[FFML] [Fanfic][Naruto] Suiren, Chapter 14: Blood...

[Nugar]

Hmm, I kinda vaguely remember reading this chapter...  a really long time
ago.    It does seem better this time around, both the spelling and grammar
are very clean.  But... Sakura's telling of the assault on the castle seemed
a bit off with the repeated 'I' did this or that statements.  I think you
had her grandfather telling it the first time, and when you reworked it, it
didn't quite mesh as a tale told from Sakura to Hinata.

Also, does Sakura have any idea what the seal on Hinata's forehead means for
her?  Seems not, or she'd mention it more.  And Hinata, apart from the brief
bit of giddy cursing, seems more upset by being naked than having been
recently sealed.  Wouldn't that kind of...  demotion leave her in a bad or
sad mood for longer?  I mean, if it's so fresh that it's still leaving
bloodstains on the bandage, that doesn't give a whole lot of time to get
over something as major as being stuck in the Branch family.

These comments aside, I've quite enjoyed Suiren and I'm looking forward to a
new chapter.

-Nugar
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