Subject: [FFML] Re: [Original] The Replacement King
From: James and the Bluejay
Date: 2/18/2007, 9:33 PM
To: StudioPC

StudioPC wrote:
Author's note at end. C&C welcome.

 > This is an old project of mine that I was going to do for NaNoWriMo
 > '04 and it never got past chapter 1. Got to thinking about it lately,
 > went through, fixed it up, and thought I post it here, just to see
 > what people think and if there's anything I missed. Should I
 > continue? What?

Okay, good first draft of a first chapter, I think.  The pace drags in 
places, some imagery is a little thin, but nothing a little polish 
wouldn't hurt. That's what rewrite(s) are for.  :)

I like the characters.  I can't help wondering what spin you can put on 
the tale ... perhaps, since the action is a little slow, Excalibur might 
take thing's into his/its/her/whatever's er... hands... and immediately 
propel everyone into the adventure.  Of course, there's the old saw 
about an evil monster bursting into the computer room....

By all means, continue!


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