[FFML] [Haruhi] The Courtship of Suzumiya Haruhi

[Brian Randall]

Hmm, maybe the citrine warning scared people off the unrelated
short...?  This is tamer. ;)


     The Courtship of Suzumiya Haruhi

	Chapter one: In which things are not as easy as hoped.

	A 'Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi' fanfiction.

	Note: This fic is a sequel to The Blunt Force Trauma of Suzumiya
Haruhi.  It may not make much sense if you haven't read that, first.

	Disclaimer: The novel 'Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuutsu'/'The Melancholy of
Suzumiya Haruhi' is the creation of Nagaru Tanigawa.  I do not know
the producers yet, but the animation company responsible is Kyoto
Animation.  No disrespect is intended by the posting of this
fanfiction, as I do not own the characters or settings involved.  I'm
merely dabbling with another set of paints.  ;)
	---------------------------------
     Haruhi and I leave the school together, her eyeing me
suspiciously the entire time.  We stride down the hill together,
myself, perhaps, not hurrying as much as I might have.  This is
entirely due to a lack of enthusiasm at helping my little sister out
with her school project.

     I will admit a small amount of regret, a memory of a certain
irritating trudge through the rain with Haruhi, and a single shared
umbrella.  But that was another time, feeling longer ago than it
likely truly was.

     "So," Haruhi says after a moment of walking, "what was it you
wanted to talk about, anyway?  You seemed to be going out of your way
to avoid mentioning something in front of everyone else."

     "Maybe I worry about you," I say, shrugging.  "I'm sorry if
reminding you makes you uncomfortable.  I just think that patience and
caution might go a lot further towards finding what you're looking
for."

     After a pause, when she looks away, I add, "I also honestly think
that the incident in Hokkaido isn't worth the travel time.  While the
situation is inexplicable at the moment, nothing about it seems at all
unnatural."

     "W...well, you're not an expert on the supernatural," she
retorts.  "Bah, talking like you have daily dealings with
time-travelers, demons, espers, aliens....  I think you're just lazy!"

     She might have me there, and one eyebrow tics in annoyance.  "I
am not _just_ lazy," I retort.  Very lazy, perhaps, but that's hardly
the extent of my being.  "I am also...."  But I hesitate.  "I do have
an ulterior motive," I finally confess.

     Surprised, she glances at me.  "Really?"  Her eyes light up
again, "Is it that you've found something else out?  Maybe you already
know about the conspiracy!?"

     Oh-ho.  Yes.  But you wouldn't believe me, if I were to tell you.

     "Hey!  What's that smile mean!?"

     I try and straighten my expression out.  "I'd rather not spend
Saturday stumbling around in Hokkaido looking for what I believe to be
a nonexistant clue," I tell her.  "Again, we can talk about it later."
 Though, I probably shouldn't keep putting this off forever.

     I am avoiding the issue, but one who has a sort of freedom, while
still being herded to their inevitable destiny, can only feel so
confident.  She glowers at me, then grumbles, "You are an unhelpful
subordinate."

     "There is a Chinese curse that says, 'May you live in interesting
times', or something like that."

     "That would be a nice curse," she says with a sigh.  "This world
is just so _boring_ sometimes!"

     "But safe," I point out.

     "Yeah, well...."

     We fall silent when she trails off, moving through the train
terminal and boarding the train back towards my stop.  The train isn't
especially crowded, so we find seats next to one-another, with enough
space between for our bags.

     "Alright, Buzz Killington, if you're going to shut down my
Hokkaido plans," she says abruptly, "we should think of what we can do
in the meantime."

     "Like?" I ask, already worried about where this will lead.

     "Hmm, maybe archeology?  We could look for ancient myserious
artifacts!  Or, since you mentioned that Chinese curse, we could look
for supposedly haunted houses or cursed items!" she enthuses.

     "I don't know of any such things nearby," I say skeptically.
"Maybe if you wait for the next festival you can find a haunted
house."

     "That's not the same thing!" she protests.  "And you should know that!"

     "Then we'd need to wait until we can take a trip somewhere," I
say, shrugging.

     Haruhi glowers at me.  "You are being very unhelpful," she says.

     "How about this," I say, as placatingly as I can, "we can spend
our time researching and planning where to go when we can take a trip.
 Pick out a good mysterious or haunted site to investigate."

     "I suppose," she says reluctantly, considering.  "All this
researching and planning, with no exploration.  When did you turn into
such a coward?"

     "I'm not afraid of encountering something unexpected," I tell
her, surprised at how true it is.  "Not for myself, anyway," I add,
turning to look at my feet.  Cursed tongue; stay thy wagging!

     Haruhi shifts in her seat, clutching her schoolbag to her chest
as her face colors slightly.  I do not look directly at her; Haruhi
doesn't deel with awkwardness well.  Either she ignores it, or she
overpowers it with something else.  The train stops, and a crowd of
people board.  "M...move your bag," she orders, scooting in the seat
adjacent to me.  I obligingly pick up my bag and set it on my knees as
she sits at my side, looking down and away.  After that, we are both
quiet, surrounded in the constant murmur of other conversations around
us.

     It feels awkward, being unsure if I'm doing my chosen task well,
or if I'm simply fumbling my way through things in the most
blundersome possible manner.  The romantic comedies I've been exposed
to throughout my high-school life -- and indeed, even before -- assure
me that everyone fumbles, but at the same time, I wonder if that would
satisfy Haruhi.

     I know that Haruhi wants a grand romance, or at least, something
exciting and unusual.

     Okay, probably not the grand romance angle so much.  Which is
simultaneously a relief and a huge headache.  I can easily imagine her
getting bored with it, probably almost instantly.  So, something
different, something that would somehow expand the mystery of the
world and change the way she views, well, probably almost everything
ever.

     That's an unreasonably tall order, so it's going to be a real
struggle to pull off.  The train stops abruptly at the next station,
and Haruhi is pressed into my side by the force.  When the train
begins moving to the next stop, she takes a very long moment to stop
leaning against me.  I pretend not to notice, and we both stand,
hanging onto the overhead rings for balance as we move towards the
doors.

     "What kind of thing should we investigate?" she asks quietly,
once we're out of the station, walking towards my home.

     Well, I don't want to be mixed up in anything involving curses,
and I don't think that anything good will come of ancient artifacts.
Still, whatever I suggest to Haruhi will very likely end up being a
reality I will have to deal with, while she remains somehow oblivious.
 That in mind....  "You said a haunted house?" I ask her back.

     "Yeah," she says slowly, seemingly with less enthusiasm than I
would have expected, "but I don't know of any either.  Not any real
ones -- I've checked out almost all of the local mysteries a long time
ago."

     "Then we have something we can investigate."

     A tiny hint of a smile comes to her lips.  "I suppose that will
be safe enough to keep you from worrying?" she asks.

     I shrug.  "It's something.  And if we can't travel, then maybe we
can just play hyakumonogatari kaidankai," I suggest.

     She blinks at me.  "Y...you mean, for real?" she asks in
surprise.  "Do you think we can come up with a full hundred ghost
stories?  I've always wanted to try it...."

     "If everyone finds twenty, it will be no problem."  Though, it
would be annoying learning twenty stories.  And even more annoying if
someone else learned the same stories I did.

     "Hmm," Haruhi muses quietly.  "We'll need to get extra stories,
in case Mikuru faints."

     Damn, that's true.  Make that thirty stories.

     "But then, maybe Yuki could read some extra ones.  Really, she
probably already has!"

     I'm not certain I want to rely on Yuki-chan to tell extra ghost
stories, actually.  She might break the mood entirely ... or perhaps,
she'd be very good at it.  Neither possibility is particularly
encouraging.

     "I guess that might be okay."

     Only okay?  I hope she doesn't get bored.  "Well, if that's not
enough, what about arranging a trip to Himeji castle?  We could check
out Okiku's haunted well."

     "It'd be near impossible to get into Himeji castle at night!" she
protests, smiling anyway.  "Now, now, you say there's no chance of us
going to Hokkaido to investigate, but you think it'll be okay to break
into a national treasure?  And a world heritage site, no less?"

     "Firstly," I retort, "I said nothing of breaking in.  Secondly,
if you don't want to go there after all, then we don't have to."  I
can't help but smirk back at her.  She snorts and looks away, her
smile gone.

     Ah, well.  The sensation of an opportunity lost, and a mood
dispelled.  Not the best thing to say, I suppose, but given that we
reach my house at that point, probably for the best.

     After we step inside, I call out that I'm home.  Little sister
runs in and excitedly hugs me once I kick off my shoes.  "Kyon!  I
need help cutting out good pictures for my collage!  You promised!"
she cries.

     I turn to Haruhi and raise one eyebrow.  "See?"

     "Fine, fine," she says with a sigh.  "But, really, I expect you
to do a good job; I don't like SOS Brigade business being interrupted
by your chores!"

     No sympathy whatsoever....  Maybe it will be better to spend time
with my sister after all.  "Coming in?" I ask Haruhi, when she still
stands in the entryway.

     She hesitates, considering something, then shakes her head and
sighs.  "I'll see you tomorrow," she mumbles, before she leaves.

     I suppose that wouldn't be interesting enough to her.  I sigh at
the expected vibration of my phone as the door closed.  "Let's get to
work," I tell my sister absently, glancing at the screen to see that
the text is from Koizumi.  Unsurprising.  I can check it later.

     ***

     Kunikida and I don't hang out as much as we used to.  Actually, I
suppose that's a bit untrue.  It suggests that we hung out a lot
before, which we haven't really done since junior high school.  We
still eat lunches together, but after Taniguchi, who ate lunches with
us for nearly a year, we have a certain amount of embarassing
noteriety.

     I should expand on that, since this is something you wouldn't
have any other way to know.

     As the story goes, a few weeks back, Tanaguchi assaulted Haruhi.
That seemingly harmless but somewhat perverted boy was actually a
would-be-murderer, who picked Haruhi as an easily manipulatable
target.  This is what Haruhi believes, and so, Kunikida believes it,
too.  So does the entire world, outside of the non-Haruhi members of
the SOS Brigade.

     In my memory, and memories backed up by Yuki-chan, Taniguchi
never tried to lay a finger on Haruhi.  He actually simply revealed to
her the truth of what she was and said some irrelevant things.  If you
must know the details, specifically, it was said that I was in love
with Mikuru, and Haruhi's logic-defying power could never alter that
unfortunate truth.

     An awkward time I am not comfortable remembering.  But the
reminders of it happen every day, fading just to be brought back with
alarming suddeness.  A schoolmate I don't know will approach me, and
ask me about my heroic rescue of Haruhi from someone even more
demented.  I don't like to discuss it with them, but it's not because
I don't want to tell stories about being the hero.

     It's because Haruhi made up the details, and believes them ...
but I don't remember them, because it is uncertain if they ever
happened.  Certainly, they did not happen in _my_ memory, but that
means little in the face of Haruhi's understanding.

     I am approached for being both the 'hero who saved Suzumiya', and
for being a loose associate of Taniguchi.  Kunikida has avoided the
noteriety of the first part, but being distant from Haruhi makes him
more approachable for the latter aspect.  Considering that he knew
Taniguchi about as well as I do, the relative deluge of questions is
as unwelcome to him as it is to me.

     But Kunikida is a good friend, in truth.  He doesn't defer
everything to me, with an easily uttered, "You should ask Kyon; he was
there when it happened.  He would know more."  Instead, he says, "I
didn't know Taniguchi as well as I thought I did.  None of us did,
really.  And don't ask Kyon about it; I went to school with him for
years, and I know that he doesn't like discussing it."

     And after that, we talk about what inconsequential things we can.
 Occasionally, he talks about video games, but he's not such a fan he
can speak of them endlessly, and I don't have much time for them
myself.  Sometimes we both talk about sports.  Lately, as a defense
against the other students, we have learned to adopt serious
expressions and ponder the ever-shifting Japanese economy.

     Anyone who stood and listened for longer than a minute would
realize that this conversation was a thinly veiled ploy to say, in
less obvious words, "We do not wish to discuss Taniguchi."

     As an unfamiliar student approaches during our lunch, Kunikida
suddenly launches into an incoherent review of trade policy with Korea
and their own history of economic turmoil.  I nod sagely until he
finishes, and add manufactured observations of trade embargoes by
other countries, and how they represent a chance for our own country
to capitalize on the opportunity.  In the end, it's just words strung
together, less meaningful than anything else we could discuss, but the
shield works, and the unknown student realizes he should not ask his
questions, turning around and leaving with a bowed head.

     I trail off mid-sentence.  Our cover undoubtedly fails to work on
those who sit near us when we eat, but in the interests of peace, they
politely pretend not to notice.

     "Hey, Kyon," Kunikida asks, his voice very quiet as he packs the
last few bites of his bento away, uneaten.

     "Hmmm," I noise, uncomittal as I pack up the remains of my own
lunch.  "What is it?"

     "I would understand if it's not my place to ask," he says, still
in that low tone, "but I am curious."

     Well, Kunikida and I are a team, of sorts, weathering this
irritating Taniguchi-based questioning.  Of course, Haruhi is
considered unapproachable for the purposes of asking her perspective;
I am the only safe avenue of communication with her.  For some reason.
 I nod at him, knowing that the question will be Haruhi-related, but
uncertain what it will be.  "Ask away, Kunikida."

     He steels himself, eyes looking out the window.  "Would what
happened to her be enough to satisfy her need to find strange and
unusual things?" he asks.  "Has it calmed her down in any way?"

     That was far less personal than I had expected.  This from the
boy who once told the class I liked strange girls.  "Briefly," I
answer, looking for the same mysterious point outside of the classroom
that he is.  Blue skies today.  It looks like it will be rain free.
"She is as uncautious as ever, on her own, but at least listens to me
when I try and plead the cause of reason."

     "Ah ... well.  I just wondered.  I would have expected you two to
have lunches together by now."

     I would have choked on my bento if I'd still been eating.  As it
is, I limit my expression to merely dour.  There's the personal
question I had expected.  Perhaps Kunikida is right, but lunches
together at school sounds cliche.  "I don't know if that would meet
Haruhi's need for more madness."

     "Ah ... I'm sorry," Kunikida says, chuckling in embarassment and
scratching the back of his head.  "I've overstepped myself.  I
apologize."

     "No," I sigh.  "You have a point, as little as I like to think
about it.  But let me ask you a question in return.  If I do that, who
will you discuss ... the economy with?"

     "You've been quite earnest," Kunikida says with a broad grin.
"Helping me dodge those questions by us sticking together.  But as
time passes, the questions should fade.  Other than the occasional
students who only know the rumors, we both need to move on.  Probably
when we enter our second year, a wave of new students will be
problematic for a time, but that will pass.  Aside from which, while I
appreciate the help, you're her hero, and just a good friend to me."
He chuckles again, slightly.  "No offense."

     "None is taken," I reply almost automatically.  "I'd rather talk
about this with you than Koizumi."  Entirely true, except for the
parts that Kunikida would judge me a loony for bringing up.  Which is
quite a lot, some days.  "Well.  Alright.  I'll do that which must be
done.  Let me know if you want to discuss the economy some day, hmm?"

     Kunikida laughs softly, more than a chuckle, commenting, "So much
self sacrifice, eh?  We're like a bad anime, or a worse video game."

     I smile in return, though I don't feel it.  Self sacrifice is a
term I've been struggling very hard to avoid thinking about.

     ***

     I feel like Koizumi, wearing that fake smile with Kunikida.  The
feeling hasn't really faded when I enter the club house after classes
finish.  Mikuru is already there, wearing her maid outfit and
preparing the tea.  "It will be ready soon," she says apologetically.
Yuki-chan is there, too, of course.

     "Thank you, Mikuru-chan," I reply, taking my usual seat and sighing.

     "Kyon-kun," Mikuru asks quietly, "are you troubled?  I don't know
what yesterday was about...."

     I wave a hand, eyes closed.  "It's nothing important."  When my
eyes open, Yuki-chan is staring at me intently, looking up from her
book.  It's a new one again, 'Diamond Age'.  "Well, it's quite
important, but I don't think I should speak of it right now."

     Yuki-chan turns slowly to stare at the doorway, as Mikuru looks
confused.  Just then, the door bursts open to reveal a manic, grinning
Haruhi, and behind her, Koizumi, both of them burdened with heavy
armfuls of books.  Yuki-chan blinks a few times and continues staring.

     Mikuru looks confused enough not to whimper in terror.  "Um,
what's all this?" she asks, when Haruhi dumps her stack of books on
the table, and Koizumi carefully sets his own down.

     "Research material!" Haruhi says brightly.  I pick one book out
of the pile, and read the title: 'Ghost Stories of Japan, Vol. 8'.
"Research material!  If Kyon is afraid of conspiracies and traveling
to Hokkaido, we're going to see what we can do here!"

     And just like that, she's forgotten about our 'long range
investigation' of that boy in Hokkaido?  I suppose I should be
pleased; I had little interest in researching something so morbid.
Though, the fact that I consider ghost story research to be less
morbid is probably a sign that I've drifted very far from the outlook
of a regular person.

     I will hope that this was inevitable, and not a personal failing.

     "How many stories do we each have to learn?" I ask, opening the
book and grimacing at the number of pages in it.

     Haruhi nods, crossing her arms over her chest.  "We should each
learn as many as we can, and compare notes on how ghosts work.  What
we can use to defend ourselves if ghosts show, up, what causes ghosts
have for appearing, that sort of thing!"

     "I see," Yuki-chan says quietly, closing her own book and moving
to take the topmost book off the pile.

     For a while, I was not a regular person.  Yuki-chan, in that
other world, modified me somehow, making a backup copy of herself in
'my data', and giving me the ability to be aware of her power, and
Koizumi's as well.  Ultimately, I asked her to remove it once that
episode was dealt with; perhaps I am a coward and running away from
responsibility, but I used the justification that if I allow myself to
be changed from being a normal person too much, I won't be as helpful
in keeping Haruhi in line.

     That's probably a weak argument, but I stick with it.  I can take
a small amount of pride in the fact that after all I've been through,
I've gotten by with the smallest amount of power useage of anyone in
the club.  I suppose, when you think about it, with a time-traveler, a
data-entity, an esper, and a girl who can reshape reality to her whim,
I am remarkable in being unremarkable.  Maybe that's it.

     There are times that I miss that awareness, the tingling in the
back of my head to alert me of data manipulation and espers.
Probably, this is just foolish; I could have it restored any time I
asked Yuki-chan to have it back.  In truth, I think she may have been
dissapointed that I asked her to take it away.

     But now that I think of it, flipping through the book in the club
house, half remembering most of the stories from long-ago sleepovers,
this is just another way of evading the question.  Ultimately, I am
begining to realize that I'm afraid.

     I meant what I told Haruhi on the train.  I'm not afraid of
violence or conspiracies, or really, even psychotic killers pursuing
me.

     I know what I should do, but not how to do it, and I'm afraid of
the consequences of failing.  How craven that makes me.

     "What's with that look?" Haruhi asks, peering into my face.  "Is
that story especially good?"

     "No," I say, glancing at the title.  "It's just the story of
Okiku.  I think we mentioned it yesterday."

     "An omen!" Haruhi says victoriously, clenching one fist before
her and posing dramatically.  "You mentioned it yesterday, after that
once-in-a-lifetime royal flush!  Maybe we _can_ organize a trip to
Himeji castle!"

     That's a bit abrupt, isn't it?  The supposed 'lucky' hand and
that ghost story were nearly an hour apart.  Only Haruhi would assume
they were connected by fate.

     "Okiku?" Mikuru asks, mystified.

     "Ah!  You don't know the story?" Haruhi protests, staring at her
in surprise.  "Well, Nagato, you know stories, I'm sure you know a
good version of it."

     "I also do not know this story," Yuki-chan answers quietly,
glancing at her book.

     That's a bit surprising.  "Geez," Haruhi groans, her victorious
pose fading to resignation.  "How can you not know one of the most
famous ghost stories in Japan?  Koizumi?" she fixes the esper with a
questioning glance.

     "I remember it," he says nodding.  "Let's see ... I first heard
it from Kaidan Hyakumonogatari, the television show from a few years
ago."

     "That's a little better," Haruhi allows, sighing.  "But I guess
Kyon knows it best.  Plus he has the book.  Kyon, tell the story?"

     I see where this is going ... by the time we plan on staying up
all night and telling them, we won't have any new stories left.
"Before that, does everyone else here know what hyakumonogatari
kaidankai is?"

     Mikuru shakes her head, shrinking in on herself slightly at the
name alone.  Koizumi nods brightly.  Nagato gives a single, tiny,
almost imperceptable shake of her head.

     "Hyakumonogatari kaidankai, 'a gathering of one hundred
supernatural tales', was a popular game during the Edo period in
Japan," I offer.  "Samurai of the period played it as a test of
bravery, to see who would get scared and bow out first.  Then it
worked its way down to the lower classes.  So it's said, anyway.  No
one really knows that part for certain.

     "However, printing presses had come into fashion at about the
same time, so naturally they combined to publish dozens, perhaps
hundreds of volumes of ghost stories for use in hyakumonogatari
kaidankai.  This allowed the popularity of the game to spread very
quickly."  I tap a book in the pile that actually includes
'hyakumonogatari' in the title.  "First, you light one hundred candles
in a room.  Then everyone in the room takes turns trading stories --
kaidan -- about ghosts, and when each story is completed, another
candle is blown out, until with the final story, the room is dark, and
a ghost is summoned."

     "I didn't know that part," Haruhi says, looking mildly surpised.
"About the samurai and the printing presses, I mean."

     Ech ... to know more about strange things than this strange girl.
 Though, I suppose it's not the first time, in retrospect.  "I used to
watch a lot of specials on the paranormal," I say by way of
explanation.  "Anway, the story of Okiku is considered to be one of
the most well known.

     "She was a servant in Himeji castle, and the stories differ about
the how and the why ... but at some point it came to pass that she was
blamed for the loss or destruction of one of the lord's ten heirloom
plates.  The lord demanded she confess to a crime she did not commit,
or otherwise compromise her virtue for the lord's mercy.

     "When she refused, and stubbornly kept counting the plates trying
to find the missing one rather than betray her true love, she was
drowned in the well.  According to popular legend, at the witching
hour -- between two and three in the morning -- her voice drifts up
from the well, counting the plates, but always stopping at nine with
an anguished wail."

     Mikuru looks positively chilled.  Yuki-chan seems unpreturbed.  I
guess I shouldn't be surprised that people who have only been here for
three, nearly four years have missed something most of us learn as
children.  "That's right, that's right," Haruhi says with a nod.  "I'm
impressed, Kyon!  I never took you for a ghost story expert!"

     I know two things, Haruhi ... that hardly seems like a mark of
mastery.  Aside from which, almost everything I relayed was condensed
from an easily accessible television program from my own childhood.
Older than the one Koizumi spoke of; I don't think I watched that one.

     After sipping my tea I say, "Like you said, it's probably the
most popular ghost story in Japan.  I don't think of it as anything
special."

     Haruhi looks at me strangely, then shrugs and walks around the
table to her seat at the desk.  "Anyway," she says, "pick some books
and start reading.  When we play, I want us to be able to reach one
hundred different stories easily!"

     "O...okay," Mikuru says hesitantly, searching through the books
and picking out a volume of ghost stories for children, one with a
very cute cover.  Yuki-chan begins turning the pages in the first book
she picked up, and with a bemused smile, Koizumi picks out a book of
his own.

     Privately, I wonder how long this will entertain Haruhi.  I'm
concerned she will get bored of it long before its time to summon any
ghosts.

     ***

     "Kyon," Koizumi asks, when he and I leave the room to allow
Mikuru to change, "did you get my text from last night?"

     Oh, right, I had forgotten to check that.  "I didn't read it," I
answer, walking down the hallway, and out of earshot of the clubroom
door.  "Sorry, I was helping my sister with her project."

     "Mm.  I just wanted to ask if you knew what you were doing.  My
feelings haven't changed, of course, I still trust your plan, whatever
it is," he explains.  "But, it would be nice to know what that plan
is."

     Of all the people to possibly discuss it with....  No, I'd rather
talk about this with Kunikida.  But that's not a serious option, or
likely to become one.  "I'm still working on the fine details," I tell
him.  "It's something I would rather not get wrong."

     "That's certainly understandable," Koizumi agrees.  "If it's not
too untoward, I am willing to offer whatever assistance I can get for
you from the Agency."

     I eye him sidelong.  "Meaning?" I ask.

     "Well, it seems to me that you might need help making things
extraordinary enough to satisfy Haruhi," he explains.  "While it may
be ultimately mundane, I can probably help you with at least, say, cab
fare ... perhaps flowers or nice dinners at a discount."

     I stop walking, as at this point we've reached the covered
walkway between the clubhouse and the proper school building.  "I
appreciate that, Koizumi, but I think you're right; for Haruhi, those
things likely would be too mundane."  Also, I would feel incredibly
lame doing such a thing.  The ultimate in cheapskates.  To say nothing
of how little I like the idea of being in the Agency's debt.

     Koizumi chuckles, nodding his head.  "You're right, you're
right."  It's not me, Koizumi, you said it first.  "Ah, well, it's
probably even less, since your insight is better than whatever I could
learn, but I will ask for advice from ... friends within, if you
like."

     Second-hand advice from a member of the Agency -- meaning a girl
who is an esper, most likely -- on how to speak to a figure they
revere as a god?  Probably bad advice, in all honesty.  I'm sure
Haruhi wouldn't mind being worshipped, for a while, but I think she'd
probably get bored of it.  She demands unreasonable loyalty anyway;
giving it to her unbidden ... well, that's what Koizumi already does.

     "Thank you, Koizumi," I say, as Haruhi steps out of the
classroom, seeming surprised to see us.  "I appreciate that."

     "What's this, then?" she asks, seeming for once unsuspicious, and
just genuinely curious.

     "Ah," Koizumi says with that same chuckle, "I was just warning
Kyon that work might arise unexpectedly, and that I might not be able
to make it to our ghost-story game.  But if that happens, I will be
sure to give him a good list of stories to take my place."

     "Of course," I agree, nodding, though internally, I'm sighing and
shaking my head.  Shouldn't news like that be given directly to your
brigade chief, Koizumi?  Then again, I'm the one who stopped here to
talk, within visual range of the clubroom door.

     "Well, if you have work, it can't be helped," Haruhi says with a
shrug, frowning only slightly.  I don't get the sense that she's
terribly upset about it -- not nearly as upset as she was when I
wanted to help my little sister with her school project.  "And Kyon's
our ghost story expert, so I'm sure he'll fill in for you perfectly!"

     Bah.  Ghost story expert.  A year in this club, and only now am I
recognized as anything other than an obstacle and low-ranking grunt?
But I shouldn't complain.

     "Just so," Koizumi agrees.  "I should be going to work, though."

     Hmm.  Closed space two days in a row?  I smell an excuse; Haruhi
doesn't seem nearly upset enough to warrant that.  And on the same
subject, Mikuru and Yuki-chan are still in the clubroom, neither of
them heading home?

     Fine, I can take a hint.  "Well, I suppose as the ghost story
expert, we may as well discuss the plan on the walk to the train
station?" I ask Haruhi.

     She looks hesitant for a moment, then nods.  "Can't be helped,"
she says with a shrug.  "See you tomorrow, Koizumi."

     "Take care, Suzumiya-san," he says, offering a tiny wave as he
heads down the hallway.

     We walk to the shoe lockers and change, then leave the school
together, a companionable distance apart, other students nearby, but
not drawing close.  I catch a glimpse of Kunikida nearby, and he looks
away from some student who is obviously badgering him about something
-- it doesn't take a genius to guess what -- and gives me a weak smile
and a nod of solidarity.

     I solemly nod back, but Haruhi catches the glance.  "What's that
about?" she asks.

     Figures.  No ghost story discussion whatsoever.  "Ah, it's not
something you want to talk about," I answer.

     "I think I would decide that," she says, narrowing her eyes.
"What is it, then?"

     "It's about Taniguchi," I answer, looking ahead, down the hill.

     Haruhi falls silent almost instantly, drawing slightly into
herself.  "Oh," she says quietly.

     We're almost to the train station when she finally breaks the
silence and asks, "Hey, Kyon?"

     "What?"

     "C...can we go somewhere?  And talk about that?"

     I stare at her in stupification.  We've been tiptoeing around
this for a while; it's a delicate situation, in my mind.  After Haruhi
was released from the hospital, it simply wasn't a discussed topic.
Kunikida and my 'economic discussions' were a symptom that followed
that chosen silence.  Her face colors slightly, and her hopeful,
vulnerable expression hardens, shifting to annoyance.

     Before she can snap at me, I say, "Of course, Haruhi.  I'm just
surprised that you think you'd need to ask if it was okay to talk
about."

     That soothes her, and she relaxes, somewhat.  "Good.  Um, because
this is unexpected, it'll be my treat."

     Treat?  When did this turn into....  But, no matter.  "Where
would you like to go?"

     She struggles for a moment, seeming torn between answers before
she meets my eyes, and says, with a small amount of resignation that I
can just pick up, "I know a nearby cafe."

     However, I know Haruhi, and I can read between the lines, at
least somewhat.  I know her feelings on cafes, and what they signify
when a boy and a girl attend alone.  "That's a possibility," I allow.
I think of the park where I met with Yuki-chan, when she first
revealed the truth of her nature to me.  At that same park, in a
universe since destroyed, I had a conversation with Koizumi about a
different, and worse group of espers that wanted to kill Haruhi.  "But
why not go for a walk in the park near my house?  If it's not too much
trouble, it's closer to where we both live, and I could help my sister
finish her project when we're done."

     In retrospect, this was not a brilliant answer.  If anything, it
gave the impression I was indifferent to what this discussion
represented.  "Figures," Haruhi says, her expression decidedly
neutral.  "I offer to treat and you become a cheapskate.  Do you think
I'm poor?"

     "Not at all," I reply quickly, as we get our train tickets.  "But
I cannot help to think of cafes as cliche locations for candid
discussions.  In fact, they only offer the illusion of privacy; in
reality we would be surrounded by classmates who would eavesdrop on
our every word, even if they did not mean to.  Walking in the park
should give a greater degree of space around us for this conversation,
don't you think?"  That sounds reasonable.

     "Hehehe....  Like a spy novel," Haruhi says with a giggle, as we
board the train.  "A cafe or a restaraunt, or even a bar are chosen as
meeting places, but the discussion always takes place somewhere
secluded, like a lakeside, or a balcony."

     Unintentionally, I appear to have chosen something that appeals
to her.  I'm not honestly sure how accurate her summation is, but I'm
willing to go along with it; I will consider this a success.

     ***

     Haruhi treats me to a vending machine drink, and we find an empty
park bench to sit on.  I set my schoolbag on the bench next to me, on
the side away from her.  She sets hers on the ground by her feet.

     "I....  I wanted to thank you," she finally says.

     "There is no need to thank me," I say, though in truth, I am glad
to be thanked.  Who wouldn't be?  Still, she doesn't know half of what
I truly endured for her.  Or she does, and thinks it's just a
coma-induced dream that we've never discussed.

     She blushes slightly, taking on that defeated, somehow
endearingly vulnerable look she so rarely shows.  "I ... do
occasionally rush into things.  But it's only gone badly for me once.
And when it did, well...."

     "It goes badly more often than that," I counter.  "You've only
been badly hurt once."

     Her blush fades and she grimaces.  "I suppose," she allows,
opening her drink.

     Maybe that was tactless.  "Ah, that was too harsh," I quickly say.

     "No, you're right," she says, sighing.  "I have to admit....  I
always wanted something strange, something outlandish and amazing to
happen to me.

     "And with Taniguchi, it kind of did.  I mean, someone ... tried
to...."  She shivers.  "It's embarassing to be so easily be read by
that type of person.  Me, the great Suzumiya Haruhi, taken in by the
kind of ploy that Ky--"  She coughs, looking away.  "W...well, you
warned me about that kind of thing, and I should have listened.

     "But I can't let that fear of things make me into a coward!  And
the thing that happened then ... it wasn't the kind of different or
exciting that I wanted at all.  It just reminded me that I was easily
suckered into things, like a, like....  Like a dumb little kid!
S...so, when you tell me I shouldn't do something now, I stop and
listen.  But I'm afraid of giving up on what could be a real lead to
something unique!"

     It's quiet for a while, the soft whispering of wind through the
trees around us, distant sounds of traffic and children playing
carrying to us.  She stares at the ground between her feet, and I
watch her hands clenching and unclenching the edge of her skirt
anxiously.

     "I think I understand," I say after a long moment of
consideration.  "I don't want you to give up your dreams."  It would
be very, very convenient to me if she did, but Koizumi would probably
have to fight closed space constantly.  "And that's not the kind of
unique thing that anyone would enjoy.  I certainly didn't like it."

     "It wasn't even that unique," she said with a sigh.  "The police
came to talk to me ... like they talked to you, and everyone else, I
guess.  But I was unconscious then, so it happened after they finished
talking to you.  What happened to me wasn't that special at all.  The
detectives were nice, polite ... falsely sympathetic.  But they had
the bored expressions that they'd done this before.  They had
proceedures and guide books telling them how to handle the situation
exactly.

     "So I endured something terrible, felt like a fool, was taken in
... and I was just another...."  She trails off, and I see unshed
tears in her eyes.

     I will admit.  I didn't really think about it very much from the
perspective of Haruhi, outside of telling Kunikida that it wouldn't
distract her long.  But from the perspective of someone who actively
sought excitement and adventure....  It wasn't a good adventure, and
it was the worst kind of excitement.

     That aside, I should be the hero of the story -- I rescued Haruhi.

     Too late, though.  I saved her from death, but not assault.  As
she remembers it, and thus, it is supposed to be, at any rate.  I
don't feel much like a hero for what I'm supposed to have done.  And
even if I look at what I actually did ... I destroyed a girl that
shared a name and appearance with Yuki, overwrote her with a backup
copy of the real Yuki.  I destroyed an entire world full of people by
manipulating Haruhi.

     Perhaps I villainize myself unneccesarily.

     Taniguchi should be the real villain; he destroyed _this_ world
so that Haruhi would make the new one.  But I cannot paint the world
in such black and white views so comfortably.

     All of this is ignoring the fact that Haruhi is trembling, on the
verge of tears over this admission.  And how much work is this for
Koizumi, by the way?  Probably much too much.  I have a handkerchief,
so I hand it to her.  "No one should want that kind of adventure," I
finally say aloud.

     "But life is so dull!" she complains, dabbing at her eyes and
turning her face away.  "Nothing good ever happens!"

     I like that more than 'nothing interesting ever happens'.  I
think for a moment, for some reason remembering the speech I gave
Haruhi at the begining of the year.  "Consider this," I say, finally.

     She turns to look at me cautiously, as though afraid of what I
might say.  Ah, Haruhi....  You tug at my heartstrings when you're not
overflowing with confidence.

     "I told you once that those who weren't satisfied with the world
took it into their own hands to change the way things worked.  The
creation of flight, of automobiles, if you think about it, written
language, all of those leaps in technology to help humanity."

     "I remember that," she says dourly.  "You said that we should
just be happy being 'mere mortals'."

     I laugh in embarassment; I didn't think she'd recall the
specifics so well.  "Well, I was wrong," I say with a shrug.  "What
can I say?  You showed your genius by making the SOS Brigade despite
my misgivings."

     "You think so?" she asks, looking surprised and hopeful.

     "Naturally," I say, nodding.  "I suppose ... in all honesty, when
you told the class about your desire to meet espers, time travelers,
dimensional sliders, and aliens ... I was jealous."

     Her eyes widen.  "J...jealous?!" she sputters.  "What?"

     "I had given up so long ago," I say, shaking my head.  "But you
didn't.  You refused to believe the world was as boring as it
appeared.  I didn't realize what it was right away, of course.  But as
time passed, I came to learn that it _was_ jealousy.  For a long time
I thought it was just amazement that someone would say such things.
The truth is, I wanted to believe in all those things, too."

     "You mean, you don't?" she asks, narrowing her eyes.

     "I was undecided for a long time," I allow.  "Like I say; I
wanted to believe.  I wasn't certain that I could, but you showed me
that believing is worth it on its own."

     She stares at me for a moment, then looks away, shaking her head.
 "That's kind of you to say.  But ... we've never found _anything_,"
she says with a sigh.  "Other than Taniguchi.  Is it wrong that I'm
not satisfied with finding only that?"

     "Not at all," I agree.  "But I am digressing.  What I meant to
say, Haruhi, is that our world is painfully normal on the surface.
But maybe there's a reason for that."

     She looks up again in surprise, tilting her head to one side.
"How do you mean?"

     "Maybe the world is the way it is because if, say, espers were
real, and everyone knew, then they wouldn't be that different from
people who are tall.  Or people who were double-jointed.  Those things
are different, but almost every-day."

     "I thought about that," Haruhi allows, nodding slightly.  I am
pleased to see that no traces of her tears remain.  "Really ... that's
one of the things that keeps me going.  I can't believe in this
static, boring world.  There has to be something out there that's more
amazing that what we know!  But, obviously ... it's hidden, and I
don't know how to find it."

     "I don't see it quite like that," I disagree.  "I believe in this
static, safe world."

     She frowns sharply at my choice of words.

     I offer an apologetic smile.  "But you make me believe, in all
honesty, there are things beyond this world we don't know about yet."

     She bows her head and stares at her feet.  "Hey," she says after
a long, quiet minute, while I finish my drink, "have you ever seen or
experienced anything really unusual?  I mean, something supernatural,
that couldn't be explained?  Something you've kept back from me all
this time?"

     And here is where things get tricky.  I could tell her about any
number of things.  Now, at _this_ point ... she might even believe me.
 I think for a long minute, and finally say, "I don't know if you'll
believe me."

     "What?" she protests.  "I'll hear you out, at the very least!"

     "Remember the computer club's challenge?"

     "Yeah," she says, nodding.  Her expression looks troubled, like
she doesn't particularly enjoy the memory.  Even though we won.

     "I said then if I could have even a small percentage of your
optimism and energy, we would win easily."

     "Right!" she says, brightening instantly.  "And I tried to beam
my good will into you!  Did it work?"

     "Well, maybe it's not that unusual," I say quietly.  "But, we did
win.  And I had no confidence before you did that."  I didn't have
much confidence after, either.  But an increase from zero to anything
is a rise of infinite percent.

     She stares at me for a long minute, expression unreadable.  Then
she looks away and mutters, "Jerk."

     That's uncalled for!  I was trying to be nice.  While also not
destroying the world.  A little consideration, please?

     "Y...you're just trying to pick up on me with that," she adds.

     I sigh, leaning back into the bench.  "Is that what you really
think?" I ask, which causes her to flinch, turning to look at me with
suspicion.

     "Well," she says, dropping her gaze to the ground.  "You do look
out for me.  And ... and I can't be so stupid as not to be grateful
that you've saved me.  Three-  Uh, twice, I mean."

     "When we fell on the island?" I ask.

     "Yes," she says quietly.  "And Taniguchi."

     I nod, but don't say anything.

     "A...anyway, I am grateful.  So, I'm sorry, and thank you for
protecting me, Kyon."

     "Haruhi," I say softly.  When she glances at me out of the corner
of her eyes, I add, "I wasn't just saying anything because I thought
you'd want to hear it.  Maybe you think it's silly, but I do believe
in you."

     Her face flushes -- I've never seen her blush so darkly.  "Thank
you, Kyon," she mumbles.  "Um.  S...so.  Ghost stories?  Do you think
we'll find a real ghost?"

     Yes, absolutely.  I just hope it's a relatively harmless ghost.
"It's possible!  But at this point, I couldn't really know."

     She nods, her blush fading as she rises to her feet.  I stand as
well.  She makes a false start, as though she were going to reach
towards me, but somehow thought better of it.  Turning her head
slightly away, she says, "Well, we'll see.  Thank you again, Kyon.  I
... should get back home.  And I'm sure your little sister is waiting
for your help."

     Bah, an ugly truth.  I nod solemly.  She picks up her bag,
absently pocketing my handkerchief.  Or maybe it's intentional.  I
decide not to comment either way.  "I'll see you tomorrow," I tell
her.  "Take care of yourself, Haruhi."

     She smiles up at me and nods.  "Of course.  And if I don't, well,
that's what you're for!"

     Haha, that's so true it's not even remotely humorous.  Not the
slightest bit, believe me.  It is as terribly unfunny as a thing can
be.

     I smile anyway.

     "Of course," I agree, as she turns around, glancing over her
shoulder once as she walks away.

     I wait by the park bench for a minute reflecting on what
happened.  But no profound insights occur, and Haruhi was right; my
sister will be waiting for me, quite anxiously at this point.

     ***

     I don't make it home before Koizumi calls me.  I prefer texting,
because then I can ignore him more easily.  Which is likely the reason
he called directly.

     It occurs to me then that either his esper powers let him know
when Haruhi isn't near me, or a member of his Agency was watching us.

     A creepy thought, though Haruhi would be delighted to discover
it.  I answer before he is sentenced to the voice-mail box of
infinitely defered response.  I greet Koizumi formally, giving him my
name and asking who's calling.

     "Hello, Kyon," Koizumi says.  So much for respect from that
front.  "It's Koizumi.  Are you free?"

     I'm walking my bike with one hand to hold the phone, so I answer,
"Close enough.  What's going on?"

     "I just thought you'd be interested to know ... something unusual
happened today."

     "Is it bad?"

     "For once, no, not at all.  Just unusual."

     "Well, spit it out, then," I say, shooting a dark look at the
phone, wishing I could will Koizumi to be aware of it.

     "We saw closed space form several times today.  And all but one
instance of closed space suddenly collapsed on themselves before we
could even do anything about it."

     "That sounds pretty good to me," I point out.

     "Good in the sense of a natural disaster turning away from
civilization, but equally disconcerting."

     He makes a strong argument, I admit.  "Well, I hope I didn't make
too much trouble for you."  Secretly, I am suddenly wishing that
Koizumi had a totally safe, but very tedious problem to deal with in
closed space.  Perhaps a giant stain that needed to be esper-mopped
up.

     Actually, that's both silly and petty.  It's hard for me to
genuinely wish ill on the esper.

     "You didn't, not at all," he says, and I can hear that fake smile
through the phone.  "But all the same, I thought you might want to
know."

     I shouldn't complain; it is very convenient to get some sort of
feedback without needing to ask Haruhi.  It's also somewhat
humiliating to have one of my two male friends able to glance at his
workload and understand immediately and directly how well I'm doing.
"Thank you, Koizumi," I say, after mulling this over.  "Please let me
know if things take a turn for the worse."

     "Of course.  I will do so immediately," he replies.  "Well, take
care, Kyon."

     "Likewise," I say, trying to dismiss my annoyance.

     The call ends, and then I trudge to my house without further event.

     ***

     After I help my little sister -- and the project is finally
complete -- I spend long hours laying awake, staring at the ceiling.
One aspect of this whole affair has been carefully ignored because....
 Well, I suppose you may call me a coward for this.

     In the lines of thought concerning self-sacrifice, is the
unignorable fact that despite my own feelings on the subject, for the
sake of the world, I must sacrifice my own desires for Haruhi's.  I
would have been very happy to date Mikuru.  In the other world, when I
really was dating her, I didn't take advantage of the opportunity, as
much as I truly wanted to.

     The reason for this is simple: Haruhi doesn't like it.  In that
world, she was wishing for my happiness at the expense of her own.
But her internal displeasure was causing untold problems in the
psychic realm, and the espers of that world were all but driven mad by
it.  I can think of no other way to call their behavior when it was
revealed to me that they wanted Haruhi killed the moment she was
stabilized enough to make it safe to do so.

     All the same, I am a highschool student, and more than that, I am
a young man.  I have healthy (perhaps too healthy) desires of my own.
I would have liked to have gone on some real dates in junior high
school before settling down with one girl, even Haruhi, for what will
likely be the rest of my life.  More than that is the fear I never
voice that I have no real choice in the matter.

     Make Haruhi happy, or the world is destroyed.  Perhaps she will
go with her original subconscious plan, and take only me along with
her, into a world where only she and I remember the original.  In this
world, everyone else will be so alien that I won't even, really, have
an illusion of choice.  It will be her or alienation forever.

     This isn't fair, not by a long shot.  Don't misunderstand me.  At
this point, I can admit that I am interested in Haruhi.  I don't think
I would have bothered trying to endure her this long if I weren't.
But I don't truly know if I'm happy about this, or just doing what I
think is best for the world.

     That aside, I also realize that without Haruhi, there would have
been no Mikuru or Yuki-chan to have met.

     In a sense, despite what I consider my rather excellent monologue
on being the most normal person in the club (and the most unique, for
being so normal), I admit that I am the hero of this story.  Perhaps I
am looking at things through the lense of Kunikida's own melancholy
retrospect.  And I don't mean to merely harp on Haruhi's illusions
that I rescued her from Taniguchi.  I think it's been established that
I don't feel any pride for that whatsoever.

     I mean in the sense that I am sacrificing a thousand possible
futures I could have enjoyed for a life with Haruhi, for better or for
worse.  I may be getting ahead of myself, though.  I don't know that I
can truly pull it off, but the bigger issue is that I can't be
confident enough to try.

     But who can I talk to about this?  This kind of frank discussion
is suitable for Koizumi, but he is biased, and I don't enjoy talking
about it with him at all.  Mostly due to a suspicion on my part that
he's jealous, or just thinks that it would be better if the one Haruhi
had 'chosen' were a member of the Agency.

     Mikuru would probably be reasonable, but the vast majority of her
insight would be, "Classified information."  To say nothing of the
fact that, at least in the other world, Mikuru admitted she liked me,
so I would feel quite cruel to question her.

     Kunikida might be helpful, if I could phrase things to leave all
the supernatural aspects out of it.  But that would make it impossible
to explain why I feel I didn't have a choice without making some
awkward story, probably one just as unlikely as the truth.

     I feel bad about it, but ultimately the only person I can think
about to ask for help on this issue is Yuki-chan.  And I don't know
for certain that she's interested in me -- that she's capable of truly
being interested in that way.  But I know she enjoys spending time
with me, and worries about me enough to want to defend me from
possible rogue elements of the data thought entity.  Would it hurt her
feelings?

     I must hope that it doesn't.  But, resolved to at least adress
the issue with Yuki, I finally find sleep.
	---------------------------------
     Author's notes: Kyon pleasantly surprised me in this chapter.  He
is more devious than I had suspected initially.

-- 
Brian Randall
--
I write fanfiction. Too much of it. You can read it here, thanks to a
kind grant from the Larry F foundation:
http://www.florestica.com/brandall/
--
Together. Allegiance or death. BIGFIRE!
--
Haiku of my lament:

Forgive my spelling,
my U.S. education,
is the source of blame.