[FFML] [Gundam AU][Draft] Gundam Storm, Chapter 1

[Arthur Hansen]

On Wed, Jan 19, 2011 at 4:01 AM, <adynon at internode.on.net> wrote:
>
>
>        “Ensign Athene Gold reporting for duty, ma’am!”
>

Hmm. It probably needs a standard intro 'monologue' explaining the
setting slightly. Most of the Gundam franchises seems to do that,
giving a super-basic outline of the political entities. Perhaps an
insight into how spread out humanity is, etc. How fast the ships can
travel between planets.

Even though you didn't jump to the training exercise immediately, it
felt rushed to have the pilots bumping heads to that extreme. Athene,
for being a trained soldiers, seemed to react far too quickly to the
goading to do a 'duel' just after training. It usually takes an
episode or so before you get that sort of piloting confrontation.
0083: Stardust Memories really hit the timing on that for the main
pilot to 'prove' himself as the Gundam's pilot.

--
Arthur Hansen