[FFML] [Ranma/Marvel] Avenging Act 2 Chapter 9

[David Andersson]

> From: DB Sommer <sommert at consolidated.net>
> Subject: [FFML] [Ranma/Marvel] Avenging Act 2 Chapter 9
> To: "The Fanfiction Mailing List" <ffml at chez-vrolet.net>
> Date: Wednesday, May 27, 2009, 6:22 PM
> Avenging
> Act III
> The Animal Farm
> Chapter 9

Ooh, another Avenging chapter. I have no idea how you can keep up interest and reliability for this long, but thanks all the same. Apologies in advance for likely multiple memory lapses on my part.

> True, their roles were solely his being a
> doctor with 
> the patients and she only his faithful nurse/receptionist,
> but it still 
> counted as time together in her book.

A very generous grade scale.

> Then they would begin dating and
> have a 
> courtship that would be like out of some romance novel
> which would end 
> in marriage.

Also 'very Akane'.

> > But who to choose? Bah, why not take both? After all, she
> was a true 
> woman who had been forced to keep her desires in check for
> far too long. 
> Come to think of it, there was Ranma, too, who was nearly
> as hunky as 
> the Captain and a nice sort, not at all like the boys from
> her school. 
> And a relationship with him would answer the need for
> family honor. 
> Three were not too much. In fact, that was probably the
> bare minimum 
> necessary to sate her healthy appetite. The three of them
> would surely 
> be entertaining in bed—

> “Akane, why are you drooling?”

Heh. Almost but not quite. Akane has been shown to have overly romantisized erotic daydreams, that part is very IC, but seriously considering bedding several men at once seems OOC. Then again, alternate universe and very minor issue.
 
> Three 
> guys? And only one of them Dr. Tofu? What had she been
> thinking? 
> Actually she remembered what she had been thinking, which
> was what made 
> it so bad.

Never mind.

> Akane breathed a secret sigh of relief as she was saved
> from coming up 
> with a lame excuse for the second time in a minute. Dr.
> Tofu’s departure 
> meant she could transform into Thor.

Akane and Ryoga are far too naive to ever figure out any deceit on their own, but Tofu should probably notice any suspicious coincidences, so nice touch.

> Hulk again because he was hungry and couldn’t locate the
> kitchen she’d 
> make fuchsia the ‘official’ color of the Avengers and
> force him to wear 
> pants in that shade.

Ha. Beyond personality, a one-track wardrobe is another thing Ryoga and the Hulk have in common. 

As always, beyond being aristocratic, Kodachi is nearly completely OOC compared to the manga counterpart. The upbringing and circumstances are naturally compeltely different, but still, if you get any ideas, a touch of flamboyant dementia here and there might be something to keep in mind to keep her as the same character. 

(Additionally I always read Cologne, Shampoo, and Nabiki as the most intelligent cast members, rather than Kodachi, so her extreme mental acumen (spelling?) might be worth some technobabble explanation sopmewhere. Didn't the modern version of Iron Man turn genetically modified as a child to turn his entire body tissue into an extension of his brain? Well, a bit morbid, but something in that vein.)

> “Don’t’ worry, Captain-sama, I am coming to save you.
> Ohhohohohohoho!”

It's something, but I prefer the Ranma cast a touch more over-the-top. It's their main characteristic after all.

> The sycophant took a fist to her face courtesy of Tigra, for the trouble.

Sycophant? Nah, nervous part of a militaristic bloodthirsty society that pays most rank-pulling with execution more like it.

> True, he wasn’t in his Hulk form,
> but he had a way 
> around it: he had poked two eyeholes in one of his
> bandannas so he could 
> tie it around his face. No one would recognize him for sure
> like that. 
> It was the perfect disguise.

Only if he looked in a mirror. Another nice characteristation plus.

> So as far as
> Ryouga was 
> concerned randomly walking into a situation where he could
> watch a real 
> live space launch was a dream come true.

Until he accidentally winds up right below the exhaust...

> Fur standing on end, Toonces snapped, “You’d scream
> like that too if an 
> angry Hulk was in your review mirror!”

It depends on if their regeneration is absolute towards kinetic damage. Without depowering Hulk could technically atomize them over a 10-mile radius with a flick of his finger (velocity apparently never necessary).

> She hated regeneraters. At least ones better than her.

I like that phrase.
 
> “Cat people attack Hulk! Bad kitties! Bad!” 

That one too.

> Flying above, Iron Rose saw the Hulk being swarmed by the
> Phantom Cats. 
> Great, she had hoped for Captain Japan and instead ended up
> with the 
> child-like brute.

Well, I don't get what this Kodachi sees in Captain Japan/Ranma then. ;)

Still, the Hulk is a retarded just short of unkillable one-trick pony of literally near infinite raw power. A military strategist like herself should have a very Kissinger appreciation of his potential as an unquestioning invincible soldier to enforce any political agenda she deems necessary.

> Unlike the Phantom Cats, being hit by Iron Rose
> hurt a lot. He 
> went flying nearly as far as the felines he had swatted
> away moments 
> before.

It shouldn't. He shrugs off ground zero nuclear explosions without damage, and heals more powerful attacks near instantly. I think you use the wrong approach with him. The trick with that type of off-the-scale powerful character isn't to 'cheat' and have them depowered and inconveninced by low-level brute force, it's to have them outmanoevred, tricked, teleported away into outer space, redirected to another target or target them in another far less defended or specifically customized manner.

> Thor held up her hammer in warning. “Base villains.
> Unhand the furry 
> wench

Heh. I still think that Akane should call herself Thor Gal, Thorhild or another female counterpart to avoid being laughed at. Imagine if the Hulk started to refer to himself as "Jennifer". :)
 
> And then both fists smashed into Thor’s face, releasing
> an explosion of 
> energy that could be felt hundreds of meters away. There
> was enough 
> force to render even the goddess unconscious.

Thor isn't nearly as powerful as the Hulk, likely less so considering that this is a female variant, but still able to split planets with a single blow, unbelievably tough, and a walking arsenal of prowess. I'm not sure if this is the right way to go with him/her either, but given the wide versatility I have no better options.
 
> Like all 
> wounds inflicted by conventional means upon their race,
> Cougar’s healed 
> before everyone’s eyes.

What constitutes "unconventional"? Magic? Electro-magnetic disruption? Thor should be perfectly suited for the latter option.

> The Hulk had leapt up once more and nearly caught her this
> time. His 
> leaps were becoming faster, almost too fast to be evaded.
> He must be 
> really getting angry if his strength was increasing so much
> her jets 
> were slower than his jumps.

Well, Hulk jumps at supersonic speeds when he feels like it.
 
> Her repulsors were powerful, and even she didn’t know
> what kind of 
> damage such a blast would do to her simple minded
> teammate.

None whatsoever technically. She should have to stuff a hydrogen bomb down his throat to even make him burp. But he's usually like Superman in terms of completely fluctuating power-scale.
 
> “Ha! Hulk has proven he is strongest one again. Maybe Tin
> Can Girl will 
> thank Hulk for beating up robot impersonating her. Maybe
> she will give 
> Hulk medal. Or beans.”

Another pretty good sentence.
 
> “Ooooo! Pretty. Hulk likes space shots.” He watched the
> craft slowly 
> lift into the blue sky. Maybe he would become astronaut
> instead of 
> Avenger. He bet he was strong enough he could just throw
> the craft into 
> space, and they wouldn’t need big rockets anymore.

Heh

> Turning to confront the dishonorable fool that would strike
> her from 
> behind, Thor found herself surrounded by a number of people
> in some sort 
> of military garb. Rather than the JSDF insignia on their
> uniforms, they 
> had a symbol with the acronym ‘Hound’.

Another heh. It's been quite a while so I don't remember if this handle has been used before?
 
> A woman who carried herself as though she were in charge of
> the outfit 
> gave a sharp, “Halt, Thor. You’re under arrest for
> attempting to 
> interfere with a government space launch.”

Ok, good luck with that. :)

> A small, non-descript man in a business suit and a smile
> that reminded 
> her far too much of her half-brother said, “Sorry about
> that. I’m afraid 
> you’ve stumbled upon a secret government operation.
> Ordinarily I 
> wouldn’t tell a civilian, but you’re not exactly an
> ordinary citizen, 
> and I’ve had to use this year’s entire budget to fund
> the operation. I’d 
> just as soon not have you destroy all my equipment since
> I’d never hear 
> the end of it from the accountants. And then there’s all
> of my people 
> whose insurance plans you’d end up activating. It would
> be a 
> bureaucratic nightmare. So why don’t we go somewhere and,
> once I get the 
> okay, I can inform you of everything hat happened?”

*that happened 

> “You’ll kill everyone,” he said, staring at her in
> horror.
 
> Felicity appeared sad. “Yes, we need the room. Our
> dimension is 
> overpopulated, and we need a new one to move into. This is
> the perfect 
> environment for us. However, your planet could not sustain
> both our 
> races: we are too numerous. It’s either you or us, and we
> choose us.” 

It's always nice when a writer makes an effort to make distinctions or nuances between different types of villains. Or in this case the 'well-intended and extremely misguided, rather than evil as such' and the pragmatic genocidal rationalist. 

Of course, if they could enter one alternate universe they could probably continue searching for a less densely populated Earth, or just head for another one of the numerous life-sustaining planets the Marvel and anime Universes seem littered with.

> She gave a sigh. “My apologies for leading you on. I
> genuinely like you. 
> Were it possible, I would find some way to leave you alive,
> but it 
> isn’t. So instead, I’ll give you a choice: you can wait
> until the pulse 
> blankets the earth and shuts down your brain, or I can kill
> you now so 
> you won’t have to witness the end. I promise you it will
> be quick and 
> painless. You won’t even know what happened.” She
> flexed her claws 
> meaningfully.

What a considerate and generous woman... A firm believer in the "nothing personal makes it all better" proverb I'm sure. ;)
 
> Before the Gargoyle could answer the door to his room was
> kicked in. 
> Standing in the entryway was a tall masked girl, with long
> brown hair, 
> dressed in a sailor fuku with green edging and lightning
> bolts all over 
> her boots, uniform, and gloves.

> The Gargoyle stared at the girl. “I recognize you.
> You’re the Living 
> Lightning.”

The Sailor Senshi as supervillain hanchmen of Hydra? I like it.
 
> The Living Lightning shook her head. “Rest assured, steps
> have already 
> been taken to prevent that. Were they not, I would have
> been personally 
> sent to destroy the satellite. Now, it is recommended you
> take my 
> mistress up on her offer.” She raised a glowing hand and
> aimed it at him.

The leader is more well-connected than I thought. Viper? Scorpion's mom? Tofu's mom? Or some other anime-based character? 

> “And so it ends.” The Phantom Cat called Raven shifted
> her body to her 
> ‘true form’, that of the ebon-skinned shapeshifting
> mutant the world 
> knew as Mystique. 

Well, you can't say that there was no blatant hint, given that she used her own name, which is kind of sloppy work by Mystique's standards.

> Oh yes. Already the plan had formed in her mind. Given the
> persecutions 
> of mutants in so many corners of the world, she had no
> compunction 
> against the extermination of humans. In fact she would
> rather enjoy it. 

I never much liked very forced attempts from certain Marvel writers to go overboard with making excuses for Mystique, in the "but, but, but... she hugged her children once. THat makes everything okay" manner. She's a genocidal backstabber who gets her kicks from protracted assassinations under the guise of loved ones.
 
> Mystique was only slightly surprised. The attractive often
> used sex to 
> bargain for their life. Mystique had used it on more than
> one tight 
> occasion. “Sorry, while I have used male guises and slept
> with women, it 
> was only in the line of duty. I am heterosexual by choice,
> and 
> definitely not into furries. So it’s useless….”

I liked the last part, but Mystique is definitely established as extremely bi, and as attracted to other women. She had a lesbian relationship with Destiny for over 60 years as a start. Excepting that she tends to prefer seducing men though. Possibly because it's easier to use extend her power to mind-control on males.

> “You might not know who I am, so let me
> inform you. My 
> name is Mystique. I am one of the world’s foremost
> assassins.”
> 
> The cat girl stopped and gave a playful smile. “Actually,
> Tigra have a 
> secret she share with you.” And with that her smile
> changed in some 
> indescribable manner. It went from warm and pleasing to
> something else.
> 
> The same sort of smile Mystique saw when she looked in a
> mirror.
> 
> “So am I.” Tigra said in flawless Japanese as she held
> up her own claws 
> in identical fashion to Mystique’s. “Small world,
> isn’t it?”

Heh. Likely the best exchange in this chapter, and very in-character for Shampoo. Mystique is cat-food.

> Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
> 
> “What nice weather we’re having,” Irie said to the
> dozen members of 
> Hound that surrounded him in the middle of the open field.

> Not that Irie really cared about how
> engineered 
> what. He never understood that whole ‘blood on one’s
> hands concept’ 
> other than in a purely intellectual capacity.

I really loved Irie's personality in Geobreeders, so it's always nice to have him cheerfully do small talk while engineering genocide in the self-preservation interests of the state, (and preferably preparing to liquidate the families of any subordinates that don't deliver 10x swifter than normal schedule to keep it in original character). As just hinted, if possible, you might want to exaggerate and make it even more in-your-face blatant (harder to do without visuals, I know) for comical effect and source-following accuracy. Speaking of personal taste, that's the only consistent 'flaw' in your writing. You occasionally tone down the characters too much, especially Nabiki (and Kodachi), but then virtually everyone does that... You could always let Irie recruit her as a personal intern. It could be fun. I enjoy interactions between happy-go-lucky pragmatic type of 'so horrible that they're hilarious' people. It's pure evil as an expression of sanity.
 People who are a lot more fun to be around than most decent counterparts... until it turns the least bit convenient to sell your body organs to the mob. It's one of the reasons that I consider Nabiki the most entertaining Ranma character when kept closest to her roots. Watch "Lord of War" and "Thank You For Smoking" for possible ideas.

> In any case with the apparent success of his
> organization’s stated goal, 
> he would soon find himself unemployed. 

I hope that we'll see more of him. He could always take over the Asian segment of SHIELD.

> “Let’s go.” The group approached the fallen pod,
> weapons at the ready. 
> All except Irie, who appeared for all the world like he was
> going on a 
> casual stroll through the countryside.

> “Welcome back to Earth, Raven. I will have to
> ask for those 
> disks you have no doubt copied from well now, this is an
> interesting 
> turn of events.”

Yup. That's spot-on.

> Tigra emerged from the pod, covered in a healthy amount of
> blood. While 
> there were missing streaks of fur from several parts of her
> body, and 
> one patch missing near her abdomen, there were no open
> wounds upon her. 
> Still she looked very much the worse for wear.

Hmm, Mystique did much better than I'd expected. Let's say that she pulled out a concealed uzi from her stomach and leave it at that.
 
> “I take it Raven will not be joining us?”
> 
> “Very tragic accident. Poor girl fall on own fake claws.
> Several times. 
> Too, too clumsy.”

Also spot-on Shampoo characterisation. Crafty, straightforward, happy-go-lucky, dangerous, self-centered, playful, sadistic, embodiment of expediency. "The most dangerous plaything" as I think Nietsche put it.

> “I see.” Irie put a hand into his pocket, which held a
> small transmitter 
> with a button on it. He pushed the button. When the cat
> girl’s claws 
> didn’t detonate and blow her hands off, he assumed it was
> not Mystique 
> in disguise. True, sabotaging her equipment was not a nice
> thing to do, 
> but neither was her likely betrayal. It was always possible
> this person 
> before him was Mystique in disguise and she had ditched the
> gloves, but 
> it didn’t feel right. After all, she would have needed
> them should the 
> plan have not worked and the Phantom Cats on Earth had
> somehow survived. 
> She would only have discarded them if she was certain they
> had no 
> further use.

Offhandedly attempting to blow up Shampoo's hands is a nice touch, but Irie questions/explains himself a bit too much (to the reader) to give the right 'wibe'/impression. In normal state he's supposed to be extremely comfortable with exactly who and what he is.

> “We really must be certain you’re not a Phantom Cat,”
> Irie pointed out. 
> “Perhaps you would submit to an examination?”
> 
> “No.” If ice could speak, it would sound almost as cold
> as that.
> 
> “What if I were to insist?”
> 
> Tigra shrugged. “History full of people who make bad
> decisions. Look how 
> many try to invade Russia in winter.”

Your handle on Shampoo in this chapter is probably the best I remember seeing from you. Lathis is the only writer I currently remember to have done it even better at times.

> Oh, how intriguing. She wasn’t half the airhead she
> appeared to be. Also 
> Mystique had never possessed that sort of sense of humor.
> “How about a 
> show of trust? Completely on my part, since you obviously
> have no trust 
> in me.”

This type of instant evaluation on the other hand is completely natural for Irie's category.

> Tigra held out an open hand. “Good idea. In exchange,
> Little Man put 
> throat in here. Claws special. Only hurt lying mens.”

****, I really like Shampoo's dialogue. 

However, either I misunderstand, or there may be a logic flaw here, from one of the parties, if Shampoo's plan was to 'twitch Irie's throat out' if she was injured by the gun. If Irie is uncertain whether or not Shampoo is a phantom cat and she turns out to be, he would either die if the gun strictly did superficial damage, or Shampoo would be vaporised too quick to react if it was a more efficient weapon. Either way one of them seems to have done a risk evaluation oversight. It's more characteristic for Shampoo, but not overly so. Alternately, Irie was sufficiently certain that she was not a Phantom Cat to risk his own life, but his type doesn't tend to throw away their lives for this small a matter, so I suppose the instant vaporisation setting seems more likely, while Shampoo assumed that something intended to disintegrate a human body rather than disrupts an electromagnetic field would at least cause severe burns on Irie. Never mind. I'll stick with
 the last interpretation.

> “Where Tigra put contraband?”
> 
> “Oh, you’d be amazed how inventive some people are with
> their orifices.”
> 
> Some of the male soldiers volunteered to perform a strip
> search. They 
> then retracted their offer as their interest literally
> withered when 
> Tigra turned her gaze on them.

As Mystique mentioned, I think most men would find a hairy and smelly cat-creature hybrid pretty disgusting up close, curvy or not, but never mind.

> A few minutes later, both women emerged from the pod, Tigra
> looking more 
> pissed than ever.
 
> “Sorry. Lubricant isn’t part of a standard Hound field
> kit,” Narusawa 
> said apologetically.

Shampoo is far more cooperative with the humiliation than I'd expect from her. Still, quite different upbringing and all that. ALthough, if she was trained by the Hand since very young, shouldn't her Japanese be virtually flawless by now?

> “Actually, I have a better idea. I’m thinking something
> big. Something 
> lucrative. Something like… Heroes for Hire.”
> 
> “I think there’s already an outfit like that.”
> 
> “Unless they’ve copyrighted it, it’s up for grabs.
> Maybe we’ll even hire 
> them on as additional staff.”
> 
> “And I won’t be low man on the totem pole.”
> 
> “You’ll always be low man on the totem pole, Taba.”
> 
> “I hate my job.”

Heh again

> You’ll note I took a ‘Raiders of
> the Lost Ark’ bent 
> with the Phantom Cats arc (the hero had no effect on the
> end result) 
> Yes, the Avengers weren’t actually instrumental in
> stopping the Phantom 
> Cats, but there’s a big world out there and they aren’t
> the only ones 
> defending it. 

Personally I prefer when the story doesn't always follow the same pattern. It turns more interesting.

> Also Irie is not going to disappear, and
> there were a few 
> other things that will eventually come about as the results
> of this arc.

Glad to hear it.

> Next Act will be ‘The Hate Monger and The Peacemaker’.
> With both old and 
> new foes, as well as some more movement on the private
> lives of our cast.

Corny but nice pun. A bit short chapter, but I liked most of Irie's and Shampoo's spotlight moments. 'Morally ambiguous' characters are often more fun to play off each other.


Best Wishes