La de dah, let's see what's on the FFML today. I'll probably just
skim through it and archive it like all the rest...
Date: Wed, 17 Jan 2007 21:15:02 +1100 (EST)
From: Mark Doherty <avantrefaq@yahoo.com.au>
Subject: [FFML] [Fanfic][SM][Draft]I'm Here to Help Chapter 8
*CRASH!*ARF!*SLAM!*SQUELCH!* (Ben falls out of his chair, trips over a
puppy, stumbles out the door, and slams his face into a lamppost!)
They... they said you were dead! They said you were dead!!
Well, I'm back from the dead after 8 years.
After all this time, the seances finally worked! The ritualistic
chanting and calling you back! Ia, Ia, Mark Doherty, Ia! They
thought I was mad, MAD, I say!! BWAHAHAHAH!!! *THUD*
Ahem, I mean, it's great to see you back! It's sure been a while.
You've been gone almost as long as I've been into fanfickery, though I
did take a couple year hiatus. I'll say to start that this story has
been a pet worry of mine for the past long while. I at least wanted
to know how it's ended. I waited and searched the Internet, but there
was no trace.
And now it's here and you're back. It's like King Aurthur and the
Knights of the Round Table went in search of the Holy Grail, went
through endless trials, came back home broken and empty-handed, then
it suddenly arrives at the castle gates via FedEx...
King Arthur(holds the package): Well, I feel silly...
Merlin: Sorry about that, old bean. I meant to tell you I'd send it
through a package service...
For recent FFMLers, the previous chapter was posted to the FFML in 1998 (from memory. Might have been 1999)
That's about right. 99 was the year. I remember 'cause I went to
Mexico, came back, and still no next chapter. ^_^
Previous parts are available on http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3337074/1/
(I split the previous chapter6a into chapters 6 and 7)
Had to completely rewrite this after losing my draft a couple of computers ago.
Yeah, I think I recall you mentioning you'd sent a couple of copies to
others, but they lost it as well. It's quite disheartening to lose a
large chunk of writing. It makes one not want to write--or rather,
one wants to write, but one REALLY wishes one still had the old
material to continue off of.
I for one am glad you took the time to rewrite it.
I'm still thinking about this chapter, especially the scene of Emerald/Usagi. So this is definitely a draft. I have to mull over what, if anything, needs to be changed/chopped/added.
I'll do my best to make suggestions for correction. You were one of
my favorite authors when I started up. You still are. Indeed, when
you left I was but the learner, but now... *I* am the master--
I mean, maybe there's something I can do to help a scene or two. ^_^;;;
I'm Here to Help
by Mark Doherty (avantrefaq@yahoo.com.au)
Chapter 8
I've been waiting eight years for this! XD
Sailor Moon and associated characters/background were created by Naoko
Takeuchi. No disrespect is intended in their use.
Journals will be shown as usual( * * * )
*nod* Right-o!
(grabs a bag of popcorn)
+++++++++++++++++
* * *
Is it my destiny to be an assassin? Has Fate decreed that I live only so
that I can make others die? Is the sum total reason for my existence?
I love how Emerald questions everything about his existence.
I also love how he completely forgets about it as soon as he writes it down. ^_^
I still remember those times just before the Great Ice, when I was trying
to act the hero. I still remember trying my hardest to fight the good
fight, tried my best to be someone to look up to.
Yeah. This guy's difficult to pigeonhole as a bad guy. Like, on the
surface from what he's doing, he should be, but then... he just barely
falls short of full villainy in the most obvious sense. A Knight in
Tarnished Armor, as it were.
I remember failing.
There was always a distance between myself and the other fighters that I
could not overcome. No matter how much I dressed myself up as something
better, as something positive, there was always that nagging thought that
it was all a sham.
*shrug* Well, most magicians know they're a sham, but they wow and
amaze their audience anyway.
Then again, Emerald's got a sort of conscience and a form of personal
honor. As he mentions in a previous chapter when contemplating an act
and deciding against it for the simple reason that, "It would be
wrong..." He's honest, in a dishonest way. Sort of.
...
Okay, so he's a dyed-in-the-wool liar most of the time, but in a way
that makes me think of Terry Pratchett's "Going Postal."
I could teleport, yes, but only from shadows. I could draw energy from
the elements, yes, but not as quickly as I could drain it from youma. I
could fight in the open, yes, but never as effectively as when I struck
from the shadows.
Candy is dandy, but liquor's quicker, they say. He may have simply
found the best way to deal with combat situations. It's typically
those who fight dirty that gain the upper hand.
Wil Turner: I would have beaten you in a fair fight!
Jack Sparrow: Then that's not much incentive for me to fight fair, then, is it?
Given Emerald's general feistiness and self-determination (he HATES
being told what to do, it seems), that would feel like a big way of
how he fell into it.
The dark side is the way to many abilities, some consider to be...
unnatural... (munches on some chocolate)
There was no getting around it. In a world of bright colours and short
skirts, my powers stood me apart as something different, something darker.
I like how this sentence was phrased. ^_^
I remember always having my powers looked at with suspicion.
If it looks like a bad guy, dresses like a bad guy, fights like a bad
guy, and has powers like a bad guy...
...then maybe he's just a military sergeant. :D
I'm sure there are some perfectly honorable and righteous shadow mages
out there. Just because you consort with demons and harness the
forces of darkness, people automatically assume you're evil. How rude
of them!
I ignored it, as best I can. My sister had spent months in convincing me
to fight the good fight - I could not have bared to see her face if I had
given it up.
I would like to see this sister in action. If she can convince
Emerald to act all goodie-goodie, then she must really be somebody
special. ^_^
Then again, maybe she's like the ship's cook on Enterprise. Never
says anything, never appears on screen, but is a beacon of counsel and
understanding to those around her!
Minor nitpic: I think the past tense of "bare" is "bore," rather than "bared."
But for all that, I remember afterwards how no one was ever
very surprised that I became what I am. They expected it. I believe that
they somehow think that it was my destiny.
Quite a lot of people in the SM-verse believe in destiny. :D No
wonder Emerald's so unhappy. He hates anything not specifically
determined by free will and action.
Probably explains a fair amount of his appeal: No one likes to be
forced into anything, not even into paradise and glory.
Idiots. What you will become is not about what you are, or who you are,
or who you are thought to be. My life, like anyone's life, has been a
series of choices and consequences.
The logic is impeccable, you have to admit. (Or you don't! That's
the beauty of it!! XD)
After the rebellion, it came down to this:
If I had done nothing, I would have lived - albeit in exile. If I fought
the Senshi directly without allies, I would have died. And if I fought
from the shadows, then one day it was possible that I might get my lucky
shot and win. That, then, left me a clear choice - to do nothing, or to
do what I can.
Yeah... Too bad he didn't pick exile. The Nemesis gang very nearly
nabbed the whole continuity, crushed Crystal Tokyo, and so on. One
wonders how he would have contributed to that group. It seems like
one extra person, especially with his credentials and drive, would
have tipped the scales rather dramatically.
On the other hand, Emerald would have likely gotten into an argument
with Death Phantom and left. Ah well. ^^
Destiny be damned. I choose to do what I can.
- Found by traders in a bundle of home-made paper in a ramshackle house
near the old city of Rome in 2457.
These journals are very well done. This one was concise, to the
point, and as emotionally charged as the rest. No major correction
suggestions for this scene.
* * *
+++++++++++++++++
Usagi had spent the majority of her life living in a densely populated
metropolis. She was used to a constant level of background noise. The
clacking of train tracks, the neighbour's radio, her brother's console
games, even the snores of her father at night. Even in her occasional
Minor tweak suggestion. "Even" has already been used in the previous
sentence, on the same line. I'd say something to the effect that...
"Though her occasional trips to nature had indeed been peaceful - the
hot springs...."
trips to nature - the hot springs or the snowfields - there were still
the sounds of wind sighing through trees, of cicadas in the summer, the
rhythmic clack of a traditional Japanese water pump, or even the caw of
crows.
ArbyFish(perched atop a tree, in a nest, as Usagi takes a trip through
nature): Lookit me! Oye's a nut-hatch! Tweet tweet!
She had never realised what silence truly was until this moment.
Simon And Garfunkel(sing): Hello darkness, my old friend.... (later)
It's the sound... of silence!
Usagi(glances at the singers, who promptly vanish)
Hotaru(sits there, all gothic with her glaive, and pouts)
A nice little tie-in. Usagi probably has a thing against silence
after that. Or perhaps I'm reading too far into it. Anyway, good
description of the situation. Concise as well.
The land
around her was dead, grey dirt stretched in every direction. One look at
the unnatural sky made it clear that this was not Earth.
Interesting little dimension. The pocket dimensions Jadeite once used
were basically just swirly areas that held buses and junk.
Nevertheless, this is a good enough device to advance. Glad to have
that bit of description here. From the last chapter, I was under the
impression that the area was just black with invisible black ground.
Besides this
knight and her, there was no life here to make a sound. Her heart thumped
in her chest, her eardrums throbbing with a rush of blood. But still, it
was silent.
I'd recommend replacing the "but still, it was silent," with something
a bit more forceful. Such as..
Usagi shivered in fear at the forsaken, alien land. Though she felt
her own trembling and the slight pulse of blood in her body, the
silence permeated the area completely.
She gathered her courage, and looked up at the armoured man. Her voice
managed to not crack as she stared at him and calmly replied, "I am not
evil."
Usagi(pathetic and whiny): Meep! I'm not evil! No, no, no, how
could sweet little me be evil? WAAAH!
On the other hand, if she's channeling Princess Serenity at this
point, a more focused response such as the one she gave in your text
might be appropriate. Depends on the thrust of the section. A
serious story like this one benefits from a serious Usagi who's
reinforced by P.Serenity's (admittedly faint and echoed) memories and
resolve, strengthened by her recent experiences and determined to get
her prince (and incidentally Rei's "boyfriend") back.
But comedy is served sooo much better with a whiny Usagi who's ready
and willing to agree with Emerald so she can please get out of here.
I'd opt for more some more description of Usagi's impression of the
situation. You're so good at characters expressing emotion. ^_^
"Not yet, perhaps." The man allowed. "But I've seen the future. A choice
is coming. Soon enough, you will be given the opportunity to take away all
the negative energy on the entire planet."
"That doesn't sound very evil."
I'd tack on an Usagi action here. Even if it's something as simple as...
Usagi blinked. "But... that doesn't sound very evil!"
"Not at first glance, no. But a lot of good work has been done due to bad
emotions. Have you ever looked at any of the great monuments - the
pyramids, perhaps - and wondered why they were made? Or have you ever
worked extra hard to pass a test? That's pride. It fuels the desire to do
better and to leave your mark on the world."
Good spin, Emerald! Good spin! ^^
Sailor Moon shook her head. "But there's nothing negative about feeling a
little bit of justified pride."
Again, something Usagi-ish might be good to add, if only some
inflection in the dialogue.
"But, hey, there's nothing wrong with feeling... a little bit of...
*justified* pride!"
Unless she's being serious and real Sailor Warrior-like, which isn't
out of the question considering the focus of the situation.
"That's just it - there is no 'little' or 'lot' - when this sort of magic
is involved there's only the choice of 'all' or 'nothing'. Either you
take all of the pride, or you take none. And it doesn't stop there - have
you ever wanted to improve yourself after seeing someone else do well?
Have you ever dreamed of wearing something that you saw being worn in a
catalogue? That's envy. It fuels the desire to improve yourself so you
can be more of an equal to your peers."
If taken the right way, yes. It also can fuel jealousy, anger, and
violence if taken too far. Balance is spiffy. Heathy motivation is
good, desire to improve one's self is good, but desire to crush your
enemies underfoot and enslave the masses to suit your whims and build
monuments to your greatness may be taking it a bit far... but it can
still be a good thing! ...depends on who wins and writes the history.
Yeah, that's the ticket!
This paragraph and bit of text is good for logic. Whatever edits
happen, it'd be good to keep it.
He held up his hand when it looked like Sailor Moon was going to reply.
"Even something as simple as eating ice-cream is a negative desire. Ice
cream has no nutritional value, it does you no good to eat it. It's
addictive and we still eat when we know it's bad for us. The only reason
to have it is because it tastes good. That's self-indulgence."
Way to strike a home chord. ^_^
Usagi(whimpers, thinking of the last three chocolate sundaes she had
before heading out)
<Snipsnip!>
"We have to stop it now before it happens! Sailor Moon, please - we have
to change what's to come." He knelt, offering his left arm to her. "I'm
begging you. Please help me to stop the coming evil."
Nice logic! ^^
Usagi(sticks out her lower lip): Okay, you've convinced me. Gimme
one of those green crystals, I'm joining you!
One wonders how Emerald would respond if she agreed with 'em... but
nah, Q.Serenity Sr. comes in the next scene and undoes the "damage,"
as it were.
Sailor Moon looked up to the knight and his proffered hand. Hesitantly
she reached out. "I-"
Seems appropriate given the situation. An experienced debater like
Emerald could probably convince a wayward Usagi, given time, unless
some kind of interruption occurred.
Unfortunately, the interruption of the discussion doesn't allow it to
be resolved. But Usagi doesn't yet have much ammunition to combat
Emerald's logic.
On the other hand, Usagi's love and naivete probably would have
triumphed over Emerald's logic, given time. Heck, she managed to beat
Sailor Galaxia naked with nothing but a hug! If that ain't tough, I
don't know what is!
So, if they hadn't been interrupted, it probably would have been
anybody's argument. Flip a coin, guess the winner.
Silver light surrounded the girl. The man jumped back, arms crossed across
his face.
Does he recognize the power as Ginzuishou/Moon Princesslike? Is he
recoiling and hissing like a vampire shown a crucifix?
For a moment, he saw the ghostly image of a mature, silver-
haired woman behind the girl, before light flared, and they were gone.
Ah, Q.Serenity. I like that character 'cause there's so much room for
embellishment. Given her low screen time (anime), one could imagine
practically anything about her personality. All she does is show up,
give a quick message, and give people upgrades and powerups. She's
like the Dr. Light of the SM series!
The crystalline armour dissolved into motes of energy as Emerald stared
for a few moments at the spot where Sailor Moon had been. His shoulders
slightly slumped and he muttered, "Typical."
+++++++++++++++++
A good scene, a worthy scene. It could work like this, but there'd
need to be more clashes of personality. What's the motivation? Well,
this is Emerald up against the future N.Q.Serenity! He HATES what
she'll become. I'm surprised he doesn't rip her head off right then
and there. Or fight harder to keep her from leaving...
He's got a code of ethics (well, they're more like mutable
guidelines), so he wouldn't harm a helpless little girl, even if she
does become the very embodiment of everything he hates, so discussion
would certainly be the foremost matter. I'm just sorry it wasn't a
tad longer and Usagi didn't have more than three phrases.
I'm sure there's something really waify and naive that Usagi can say
that could make Emerald completely doubt his cause (but only for a
moment; he KNOWS what's going to happen in the future). As mentioned
before, Usagi has won final battles based pretty much only on love.
(Reference: Neherenia, finally defeated by Usagi who cared so much
about her friends, and finally gave Neherenia a second chance at
fixing up her childhood. Then there was Galaxia, who killed everyone
else aside from Usagi, but Usagi triumphed from a hug.)
The scene works as it is, though. (On the other hand, I've been
waiting a long time for this chapter. If you'd just written, "And
they all died, the end," I'd still probably be satisfied. ^_^)
Sailor Jupiter looked over at Sailor Mars as they searched the park for
their leader. It didn't take a genius to realise that the fire senshi was
feeling troubled.
Jupiter(Cleetus, chews on a straw): Gee, Mars, what's with the long face?
Er, I mean.... Yeah, Mars would be troubled. Usagi's gone, she thinks
Emerald's her lover from a past life and has been captured, Mamoru's
taken... All in all seems like a grim situation.
"Rei, are you alright?"
"I'm fine," Sailor Mars muttered in an automatic response. Seeing the
quiet disbelief on the thunder senshi's face, she sighed. "The last time
I saw Emerald, he was being chased by Kunzite. I... don't think he got
away. That youma general we faced tonight... I think... no, I'm pretty
sure that it was him."
Jupiter blinked. "You don't mean..."
"Yes. I think the Dark Kingdom's caught and brainwashed him just like they
did with Mamoru. And he's kidnapped Usagi."
I like this scene. It's short but contains a lot of feeling and
hinting that's nifty. I've wanted to see this situation and their
perception of the situation like this, 'cause it's nifty.
"It's okay." Sailor Jupiter hesitantly put her hand on Sailor Mars's
shoulder. "We'll get them both back."
Mwahaaahha. Love and naivete may save Emerald yet! :D
+++++++++++++++++
Prince Demande glanced at the pale glow of the setting sun - one of the
few things of even mild beauty on the harsh planet of Nemesis, before he
walked into a small chapel-like building.
Okay, so they made it to this timeframe, or is this a "Meanwhile, back
in the 30th century" kind of deal?
"Saphir, what are you doing here?"
Blue Saphir blinked, turning his attention away from a mural to his
brother. "Is it time, then?"
Hmm... Unless the hinting is intended, I'd opt for a little more
information about the area and timeframe. I know they're on Nemesis,
and I know they're near a chapel of some kind (a gallery of sorts,
from future text). Thus one would imagine that they're in the future
since I doubt they'd be on Nemesis in the past. But we don't know if
this is pre-Crystal Tokyo crushing, after it, or when it's going on.
...
Okay, so with some analysis and reading ahead I was able to answer my
own questions. You can probably leave the opening paragraph as-is.
^_^;
Prince Demande nodded. "Yes. At last, after waiting so long, we are ready
to attack Crystal Tokyo. I'm surprised you are not preparing as well."
Oh, there it is. Pre CT-attack. Prepping their forces, etc.
"I was considering the past." Saphir pointed to the eight murals that
covered the walls of the large room. Each mural depicted vaguely
represented figures fighting against sailor suited women. Having been
painted long after the original rebels' deaths, the painters had decided
it would desecrate their memory if they guessed at how they looked - the
faces, when they were painted at all, were left with only the broadest of
features.
They probably got Emerald's big glowing eyes, though. Even if they're
under a hood.
Demande walked up to his brother, looking up at the mural that had caught
his brother's attention. The centrepiece of the room, and largest of the
paintings, it showed the back of a black-clad man with long green hair.
His right hand, glowing with energy, was pointed at two sailor-suited
figures that lay prone at his feet. One of the figures was painted with a
short sandy-blond hair, the other with wavy bluish-green hair.
Emerald vs. Outer Senshi. Emerald two, Outers, Zilch!
The man's
left arm was shielding his face from the harsh glowing light of the woman
floating before him - the Dread Queen Serenity.
Strangely, Demande was obsessed with NQS romantically, while Emerald
was obsessed homicidally. A counterpoint, as it were.
A good painted scene. I can imagine it well based on the quick description.
"The tales say he was the last one standing," Saphir noted. "It is said
that he outlasted them all. The legends say he was only moments from
victory before Serenity took the field. They even say he escaped and may
still be alive today."
It'd make a heck of a story if he were. :D
"The legends are probably wrong," Demande replied.
"But what if they're not?"
"Then we will soon have a legend fighting on our side. Come, Saphir, let
us go."
+++++++++++++++++
And Esmeraude is carefully not mentioned. ^_^ Or rather, neither are
Rubeus and the other gals. Guess they're more special ops troops
since they were picked to go do the time travel stuff. They could
have changed the world... if not for those dang kids and their spore!
(Seriously, Rubeus would have had them all if Chibiusa hadn't broken
that one power crystal core. An Emerald there certainly would have
tipped the scales.)
This scene was nifty, but I'm not sure how it fits into the grand
scheme of things, whether it's just there to radiate niftiness and
open ideas for the future, or if it needs to be tied in or tied up
somewhere.
Sailor Moon looked around at what appeared to be ruins on the Moon's
surface.
"My daughter, are you unharmed?" The silver-haired spirit looked at her
with concern on her face. In her ghostly hands floated the ginzuisho.
May consider capitalizing Ginzuisho, since it seems to be proper.
And quite appropriate to have Q.Serenity here and helping, though it
did kind of cut short the Usagi vs. Emerald debate. Necessary from a
plot perspective, I'm sure. I've used QS myself on multiple occasions
to help things along.
"Mother?" Sailor Moon whispered, her heart confirming to her the woman's
identity.
Odd way to phrase it. More like... "whispered softly, but was still
unsure. However, after she looked into the woman's eyes for a few
moments, her heart warmed and she became certain of the woman's
identity."
Queen Serenity nodded.
"Mother," Sailor Moon hesitated. "What that knight said... I don't
understand how he could have seen the future or how I could be the cause
of something that would make him sound so desperate. Mother, am I destined
to cause such pain?"
Definitely channeling P.Serenity here, and rightly so, since she's in
the presence of Q.Serenity senior.
"Usagi, there will always be people who seek to sway you with words when
Hmm... Not sure if she'd refer to Usagi as Princess Serenity, Sailor
Moon, or Usagi. Given QS's omnipresence in these kinds of situations,
she might just call her Usagi. Anything's appropriate here, really.
they know they will fail to sway you with threats. This man is no
different. He has lied so often that even he has trouble remembering the
truth any more. My precious, sweet child. You must hold to the courage of
your convictions, and forge forward. With your court by your side, you
will always have the support to do what is right."
One wonders how well she knows Emerald and the role he plays, or if
she's just given stock advice to help someone who's been confused by
an enemy's words.
Sailor Moon turned, seeing the other Senshi appearing beside her.
"appearing beside" as in gradually fading in, as if in a vision, or
"appear" beside her, indicating that she slid into a location where
they were standing?
"Remember the past so that you can forge a better future." The Senshi
closed their eyes, memories of a long-ago ball filling their thoughts.
Okay, this is a little too fast. The other Senshi appeared but it's
unexplained how they arrived or if they were surprised by doing so.
"I take it as a mark of tremendous sophistication that you haven't
asked my name, nor demanded to know why I've brought you here..."
probably wouldn't be appropriate, but another line might work. Would
just take one or two, such as...
"Usagi gasped in relief as her friends appeared. They took a moment
to catch up on what happened. Mars turned her eyes downward and
looked generally somber when Usagi explained what happened with the
man in green crystal armor."
"And know that this man has lied to you, Usagi. You must forget him and
put your doubts aside, my girl."
Yess, my pretty, forget thossssse wordsss of that man, RAWR!! (tentacles, claws)
Er, I mean... it's a good bit of dialogue, and necessary to reassure
Usagi about Emerald's words.
...but with how short the conversation was, I'm surprised Usagi
remembers any of it at all.
Jupiter: What did he try to tell you?
Venus: Yeah, c'mon, tell us!
Usagi(rubs the back of her neck): Um, that is, I... can't remember
any of it. Something about ice cream, and wanting to wear pretty
clothes....
The queen moved her hand, and the ginzuisho floated down to Sailor Moon.
Her crescent wand appeared, allowing the gem to reattach to the weapon.
"Time has run out. The Dark Kingdom is preparing to invade the Earth. I
can send you to where you need to be. Hold true, my daughter. Be brave,
and hold true."
+++++++++++++++++
Oh, good, the scene cut out before QS burst into song. Seriously,
that would have been a great place for a show-stopping musical number!
Y'know, QS beginning by saying something about, "Be brave, and hold
true," with Mars and Jupiter joining in with, "Earth will be invaded,
we must fight!" Then Mercury brings in a violin while Venus sings
about "She will send us where we need to be~eeeeee!" and Luna and
Artemis come in with their tambourines...
Hmm... speaking of which, I'm curious as to where Mars, Mercury, and
Mamoru are during most of the story. Ah well, I guess they don't play
a major part in this. They could be off in a corner playing poker and
it wouldn't make much of a difference. ^_-
Beryl's eyes widened as the Senshi materialised in the arctic plains, less
than a kilometre from the dimensional entrance to the Dark Kingdom.
Recovering quickly, she saw to it that 5 youma sisters were dispatched to
intercept within a minute.
+++++++++++++++++
Ah, yes. The English dub called that team the "Doom and Gloom Girls."
I forget the Japanese team name, or if they had one. But what a
team! They accomplished what 45 episodes of SM anime couldn't: they
managed to kill four out of five Senshi!
Seems a bit sparing on the detail, but I respect the need to not
repeat too much continuity that's already well-established in the
original series. Fast is good here. We want more Emerald! ^_^
His eyes were closed, his body seated, his expression calm.
"You are even more pathetic than Beryl."
His eyes shot open at this. Floating in front of him was the ghost who had
rescued Usagi.
Q.S.(French accent): Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt
of elderberries! (raspberry) Now go away or I will taunt you a
second time!
I'll bet it'd just freak Emerald out if she said that. ^_^
"Yes, well and whoever you are, you're dead," he replied.
"And I know which of those two options I'd rather be. Now if you'll excuse
me, I'm currently sifting through the dimensions trying to find someone."
I'm surprised he doesn't just brush her off and say he doesn't believe
in ghosts. ^_^
His reaction is appropriate here though. It's fine as is.
"It is too late for that. I have sent the Senshi to where they are most
needed."
His eyes narrowed. "What do you mean?"
"I have them to face their destiny. They will soon engage Beryl's forces."
"You what!? You sent those five inexperienced girls up against the army of
the Dark Kingdom!?
Another comment from Q.Serenity here might work, even if it's just a
simple, "Yes."
You're lucky you're already dead or I'd rip you apart
myself!"
On the other hand, he's one to totally fly off the handle the second
anyone mentions "Destiny," so perhaps it's best he just jumps to the
conclusion that the girls'd be facing the D.K. alone.
"Why do you care?"
"Because it's my planet too, you sanctimonious cretin!
Dr. Smith: You gaggling goof!
I like having Emerald insult QS here. Dunno why, but it brings me a smile. ^^
My parents and my
sister are still alive on that mudball and you've sent the girls with the
best chance of saving them on a suicide mission! That's why I never tried
to kill them - whether I like them or not, they do tend to save the world
a lot! But you - you're unbelievable! You're just like her!"
Another reason they guy's not quite so easily pigeonholed into a
villain slot. He seriously cares about the planet and where it's
going.
Maybe he's not really evil, he's just more like... a politician. Oh wait...
"Who?"
"Neo-Queen Serenity, you pusillanimous imbecile!
Wow, way to make 'em froth, QS! Keep it up! ^_^
Always sending out others
to do her dirty work. Always with that better-than-you attitude." He
visibly stopped himself. "Enough. Thanks to your mind-numbing stupidity,
it looks like I'll have to go on a killing spree. Goodbye."
XD Do I even have to explain why I like this paragraph? Emotinally
charged, disdain for authority, and ending in horrific violence.
Tee-hee! =^.^=
His eyes closed, his mind going through the actions needed to bypass the
teleportation eddies of this dimension, and he was gone.
The ghost turned to her companion, who had just materialised next to her.
"That was a most unpleasant man. You were right, his buttons are rather
easy to push."
Pluto nodded.
"Say the magic word 'Destiny,' and he's putty in your hands."
"You are sure that provoking him was the best course?"
When is provoking the main character NOT a good idea? :D
"Yes," Pluto affirmed. "I swore to you on your dying breaths, my queen,
that my actions would be devoted to seeing your kingdom reborn. I swore
that I would never endanger this future through any direct act of mine.
As always, I remain true to that vow."
Hmm... "Your kingdom reborn..." How very cryptic.
The spirit nodded, fading from view.
+++++++++++++++++
Kunzite frowned as he waited at the portal that led to the North Pole.
Metallia had been confident that the Senshi would soon attack them, but
still they were nowhere in sight. He bit off a growl of annoyance,
contenting himself thoughts of which attack to use when they arrived.
+++++++++++++++++
Ah yes, in this continuity he wasn't send after them in the tunnels.
He didn' t fight them and get whooped by a home-run energy boomerang
to the chest.
The army of the Dark Kingdom gathered on the plains of their land, ready
at last to invade Earth. Raucous laughter erupted as one or another beast
told tales of what they would do once they were through the portal.
The army has been gathered...
A swathe of energy shot through their ranks, disintegrating a dozen of the
tightly packed monsters. The laughter died in a moment as the army turned
as one to view the man facing them.
Let the carnage begin!!!!!!!!! ^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^
"I'll flay to the bones any of you who thinks you're taking one step
through that portal!" the man shouted. "I didn't risk temporal
annihilation just to let a party of throwback halfwits like you onto my
planet. If nothing else, my sister would kill me if she found out that I
let that happen! You have a choice - leave here or die."
Heroic in a refreshing way. I like how you've handled his character
throughout the story.
"You! You can't escape us, spy," one of the youma hissed, grinning. "Not
this time. There are some among us who can block teleportation. You're
going to spend the rest of your life screaming in pain. You will learn the
price of crossing the Dark Kingdom. You will only be the first of many
once we conquer Earth."
Emerald Norris(arms folded): Ten thousand to one? Hardly seems fair.
I'll fight with my eyes closed!
"You bunch of mewling pissants," Emerald drawled in amusement. "Escape
you? You just don't get it. You think you're the height of the monster
kingdom? You're deluded enough to think you're special? You don't even
compare to the toe-wart of some of the things I've faced - especially the
Senshi. You don't realise just what it is I can do to you. Let me show you
something." He held his hands out, palms up. After a moment, twenty small
diamond-shaped crystals formed from nothing, standing in a little pyramid
pile between his cupped hands. He stood there for a second, silent, before
throwing the crystals into the air.
Oooh, can it be...
Hundreds of eyes followed the crystals' trails, widening when they saw the
minerals crackle with energy, before transforming into large, threatening
beasts. Each beast, vaguely feminine, landed around the man and surrounded
him like a living shield.
Droids! They're a couple notches tougher than youma. IIRC, the
Senshi needed upgrades to fight them properly. Not quite as effective
in battle as daimons, but it's totally understandable why Emerald has
access to them. As for why he hasn't used them before in this
timeframe? Hasn't needed them and they probably take a fair amount of
energy to use. Besides, don't wanna waste 'em.
"I've made quite a few improvements to their original design over the
years," Emerald noted conversationally. "I never have much reason to
create them any more, since the Senshi tear them apart like rice paper.
But I think you'll find them to be sufficiently entertaining. Droids-"
New and improved. Yup, they'd be a match for a good chunk of youma.
The twenty monsters perked, facing their master.
"-oh, you know what to do," he said with a vague wave of his hand.
The twenty monsters grinned, each turning to face the surrounding swarm.
+++++++++++++++++
Yeah, that works.
Screams of bloodlust and of agony ripped through the battlefield as the
cacophony of war reverberated across the plain. Vision wavered as
everywhere you turned there was the crackling of energy, the wake of ice
and fire and electrical attacks, the snap of claw against bone.
"I can't remember the last time I was in a fun little fray like this,"
Emerald said conversationally to his crystal as he sidestepped a youma's
attack. A jagged spike of crystal coalesced in his hand, before he used it
to stab the attacker in the throat. As the youma died, he casually
withdrew and then threw the spike with such force that it completely
buried itself in the chest of another youma.
Imagine how fast he'd take them down if he were actually paying attention. ^^
"Really?" He asked in surprise, grabbing the throat of an enemy and using
it as a shield against several attacks until it disintegrated, then
raising his hand and blasting away his attackers. "Has it been that long?
I really didn't think that-"
He turned his head. The dimensional wall between Earth and the Dark
Kingdom had frayed to the point where he could sense the auras near the
connection point in the Arctic. "Was that... Jupiter?" He strained his
senses. The droids, seeing their creator distracted, closed in and
protected him from any attacker. After another minute, he felt it again.
Another aura was being snuffed out of existence. "Mercury?"
His surprise is understandable since he doesn't yet know that Sailor
Senshi are like cockroaches. Kill some, and they still come back in
greater numbers!
He looked down at his crystal in confusion. "They're... dying? But how?
I'm taking down the youma's army. What's left to take them out? Have I
changed the past that much?"
Perhaps he worries that now the Senshi are so inexperienced at combat
from his tiny amount of help that they'd die from incompetence? Ah
well.
He shook his head, his right hand pointing back and unleashing an energy
blast that disintegrated a group of youma that had been sneaking up on
him. "Alright. Something's going very wrong here. Droids!"
The fifteen surviving monstrous automatons perked their ears.
"No delays! Wipe them out as fast as you can!"
The droids returned to the battle with increased fervour as he raised his
arms and begun sucking energy from the opposing throng.
+++++++++++++++++
Yup, he's going to need that energy... and more.
His face was grim as he held aloft the last of the youma, its body falling
to dust as he drained its energy.
The man looked at the 5 remaining droids. Each was heavily scarred by
battle. Two were barely alive at all - if their existence could be called
life.
Lost 15 out of 20 then. Pretty fierce battle and no time for tactics,
so that's understandable.
"Thank you," he said with a nod. The droids bowed, then shrunk back into
small crystals. He bent down, took the crystals, and stared at them as
they dissolved into motes of light.
Draining their energy for more surplus, or merely storing them for
another emergency?
With that, he glanced up, and teleported to the last of the senshi's auras
that he felt disappear.
+++++++++++++++++
The battle sequence worked. Like everything else, it's sparing on
details, but sufficient to get the point across.
He looked down at the lifeless, entombed body, not even noticing the cold
wind that was biting into him.
"Damn it, Mars. How could you let yourself die like this? You're supposed
to be stronger than this. You're supposed to be more. I was supposed to be
the one who killed-"
Feeling the wisps of energy, he glanced up. "-anything that threatened
you," he rapidly amended as he looked at Sailor Mars's spirit.
Ooh, good recovery, Em! Now let's hope she remembers after she's back
up and going.
For a
moment, he considered changing back to what he'd originally intended to
say. The girl was dead - she probably deserved the truth.
But he likes her too much to give it to her. ^_^
He looked down again to the entombed girl.
I'd recommend changing this second reference from "entombed" to "girl
encased in the ice" since entombed was used just a couple paragraphs
before.
She was no more than fifteen
years old and here she was, dead and gone, and probably no one would ever
know to mourn her. He despised what she helped create, but she wasn't that
girl just yet. She never would be now. To hell with the truth. He'd won -
he'd outlasted her. Hurting her any further would just be petty.
Well... a harsh rivalry like the one they had is kind of like a
friendship. They know each other extremely well in the future, so
they're kind of close in a way. Like a detective who obsessively
tracks down a thief and the thief who knows how to evade her.
He looked up at the spirit. "You deserved better than this, Rei. You
deserved to go down fighting against a hundred or a thousand enemies. You
deserved an end so epic that its legend would have to be written across
the stars. You deserved more than being entombed like this - in this...
ice."
Yeah, he hates ice too. The Great Ice...
"How touching. If you like her so much, you're welcome to join her.
Although I doubt your death could be as pathetic as hers was."
Emerald turned to see Kunzite.
I'd like a bit more emotion in that action if possible. I.E. "Burning
with cold rage, he turned around and faced the speaker, Kunzite."
"Mind your mouth, you miserable vermin. She
was twenty times the fighter you ever were."
Good words, needs more inflection...
"...you miserable vermin," Emerald spat. "She was twenty times... a
HUNDRED times the fighter you ever were!"
Unless he's taking it calm and collected, in which case I'd like to
see that described as well if ya like. ^_^
"I very much doubt that," Kunzite replied. "Although it was curious that
they somehow snuck past me. Still, killing you might make up for missing
my chance with them." He concentrated, shooting four energy boomerangs at
the other man.
A quick and accurate way of describing it, but how about some hand
motions? "He concentrated with his arms crossed about his chest, and
energy boomerangs formed in his hands. He flung them at Emerald,
created another pair, then shot those toward his enemy as well."
On the other hand, that's pretty verbose and your action so far has
been helped along by small, concise sentences to describe a lot of
action.
Emerald managed to twist enough to avoid being hit by the four energy
boomerangs. With a snarl he brought both arms up and unleashed an unholy
torrent of power. Kunzite's eyes widened as he felt his shield buckle in
seconds. 'What are you?' he thought, his shields collapsing and his lungs
burning away before he ever got a chance to say it.
Again, it's good to have short, concise descriptions, especially if
they carry a lot of weight to them... but when it comes to blasting a
main boss-dude, a little more description might help.
Emerald managed to twist enough to avoid being hit by the four energy
boomerangs. With a snarl, he brought both arms up and instantly
unleashed an unholy torrent of power towards the general. The river
of energy slammed up against Kunzite's energy barrier. At first, his
shield held, but in a few short seconds it began to buckle and crack.
The greatest of Beryl's Four Generals quickly went to his knees. His
eyes widened as he felt his defenses melt away, helpless to protect
himself from the onslaught. "Wh-what are you?!" he shouted when the
barrier finally collapsed and Emerald's blast consumed him.
Emerald took a step closer and let some of his enemy's residual ash
fall into his hands. He examined it for a second before finally
blowing it away. "I'm Batman," he replied to the late Kunzite's
question.
...
Well, maybe not that last bit, but... blasts are good. We like blasts
that blow things away. It's just a nice opportunity to further
demonstrate Emerald's rage, if you so desire. ^_^
"That's the level of power that Mars was capable of, Kunzite. Oh, nothing
to say?" Emerald wondered as the Dark General faded into oblivion. "I
would have expected at least one last comeback."
Behind him the four energy boomerangs completed their return arc, slicing
into Emerald's back with enough force to leave the edges jutting out from
his chest. With the last of the energy imbued by the Dark General gone,
the boomerangs faded into nothing, leaving only the wounds behind.
"Touche," Emerald gasped before falling to the ground.
^_^ That works.
A good scene, a touching moment when Em confronts what's left of his
long-time rival. Could use a bit more power in the whack-da-general
burst, but aside from that, pretty good.
+++++++++++++++++
The spirit of Sailor Mars looked down at the fallen man, her eyes taking
in his terrible wounds. She took a step forward, then stopped. Her head
turned, feeling a call. She disappeared as she realised that her princess
needed her.
+++++++++++++++++
*waggles fingers* Mysteeerious. ^_^
He opened his eyes, feeling the torrent of magic that was being cast
nearby. With a grunt of effort, he dragged himself to a snow embankment.
Leaning over that, he watched the last moments of Serenity facing the
Beryl/Metallia hybrid.
Concise, yes. Omnipresent narration, which is fine to help the story
along. I'd think he'd describe the Beryl/Metallia hybrid as "what
looked like Queen Beryl, with blue skin, and fifty stories high," and
express disbelief at what's happening, or something to that effect.
He watched in that moment as the monstrous giant was destroyed. He saw
Serenity fall. His senses saw her aura dim and die. He pushed himself onto
his back, his eyes staring at the sky.
"Does this mean that I won? Is... Serenity dead?"
He'd probably express more surprise at his long goal finally being
achieved. Well, perhaps the dialogue suffices without the need to add
additional narration.
Tears slowly leaked from his eyes at the thought. After a few seconds, he
choked off a sob. "She's dead." The tears started to flow faster.
"She's... dead."
Then munchkins came out and started circling, dancing, and singing
around him. "Ding dong, Serenity's dead...."
The biting arctic wind began to freeze his tears, but he managed to ignore
the sensation. "Thank the gods, she's actually dead!"
Good clarification. One might have thought he felt sorry for the girl. ^_^
If you wanted to play up that angle, I'd recommend lengthening the
Emerald/Usagi discussion, perhaps have him feel a bit
sorry/sympathetic towards her, and adding one more note about that in
the rest of the dialogue, before finally dropping the "Thank the
gods!" note.
But that's just one way I can envision it happening.
He chuckled, and started to laugh. The laugh didn't last long before his
injuries flared, and he passed out.
Nearby, Sailor Mars's body was enveloped in red energy. It rose, then
disappeared as the Senshi were reborn.
Quick and concise. Narration looks like it's omniscient, so whatever
the author picks goes in and it works fine.
+++++++++++++++++
In the middle of an ice field, some eighty kilometres from the North Pole,
a broken body of a broken man lay unmoving against a small snowdrift.
His eyes shot open, realisation shooting through him. "Hold on..."
Usagi: I'm getting better!
Death cart guy: No you're not, you'll be stone dead in a minute!
Usagi: I think I'll go for a walk! I feel happy, I feel happy!
The clunk of a metal staff against the ice distracted him from an
epiphany.
"Pluto." He didn't raise his head.
"Emerald," she murmured with a small nod.
"Come to kill me then?"
^_^
Her grim expression was her only answer.
"Thought so. I get that a lot," he noted before chuckling. "Sorry that
wasn't really very funny." When she didn't respond, he forged on. "Oh -
you'd probably know. Out of curiosity, can you remind me what my real
name was?"
Sailor Pluto hesitated for a moment, then answered. "Your birth-name was
Yukio."
"Your birth name... was Setsuna Meiou."
"...excuse me?"
"Really?" Emerald blinked. "Huh. Well that was a bit boring. No wonder I
forgot it."
Ah well. That works out as well as any other. Now the nameless man
has two names. But what's in a name, really? He could be named Nummy
Muffin Cocoa Butter and all that'd do would explain why he'd trend
toward the dark side. Teased by the other children and such. ^_^
Pluto shook her head. "Enough. I'm here to finish this."
"Well of course you are," he agreed as if it was the most obvious thing
in the world. "I'm surprised it took you so long."
Keep 'er talking... Give yourself time to put a plan into action.
She cut him off. "There was no need to hurry. Despite your attempt,
nothing has changed. Nothing of significance, anyway. All of those youma
you just killed? They would have died anyway. Your attempt to sway Sailor
Moon? Wasn't even worth trying. Your entire life? Barely worth noting.
And do you know what the funniest thing is?
This has to be a setup. She's been five steps ahead of Emerald this
whole time...
"If you had left in exile after the rebellion, you would have found a way
to link with the energy of the planet Nemesis and become supremely
powerful. If you had only waited another fifty years before travelling to
the past, you would have met the descendants of your rebellion and
inspired them to a complete and total victory. Either way, you would have
won."
That would have been, if nothing else, interesting to see. His
presence would have definitely tipped the scales in a significant
manner. The defense may have been so laughable in that case, though,
that it wouldn't be an interesting story. Just chapter after chapter
of the good guys getting whooped. ^^
He raised his eyebrows as if to say 'I really don't believe you'.
Her eyes narrowed. "But then, every time you come close to winning, you
manage to shoot yourself in the foot. I've waited centuries to tell you
this." She leaned over and whispered in his ear, "You lose. As always.
For all your posturing and your woe-is-me journals, nothing you ever do
really makes a difference. You will never win, Yukio."
She wouldn't waste time on taunting if this was really important.
Unless he really, really torqued her off in a past life. Has to be a
setup.
Her eyes widened as she heard him chuckle in response.
On the other hand... unless she's a very good actress...
"Ah, Pluto." He coughed for a moment, winced, then continued. "You don't
get it. I don't have to win. All I really have to do is to see you lose."
Scorched Earth policy, baby!!
Pluto stepped back as she felt a creeping lethargy move through her body.
Her steps faltered as she realised that he'd been distracting her from
the power drain that he was holding on her.
Okay, so for all her posturing, she WASN'T faking or egging him on?
...
That's like reading the Harry Potter books and discovering Snape was a
bad guy after all! It makes no sense!
...
Well, it's too obvious, so it can't possibly be true.
Emerald pushed himself up, his wounds visibly sealing and healing as he
stole her energy. His eyes locked on hers, and he smiled mirthlessly.
"All of the other Senshi fought me several times before they learned how
to block my drain. They covered each other for those first few fights.
But I've never directly fought you before, have I? Come on Pluto, you
should have known better than this! In the future I've survived far worse
than the damage I took from Kunzite. I halfway can't believe that you
fell for it. Why attack me now, after so long?"
He should realize the paradox and know that something's up. But then
if he thought that way, he'd believe no course of action would lead to
victory. Finish off Pluto or not, how would you know whether or not
that wasn't EXACTLY what she wanted?
"I have no choice but to ...
[Message clipped]
Gah! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Now I'll never see the ending of this!
Oh, fate, how can you be so cruel!!!!!~!!!~!!111oneoneone
Oh, wait, that's just my email client chopping it off 'cause it's so
big. Nevermind! ^_^;
C&C after this is enclosed in carrots, to feed the bunnies.
<>
Mm, carroty-du. Eating-du!
<>
<>
Oh, wait. I can get the little > things in front of the text if I...
roight, 'ere we go, then!
"I have no choice but to act," Pluto gasped. "With your attention now off
the Senshi, you pose a threat to Crystal Tokyo. Dead Scream."
Ah, good point. I mean, if he'd traveled back and focused on changing
the world order first and worried about Q.Serenity and the Ginzuishou
second, then Pluto might have had bigger reasons to take action before
this.
Then again, maybe she's just being mysterious and lying when the real
reason that she hadn't come before was because she was stuck at home
sick with a bad temporal headache. ^_-
The attack splattered against his energy shield, clearly not taking him
off guard.
Well, he's had an entire conversation to prepare a defense, and this
is the second biggest event he's been worrying about, and besides, he
was expecting to fight S.Pluto back at the time gate or wherever.
So... he's probably got something up his sleeve for this.
"This is impossible," she muttered, feeling her strength sap away as more
energy drained from her. "I should have seen this."
Seems a bit feigned, like she's reading from a script and hasn't
practiced much. This another setup?
Or is this concise writing? Maybe, but, I'd recommend some kind of
heart-wrenching description of S.Pluto stumbling as the energy left
her body. Like she takes a step forward and gasps when her knees
start to buckle from lack of strength. In fact, that paragraph might
look something like...
"This," she muttered as her strength ebbed away, "is impossible! I
would have..." She took a step forward, but her knee buckled and gave
way. She caught herself with her staff and reordered her stance so
that she might have another chance to strike. "I would have... I
SHOULD have seen this!"
"Probably," he agreed. "I'll let you in on a secret." He rose his left
hand, allowing green energy to coruscate from his palm. Pluto slammed to
the ground as his attack struck her in the stomach.
Maybe it's just me, but I'd opt for describing the strike before
mentioning how Pluto slammed to the ground. On the other hand,
perhaps ordering the text that way enables a certain shock factor that
wouldn't otherwise be available.
"I didn't jump into
the past with just a hope and a prayer that you wouldn't stop me. In
fact, I was planning on you attacking me. Without you I had to waste
months getting back enough power."
Phrased like this, his statement is odd. I had to analyze deeper to
realize that he hoped to siphon off some of Pluto's power so that he
wouldn't be left bereft of abilities so badly when he arrived. In
fact, if he'd managed to take that power, he wouldn't have had to risk
exposing himself to danger in order to drain a few youma to get more
energy.
So... having Sailor Pluto not defend the gate would have actually
hampered the plan. But that would mean she knew that he would attack
her in this manner. So... if that was the case, why didn't she
prepare a defense if she really means to take him down?
So, she means to be defeated, but to put up a good show. It IS a
setup after all. Too bad that, in the rush of feeling P.Serenity die,
he wasn't thinking a bit faster. On the other hand, what other choice
does he have? Pluto WILL kill him if he doesn't fight, and that's a
loss. But she really wants him to win.
The Time Guardian has locked you into a destiny of her choosing after
all, Emerald. There WAS no escape. ^^
He blinked. "Wait. I'm gloating. That's always a good way to die. Better
get on with it, then." Emerald set his legs and spread his arms. Energy
began to build around him as he drew his power. The gem on his necklace
glowed, seeming to add its own energies to the build-up.
Charging up can also mean an opening for an enemy to strike. Unless
defensive measures are already in place.
"Dead Scream." It was harder to focus the energy this time, and again it
shattered harmlessly against his shield. Worse yet, he was still draining
energy from her. She made a motion with her Key to open an escape portal,
but nothing happened.
And yet... this is described from her perspective as if she were
losing. Perhaps we are standing behind Emerald's perspective to
filter the events? Ah well, rotating perspectives. It's an
omni-view, as it were.
"Most of your power is tied to Time, isn't it?" he noted conversationally,
his hands starting to trace a complex pattern in the air. "Did you know
that I can draw energy from Time, just as I can with the elements? It's
how I was able to pierce the Time Barrier in the first place. You'll find
that causality is currently too unstable around us to open a Portal."
Sounds like he's won, actually.
"What are you doing?" Her voice was barely above a whisper; she struggled
just to look up at him. Her hands were barely holding her kneeling form
off the ground.
Ah well, guess we've got the canon S.Pluto who's fallable. Not the
fanon S.Pluto, who's always ten steps ahead of everyone else, is the
most powerful force in the universe, and has a million clones of
herself guarding the multiverse. ^^
"I just felt the Senshi die," he noted. "But then again, I also felt
Sailor Moon die just before the Great Ice. As I was lying there after
Serenity's death, I had an epiphany. 'Fool me once' - isn't that the
saying? And you just confirmed it. Nothing changed, you said. But the
Senshi are dead - undoubtedly and undeniably. It seems more than likely
then that they somehow have a way of coming back from death. But if that's
true, then there's no point in my trying to kill Serenity. She'd just
come back.
*applause* Good deduction! At last he knows. And now you know that
resistance is futile!
"Now that you've decided to show your hand, it occurs to me that I cannot
afford to wait any longer for other solutions to present themselves. If
I try to confront Serenity again, it's possible that you, or another
person acting as Sailor Pluto, or even another version of you from another
part of the timeline might be able to stop me.
But if you worry about the timeline like that, why aren't a dozen
other S.Plutos showing up right now to stop him? Unless there's an
undefined limit, and he's just having to bank on it since there's no
other choice.
That means I must act now
while you can't ambush me. So, I suppose I will have to go with Plan D."
"D?" A moment after her question, her arms buckled and she collapsed,
leaving her to lie on the cold snow.
"That's right," Emerald said with a malevolent chuckle. "Plan D.
D... FOR DISCO!"
With that, he threw off his cloak and revealed his white polyester
leisure suit. Lighted squares appeared on the ground for miles
around. A great ball of mirrored energy appeared overhead and spun
wildly, shining shafts of rectangular light on the ground.
"ACK, NO!" screamed Pluto as she wracked in pain and anguish as the
full horror of her situation became apparent. "NOT THAT!"
"FREAK OUT!"
...
Nah, that wouldn't work. ^_^;
He nodded, but he never stopped drawing energy. "If I can't kill Serenity
- my preferred plan A, or convince her to change the future - my reluctant
fallback plan B, or somehow destroy the ginzuisho - my unlikely plan C,
then I have to ensure she can never do the one thing that started this
whole mess." His eyes narrowed. "My pyrrhic plan D - stop the
Purification."
A nifty idea, really. It's the one thing that's motivated him to do
everything else.
"You can't," she whispered.
"Yes, I think I can," he responded with confidence as his hands made
several jabbing motions to punctuate some of the hazy glowing green sigils
he was drawing around him. "Thanks to your energy. I worked it out a long,
long time ago. I can cast... an Anti-Purification."
Pluto blinked. "But isn't that called a Putrification?"
"No, that's plan E: flood the world with their own sewers so they'll
NEVER get the stink out! I'd like to see Serenity purify THAT!"
"You're pure Evil!"
"Am I? AM I??? MWAHAAHAHAHAH!!!"
"No. You can't. You don't know what it-"
"Oh, I can guess. Of course, doing this will almost certainly cause a time
paradox.
A paradox? A _startling_ paradox!
It'll probably wipe me from existence. But not even a paradox
will wipe out the outcome. Not when I'm using the powers of the Time
Senshi to do it."
Spiffy. Victory for a "villain" after all? Quite refreshing.
Emerald shook his head. "To be honest, I'd hoped to kill Serenity without
having to try this. If this fails, I'll have no way of enacting plans E,
F, or G. It's a pity, I really liked plan G.
"What was plan G?" inquired Pluto.
"G stands for Gertrude! I turn loose my beloved auntie and have her
SMOTHER the Senshi with hugs and wet sloppy kisses till they never
recover!!"
But as I said, it doesn't
matter whether I lose, as long as your side does too. I'm tired of this
endless fight, Pluto. I'm tired of being beaten down again and again and
having to find the conviction in myself to return once more to the fight.
Ah yes, as he mentioned, he is tired. So very tired....
At this stage of my life, I think even a pyrrhic victory is enough of a
victory for me." The hazy sigils were beginning to sharpen in form as his
hands began sketched the final symbols needed.
"Wait," muttered Pluto, "was that last one a teddy bear?"
"Actually, yes it was!"
"Oh, then that's all right."
"Oh, and Pluto?" He looked at her as she struggled to bring her Time Key
up for one last attack. "You lose."
Or HAS she? Never can tell with those mysterious types. It's like
Clow Reed's incessant smile. Even if he's dying, he always looks like
he's on top of the world.
"Dead Scr-"
With one last flourish, his hands completed the last of the sigils.
+++++++++++++++++
If I were writing this story, which you should be thankful I'm not, I
would have ended that last climactic scene with a gigantic
*KABOOOO-OOOOOOO-OOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!* ^_^
So, about that scene, it worked fine, though in light of previous plot
elements, I had difficulty swallowing the fact that S.Pluto was
losing.
* * *
If I were asked to list the worst thing about being immortal, I would
have to hesitate in my answer. Once, I might have thought that it was the
ennui - the crushing boredom of life never-ending. Or the hubris - there
can be no doubt of an immortal's over-weaning arrogance. But, if I were
to search in my soul of souls for an honest answer, I would have to say
that there is nothing worse for an immortal than one thing:
Guilt. Regret can haunt you forever.
*nod*
I have had countless crawling years to analyse my various failures. Chief
amongst them, and my worst crime of all, was the realisation that I could
have actually stopped it.
I could have stopped the Purification.
Not through the rebellion, which was perhaps doomed from its conception,
but through my own powers. I could have actually made it so that Serenity
could never have done it. In my own defence, I did not understand the
relationship between my powers and hers until decades after she purified
the world. I still remember the creeping horror I felt as I slowly came
to a gradual understanding of what I could have done.
Ah, yes. The link between his powers and hers. Or rather, the
differing wavelengths and whatnot. It's still not quite fully
explained, only hinted strongly that they're in direct (or at least
closely tangentally) in opposition to each other.
My power and Serenity's lie at opposite sides of the magical spectrum.
Whenever they interact, they act much like matter and anti-matter,
causing painful and explosive magical backlashes.
Oh, here it is. ^^
This, then, leads to the question: what if I had bathed the planet and
its people in MY energy BEFORE Serenity had performed her Purification?
What if I had performed some sort of Anti-Purification? The answer, I
feel, is obvious.
The Purification would have failed. Crystal Tokyo would never have been
possible in its current form. I would have won without a single drop of
blood being shed.
But wouldn't that cause a sudden upwelling in monsters and critters
from Earth? Or is the argument that you need those to help ward off
the ones from outer space? ^_^
It's too late now. While my energy could have ensured that a Purification
was impossible, I cannot attempt it any more. I have no power to change
men's minds. If I did, it would be a power that I would not dare use, for
fear of falling to the same mistakes that Serenity did. No, humanity has
been irrevocably changed, and I can no longer change it back.
I know that in truth I could not have stopped the Purification. I know
that I would have needed the control over my power that I now have. I
know that I would have needed more energy than I had at that time. I know
that I did not understand my powers well enough back then to have
succeeded.
And thus, the solution presents itself. Time travel! Whales, Mr.
Scott, Whales! It was only possible in Earth of the past...
Yet still, the guilt gnaws. Forever. Or until I die.
That is what it is, to be immortal.
- Retrieved from personal effects left behind after Mars pursued Emerald
to a former hotel in the Caribbean in 2781.
* * *
+++++++++++++++++
A good journal. Always love those. A bit of introspection, and you
do it quite well in this context.
Across the world, thousands of millions of people saw the world change.
Burning bright emerald light spread across the sky, coming from the North
to the South, stretching East and West as it spread almost too fast for
the eye to see. Ten time zones saw their night skies erupt into a pseudo-
day. Well over a billion were woken as the light permeated every surface
and through every barrier, shining brighter than day.
As the light blanketed the planet, green motes fell from the energy
curtain, floating like light snow. Each mote travelled through brick and
steel and concrete like it was not there, only stopping when it was
absorbed by either the Earth or by a living creature.
Interesting, interesting. Does this mean the planet, instead of being
filled with purified beings who love everyone and everything, is
filled with hatred, anger, and chaos? Or is it more subtle than that?
Thousands of television cameras captured the phenomenon in a multitude of
spots around the globe. For a couple of days, at least, this would be
headline news. Experts' theories would hatch and breed and grow, and then
die as time - as with most old news - let people grow disinterested.
So, no immediately obvious ill effects to anyone?
In Tokyo, two cats - one black and one white - looked at each other,
their worried expressions mirroring each other as the light illuminated
their faces.
Does it hurt them like Serenity's purification hurt Emerald?
A young blonde girl, her memories still clouded from minutes-ago rebirth,
woke screaming. Her eyes were wide, as she felt - without being able to
explain it - that something had just gone horribly wrong.
She'd probably be hurting just a bit as well, like Emerald hurt from
the purification. Though she's not awash with Ginzuisho power, so she
might not feel it as strongly.
A temple maiden frowned, leaning out of her bedroom window. Her psychic
abilities stunted by her recent rebirth, she was not sure how and why she
was feeling so angry and so sad at the same time. With a shake of her
head, she wiped her eyes, before looking out at the light again.
In Osaka, a boy stared at the sky's display, confused at how familiar the
green energy felt. He held out a hand, allowing some of the light motes
to touch it. For a moment, his brown eyes flashed green, before he shook
his head and returned home.
+++++++++++++++++
Well, that's... kind of an origin story. :D
"Glorious!" he shouted, his power pumping into the atmosphere through his
outstretched hands. His gaze turned from the sky to his crystal, which
was floating in front of him. "Is it working?"
Sure looks like it. ^^
The crystal pulsed.
"That's what I wanted to hear!" Emerald shouted, turning his gaze back to
the sky. "I can't believe it! I've done it! I've won! I've actually gone
and won!"
After a few more moments, his energy fluctuated as he felt his body
tremor. Instead of passing, the tremors got worse until his whole body
began to shake.
"Oh. Well," he said as his eyes turned once again to his crystal, "looks
like I was right about that paradox." The last of his energy burst from
his fingertips, and with that he collapsed to his knees, still wildly
shaking. He looked up at his crystal, a slight smile on his lips. "You
know, the truest friend is the one who helps you become something more."
I guess I won't go into a theory of... "If he did the
anti-purification and he never existed in a form that could perform
it, then who did it in the first place?" Time travel and paradoxes
are the most volatile things around. Only the all-mighty narrator can
determine their effects. Oh, right, he used S.Pluto's energy. That
would have some strength to last through a paradox. ^^
He could feel existence slip away, his body beginning to fade from
temporal reality. As quickly as he could, he forced out, "Thank you,
my friend. You made me into something... so much more."
As he faded into nothing, his smile widened when he heard the crystal
reply, words pulsing in his mind.
'Goodbye, my friend'.
And so the crystal speaks, and the readers still don't quite know
who/what it is. Ah well, can't be helped. Perhaps it'll work out. ^^
+++++++++++++++++
Sailor Pluto slowly opened her eyes. She could feel the cold seeping
through her limbs. Every breath felt like hundreds of tiny daggers were
stabbing into her lungs. With a shuddering gasp, she forced herself to
stand, using her Time Key as a crutch.
Not killed, just weakened. She'd have to be a LOT more clairvoyant
than I thought if she had it all planned out well enough for her plans
to work even with herself unconscious. Or to know that she wouldn't
be killed while carrying out her plan.
Her eyes scanned the skies. Already the light was fading as the man's
power dissipated. Her lips quirked into a grim smile as she shakily
raised her staff to create a portal.
Her exhausted voice was barely a croak, but she still managed to force
the words. "Well done, Yukio; I lost. But there was something you never
did learn. Sometimes... losing is winning."
Like I said, sometimes you never can tell a victory or a loss with
properly mysterious types. Like a poker match between Clow Reed,
S.Pluto, Yoda, and... that one guy from Rayearth.
With that, she was gone.
+++++++++++++++++
"Pluto! There you are." Mars walked into the Time Senshi's personal
quarters in Crystal Tokyo's palace. "I've been searching for you." She
blinked, noting how haggard her fellow senshi looked. "Are you alright?"
Pluto dismissively waved an exhausted hand. "I'll be fine once I get some
rest. It was a necessary sacrifice." Her tired voice was barely a whisper.
"Do you know, it took me thousands of manipulations over thousands of
years, but I did it." Pluto raised her hands in a 'look around you'
gesture. "I did it. Through my actions, Crystal Tokyo was born. It was
due to me that this future came to pass."
Mars blinked. "Yes, that's... great. What's your point?"
"Oh, no point. Just thinking about past actions. Tell me, Rei, have you
ever striven to gain something, only to realise only after you got it
that it wasn't what you thought it was?"
Dot dot dot.
She made C.Toyko, but now she doesn't like it? What, she just woke up
one morning and hated everything in her house? What does she want?
Crystal Ontario? Stainless Steel Timbuktu?
Mars nodded. She hesitated, then asked "Are you sure you're alright?" She
shook her head. "Wait, there's no time for that. You have to listen to
me. I'm worried that Emerald might have found a way to pierce the time
barrier."
^_^ When S.Pluto's involved, all news is old news.
Pluto raised her hand in a 'wait' gesture. "Come with me." She turned,
and walked around a corner.
Mars stood there for a moment, her mouth tightening at being talked to so
dismissively, before she followed the Time Senshi. After she rounded the
corner, her sure stride skittered to a halt. Pluto was standing on her
private balcony, but it was what was beyond her that made the fire senshi
pause.
"What is that?" Mars's voice was tinged with horror. Beyond the balcony,
beyond a dome of shimmering energy that Pluto had cast, where a crystal
city of millions should have stood, there was only darkness. Her stomach
began to churn as she realised that she could no longer feel a connection
to her queen, or to any other Senshi besides Pluto.
The Nothing has come to Fantasia!!!!
"It is Nothing.
A hole would be something, but this was... NOTHING! Hah, called it!
In the most strict sense of that word." Pluto sighed,
staring out through the dome of energy she was maintaining to keep the
chronal entropy at bay. "Through no act of my own, everything has changed.
I cannot hold this off for long - I simply don't have the spare energy
right now. I am sorry Rei. You were right. He did pierce the barrier. I
just thought that you should know before the end."
Sailor Pluto smirked. "Oh, was that too mysterious for you? Let me
rephrase that: Sucks to be you! Bye!" And then she was gone...
Mars's eyes narrowed as she looked at the green-haired Senshi. "What have
you done?" she hissed as fire formed around her, blazing with her anger.
Pluto met her gaze. "I did nothing, Mars. Absolutely nothing." She raised
her Time Key, before adding, "That was the whole point."
Beware the bored time guardian. ^_^
A moment after Pluto disappeared back to the Time Gates, the dome that
was holding back the entropy flickered, then collapsed.
"Damn it all," Mars muttered, closing her eyes and letting her flames
extinguish as Nothing washed over her.
+++++++++++++++++
Well, that was certainly unexpected. I mean, I know Pluto was up to
something. She did some great acting in parts, but her ultimate goal?
Redecorating. And she just wanted to see Sailor Mars's face as the
whole continuity came crashing down. This is beyond hubris. This
is...
Is Sailor Pluto the real villain of this story? XD
Author Notes: Well, that is that. Thanks to my huge hiatus, it took
around 10 years to complete this fic. Thanks go out to all the reviewers
both now and in the past.
*Salute!*
It's like going down to the port to discover the Titanic's
mysteriously and inexplicably arrived. Better late than never!!! XD
In this case, well worth the wait. A personal quest of mine, I
really, really wanted to see the end of this story. And now it's been
delivered and I'm not disappointed with the results. Rock on, Mark!
Rock on and good job! ^_^
You might have noticed that a lot of loose ends weren't tied up. That
was deliberate. In order to write the fic, I worked out what Emerald's
crystal was (and why it hated Beryl)
Which was?
...Mysteerious. *waggles fingers* Good to have a bit of mysticism to
keep the readers intrigued. ;)
, what exactly happened before,
during, and after the Great Ice, Pluto's full motivations, and so on. I
didn't cover a lot of that because it was extraneous to the plot, but
mentioning them made the story-world seem bigger/more real.
It did indeed. I enjoyed the journals as much as if not more than
Trenchcoat Mask's flashbacks (which inspired a significant chunk of my
writing). Far-reaching and epic is good.
Neo-queen Serenity was never, ever directly shown to ensure that there
would always be doubt over what happened - Pluto's motivations aside.
When I originally began writing, I planned a sequel that would cover most
of these things, but I now feel that the story works better as a stand-
alone work. Still, maybe one day I'll change my mind.
Yeah... When we begin a story, we always see far beyond what the
reader does. We always want to see, and can plan and fully
understand, a story, and as many as five sequel series. But ambition
gives way with time, and one eventually realizes that at the present
rate of storywriting, that you'd be a thousand years old before
completing the next project.
Instead, let us rejoice in the accomplishment. Finishing a story is
rare and wonderful in today's fanfic world. It's a different time and
a different place. Thank you for coming back to finish this story
from near the end of the anime fanfic's heyday. Sailor Moon is a
story nearly twenty years old, and perhaps it is time to move on after
having finished this one.
And what a story! It's made of the kind of writing that makes me drop
everything and want to stare at it over and over again, to savor every
sentence and delve into the depths of it. I know the story and reread
it, and it's as lucious as it was nearly a decade ago. It lasts
surprisingly well.
Strangely, though, your writing is extremely concise. You say a LOT
with just a few words, while I say precious little with pages upon
pages of text. I'd have to say you were my favorite writer. An
inspiration to me when I started up. You were, I believe, the first
that replied to NETTG's first posting. Hey, my favorite writer out
there was the first one to praise me! Heh... a long time ago in a
galaxy far away. Times were different then, and anime was sparse.
The top fanfics were SM and Ranma stories, and the most fascinating
were arguably Ranma/SM fusion/crossovers. Truly a different world.
And now, thanks to encouragement from you and those like you, I'm
actually employed as a writer. A tech writer, yes, but I've got
dreams of actually doing something nifty with storybooks someday. At
least it's a day job I don't mind not quitting if my side goals never
come to fruition.
Thanks, Mark! Thanks for writing. I imagine that there are tons of
people who don't like your style, but I'm not one of them. Thanks for
coming back to finish off and bring closure to a silly fanboy's
back-burner obsession. You've certainly given something quite
engaging to read to us with this story.
Whatever your future choices with respect to storywriting, know that
you've been a non-trivial influence in somebody's life, for good or
ill. ^_-
+++++++++++++++++
Epilogue:
Hello... Bonus material? We've unlocked the super secret ending?? YAY!
Yukio stared in anger as the oni burst into flames. Letting the crystals
that formed his helmet and armour dissolve, he turned to the Senshi in
fury. "Hey, that was my fight!"
His teeth gritted as he fumed. Stupid sister making him wear this stupid
armour so he could live out her stupid dreams of being a stupid senshi
just because he had these stupid powers. He was eighteen years old, damn
it! How did he let himself be talked into playing her stupid superhero
game? And then when he finally found something to fight, he doesn't even
get 20 seconds with it before someone butts in and takes the creature
down!
XD
"What are you talking about?" The dark-haired senshi walked towards him.
"You were way outclass-" She gasped as she drew close enough to see him
clearly. "It can't be!"
"What?" Yukio looked around him to see if there was something behind him.
His green hair flew around, reminding him that he needed to get a haircut.
XDXD Nice effect.
"It's been four years..." the senshi breathed. "We thought you died with
the Dark Kingdom!"
"With the what?"
Sailor Mars stepped up to him and slapped him across the face. Before he
could react to that, she hugged him. "Don't ever do that again," she
muttered.
XDXDXD
Yukio blinked, then blinked again, still too confused to be angry over
the slap. He looked down at the total stranger who was hugging him, his
all-green eyes wide, before he shouted out, "Damn it all, what the hell
is going on here!?"
ROCK ON, man! I love it! XD
A happy ending after all. The possibilities this leads to boggle the
mind and brings forth a big smile.
Thanks again! Definitely not a disappointing ending. In my opinion,
at least, for whatever that's worth. ;)
--
Benjamin A Oliver
benjamin.a.oliver@gmail.com
Master of Science in Management Information Systems
Eller College of Management
University of Arizona
Writings: Fan Fiction
http://boliver.florestica.com/
Webcomic: Nuke 'Em 'Till They Glow!! The Early Years
http://nettg.com
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