Subject: [FFML] Re: [Fanfic][SM][Draft]I'm Here to Help Chapter 8
From: Mark Doherty
Date: 1/19/2007, 3:52 AM
To: "Benjamin A. Oliver" <benjamin.a.oliver@gmail.com>
CC: ffml@anifics.com

"Benjamin A. Oliver" <benjamin.a.oliver@gmail.com> wrote:

La de dah, let's see what's on the FFML today.  I'll probably just
skim through it and archive it like all the rest...

Date: Wed, 17 Jan 2007 21:15:02 +1100 (EST)
From: Mark Doherty <avantrefaq@yahoo.com.au>
Subject: [FFML] [Fanfic][SM][Draft]I'm Here to Help Chapter 8

*CRASH!*ARF!*SLAM!*SQUELCH!* (Ben falls out of his chair, trips over a
puppy, stumbles out the door, and slams his face into a lamppost!)

They... they said you were dead!  They said you were dead!!

I thought I'd take a shot at the new record for longest time in between
fanfic updates ever. (Ha, take THAT Zen!) ^_^

Ahem, I mean, it's great to see you back!  It's sure been a while.
You've been gone almost as long as I've been into fanfickery, though I
did take a couple year hiatus.  I'll say to start that this story has
been a pet worry of mine for the past long while.  I at least wanted
to know how it's ended.  I waited and searched the Internet, but there
was no trace.

Yes, I haven't been writing.  Pretty close to the only thing I wrote
in the intervening period was a competition piece for the Arcanum
computer rpg (one of the ingame books you could read, the Journal
of Henry Dovern was mine, from which I won a free copy of the game.) 

Quite a lot of people in the SM-verse believe in destiny. :D  No
wonder Emerald's so unhappy.  He hates anything not specifically
determined by free will and action.

Probably explains a fair amount of his appeal: No one likes to be
forced into anything, not even into paradise and glory.

That's pretty much it. Destiny and Crystal Tokyo are part of the 
'princess dream', the dream of being a clumsy, unskilled girl but
still growing up into a queen/princess with loyal friends and a
beautiful suitor. The dream of knowing that you will become something
more, no matter how sad-sack your life currently is.

The problem for those of us who don't dream of being princesses (or
princes) is that you look at this world and think 'hold on. We
spent millenia to get to a democratic system, and we throw it all
away just like that?' 

[major snip]

Does he recognize the power as Ginzuishou/Moon Princesslike?  Is he
recoiling and hissing like a vampire shown a crucifix?

Yes, he's been shown previously to be able to recognise its energy.

The scene works as it is, though.  (On the other hand, I've been
waiting a long time for this chapter.  If you'd just written, "And
they all died, the end," I'd still probably be satisfied. ^_^)

That was Plan G. ^_^

"It's okay." Sailor Jupiter hesitantly put her hand on Sailor Mars's
shoulder. "We'll get them both back."

Mwahaaahha.  Love and naivete may save Emerald yet! :D

Well, it's a perfectly valid interpretation from their points of view:

"Unless of course he's an assassin sent back to the future," Jupiter
mused.

Mars sighed. "Don't be an idiot. I knew I shouldn't have lent you
that Terminator comic."

Prince Demande glanced at the pale glow of the setting sun - one of 
the
few things of even mild beauty on the harsh planet of Nemesis, before 
he
walked into a small chapel-like building.

Okay, so they made it to this timeframe, or is this a "Meanwhile, back
in the 30th century" kind of deal?

Yes, I wanted to avoid a "MEANWHILE IN THE 30TH CENTURY" segueway. I
hoped that readers would get the timeframe from the later mention of
invading Crystal Tokyo.

Demande walked up to his brother, looking up at the mural that had 
caught
his brother's attention. The centrepiece of the room, and largest of 
the
paintings, it showed the back of a black-clad man with long green 
hair.
His right hand, glowing with energy, was pointed at two sailor-suited
figures that lay prone at his feet. One of the figures was painted 
with a
short sandy-blond hair, the other with wavy bluish-green hair.

Emerald vs. Outer Senshi.  Emerald two, Outers, Zilch!

Well, according to an earlier journal they had just killed someone
he loved...


This scene was nifty, but I'm not sure how it fits into the grand
scheme of things, whether it's just there to radiate niftiness and
open ideas for the future, or if it needs to be tied in or tied up
somewhere.

It ties into the scene of Pluto telling Emerald that if he had of
stayed, he would have inspired the Black Moon clan to victory. By
showing in this scene that the Black Moon clan have glorified the
story of the rebellion, it shows that if he'd stayed behind and met the
clan, it would have been sort of like if King Arthur or Musashi strolled
into your army camp one day and offered to help you out.

"Remember the past so that you can forge a better future." The Senshi
closed their eyes, memories of a long-ago ball filling their 
thoughts.

Okay, this is a little too fast.  The other Senshi appeared but it's
unexplained how they arrived or if they were surprised by doing so.

Yes it was too fast - I added a bridging scene in draft 2.

"Why do you care?"

"Because it's my planet too, you sanctimonious cretin!

Dr. Smith:  You gaggling goof!

I like having Emerald insult QS here.  Dunno why, but it brings me a 
smile. ^^

He has this small problem with authority figures. If they dug up
his pre-school evaluations, it would probably read "Does not play
well with others."

Hundreds of eyes followed the crystals' trails, widening when they 
saw the
minerals crackle with energy, before transforming into large, 
threatening
beasts. Each beast, vaguely feminine, landed around the man and 
surrounded
him like a living shield.

Droids!  

"Attack, C3POite!"

They're a couple notches tougher than youma.  IIRC, the
Senshi needed upgrades to fight them properly.  Not quite as effective
in battle as daimons, but it's totally understandable why Emerald has
access to them.  As for why he hasn't used them before in this
timeframe?  Hasn't needed them and they probably take a fair amount of
energy to use.  Besides, don't wanna waste 'em.

As you said, they take energy to create, and he's strong enough to
take season 1 attacks without slowing down much (even being stabbed
in a probably fatal place by Endymion only slowed him down, after
all). He didn't have those droids 'pre-packaged', he created them
on the spot.

"I've made quite a few improvements to their original design over the
years," Emerald noted conversationally. "I never have much reason to
create them any more, since the Senshi tear them apart like rice 
paper.
But I think you'll find them to be sufficiently entertaining. 
Droids-"

New and improved.  Yup, they'd be a match for a good chunk of youma.

And they are creatures made/summoned from a crystal base, and Emerald's
previously identified himself as a master of crystals in one of his journals...

"Thank you," he said with a nod. The droids bowed, then shrunk back 
into
small crystals. He bent down, took the crystals, and stared at them 
as
they dissolved into motes of light.

Draining their energy for more surplus, or merely storing them for
another emergency?

He's all about the energy. 


"Damn it, Mars. How could you let yourself die like this? You're 
supposed
to be stronger than this. You're supposed to be more. I was supposed 
to be
the one who killed-"

Feeling the wisps of energy, he glanced up. "-anything that 
threatened
you," he rapidly amended as he looked at Sailor Mars's spirit.

Ooh, good recovery, Em!  Now let's hope she remembers after she's back
up and going.

Yes, he probably would have had an easier time talking to Usagi if
he'd just lied. "I come to speak to you today Sailor Moon to warn
you that if you ever do a Purification, Giant Space Weevils will gnaw
your face off!"

"Eee! I swear I'll never do it!"


She cut him off. "There was no need to hurry. Despite your attempt,
nothing has changed. Nothing of significance, anyway. All of those 
youma
you just killed? They would have died anyway. Your attempt to sway 
Sailor
Moon? Wasn't even worth trying. Your entire life? Barely worth 
noting.
And do you know what the funniest thing is?

This has to be a setup.  She's been five steps ahead of Emerald this
whole time...

I don't see how she could possibly be provoking him at all...

She wouldn't waste time on taunting if this was really important.
Unless he really, really torqued her off in a past life.  Has to be a
setup.

Emerald can torque off anyone - he's charismatic, but extremely annoying.

"This is impossible," she muttered, feeling her strength sap away as 
more
energy drained from her. "I should have seen this."

Seems a bit feigned, like she's reading from a script and hasn't
practiced much.  This another setup?

Yep, it's a setup. That's why I avoided noting her feelings. Even if,
for example, she'd seen the future outcome of this event that doesn't
mean she wouldn't be surprised over certain events - especially when
the sensation from being drained for the first time ever.

So... having Sailor Pluto not defend the gate would have actually
hampered the plan.  But that would mean she knew that he would attack
her in this manner.  So... if that was the case, why didn't she
prepare a defense if she really means to take him down?

Remember what his Plan A was. She had to wait until a time when he realised
that Plan A was useless (funnily enough, it wouldn't have been useless if
he'd known that Usagi was Serenity at the start - he could have killed her
before she got the Ginzuisho). He wasn't going to enact Plan D unless he
thought Plan A was useless. 

The Time Guardian has locked you into a destiny of her choosing after
all, Emerald.  There WAS no escape. ^^

Like she thought way back in the first chapter.

But if you worry about the timeline like that, why aren't a dozen
other S.Plutos showing up right now to stop him?  Unless there's an
undefined limit, and he's just having to bank on it since there's no
other choice.

Because causality's too unstable while he's drawing her Time powers.
She can't open a portal out - neither can anyone else open one in.

But wouldn't that cause a sudden upwelling in monsters and critters
>from Earth?  Or is the argument that you need those to help ward off
the ones from outer space? ^_^

Yep, it probably would. He knows (as noted in previous journals) that
there's dozens of paranormals capable of defending the planet though,
so that's not a big concern for him.

Interesting, interesting.  Does this mean the planet, instead of being
filled with purified beings who love everyone and everything, is
filled with hatred, anger, and chaos?  Or is it more subtle than that?

In the journal, he stated that he couldn't affect people's minds. Chaos,
however, is another story.

In Tokyo, two cats - one black and one white - looked at each other,
their worried expressions mirroring each other as the light 
illuminated
their faces.

Does it hurt them like Serenity's purification hurt Emerald?

Nope, more of the general 'oh crap, what's this all about?' worry.

I guess I won't go into a theory of... "If he did the
anti-purification and he never existed in a form that could perform
it, then who did it in the first place?"  Time travel and paradoxes
are the most volatile things around.  Only the all-mighty narrator can
determine their effects.  Oh, right, he used S.Pluto's energy.  That
would have some strength to last through a paradox.  ^^

I go with the Dark Moon theory - magic can circumvent paradoxes. As seen
when they were trying to lay Dark Marks (or whatever they called them) in
Modern Tokyo in order to corrupt Crystal Tokyo.

I should probably put in a line or two explaining that he's affected by
the paradox, and his anti-P isn't because he uses up all his stored magic
doing it, thus no longer being protected from a paradox effect.

Is Sailor Pluto the real villain of this story? XD

Her motivations weren't as pure as driven snow. They were going to
be explained in the sequel, should I ever write it. She was shown
to be relatively infallible here to highlight how much of a screw-up
she is when other facts were going to be revealed in the sequel.

In this case, well worth the wait.  A personal quest of mine, I
really, really wanted to see the end of this story.  And now it's been
delivered and I'm not disappointed with the results.  Rock on, Mark!
Rock on and good job! ^_^

Thank you.

Instead, let us rejoice in the accomplishment.  Finishing a story is
rare and wonderful in today's fanfic world.  It's a different time and
a different place.  Thank you for coming back to finish this story
>from near the end of the anime fanfic's heyday.  Sailor Moon is a
story nearly twenty years old, and perhaps it is time to move on after
having finished this one.

They may need to redesign that saying after this -
"Better late than never, although 8 years is pushing it a bit."

And what a story!  It's made of the kind of writing that makes me drop
everything and want to stare at it over and over again, to savor every
sentence and delve into the depths of it.  I know the story and reread
it, and it's as lucious as it was nearly a decade ago.  It lasts
surprisingly well.

Well, thank you.

Strangely, though, your writing is extremely concise.  

Brevity is the soul of wit. Seriously though, I write concisely to
try and keep my stories running at a fast pace.

Thanks, Mark!  Thanks for writing.  I imagine that there are tons of
people who don't like your style, but I'm not one of them.  Thanks for
coming back to finish off and bring closure to a silly fanboy's
back-burner obsession.  You've certainly given something quite
engaging to read to us with this story.

It's fine if people do or don't like my style. You can never be
everyone for everyone. If I was trying to be a populist writer
I'd have never started a story set in a magical girl anime that
has a protaganist who's out to kill the heroes...

Whatever your future choices with respect to storywriting, know that
you've been a non-trivial influence in somebody's life, for good or
ill. ^_-

Well, thank you. Your words are much appreciated.

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