[FFML] [fanfic][Sailormoon] Moonshadow, chapter six (draft)

[The Eternal Lost Lurker]

> Reading back over the story and C&C, I am obliged to wonder if you are
_trying_
> to make the Last Mage Of The Moon Kingdom less likable than his Youma
slave.

Er...yeah, that was kind of the point... ^^;;

> > C&C welcome.
>
> Will random free associating comments do?

Sure, that covers at least one of the aforementioned C's. :)

> > Soon, it would be time to begin. She had much to prepare...
>
> Lemme guess, MOTW?

Good guess!

> If anyone thought you were doing the Happy Hooker angle here you have
cleared
> them up.  Given what she indicated she did with her uncle, I wonder if her
pimp
> should consider crosstraining her as an enforcer.

Heh. Yeah, Makoto has...more than a few axes to grind.

> > Makoto blinked. *THAT much? Holy--* "Motoki? I..." She sighed. "Alright,
but
> > these guys better behave themselves, or I'm taking it out of YOUR ass."
>
> Well... better working conditions than it could have been....

The pimp is scared of his bitch. This is what we call a pimp who is in over
his head.

> Soo... Venus and Mars may walk thier own path for a minute, esp. if things
do
> not go well for our friend and the next one looks for easier hunting
> grounds....

Mmm, don't get ahead of the story now...you're making unwarranted
assumptions based on circumstance. :)

> > Something sympathetic flashed in Rei's eyes for a moment. Then it was
gone,
> > her face impassive once more, but she nodded. "I do not object."
>
> Seems a little more like Ayanami than Hino, or is this more a matter of
control
> than anything.

DOES sound a little like Ayanami, no? But that's a coincidence. What we have
here is more of a "severe, low-personality miko/kendoka" type thing.

Except with a freaky Bible fetish.

> > Makoto grimaced, but waved a hand dismissively. "I just pulled something
> > last night. It's of no consequence."
>
> Ow....
>
> No way to accuse of oversharing, but the implications... ow.

I know. It was a bit of black humor I couldn't quite resist. ;)

> > Kamiki Amami-san."
>
> Are we to get something about the name?

Depends on how well-versed and observant you are.

> > lethargy and apathy of the previous day returned in full force.
>
> Tone it down, spread it out more, and this could be a _real_ smart move on
the
> Dark Kingdom's part.

Yes, it could. And maybe they'll have more subtle operations later.... ;)

> > Mercury groaned into her gloved palm. "Embarassing."
>
> But a classic.

At least she left off the "I'll punish you" schtick.

> > With determination, Makoto stood, clenching her fist, and screamed the
words
> > that blazed through her mind:
> >
> > "Jupiter Power, MAKE-UP!"
>
> Cue BGM: Thunderstruck by AC/DC
>
> Nice job.

*bows* Thank you.

> > to be continued
>
> But cruel.

I'm basically apeing Mai-HiME here. That series pulled this stunt at least
twice I can recall.

Thanks for the comments!

================================
This is a test of the Emergency Ass Dance System.
              ~~*~~
The Eternal Lost Lurker
www.lurkerdrome.com