[FFML] [Lime] The Eclipse of Haruhi Suzumiya

[Henry Cobb]

On Sun, Jun 19, 2011 at 7:00 PM, Brian Randall <durandall at gmail.com> wrote:
> Missing speech indicator.  You can probably cheat and just move the
> dialog down to a new line, and it'd be fine.

I'm going from a different school of dialog it appears.  Action,
"speech," Action. This moves the beats inline.

>> "Make a webpage for the SOS Brigade while I go search for the remaining
>> members."
>
> members -- member (?)

The sources say members.  And she settles for good enough later on.

> Somehow, that seems lacking in snark.  I'd expect Kyon's response to
> be a bit more along the lines of, "It's not my bladder I lost control
> of."

Perhaps this version is a little more flustered, especially as he
feels way of his league from the start.

> Should be a comma after 'said'. >.>

My bad.

> Either that comma should be a period, or that 'All' shouldn't be capitalized.

And again.

> It's amusing how Ryouko-like this makes Mikuru.

There's actually a giant inversion going on here where two characters
are mimicking each others' true personalities in their outward
performances and Royoko isn't part of this particular game.

>> "Oh you poor little boy," Mikuru leaned over the table to play with my
>> hair, "Don't worry about me. I'm the professional."
>
> 'The' or 'a'?  I could see it being either, with divinity!

She means ''The'' in comparison to all other creatures and
''professional'' in more than one sense.

> Isn't Playboy a proper noun?

Yes.

> Hehehe.  She just doesn't want to accidentally turn Amaterasu's
> favorite toy into an ice-cube.

Now that this gun has been placed on the mantel, the weapon to be used
in the upcoming murder attempt (with plausible deniability) is
properly foreshadowed, eh?

Yuki is shifted from dangerously competent (which Mikuru takes over
for the most part) to dangerously incompetent and the safety for the
gun can only be found in fan service. Of course.

> Heh.  I think she should explain herself a little bit more -- or at
> least Kyon would try to explore his misguided offer of freedom a bit
> further.

Oh, he'll have his chance to do that. (One of his working explanations
will be that Yuki is controlled by a Yakuza boss.)

>> -HJC
>> (Obviously the next member would have to be a real fox and occasional boy.)
>
> Kyon: I am very nervous about those last two words.
> Itsuki: :)

You do know that Naruto's kitsunetsuki means he must be a girl, right?
 Subverted here because it's funny.

> Ah, well--  Interesting stuff.  Thankfully devoid of schadenfreude,
> though I'm kind of curious where it's going.  In this world, it seems
> that instead of having minor influence, Kyon just has an unexpected
> backstage pass to the real action.  Is that the inversion?  This time,
> he's the only real observer?

The clue here is in the sources where Haruhi is a big fan of Tanabata.

Better learn how to make straw sandals boy!

-HJC