[FFML] [Sailor Moon] Double Exposure 5 [Dark/Comedy]

[Brian Randall]

On Thu, Dec 20, 2007 at 10:27 AM, Paul Durant <031537 at comcast.net> wrote:

Getting back into the swing of things.

>    "Iron Butterfly to Lead Zeppelin, come in Lead Zeppelin." Donna's
>  voice, tinny and crackly, came out of a speaker set into Sailor V's
>  bright plastic mouth. They'd rather use actual two-way radios instead
>  of walkie-talkies shaped like children's cartoon characters, but
>  actual two-way radios are expensive and they could barely afford
>  these.

If it's the band, it's actually 'Led Zeppelin'.

>    Nadine picked up the toy and depressed the 'Talk' button in Sailor
>  V's ear. "This is Lead Zeppelin, go ahead Iron Butterfly." The toy's
>  antenna, wrapped in soft blue plastic, drooped and jiggled with each
>  motion of her hand.

'Talk' does not need to be capitalized.

>    Tomoe Hotaru's heart was racing, her hands sweating inside her
>  elegant white gloves. She was about to rob a government facility with
>  two people who are, essentially, total strangers, so some anxiety is
>  understandable. But that's not the only reason behind this reaction.

is -- was -- would be (?)

>    Tomoe Hotaru was excited. She knew she shouldn't have been, but she
>  couldn't help it. What she was doing was wrong, and not just in the
>  sense that it was against the law, but in the sense that it was really
>  stupid. Earlier today she'd been unconscious in a hospital bed and
>  dreaming of a nightmare wonderland on the Moon where all things both
>  respected and reviled her, and now she was committing crimes with
>  random idiots. Crimes that may very well be pointless as they have no
>  way of knowing if what they want is really here. They have a plan that
>  will almost certainly go wrong at some point and end in screaming,
>  running, and shooting. What she's doing is stupid.

Tenses?

>    Bill leaned forward and extended a hand. "Kak tolko ty nas pustish,
>  ya napolnyu eti yashiki kradennym," he said with a warm smile.

Now I'm going to have to ask Pavel what this all means....

>    Bill immediately looked outraged and personally insulted by the
>  security guard in the bad suit. The words Hotaru had just said were
>  meaningless and he had no idea what the Japanese conversation they
>  were having meant, he just knew that when Hotaru pointed at him and
>  said her Russian gobbledygook it was time to get angry. He exhaled
>  heavily and pushed his way past his 'interpreter', stomping up to the
>  desk and shouting "Vot, i esho zapihayu tebe zhvachki v zamochnuyu
>  skvazhinu!" He pulled a laminated card from his wallet with a great
>  flourish and slammed it on the counter, pointing at it and saying "Eh?
>  Eh?"

That, too. o_o

>    The card was actually a laminated gym membership, for a gym in
>  Kiev, that expired a year ago. But the card was in color, it had his
>  picture on it, the stylized bicep in the background looked kind of
>  like a stylized and intimidating-looking claw, and all the writing was
>  in the Cyrillic alphabet. A Japanese guy who doesn't speak or read
>  either Russian or Ukrainian and has no idea what a Spetznaz ID card
>  would look like could easily be fooled.

Of course.

>    "Oh... Okay, thank you," she squeaked out of her cotton-filled
>  throat. She turned around to Bill and gave the 'okay' signal with her
>  hands, saying a few more gibberish words. Bill looked at the guard,
>  gave him a 'thumbs-up' and the broadest, fakest smile Hotaru had ever
>  seen, and the two of them quickly walked into the open elevator.

fakest -- most fake

>    Hotaru pushed the button, the doors slid closed, and the two of
>  them let out enormous sighs of relief. In unison they turned to each
>  other and said "I did not think that was going to work!" Then they
>  laughed, nervously.

said "I -- said, "I

>    Hino Rei gazed intently into the flickering flames, repeating
>  mantras in a dull murmur, her hands endlessly shifting between sutras.
>  With rapt attention she stared at the tongues of orange and red that
>  danced before her eyes, eager to drink in their secrets. Hino Rei was
>  not truly a pyromaniac, but here while she read the fire, she could
>  easily see the attraction.

The hand gestures you refer to are called 'mudra' in sanskrit,
commonly 'inzou' or 'kakunin-in' in Japan.

http://www.onmarkproductions.com/html/mudra-japan.shtml

Now to await the populization of this term in Naruto-fanfic.

>    Rei stretched across the floor in a futile attempt to slide the
>  door closed without getting up, but unless her arms grew another four
>  feet it wasn't happening. She rubbed her eyes, they hurt after staring
>  at the fire for this long. All she needed to do was give them a break,
>  just a little bit of rest before she tried again. There was no way she
>  could see the future clearly with dry, itchy eyes.

eyes, they -- eyes; they

>    And then Rei realized she wasn't in a cavern, no, she was in a
>  subway car. It was about ten meters wide and at the end of it, sitting
>  alone on the rear bench, was Hotaru. She had Sailor Saturn's Silence
>  Glaive in front of her, point up, and gently swayed the polearm back
>  and forth, pointing to her left and her right. Her gaze followed the
>  weapon, back and forth and back again, and she was chewing on her
>  fingernail. She seemed to be mulling over something of great
>  importance.

HEROES flashback.  Couldn't stand that show, though.  Terrible choice
of villain.

>    Over the speakers, Rei heard "Lord knows, I can't change, Lord help
>  me, I can't chaye-ea-ea-ea-- Lord, I can't change! Won't you flyyy...
>  highhh... freee... birrrd..." When the guitar solo began, Sailor
>  Saturn pulled up her blindfold, Tomoe Hotaru looked up from her
>  weapon, and Princess Saturn turned her head. Three faces were now
>  looking right at Rei with the same set of eyes, the same expression of
>  uncertainty and loneliness and sorrow and desperate fear. They all
>  needed answers like a man in the desert needs water, but they were not
>  answers Rei could give.

heard "Lord -- heard, "Lord

>    Mamoru and Chibi-Usa had gone to the Tomoe household to see if
>  there was any information there they could use. Michiru and Haruka had
>  gone to see how close they could get to the Mugen wreckage for much
>  the same reason. Rei sought the counsel of the flame, and Ami, Usagi,
>  and Minako went to check on the subway station their last daimon had
>  fled to. It didn't get very far, but it was the only daimon they saw
>  trying to return after completing its mission and they were pretty
>  sure none of the others had used the subway to get to where they were.
>  Chances are, the subway wasn't its means of conveyance but its goal.

Oh, the two non-MiB guys in the Tomoe house get to make an appearance
again.  Excellent.

>    Mercury keeled over and rubbed at her eyes. Venus quipped "See? It
>  hurts, doesn't it!"

quipped "See -- quipped, "See

>    "Hotaru appears to be rejecting M-9 implantation again. Immune
>  system reaction, fever, coughing, etc. probably in tandem with psychic
>  rejection. Fainting spells slt. increase in frequency but due to diff.
>  cause. Rec. dosage of 'Golden Dawn' opiates to increase psionic
>  susceptibility of host.

The classic Aliester Crowley reference.  Very nice.

>    "It's a good thing I did," his voice crackled back, "Because if
>  they'd been in the car they probably would have been torched when you
>  crashed it into a monster!"

back, "Because -- back. "Because -OR- back, "because

>    Hotaru looked around the room and thought about it. She recognized
>  each object in there, she knew where it went and what it did and who
>  used it. She remembered her father imitating that drinking bird at the
>  dinner table by dipping his nose into a glass of water. She remembered
>  Kaolinite putting that butterscotch in her mouth and then trying to
>  cooly slide it back in the bowl when Dad mentioned they were for
>  company only. She remembered fainting on the living room floor and
>  waking up with that throw pillow under her head and an afghan draped
>  over her body. Every one of these objects was a part of her home, her
>  history.

cooly  -- coolly

>    The man to whom the arm belonged stepped out of the shadow as if he
>  were walking through a doorway. His face was hidden by a black hat and
>  sunglasses, but they couldn't mask his predatory smile. His skin was
>  white like the underbelly of a shark, and Hotaru thought if she rubbed
>  it she would cut her hands.

Is this one of the real MiBs, then?

>    "He called you by your full name, Bill," sniggered Donna, "Maybe
>  he's your mother."

Donna, "Maybe -- Donna. "Maybe -OR- Donna. "Maybe

>    Hotaru stared at him and even behind his sunglasses she knew he was
>  staring back into her eyes. "She's a what, G-Man?" asked Bill through
>  scattered grunts and straining noises. "Oh some on, you've... nggh,
>  got to give us at least a name! Other... errrgh... otherwise you're
>  the worst party magician ever!"

some on -- come on

>    "You just don't know when to stay down, do you little girl?" he
>  said with a malicious smile, and he trained his gun as her even as he
>  stepped backward and stomped on Bill's stomach as he was trying to get
>  up. "But I'm sure even a girl like you can see it's game over now.
>  You're coming with me, where I'm certain we can find much better uses
>  for you. Oh, but first..." He walked over to Donna's bleeding,
>  shuddering form, leaned over, and grabbed the Sailor V walkie-talkie
>  off her belt. He frowned, wiped off some blood on his pants leg, then
>  slid it on the floor towards Hotaru. "I want you to call your Hoffmann
>  friends and tell them to come up here. You've already caused enough
>  trouble for me and I don't want to have to go tracking them down.

them down. -- them down."

>    "Whatever the Pharaoh wants it for, we know we have to stop him."
>  There was a couple seconds of silence after Minako said that.

was -- were

>    Usagi turned over to her boyfriend and would-be daughter. Chibi-
>  Usa's eyes were a bit read and streaked from tears, but she put on a
>  brave face when her mother looked at her. "That was what we did. Did
>  you two find anything at all at Hotaru's house?"

bit read -- bit red

>    "Where were they going?" asked Usagi, "Do we know where Hotaru is?"

Usagi, "Do -- Usagi. "Do

>    Rei waved her hand. "It's some stupid... Apparently in America
>  there's this show called 'American Spookhouse' about haunted houses,
>  and a few years ago they did a special on ghostly places in Tokyo,
>  which they imaginatively called 'Tokyo Spookhouse', and the shrine was
>  one of the places they profiled." She sighed. "Apparently, ratings are
>  low again so they want to do a followup episode and clutter this place
>  with cameras and microphones and cables and gaffer's tape all over
>  again. Meanwhile there's daimons running around the city and they want
>  to listen to tape hiss and hear otherworldly voices."

followup -- follow up

Repetition of 'apparently', as well.

>    What Hotaru saw was a short, humanoid form with slightly purplish-
>  grey skin and too-thin arms and legs. He was naked save for what
>  looked like a loin cloth around his hips and a tie hanging loosely
>  around his neck. His head was bald and too big for his neck, his mouth
>  a tiny slit at the bottom of his chin, and his eyes were great black
>  featureless ovals.

loin cloth -- loincloth

>  Sailor Kurg    (Weren): Energy Blast (Kinetic), Matter Control
>  (Stone), Brick -- Impact Conversion, Chi -- Power Strike

*snrk*

>  Sailor Gardhyi: Gardhyi obviously know of arcane magic FX and it is
>  not at all improbable they have discovered planetary sorcery. Normal
>  gardhyi can call shadows, throw bolts of elemental darkness, and make
>  jumps of 75 light years WITHOUT A STARSHIP. And those are the regular
>  ones. If there is a Sailor Gardhyi Homeworld, pray you never meet him.

I ... will do just that. o_O

That is a LOT of rule information.

Not as much to comment on this chapter, but I must say that Rei's
vision was especially detailed.  Very interesting.

Don't care for the MiBs, though.  Remind me too much of Syler.

-- 
Brian Randall