[FFML] [Fanfic][ACSR] A Certain Perverted Teleporter's Day

[Bert Miller]

A Certain Perverted Teleporter's Day

   A "A Certain Scientific Railgun" fanfic
       by hkmiller
         15 December 2011 - FFML draft

The characters of 'A Certain Scientific Railgun' and 'A Certain
Magical Index' were created by Kazuma kamachi and Kiyotaka
Haimura, and are copyrighted by FUNimation and Seven Seas in
the United States.
No disrespect intended by my unlicensed usage.

Spoilers if you haven't seen through at least episodes 10-14 of
"A Certain Magical Index" anime or the corresponding part of the
"A Certain Scientific Railgun" manga, or read at least through
volume three of the Index novels.

Occurs after episode 7 of the Magical Index II anime,
corresponding to novel eight.

- - - - - - - - - -
There are 1.8 million students in Academy City.  I am one of them.

I, Shirai Kuroko, was out on patrol downtown, wearing my
"Judgement" armband, looking for evildoers, or just mischievous
punks to stomp on.  Technically, my jurisdiction as a member of
"Judgement" is limited to the district around Tokiwadai Middle
School, where I attend, but that's never stopped me before.  Heh.

As I went along, teleporting from block to block, lamppost to roof
to midair to windmill blade to garbage-can robot to street, I
thought about Oneesama, Misaka Mikoto.  If she is serious about
seeing that hideous ape, that enemy to all women, that troglodyte,
Kamijou Touma, I was going to have to take action, for her own
good.  She'll thank me someday. I was just beginning to fantasize
about how she'll thank me when a cry reached me from the next
block.

In two quick teleports I was there, helping a girl about my own
age stand.  She was crying.  "They took my purse," she got out
between sobs.

"Who?"

"Those hoodlums.  I don't know who any of them were, and they
weren't wearing school uniforms," she continued.  "I have to get
my purse back!  It has my MacGuffin in it!"

I blinked.  "Your MacGuffin?"

"My MacRonall's Ginger Muffin!  They're new, and wonderful!  And
I'm hungry!"

I thought quickly.  "Were any of the hoodlums thin, medium
height, with shaggy, slightly spiky hair, kind of dumb-looking?"

"Umm... maybe."  She didn't sound certain, unfortunately.  "Most
were tall, broad-shouldered, and kind of dumb-looking."

"Any signs of esper powers?"

"Not that I saw."

Good.  Skill-out hoodlums, then.  Child's play for a level 4 esper
like yours truly.  I smiled in anticipation.

The "Anti-Skill" police were just arriving, so I said to the
victim, "Leave it to me!  I'll get your purse back!"  I then
teleported up to the top of a nearby two story building, and
looked both ways up and down the street.

There!  I could see several slightly-burnt looking punks stumbling
from an alley about two blocks down, casting fearful glances
behind them.  That usually means Oneesama has already encountered
them.  Although they were still conscious; that seldom happens
when Oneesama is involved.  (She is, after all, the most powerful
Electromaster of all.)

"Ahem."  I said as I appeared in front of them.  "I'm from
Judgement.  You 'gentlemen', speaking loosely here, wouldn't
happen to have snatched a young woman's purse two blocks down that
way about ten minutes ago?"

Punks of this sort are seldom scared of me if they've never met me
before, given that I'm female, a first-year middle school student,
and slightly below average height for my age.  Their mistake.

"A hostage!  Grab her, fast!" one of the crispy gentlemen,
slightly more intelligent looking than the rest, yelled.

I sighed and reached for the spikes I keep strapped to my thighs.
Sixty seconds later they were all nailed to various handy
surfaces.  (I'm very accurate at teleporting my spikes.)  I
twirled one of my spikes between my fingers, smirking slightly, as
I approached the apparent leader.

"Now, I'll begin by asking very nicely," I said, while giving him
my best evil grin.  "Did you and your friends steal a small green
purse from a middle-school girl two blocks that way about eleven
minutes ago?"

"Y-yes."

I'll admit I enjoyed the look of fear in his eyes.  "And where is
that purse now?"

"Sh-she took it.  The bitch who shocked us."

What?  Oneesama took it?  Surely not.  "Who?  Was she Anti-Skill?
Judgement?"

"No uniform or armband.  She wore a school uniform like yours,
taller than you, hair just above her shoulders, and a pair of
goggles on her forehead.  Kind of a blank expression on her face."

Goggles?  Why would Oneesama wear goggles?  It must be somebody
else.  That may make it harder to find the purse.

"And where is this woman now?"

"Back that way." He pointed into the alley.

I called Uihara, my partner in Judgement, to contact Anti-Skill
about these thieves, then started running into the alley.  The
building on either side were quite tall, so I wouldn't be able to
see into the alley from their roofs.  Also I wasn't sure where
this alley led.  So I stayed on the ground.

After several blind alleys, I finally came out onto a side street.
Glancing around, I saw Oneesama walking along the sidewalk across
the street.  I smiled and teleported over onto her back, wrapping
my arms around her and lightly stroking her breasts with my
fingertips.

"Oneesama!" I shouted in glee, startling several passersby.

"Kuroko..." Oneesama growled in that warning tone I know so well.
This would be a fairly high-voltage shock if I didn't get off her
back immediately, so I did.

"How are you today, Oneesama?"

Grumbling a bit, but evidently grateful I'd released her, Oneesama
replied, "I'm fine.  I thought you were working?"

"I'm trying to find a purse taken by some pursesnatchers.  I
caught them, but they'd had the purse taken away from them first.
Umm... Oneesama, you didn't happen to shock some lowlife scum
about twenty minutes ago, take their booty, and neglect to turn it
in, did you?"

"Huh?  No, not me."  Oneesama looked a bit confused, but I felt
kind of relieved.

"Oh, good; I was hoping it wasn't you.  The description I got from
the thieves might have fit you, except for the goggles.  It was
an ElectroMaster, but they really weren't as badly fried as you
usually render those types; they were still conscious."

"Goggles?" Oneesama asked in abnormally high voice.  She looked
nervous, for some reason.

"Goggles don't really go with our school uniforms, anyway," I
affirmed, wondering about Oneesama's expression.

Looking guiltily away, Oneesama replied, "No, they don't, really."

"Oneesama, do you have some idea who might have that purse?"  I
asked pointedly, leaning towards her with my hands on my hips.

She wouldn't look at me as she stammered a denial.  Bingo.  I
smiled craftily.  "That'll be too bad if I can't get the purse
back for that girl.  It's apparently a Gekota purse," I lied,
"and she'll miss it as well as the contents."

Oneesama's head whipped around towards me.  "A Gekota purse?!"

Really, Oneesama's obsession with that silly cartoon frog is just
not becoming of a proper lady, let alone the Ace of Tokiwadai,
the third most powerful esper in Academy City.  It was fine when
she was four years old, but for a second-year middle-schooler,
it's just sad.  But right now, it's very handy for me.

"Yes, one of a very limited series, I'm told," I said as I
pretended sorrow.  "It's too bad we can't find whoever took it."

"Yes, too bad..." she muttered, then glanced at me again.  "I'll
ask around and see if I can find out anything.  You'd better get
back to work, though."

She doesn't want me around?  Heh, heh.  Too bad.

"Sure.  See you later, Oneesama!  I'll head back to the office
now!"

I teleported away, but only to the roof of a nearby building,
where I peered over the edge carefully.  Since Oneesama doesn't
want me around while she looks for the purse, I'll oblige her.

Oneesama closed her eyes and mustered her concentration.  What was
she doing?  Trying to sense another Electromaster's powers?  But
that wouldn't work unless the other's power was very, very similar
to her own.

Oh.  My eyes widened as I remembered the cloning rumors, and the
wild tale that detestable other teleporter had told me a few weeks
ago.  But surely it couldn't be that.  That had to have been a lie,
or at least an exaggeration.

Her eyes opened and she took off trotting down the street.  Heh.
This was going to work perfectly; Oneesama would find the purse
for me.

About ten minutes later, Oneesama arrived in front of an office
building.  Oneesama concentrated, then looked up.  She muttered
something to herself, then entered the building.  I carefully
teleported to the ground, then into the lobby behind a large
potted plant, and watched Oneesama search the building directory
sign, listing the companies occupying the building.  Her finger
landed on a particular entry, she nodded decisively to herself,
and headed for the elevator.

As soon as she was out of sight, I teleported over and checked
the entry she'd placed her finger on.  A medical firm, four
floors above us.  Why a medical firm?  I dismissed the question
as irrelevant, then teleported up to that floor so I could
conceal myself before Oneesama arrived.

I found the sign for "Academy City BioEnhancements and Repairs"
and flattened myself just around the corner from it.  From there
I watched Oneesama arrive at the door and walk inside.  I followed
her.

"Jackpot!" was the only thing I could think as my head turned
rapidly from side to side.  Oneesama after Oneesama after Oneesama
standing there looking at us, all with goggles on their forehead,
all wearing the Tokiwadai uniform despite not being students.
I counted quickly.  Ten of them.  Ten Oneesamas, all to myself!
Eleven, counting my own!  I fear I started to drool a bit, really
not becoming for a lady like myself.  My fingers started to
itch.

Oneesama (my Oneesama) turned and spotted me.  "Kuroko!  You
followed me!"

"I have to ensure your safety, Oneesama," I said piously.  "You
don't understand how important you are."

"Kuroko..." Oneesama growled, sparks flickering around her as
she clenched her fist.

"Not here, Oneesama, in a medical facility," I said quickly.
"Continuous operation of their equipment is vital for life
support."

Actually, I had no idea if this office had anyone on life
support, but my tactic worked.  Oneesama looked guilty and the
sparks subsided.  Instead, she just stood there, resigned,
one hand to her bowed head.

"I guess there's no putting it off.  You were bound to meet
them eventually."

Then she turned and addressed her lookalikes.  "Which of you
fried some punks a half-hour ago and took a small Gekota purse?"

"Misaka 10032 did not, Misaka replies crossly," said one of
them.

"Misaka 13577 shocked several men of dubious intentions, but
there was no Gekota purse, Misaka 10039 corrects gently," said
another.

"Misaka agrees, Misaka 13577 says knowingly, having been there
in person," said a third.

The lack of expression on their faces was spooky.  "Do they all
talk like that?" I whispered to Oneesama, eyes wide.

"Pretty much," she replied.

"What about a small green purse?" I asked the one who'd spoken
third, then added to Oneesama, "Perhaps the description of the
purse was slightly off."

Oneesama frowned at me, but I ignored her as I advanced on the
one who'd spoken.  My hands came up involuntarily and my fingers
started flexing by themselves.  I had nothing to do with it.
Really.

"Misaka does not enjoy being groped, Misaka warns," my target
announced, generating a few sparks.

"Being groped by our older sister's roommate would be
particularly distasteful, Misaka ventures," the one next to her
added.

"All Misakas share that preference, Misaka 19090 believes,"
another said, "save perhaps our older sister, who tolerates
such a roommate."

Behind me, Oneesama yelled "Hey!"

"We do not all share our older sister's childish attraction to
cartoon amphibians, Misaka 10032 adds," a third added.

"Well, excuse me!" Behind me, Oneesama huffed.  But I found I
agreed with her clones on that issue.

"So where is the green purse now?" I asked, trying to stay
focused on my job despite my distracting surroundings.

"Misaka 13577 does not have it, Misaka replies, hoping to drive
off the nuisance eyeing her in a way she does not trust," the
clone in front of me stated.

"Well, where is it, then?" Oneesama (the real one) asked.

"The small one has it, Misaka responds, remembering with some
annoyance how the small one would not stop begging until given
the object," the clone stated in a remarkably even tone, given
the length of her elliptical discourse.

"You should teach them how normal people talk," I stage-whispered
to Oneesama.  "They're not really going to blend in the way they
are now."

Oneesama ignored me, other than a quick frown, and stayed focused
on the purse.  "The small one?  Number, whatever it was, 20001?
Excitable?"

"Yes."

"Yes."

"Very."

"And where is she now?  She didn't come here for a checkup or
adjustment or whatever?"

"Misaka 20001 requires different adjustments, since her
accelerated growth ended early, Misaka offers."

"Misaka 20001 has a different checkup schedule also, Misaka
explains."

"Misaka 20001 is returning home in a circuitous fashion, Misaka
announces, retrieving and interpreting visual records posted to
the network."

"At present she is approaching a crepe stand in District 10,
heading northwest."

"Good.  Let's go, Kuroko," Oneesama dictated, grabbing my collar
and dragging me out the door in a most undignified fashion.
"Sorry about the interruption," she said to the clones, waving
goodbye.

"Let's meet again soon!" I called through the closing door.
Once out of sight, my fingers soon stopped flexing involuntarily,
and I was able to wipe the drool off my face, restoring my normal
lady-like appearance.

"Honestly, Kuroko," Oneesama lectured me in the elevator as we
descended to the ground floor.  "You deliberately tricked me into
leading you to my 'little sisters'.  I guess I should have
expected that, but still, it was very dishonest of you."

"I'm retrieving a stolen good, Oneesama," I replied with my most
saintly expression.  "Sometimes the forces of justice have to
resort to trickery to get information from bad elements."

Oneesama rolled her eyes.  "Whatever.  But listen, you need to
be careful around the sisters.  They may not have my level of
power, but they do have enough power to kill you, and they don't
have my control.  Also they don't have much reason to try to
control themselves if you grope them the way you do me."

Clasping my hands, I leaned winsomely over against Oneesama and
batted my eyes.  "Are you saying that you feel you have reasons
to be gentle with me?"

The elevator door opened.  Oneesama growled as she grabbed my
collar again and marched me out through the lobby and into the
street.  "Let's just find the purse."

Grabbing Oneesama's hand, I started teleporting both of us, jump
by jump, in the direction we'd been given.

"We're looking for a girl who looks like I did at maybe eight or
nine," Oneesama told me.  "She was wearing a light blue sundress
the one time I saw her before."

After about twenty blocks my cellphone buzzed, so I landed on a
handy rooftop to answer the call.

"Uihara?  What's up?  I'm still pursuing the stolen purse."

"Be careful!  That purse has a very dangerous device in it!"

"What?  A dangerous device?  In a middle-school girl's purse?"
I replied in disbelief.

"Anti-Skill is certain, apparently!  It was concealed in the
muffin batter, and they've located and checked all other
muffins in that batch!  It's a disrupter for AIM dispersion
fields, set to go off in fifteen minutes!"

"What kind of TV thriller plot twist is this?  An AIM field
disrupter on a timer?  Are they serious?"

"Anti-skill is very concerned and have issued a city-wide
bulletin!"

"Give me that!" Oneesama interrupted, grabbing the phone away
from me.  "Uihara, this is Mikoto."

"Misaka-san?  Are you working with Shirai-san again?"

"This is important.  What are the consequences if this device
goes off?"

I love it when Oneesama's voice gets so authoritative like that.
It sends shivers up and down my spine.  Even though she shouldn't
be intervening, given that she's not in Judgement or Anti-Skill.

"According to the report, it will make the powers of any nearby
esper go out of control."

"And suppose an esper next to the device is connected, via the
AIM field, to other espers?  can the effect be transferred or
communicated?"

"What, the poltergeist effect?  I suppose so, but that's
considered very low risk."

"Not in this case," Oneesama said grimly, then hung up.  "Come
on, Kuroko, we have to destroy that device before the timer
goes off."

As we resumed out teleportation jumps, I asked Oneesama for
more details on the problem.

"All the 'little sisters' are connected via an AIM network
called the Misaka Network.  If the disruption occurs to number
20001, the effect will spread to all the others."

"Okay, so that's one over here, and ten back where we came
from.  That's bad, but hardly a catastrophe."

I saw Oneesama grimace, clearly reluctant to say what she was
about to say.  "There are more little sisters than just the ones
you saw.  There are almost ten thousand, scattered all over the
world.  If all their powers go out of control..."

"Ten thousand?"  I'm afraid my voice rose in pitch to a squeal
at that.  I pictured myself swimming, naked, in a sea of naked
Oneesamas.

"Kuroko!  Stop drooling!  We have to find her NOW!"

Gathering my wits, I increased the pace of my teleporting, and
very soon we were in the named district.  We landed on a roof
above the named crepe shop, and Oneesama concentrated, trying
to sense our target.

"That way," she said, pointing.

We had to search a few side streets; evidently the "small one",
as they called her, was taking a very roundabout path indeed.
But we spotted her just as the timer was ticking off the last
few seconds, still two hundred meters away.

"Kuroko, go!" Oneesama called.  "Leave me one of your spikes!"

I teleported a spike into the air in front of Oneesama where
she could grab it, and a moment later I was beside the little
girl myself, ripping the purse away from her.  A split-second
after that, I was in mid-air, high above the city.  I was
probably dead if the device went off right now, but it would
only be me.  However, I flung it up, then 'ported myself back
to Oneesama's side.

Oneesama had just finished powering up her signature move, but
using one of my spikes instead of her normal coins because of
the range.  (Oneesama's coins melt after 50 meters, which helps
keep the collateral damage within bounds.)

She fired her railgun, magnetically accelerating the spike to
three times the speed of sound.  (A chill always goes up my
spine, and my knees go weak, whenever I contemplate those
numbers.)

A bright streak split the sky and engulfed the muffin.  I was
ready, and teleported both of us to ground level the moment
she fired, before the sonic boom hit.  It was still loud on
the ground, but bearable.

I was about to swoon theatrically into Oneesama's arms when
a small fury hit me instead, pounding on me with her fists.
Sure enough, she did look like Oneesama probably did about
five years ago.  This would have been very pleasant if it
had been any of the other clones, or Oneesama herself, but I
do not number pederasty among my perversions.

"You took the MacGuffin!  Misaka says Misaka was hungry!
Misaka says Misaka wanted the muffin!  Give it back, Misaka
requests angrily!"

"Oneesama; a little help here?"  I pleaded.

Oneesama, instead of helping me handle her overwrought 'little
sister', only mourned.  "A limited edition Gekota purse!  What
a tragedy!"

I rolled my eyes in exasperation even as I plotted how I could
take advantage of the small clone's attack to stumble into
Oneesama's arms.

The End.

Older fics posted at:
    http://www.reocities.com/Tokyo/Dojo/5058
Newer fics don't yet have a home