[FFML] [SI] Otaku Muyo 8

[Jared Waddell]

Sweet! More OM! Of course, I haven't been keeping up with a damn thing lately, but I'll give this a read.

--- On Thu, 8/28/08, Tannim Murphy <tannim_murphy at yahoo.com> wrote:


Setsuna stood with a grin on her face that could
frighten small children.  "Let's try that again."

# I have the funny feeling this has been done before, but I must have missed it. I like.

<snip>

Her father smiled indulgently.  At least Setsuna was
in a good mood about the whole affair.  "His name is
Tannim.  Tannim Murphy.  And I have been assured by
his father that he is a lazy, good-for-nothing
slacker, with entirely too much free time on his
hands," he stated with a perfectly straight face.
"Hopefully he'll meet with your approval."

Uncharacteristically, Setsuna snickered.  "Sounds just
like my type."

# I sense a sneeze in the coming paragraphs.

Crossroads, California

Tannim sneezed, shivered, and pulled the tattered
remains of his shirt closer to his body while cranking
up the heater for his car.

# called it!

"I've got to get myself some real clothes," he muttered.

<snip>

Getting out of the car and not really noticing anyone
in his general vicinity, the brown-haired man headed
towards his stash of emergency supplies in the trunk
briskly.  "At least I always remember to have a
jacket... handy..."  Tannim trailed off as he pulled
out a long, black trench coat from where he stored his
emergency clothing.  It was exactly like the one Keanu
Reeves had worn in the first Matrix movie, and while
very cool, this was nothing like the winter clothing
he had placed there in his previous life.

# Somewhere in The Rules it is Written that a black trench
coat is mandatory hero wear. I just know it.

<snip>

"Dude, nice digs."  William nodded appreciatively,
still speaking at his customary monotone.  "I wish
mine would look that worn.  You don't know how many
times I've run them through the wash.  You've got the
beaten and torn look down, man."

# Clever.

<snip>

"You'll never take me down," he warned.  Bluffed,
really, but he'd been doing so much of that lately he
was starting to believe in his own lies.

# That's what false bravado gets you.

<snip>

If someone had had thrown a giant bucket of water on
the surrounding crowd, they would have gotten much of
the same reaction as all the girls in the area quieted
down instantly.  Many of them winced sympathetically
while a few looked as though they might be sick.

# Heh.

<snip>

"Omigod."  Deedlit quietly whispered in shock.  "It IS
like coiled steel!"

# LOL

<snip>

High on adrenaline and relief at escaping, the man
couldn't resist at least tossing one taunt over his
shoulder.  "You'll never catch me alive, coppers!"

# I would have never thought to use that one...

"We're not police!" Deedlit shot at Tannim's
retreating back.

Tannim paused long enough to turn around and point an
accusing finger at the girl.  "You copped a feel!"

Deedlit grinned happily at the memory.  "Guilty as
charged!" she cheerfully proclaimed.

"No sense of common decency in youngsters these
days..."

# Yeah! Wait a minute...

<snip>

And so, without so much as a backwards glance at the
mallrats closing in on his position, or a single
thought of common sense that he could probably obtain
the merchandise he wanted later somewhere else, he
marched himself into the store.

# As much as I'm feeling that this has been one long "filler" chapter itself... it's not.

<snip>

"Sounds like a contrived, sorry excuse for a story,"
he stated flatly, then reluctantly admitted, "...but
it sounds interesting at least.  I'll have to check it
out."

# Dude... this is almost too similar to what just went down in my SI story. Seriously... very weird.

"Wait, I haven't purchased my manga!"

"Too late!"

# What, what about a blindfold?!

Author's Notes:  Man, what a beast.  While this
particular bit of plot with Bonnie was initially
started on a whim because I thought "Amazon Warrior
Mallrats" sounded funny, I was forced to write them to
their logical conclusion when I had all the pieces in
motion, and am almost sorry I came up with such a long
and involved idea even though parts have been fun to
write.  Also, what I hope has been an action-packed
chapter contains the most action I've written, ever.

# You did a pretty good job of it, to be honest, and it doesn't quite drag on. I should know; my action sequences nearly qualify as crimes against humanity due to their length alone.

Hopefully I'll get better with more practice.  I'm
still relatively new to the writing scene.

While I don't consider myself a very good writer,
Otaku Muyo has been a great experience in many
respects, and allowed me to practice writing for the
more long-term (a skill, if you note my other works, I
seriously lack).  It has had its ups and downs, with
failed or discarded ideas and a lack of what I'd call
solid pacing, but it has meandered along better than I
could have hoped for.  Not the best I could have
wanted, but better than I thought I could do.  Much of
this has been me trying to find a particular writing
style that I'm satisfied with, which I believe I'm
close to approaching.

Now, I feel I should address the issue of why this
chapter in particular took so long.  Part of the
slowdown was due because I was, well, away from home
for six months out of the year in 2007.  Another part
was sheer laziness, as writing the mallrats was not an
easy task, given the number of variables they could
conceivably produce.  Many ideas I came up with for
the mall battle scenes had to be discarded or
rewritten.  Much of what I had planned early on never
materialized as I realized that none of it would help
or advance the plot.  Originally I had planned on
adding every young hero under the age of 14 to the mix
in coming to Tannim's aid in one large climactic
end-battle, but that would have taken more research
and work to put together than I really wanted to deal
with, so we're left with just Tannim vs. the Mallrats.
Again, I am thankful that this arc of the story is
finally coming to a close.

I feel BlackAeronaut deserves a shout-out, as Ben
helped me piece together a couple of scenes I myself
was reluctant to write, and jump-started me back into
working on this.  There's something to be said for
momentum when you work on a project.  Kyle, also known
as Taiteki Kagato, has been a great help and good
friend for a long time, and deserves some praise
directed his way.  Freddy Isnot helped me along with
some good comments and corrections, and while I'm on
this thanking kick, I feel that I should mention that
The Eternal Lost Lurker and Jared Waddell have both
been awesome encouragers throughout most of Otaku
Muyo.  Thanks also to everyone who left reviews or
responded with comments.

For any wondering, the following chapter should be a
transition from this arc to the next, and the last to
seriously deal with the mallrats.  It's been a blast,
and as things are winding down with Tannim's life in
Crossroads, I want to thank you all for coming along
with me for the ride, and staying with me through this
insanely long, long delay.

All five of you.  ^_^


Well, I'm glad it's back. I kept me entertained... and you're not the only one guilty of delays.

I give this chapter three shots of tequilla.

Later,
Rick "h4x!" Spiff