Yes. The last one; or at least the last one until the next one...
Standard C&C Disclaimer: I'd just like to remind you before we begin that I am
not God. At least not the Judeo-Christian God, as conventionally interpreted.
Specifically, I am not omniscient. I may question something that happens in
your story which is, in fact, Actual Series Canon. I have precious little
experience with many 'Actual Series' events, and a lot of my perceptions are an
agglomeration of years of fanfics, numerous anime/cartoons/TV
shows/movies/books of both old and new, and assorted other tidbits.
Further, I am not omnipresent. I will say things shaped by my experiences;
other people more than likely have different experiences. If you've got five
thousand responses saying your story is the greatest thing since sliced bread
and I (pardon the pun) pan it, that's not indicative of any greater knowledge
on my part, merely a different perception/expectation/what have you.
Alternately, if I pan a story, that doesn't preclude the possibility that other
people reading it later will think it's the greatest thing since sliced bread,
so to all you readers reading this: Don't let me stop you.
It also occurs to me that my non-godly lexicon may not be at par with yours, so
any unfamiliar word I ask about isn't necessarily a correction but just general
ignorance on my part (as pointed out by a certain Thomas Michael Edwards). As
such, it'd be appreciated if you'd have the patience to clear up some of my
questions on those particular instances. Thanks.
Finally, I am not omnipotent. If I say something should be changed, you do not,
in fact, have to change it, if you don't want to, and you will not be visited
by plagues of frogs or anything of the sort. If you're satisfied with a story
the way it is, or with any factors I've said should be corrected, then leave
it.
Oh, and oftentimes I'll rant. God generally doesn't.
And my current victim is... ;)
On 8/10/06, Benjamin A. Oliver <boliver@email.arizona.edu> wrote:
Hmm... I just happen to pause and blink, then three months dash on by without
me
posting another chapter in this random saga. Oops! ^^;;;
Heh. Imagine my surprise when I looked over my drafts page and saw that,
whoops, five months has already passed before I got to this chapter of this
fic. ^_^;
I named
it after the worst Tenchi series of all time so I wouldn't waste my writing
moments worrying about little things like quality and trying to meet others'
expectations. ^_^
Gee, I dunno... I actually liked Tenchi in Tokyo. But then again, I actually
liked Sakuya (Sue), so that explains that: she's the dividing line separating
the haters and lovers of the apocryphal anime series, apparently.
Previous chapters of this story can be found at:
http://boliver.florestica.com/tint/index.htm
Fans of what I now call NETTG Classic (that one with novel-length chapters)
might like my webcomic, now getting rather infrequent updates due to various
art and script concerns: http://nettg.com
(slams fist on palm) Aaaaaaahhhh. So it had novel-length chapters. No wonder it
began using parts A-Z per chapter.
The last two chapters of Terra in Tokyo were "The Plot Thickens," and "Then
it
Jibbers a Bit."
And now....
Nuke 'Em 'Till They Glow!!
Terra in Tokyo
---Chapter 11: Then it Falls Over, Screaming.
Ah, okay. Thanks for the heads up. I kinda forgot the general scheme of the
title.
Tuxedo Kamen scowled. "You're after the Rainbow Crystals, aren't
you?"
(blinks) And since when did they refer to the Ginzuishou fragments as Rainbow
Crystals?
Tuxedo Kamen: I blame the nonexistent Saban dub.
"I present the newly revived Great Youma," said Nephrite proudly.
"Say hello,
Bina."
Suggest: newly-revived (compound descriptors should be hyphenated)
Grammar Rule #73: Compound-descriptors should be hyphenated, and non compound
descriptors should be separated.
The angelic youma nodded pleasantly, and held out her hand. Dozens of
feathers--quill pens--appeared and began to sketch in the air. Drawings of
knives became real projectiles speeding towards both Luna and Tuxedo Kamen.
Gee, isn't her attacks a bit belabored?
Fic: MUHAHAHA! All attacks in Sailor Moon are belabored!
Er, yeah. Good point. And it's slightly more original than the expected
'feather blast' attack to boot...
"Tell it to someone who cares," muttered Tuxedo Kamen as he snatched
the green
Wow, that was rather dark for Tux-boy to say. Mamoru Chiba, OTOH...
Nephrite held his hands together and an arena of stars appeared behind
him. A
series of lines connected a constellation, which was soon overlaid by the
glowing form of a lion. Then he laughed, turned around with Bina in tow, and
vanished.
Roaring, Leo leapt high into the air with claws slashing down towards
Tuxedo
Kamen.
Of course Tux-boy won't get the 'Rainbow' Crystal. As per usual of the Sailor
Moon Series' Modus Operandi, the Negamwhatsitdoodles are given _incredible_
leeway at gathering their forces so that the end battle will be all the more
climactic. It's not a logical mode of operation for the heroes to allow this to
happen (nor do I think it's intentional on the heroes' part) but under the
circumstances, that's what usually happens and that's what the senshi have to
deal with for the sake of having more dramatic tension to the end fight,
methinks. Their God(dess) can be a biatch sometimes.
Takeuchi: (kicks my shin)
Reika froze. "Who are you? How do you know my name? Did Doctor
Germahn send
you? I warn you--I know chemistry, entomology, and anthropology. Why are
you
If you really want to scare them, then you should learn taxidermy. Creeps
people out every time.
"What?!" S.L.K. turned around to see Zoicite with a black gem pointed
at the
priest, who cowered on the ground. A pillar of red and black engulfed the
minister, and he turned into a taller light-greenish-skinned version of
Suggest: taller, light-greenish
Grammar Rule #21: Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical
words, however, should be enclosed in commas.
"Yeah, take that, you boxing-gloves-wearing green-skinned freak!"
(shrugs) Suggest: boxing-gloves-wearing, green-skinned
"Cheater," S.L.K. spat, and took out a .44 Magnum as well as a clip
with mystic
Suggest: Magnum, as well as a clip
Or: Magnum, and a clip (flows better, methinks)
"Well, maybe only ninety percent pure energy." S.L.K. turned his face
upward
What's the ten percent?
S.L.K.: (shrugs) Chuck Norris.
in thought. "Hey, if you want to get WAY specific, I'm really the psychic
projection of a reincarnated destroyer of worlds that had to turn itself into
royalty to survive. Now how messed up is that?"
I can't believe he was actually able to summarize all that in one sentence.
Summarize X-Man's (Nate Summers) origin story next! That one I'd _pay_ to read!
:P
"Oh, that's easy," S.L.K. said offhandedly. "My real name is... the
Hydrogen-Fueled Fusion-Powered Razzle-Dazzle Jazzle-Matazzle Atomic Star
Light
Knight!"
Ah. So he is Atomic, but he clipped his name in this incarnation. Tsk. It's
like Booker T adding the 'King' and getting rid of 'T'... It's just not the
same.
S.L.K.: Yeah, well boo-hoo-hoo and cry me a river.
At the girl's confusion, he amended, "But there are some who might
call me...
'Tom, for short?"
He's actually the guy from Myspace?
"Ha-hah," said Kunzite cleanly,
He Nelson Muntzed them.
Luna nodded her agreement. Looking out the window at the stars, she
added,
"Right now, they're our last hope."
---
At the local mall, Sailors Jupiter and Chibimoon were trying on shoes.
(falls face-first on the pavement) *thump* Sounds about right.
"Hoo-yeah, I have! You're the best! I'm one of your biggest fans!
I'm Timmy.
Can I have your autograph?" The boy held up a white-paged book.
Japan sure has improved its foreign relations. More tourists. Either that, or
it's now all the rage to call oneself western names.
Terra signed "Sailor Chibimoon" in neat calligraphy.
"Thanks!" Timmy said.
"Your name is YOSHI, 'niichan," whispered the older boy impatiently.
If the guy who whispered 'niichan' is older, then why is he calling the other
boy 'niichan' (older brother)?
"Who's this?" Terra asked, pointing toward the older one of the two.
"A
friend?"
"Nah, that's just my brother, Steve."
"My name is Yamato," corrected Steve. "Excuse Yoshi. He's a little
obsessed
with American culture."
Heh. I see. Seeing the otaku 'infestation' in the west, it's a great
'counterculture' gag.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," interrupted Timmy with frantic hand gestures.
"You mean to
say that while all your friends are risking their lives in defense of the
planet, you're here moping around and shopping for clothes?"
"Well, yeah," said Terra weakly.
Timmy looked at his brother. "You were right. She DOES suck."
Hehehe.
But it was too late. The girl had already run off, sobbing like a
particularly
loud baby. "WA-HAAAAAAH!"
Oh great. Another one pulls a Shinobu Maehara.
Sailor Kawaii(composes herself): On the other hand, whatever gun you use,
you
should always try to find a nice, cute outfit to wear, so you can confuse
your
enemies until it's too late for them to react.
(Bruce eyes the girls from the shadows)
Grammar Rules blah blah blah...
Grammar Rule #21: Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical
words, however, should be enclosed in commas.
Grammar Rule #73: Compound-descriptors should be hyphenated, and non compound
descriptors should be separated.
Two rules allegedly broken. Nice batting average.
As for the story itself: Ah, conflict. What will stories do without you? That
is, what'll happen to a story that doesn't have any conflict at all? (reads a
random and typical self-glorification SI fic) Oh yeah. That.
Not that many gags in this chapter compared to past chapters, but certainly a
fair amount of plot development and advancement has been made, so no complaints
from me here. I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop, and for the payoff
of all this setup. I liked the conflict, and I understand why the
Negamversatitties got the (just-named-as-of-this-chapter, AFAIK) Rainbow
Crystals. More tension and stuff. Well, seeing your track record, I'm
thankfully glad that I honestly have no idea how you're going to go about
developing the rest of the current arc, which is good. I hate predictability in
stories like this, and it's a good thing your story isn't predictable. As a
side-note, thanks for getting S.L.K.'s (IMO) obnoxiousness down to tolerable
levels, such that he's actually halfway enjoyable now.
Anyway, I have nothing else to comment on this chapter, truth be told. Don't
get me wrong, it's as good as any other chapter you've churned out, and it did
what it's supposed to do in setting things up for future chapters... I simply
have no more words to convey about it, is all. Ah, sweet, sweet conflict. As
such, you know the spiel... Keep on writing, can't wait for more terrific
'Terra'-fic.
Sailor Kawaii: 'Terra'-fic! Tee-hee! I get it! So cute!
Nakakatuwang basahin ang iyong mga sinulat,
Abdiel
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
"English: A language that lurks in dark alleys, beats up other languages, and
rifles through their pockets for spare vocabulary."
"Japanese: Tried to do the same mugging technique that English did, with
disastrous results."
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