brian Randall <durandall at gmail.com> wrote:
>> Missing speech indicator.  You can probably cheat and just move the
>> dialog down to a new line, and it'd be fine.
>
> I'm going from a different school of dialog it appears.  Action,
> "speech," Action. This moves the beats inline.

That's ... fine, just make sure it's grammatically consistent and
valid (you still need a speech indicator unless you're pleading
stlylism (which, BTW, will make me shut up about ANYTHING, if this
bothers you)).  For example:

With some misgivings, the editor typed, "I can work with this," into
the response window.

Okay, typed instead of 'said'.

Alice eyed Bob doubtfully, wondering, "Did you just come from
Carol's?" and unable to keep the accusation from her voice.

I think I got that.  So, yeah.  That's fine. :)

>>> "Make a webpage for the SOS Brigade while I go search for the remaining
>>> members."
>>
>> members -- member (?)
>
> The sources say members.  And she settles for good enough later on.

Yeah, that little (?) means I'm not sure.  I should probably be
clearer about that. >_>

>> It's amusing how Ryouko-like this makes Mikuru.
>
> There's actually a giant inversion going on here where two characters
> are mimicking each others' true personalities in their outward
> performances and Royoko isn't part of this particular game.

Mm, Ryouko doesn't need to be around for Mikuru to remind me of her.

>> Kyon: I am very nervous about those last two words.
>> Itsuki: :)
>
> You do know that Naruto's kitsunetsuki means he must be a girl, right?
>  Subverted here because it's funny.

News to me!

> The clue here is in the sources where Haruhi is a big fan of Tanabata.
>
> Better learn how to make straw sandals boy!

Ugh.  I have Haruhi and Kyon talking about why Kyon hates
Tanbata/Mikeran as opposed to Orihime/Hikoboshi in the next thing I'll
probably be posting (unless I finish rewriting Later first).

I also want to point out, the latter is the one Haruhi uses
canonincally -- interesting, because in that version of the tale ...
both Orihime and Hikoboshi were gods.

-- 
Brian Randall
--
I write fanfiction. Too much of it. You can read it here, thanks to a
kind grant from the Larry F foundation:
http://www.florestica.com/brandall/
--
Together. Allegiance or death. BIGFIRE!
--
Haiku of my lament:

Forgive my spelling,
my U.S. education,
is the source of blame.