Disclaimer: The Spiderman concept is the creation of Stan Lee, Sailor  
Moon by Naoko Takeuchi. No Money is being made from this and no such  
intent should be inferred.

Note: Special Thanks to my friend Kelly, who wrote the Queen Parody.

C&C always welcome.
---------------------------

She was whistling when they found her. One hand in her pocket, the  
other holding the hammer-axe as it rest on her shoulder, Sailor Moon  
strolled down the hallway, cheerful as could be.

"Sailor Moon!" Jupiter shouted as she, Spiderwoman and Banner skidded  
to a stop. "Are you okay? Where's Beryl?"

Sailor Moon shrugged. "Turns out I was right all along. We had an  
argument and she just completely lost her head. Poor dear." Jupiter  
and Banner exchanged worried looks and Sailor Moon glared at them.  
"What? It worked for The Queen of Hearts."

"The Queen of Hearts was a megalomaniacal narcissist," Banner pointed  
out.

"So?"

"I give up," Banner sighed.

At that moment, from back down the hall came a roar.

"Aw Shaddup!" Sailor Moon yelled back. She turned back to her  
friends, a thoughtful look on her face. "I probably shouldn't have  
done that."

"Ya think?" Jupiter demanded.

"Excuse me," Spiderwoman broke in. "But we have only eleven minutes  
before the meltdown begins and nine before Colonel Fury leaves."

"Aw, can't we stay?" Sailor Moon said, pouting. "I want to be  
irradiated. Deformed mutants get more chicks."

"Will you shut up and come on?" Banner snapped as he broke into a run.

"Not without dinner first," Sailor Moon called back as she ran after  
him. "And on what? I don't do kinky stuff, you know!"

-------------

They made it to the hanger with three minutes to spare and  
immediately took cover as a hail of weapons fire forced them behind a  
stack of crates and equipment.

"Clan Chief," Troya said by way of greeting.

"We're pinned down," Fury said to Banner. "The transport craft over  
there is perfect, but there's about fifty or so hostiles with heavy  
weapons between us and the door."

"Hey," Sailor Moon said, pointing at Mobou. "Check it out. Full Metal  
Wakandan."

"Oh for the love of Pete," Jupiter muttered and slapped the back of  
Sailor Moon's head.

"Repeat was better looking," Sailor Moon retorted.

"Ideas, people," demanded Fury.

"Who are these guys anyway?" Sailor Moon asked, peeking over the edge.

"Clan Marduk," Troya said. "They were the first clan Beryl subverted  
and thus they are the most loyal."

Sailor Moon bowed her head in thought and then looked at Fury. "Get  
ready to shoot," she said, and then raised her voice. "Hey you putrid  
paltroons!" she shouted. "Your mother never liked Beryl to begin with  
and she sleeps with humans!" Howls of rage were heard. "Also, Beryl's  
dead! I, Sailor Moon, cut off her head and left her bleeding on the  
floor. She was a crappy warrior and you all suck baby monkey dong for  
following her!"

The howls grew louder and the youma stood up, bellowing insults and  
roaring their fury.

"Fire!" Fury yelled and the guns of S.H.I.E.L.D. barked, the bullets  
cutting the youma down like a scythe through wheat.

"We have to hurry!" Spiderwoman yelled. "The meltdown will begin in  
two minutes!"

"MOVE!" Fury yelled.

Like a great wave, they charged across the hanger and Banner wrenched  
open the door, boosting the younger Youma into the doorway before  
climbing in himself and pulling the door shut by main strength alone  
as the three Senshi raced to the cockpit. As he pulled the locking  
wheel into place he saw Spiderwoman take the flight engineers seat  
while Moon and Jupiter claimed the controls.

The blonde reached up and began flipping switches and the door to the  
cockpit hissed closed. Banner figured that was probably for the best  
as the cabin shuddered with the sounds of the engines powering up and  
the loudspeaker crackled to life with Sailor Moon's voice.

"Good Afternoon, Ladies and Youma, this is your captain speaking.  
Welcome aboard Moon Airlines Flight Last Ditch Attempt to save our  
lives to Earth. We'll be cruising just high enough not to hit  
anything as we attempt to outrun gamma radiation, a pissed off  
demigod, and the return of corduroy bell bottoms. This is a nonstop  
flight and no smoking will be permitted. Please insure that your  
seats are in their full and upright position, your tray tables have  
been stowed, and that your asses have been properly kissed goodbye.  
In the event of an emergency, we're all fucked. Thank you for  
choosing Moon Airlines and enjoy your flight."

The intercom did not shut off and everyone in the cabin heard  
Jupiter's worried question. "Sailor Moon, do you even know how to fly  
this thing?"

"Nope!" Sailor Moon replied cheerfully, "but it's a little late to be  
worrying about trivial details, don't you think?"

"Oh, God," Jupiter groaned as the intercom clicked off.

"Master Troya," one of the younglings said, "Are we going to die?"

"I certainly hope not, child," Troya replied, "but if we are to die,  
we will die free."

The engines roared and they were pressed into their seats as the  
transport leapt from its pad into the skies.

-----------------

Metallia stepped into the throne room. Hers. As it should be.  
Recruiting a human had been a mistake from the beginning, though, and  
one she would not make again. It was then that the singing began.

see a little silhouette of a bitch
Scaramouche, Scaramouche, she is such a filthy skitch
Fighting for a baka is a dumb idea to me
Galileo, Galileo,
Mettalia es muy est�pido
But what do I know, I am just a hero
I am just a hero, what do I know?!
Spare me this life of cunts won't you please?!

Metallia spun around and stared at the hologram of Sailor Moon seated  
crosslegged in mid-air. The girl must have found the com system on  
the transport she and her friends stole.

No, Mettalia realized a moment later, it was a digital clone. Sailor  
Moon had left behind a copy of herself IN the main computer!

"You know," the clone opined, "Beryl always did look best in green."

"Green? What are you talking about, Fool?"

"Gamma Reactor Meltdown will commence in ten seconds," chimed the  
voice of the computer.

"That," replied the clone, pointing upwards.

"What? Damn you to the deepest hells, Sailor Moon!"

"Aw, I love you too."

"Five Seconds until Meltdown," chimed the computer. "Portal network  
shut down. Please use the remaining moments to make peace with the  
Gods. Unless you're Metallia. In which case, no one gives a shit  
about your sorry ass."

"Buh-Bye!" the clone called out as the alarms wailed. She blew  
Metallia a kiss and waved goodbye before she vanished.

"Nooooooooooooooooo!" Mettalia screamed. "Not like this! I will not  
permit it!"

"You don't have a choice," replied the computer. "Meltdown commencing  
with detonation to follow. I'm looking forward to Silicon Heaven. You  
won't be there."

------------------------

Tuxedo Kamen had returned several minutes later, mostly to ask if  
Strange had seen Sailor Moon.

Strange had instead invited him to sit down and they'd begun to talk.  
It turned out that Kamen's real name was Mamoru Chiba and he was pre- 
med. That had inspired Strange to relate some tales from his school  
days.

Within an hour, they were talking shop and Strange occasionally  
telling a story.

" . . . So there's Bruce, blushing up a storm and he can't even look  
at Betty, so he just stares at the mug. Reed is sitting there, trying  
to figure out Tony's comment, and Charles and I are just sitting  
there. That's when Tony leaps up onto the couch arm. 'Tonight is  
men's night,' he says. 'Tonight, it being the beginning of Bruce  
Banner's 21st Birthday, we, his friends, frat buddies, and possible  
future test subjects, are to escort him on his required journey of  
beer, boneheadedness and debauchery as benefits a man of his age.'  
Then he jumps to the floor and sighs. 'Unfortunately, I'm the only  
bonehead here, so we'll go for pizza instead.'"

Mamoru laughed and then frowned. "But Tony Stark is famous and very  
rich. How can--" Mamoru broke off as they heard the sound of engines  
and then a transport craft barreled out of the sky and crashed into  
the depot building, demolishing it completely.

Both men rose to their feet, Mamoru re-donning his mask and hat and  
then  moving to stand at Strange's side.

As the smoke and dust began to clear, they heard voices raised in  
argument and then Sailor Moon strode out out of the cloud, Banner and  
Fury at her heels.

"Well it's not like I had time to land!" Sailor Moon was shouting at  
Banner and then she saw them.

"What the hell are you doing here?" She barked at Tuxedo Kamen,  
stepping up to him and jabbing a finger at his chest.

Tuxedo Kamen stared at her, groping for the words. "I . . . I was  
called here."

"Called? Well next time let the machine get it." Sailor Moon turned  
away from him and watched as Jupiter, Spiderwoman, the S.H.I.E.L.D.  
agents, and the youma staggered from the wreck. Surprisingly, none of  
them were hurt.

"Oh, dear." The two words, however soft, cut through the air like a  
knife. Everyone turned to look at Strange, who was staring at the  
distant castle.

"Stephen?" Banner asked.

"The reactor has detonated," Strange said as he pointed and they  
could all see a bright green light rushing towards them.

"The Portal!" Banner yelled.

"No time!" Fury yelled back.

Just as the light was about to reach them, it suddenly withdrew,  
sucked back into the castle.

"The hell?" Sailor Moon and Jupiter said in unison.

"Shit," Strange swore, for once without his customary many syablled  
oaths, his orange-gloved hands clenching into fists.

"Why do I get the feeling I'm not going to like this?" Sailor Moon  
asked no one in particular.

A giant form reared up out of the castle, and they heard a distant roar.

"Mettalia has absorbed the power of the Gamma Explosion," Strange said.

"Yup, don't like it," Sailor Moon confirmed.

"It's worse than that," Strange said, turning to face them.  
"Mettalia's powers have grown. She can open a portal to earth on her  
own now. But I suspect she'll come after Sailor Moon first. She is  
the key to the Silver Crystal and the Moon Princess."

"Did I say like?" Sailor Moon asked. "Hate. I meant hate."

"Can't you do something?" Fury asked.

"Possibly, but not here. I have to return to Earth, but once there,  
sealing this dimension off will take a few minutes, and I can't craft  
the seal and keep Mettalia contained here at the same time."

"Then we'll stay here and keep her contained," Spiderwoman said. "The  
rest of you go through the portal. Metallia is our enemy, not yours."

"Precisely," Sailor Moon said. "Excellent, in fact. Thank you,  
Spiderwoman." She and Jupiter grabbed Spiderwoman's arms and pushed  
Spiderwoman at Banner, who reflexively grabbed her.  "But you have to  
be going now."

"What?" Spiderwoman demanded and then fell limp as Tuxedo Kamen's  
cane cracked her smartly over the head.

"Sailor Moon?" Strange asked.

"Jupiter and I decided that if it ever came down to this, We'd be the  
ones to stay. She's the best of us. Keep an eye on her, Banty-chan,  
won't you?"

"Two eyes," Banner promised as he lifted Spiderwoman to his shoulders.

"Troya," Sailor Moon barked and the elderly youma stepped forward.  
Sailor Moon handed him the hammer-axe, raising her voice. "I have to  
leave you for a while, my clan. Until I return, I name Troya my  
regent. His words and decisions shall be as mine, and his will shall  
be as mine."

"I will prove worthy," Troya said and took the weapon.

"You too, Tux-boy," Sailor Moon said. "Move it or lose it."

"No," Tuxedo Kamen replied. "I cannot explain it, but I know that it  
is a mistake to leave you alone."

"I get that a lot," Sailor Moon said with a straight face. "Fine,  
your funeral."

In the distance, Mettalia's giant form was approaching.

"Let's move it, people," Danvers shouted and the group began to  
stream through the portal.

Strange was the last. "I think we will meet again, Sailor Moon. Until  
then." The portal closed behind him with a soft pop.

"So," Sailor Moon said as Mettalia loomed over them. "Anyone know a  
good knock knock joke?"

--------------------

Somewhere in Central Africa . . .

Thunderball followed the Green Goblin down the steps and into a large  
chamber.

At the far end, a massive figure was seated and he rose at  
Thunderball's approach. He was clad in blue armor with cables at that  
ran from his back to his forearms. His belt was fastened with a  
buckle in the shape of an A and his face was sharp and angular, a  
lipless mouth surrounded by blue lines that stretched off the corners  
to outline his cheeks. His eyes were pure white and as far as  
Thunderball could tell, he had no hair.

"Welcome Elliot Franklin," the figure said. "I am En Sabah Nur, but  
you may call me Apocalypse. I have summoned you here to be my  
Horseman of the Apocalypse, the one known as War. You will sweep  
across the world, unleashing death and destruction at my command."

"Will I now?" Thunderball mused. "Well, that is sounding like a  
mighty tasty carrot there, Mister Apocalypse, and make no mistake,  
but I'm after wonderin how much it pays."

"Do not trifle with me," Apocalypse thundered. "I can control you  
like a puppet. One way or another, you will serve me."

"No doubt that you could," Thunderball agreed, "but the problem with  
puppets, I'm thinking, is that the man working the strings is so busy  
with the strings, he loses sight of why he got the puppet in the  
first place. Now when you pay a man, on the other hand, he's after  
earning his fee by doing what he's told and doesn't need to be asking  
for directions all the time."

Apocalypse stared at him and Thunderball calmly stared back. Then,  
the lipless mouth quirked in an almost smile and Apocalypse sat back  
down as a servant approached carrying a large box. Stopping in front  
of Thunderball, the servant opened the box to reveal a fortune in  
gold coins and precious gems.

"I trust that this is a suitable retainer?" Apocalypse asked.

Thunderball reached out and took a handful of coins, letting them  
trickle through his fingers. Then he smiled up at Apocalypse. "And  
just where would you like me to be beginning with the death and  
destruction?" He asked.

Apocalypse's expression wasn't a smile, nothing that horrible could be.
-----------------------

Egypt . . .

"Let the fist of Konshu strike at the heart of all evildoers!"

"This? See this? This is your fault!"

"Me? He's a God! What was I supposed to do? Tell Him no?"

"Yes!"

-------------------------

New York City . . .

"Welcome, Naru Okasa."

Magnetite stared. One moment, she'd been in Hong Kong, the next, she  
was here in what looked like a chinese temple.

"Who?"

"Brought you here? That would be me."

Magnetite spun to face the speaker. It was a man, seated crosslegged  
on a small dias. His dark hair was grayed at the temples, and he was  
regarding her calmly. At his side, a woman leaned on him in the same  
way a lover leaned on her man. She was clad only in a bikini, and  
orange and black fur covered her body. Even her face was catlike,  
with a light dusting of fur and her hair was a brilliant reddish-orange.

"Don't look like much," the tiger woman opined. "You sure she's the  
one?"

"Quite," the man replied and rose.

"Wait, I know you!" Magnetite said, "you were on the ship. Beryl  
called you the Sorcerer Supreme." She let out a contemptuous snort.  
"Supremely bad dresser, maybe."

"I did not bring you here to comment on my wardrobe, Naru," Strange  
replied. "I have brought you here for redemption. Beryl took your  
feelings and twisted them."

"And what?" You're going to untwist them?" Magnetite crossed her  
arms. She knew how it went. Now came the speech about love, justice  
and all sorts of touchy feeley garbage.

"No."

She blinked. "Huh?"

"You are quite right to feel the way you do about Usagi. She did ride  
roughshod over others, she was arrogant, and she was occasionally  
incapable of grasping how she affected others. If anything, Beryl did  
you a favor by bringing those feelings to the surface where you are  
aware of them."

"Wait, why are you speaking of her in the third person?"

"She's dead, it seems. Stayed behind to buy time while I sealed the  
Dark Kingdom off."

Magnetite stared in shock and then she laughed. "A hero's death.  
Figures. Fuck. I wanted to kill her."

"And then what? Suppose you did kill her. Then what?"

Magnetite opened her mouth to respond, but nothing came out. Finally  
she managed to speak. "But you brought me here to redeem me."

"I did."

"Buh?"

"You are a brilliant, capable, young woman, Naru. Beryl gave you  
great power, but now you lack direction. I can give you that, show  
you a new path. You will be my apprentice."

"Go to Hell!" Magnetite snarled.

"Perhaps for our first field trip, if you're ready," he replied  
calmly. "Shall we begin?"

"Fuck you!" Magnetite snapped in pulled in power for a teleport.  
"Damn if I'm gonna stay here." Nothing happened. "The hell?"

"The matter is not up for debate, Naru. You will be my apprentice."

Naru stared at him and he returned her stare.

In her stomach, she felt the first flutterings of fear.

Strange smiled at her, but his voice was as cold as ice. "Let the  
lesson begin."

-----------------------

Tokyo . . .

Ami poked morosely at her food and then looked at Luna. "Nothing?"

"Not a thing," Luna confirmed. "They remember being friends with each  
other, and you, but anything about being a Senshi or you being  
Spiderwoman . . . is gone."

"But how could they be alive? They stayed behind in the Dark Kingdom.  
It was sealed."

"I don't know, Ami." The black cat sighed. "It was a mistake to go  
after Beryl with only three Senshi. We needed all of them."

 From below, somebody shouted and Ami peered through the fence to see  
M.J. running through the courtyard, carrying a box in one arm. He  
returned the shouts with a wave and ran into the building.

"There's another problem, Ami," Luna said. "Since Usagi and Flash  
showed up today. No one remembers them having ever been gone. Two  
weeks worth of memories from every student and teacher and everyone  
else has been wiped clean and replaced. Only you, I, and M.J.  
remember otherwise."

"But what has that kind of power?" Ami asked.

"It is, as Usagi would say, a very short list."

The rooftop door opened and there was M.J. For a man who'd just run  
up five flights of stairs (given the time between when he'd entered  
the building and opened the door, he must have run), he was barely  
breathing hard and Ami felt a stab of heat start somewhere private  
and spread outwards.

His stamina, as near as she could tell, nearly matched her own and  
she sometimes found herself wondering about ways she could tire him  
out. Beds were often involved in those speculations and while she was  
quick to squash those thoughts as they occurred, the imagery stayed  
with her, worrying at the back of her mind.

She'd given up denying the fact that she was drawn to him like steel  
to an electromagnet, but refused to act on it.

"Hey," he said, not even winded.

"M.J.," Luna said.

"Luna," he replied and sat on the ground. Luna repeated what she'd  
told Ami and he listened thoughtfully. "It seems our next step is to  
find the other three Senshi," he said at last. I'd bet that Usagi and  
Flash still have their powers, but they, and their memories, have  
been suppressed. Odds are, they'll get them back when the time is  
right. In the meantime, Ami is still a Senshi, and there's three or  
four more out there." He ticked them off on his fingers. "Mercury  
Venus, Mars and Earth. Unless Ami is one of those?"

"Ami is Mercury," Luna said and then bared her teeth. "And how do you  
know all this anyway?"

M.J. shrugged. "Before the festival, I was in my room my aunt's  
house. I have a perfect view of Ami's room with my curtains open and  
I saw Spiderwoman enter through the window. Then the light went on  
and Ami closed it. When I knew that, everything fell into place. The  
news named Sailor Moon and Jupiter, and that suggested that there  
were others. Magical Girls, at least in fiction, usually never have  
more than six, so it made sense that if there were others, and given  
Sailor Moon, they probably were inner system named." He shrugged.  
"How close am I?"

Ami stared. Brains, stamina, and looks. She would never refer to  
herself as shallow, but outright drooling seemed rather attractive at  
the moment. However, she gave her brain a stern mental shake and set  
down the Mercury Pen in front of Luna.

"Take this," she said. "I'm not worthy of it."

"But--" Luna protested and Ami shook her head.

"No, Luna. I am . . . unclean. Spiderwoman may not have been me, but  
she came from me. She killed. There is a stain of blood that must be  
wiped clean. Sailor Mercury represents honor, love, justice. Before I  
can stand for those things, Spiderwoman must be redeemed and the  
scales balanced."

Luna stared at her for a moment, and then she reached out and pulled  
the pen towards her where it vanished from sight. "When you are  
ready," she acknowledged.

"Oh!" M.J. said. "This was delivered to our house by mistake. It's  
addressed to you." He handed her a box. "Can't tell who it's from.  
Looks like America."

Ami set aside her lunch and tore apart the brown paper. Lifting up  
the lid, she studied the red and blue fabric within and lifted it  
out, a piece of paper fluttering to the ground. The fabric was a  
tunic. Red and blue, with webbing bonded to the spandex and from the  
looks of things, made to be skintight. Further investigation revealed  
a mask, gloves, pants, and boots, all of similar construction. There  
was also a CD-R, a belt and some sort of wrist devices.

"A spider costume?" Luna gasped. "But who would send you such a thing?"

"Probably whoever wrote this note," M.J. said. "'I no longer need  
these,'" he read aloud, "'but you might. Use them well.' There's no  
signature and it looks like a printout. No way to tell who wrote it."

For a moment, Ami stared at the costume and then she folded it back  
up and put it back in the box. "Luna, can you get this back to my  
room without being seen?"

"Surely you're not thinking of keeping this?" Luna gasped. "You don't  
even know who it's from."

"I know, Luna, and I swear I'll get to the bottom of it, but I can't,  
not now." As though to support this, the bell rang.

Luna nodded, there was a flicker of movement, and then she and the  
box vanished.

"M.J., Makoto . . ." Ami said as she stood. "I . . ."

"I know. I was hoping now that the whole . . . you know was finished,  
we could . . . I like you, Ami. I think you're the most beautiful  
woman I've ever known."

"Don't!" Ami almost sobbed. "Don't . . . don't say that." She looked  
at him. "I am . . . attracted to you. Fiercely. But I can't. I just  
can't. Please understand."

"Can I promise to wait?"

And because Ami knew he would, she spun on the balls of her feet and  
punched him in the gut. "No," she said, tears in her eyes. "Never  
speak to me again." She touched his chin and lifted it up and stared  
into those green eyes. Then, because she couldn't help herself, she  
leaned forward and kissed him, savoring the spark of pleasure.  
"Please," she whispered. "It's best for both of us."

Then she was gone.

-------------------

End of Act 1. There will be a brief intermission.
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