[FFML] [minific][K-On!] Afternoon Ghost Story

[nightelf]

Afternoon Ghost Story



A K-On!! work of anime fanfiction by nightelf



K-On! created by Kakifly, and published by Hobunsha.  All rights  
reserved.  These ain't my characters; I make no claim to them.



Warning: There are a couple of spoilers in here, if you're just  
starting K-On! .  Proceed with caution.



********************************************



I’m dead.



Funny how that snuck up on me.



Was a heck of a party last night.  Then again, it always was with  
Death Devil.  I’m still laughing at Yui’s impersonation of me; I  
trained her so well that she couldn’t even think of being like me.   
Afternoon Tea Party is too much kittens, sweetness, and light to ever  
approach Death Devil.  They needed an old soul like me to show them a  
touch of the darkness.



But oh... that darkness was beautiful.  Last night brought everything  
back - the roar of the stage; the rush of the crowd; the zazen state  
that comes when performing.  The girls knew what I'd do the moment  
they put a guitar in my hands, because they’d felt it themselves: the  
music, the crowd, changes a person.  When I pick up that guitar, I  
stop being Yamanaka Sawako.  I become Katherine – and may God have  
mercy on your soul, because I sure as hell won’t.  In a perverse way,  
it makes me glad I never got into drugs, because being Katherine is  
more than enough.  We played our set, showed those pansies just what  
real metal was all about, and went on our merry way.



And then, of course, there was the after-afterparty.  We went out for  
beer and oden; Keiko had always loved the stuff when we were kids, and  
it just seemed like the right thing to do.  We talked for a few hours,  
a strange mix of then and now.  Death Devil intermingled with talk of  
cute-but-useless husbands and the Terrible Twos; high school tales  
blended in to our adult lives.  We were Sawako, Keiko, Norimi, and Umi  
– four ordinary women discussing the ins and out of boyfriends and  
husbands, careers and children.



Hard to believe that an hour previous we were Katherine, Della,  
Christina, and Janice.



Night had given way to morning, and the real world had intruded once  
more.  I wasn’t expecting the freshmen to like what I did, but they  
thought it was ‘cool’.  Who knew?  The world didn’t end, the school  
didn’t descend into chaos... life went on.



Though I wonder... would they still think it was cool if they knew  
what Katherine was like back then?  Maybe I overdid it with the Little  
Miss Perfect Teacher act; I don’t know.



But it doesn’t matter, not anymore.  It’s not my game.  I’m the ghost,  
the one who hasn’t figured out she’s dead yet.



It’s their game.  And I’m still not sure how I’m supposed to feel  
about that.



***



It’s both heaven and hell with them, to be honest.



There’s a reason why I named them Afternoon Tea Time, besides the cute  
factor.  Sometimes it seems like Tsumugi’s sweets are all that group  
cares about.  Unlike them, I pushed myself. Yeah, I was stupid about  
it sometimes, but I pushed myself.  Cranking chords until my hands  
bled was no big deal.  Days of being unable to speak, all so I could  
scream at the night, were standard operating procedure.  For these  
kids... it's a game.  It's a hobby.



Who am I kidding?  I was dumb and stupid; we all were.  I was dumb and  
stupid because I liked Toshi.  The terminal case of stupidity took on  
a mind of its own once Death Devil started rolling; Katherine was born  
in the maelstrom, and reveled in the fury.  Of course, we all had our  
reasons for rebellion; it was likely those same reasons that  
eventually drove Keiko from Tokyo, that still pushes Norimi whenever  
she picks up a guitar.  I hid from mine through disguise; just as  
Death Devil provided one mask, so my music education and teaching  
provided another.  I became this beautiful angel, this role-model  
music teacher, crafting inoffensive classical music for the students.



One problem.  Our demons - our death devils - were simply too stubborn  
to escape.



Afternoon Tea Time is just as dumb and stupid as Death Devil; it’s  
just that they’re dumb and stupid in their own way.  Our dumb and  
stupid drove us to some intense music; their dumb and stupid drives  
them to afternoon tea.  I tried igniting the fire in Yui, but it  
didn’t seem to stick.  Maybe they just don’t have the demons we did.



A thought chills me to the bone: Could I actually be envious of their  
innocence?



I do envy them one thing.  What I envy the most – what I regret the  
most – what terrifies me the most – is that those girls have what I  
can never get back: time.  Part of me wants to scream at them, at the  
challenges that lie ahead – but all I can really do is scream.  The  
haunting voice is all I have left.  We leave no touch; ghosts pass  
through the walls, and fade as though they never were.



***



My time is done.



This is the way it was meant to be.  We all have our day in the sun,  
then go into the twilight.  My twilight started the day I put the  
Flying V down and started calling myself “sensei”. It’s not about me  
anymore; it’s about those five kids, and about pushing them to make  
the most of the talents they have.



In my mind, I can feel the cut of guitar strings along my fingertips,  
the snarl of contempt for a world beneath me, the primal scream of a  
soul bathing in the darkness.  She cries out from her prison with axe  
and voice, a battlecry of futility, a scream of rebellion for a war  
long lost.



She’s a ghost in my mind.  That’s all - just a ghost in my mind.



So why do I feel like I’m the one who’s haunting the earth?



********************************************

Thanks to Greg Sandborn for his help on this.

nightelf at thekeep.org
nightelf at setsuna.us
October 31, 2010