Standard C&C Disclaimer: I'd just like to remind you before we begin that I am
not God. At least not the Judeo-Christian God, as conventionally interpreted.
Specifically, I am not omniscient. I may question something that happens in
your story which is, in fact, Actual Series Canon. I have precious little
experience with many 'Actual Series' events, and a lot of my perceptions are an
agglomeration of years of fanfics, numerous anime/cartoons/TV
shows/movies/books of both old and new, and assorted other tidbits.

Further, I am not omnipresent. I will say things shaped by my experiences;
other people more than likely have different experiences. If you've got five
thousand responses saying your story is the greatest thing since sliced bread
and I (pardon the pun) pan it, that's not indicative of any greater knowledge
on my part, merely a different perception/expectation/what have you.
Alternately, if I pan a story, that doesn't preclude the possibility that other
people reading it later will think it's the greatest thing since sliced bread,
so to all you readers reading this: Don't let me stop you.

Finally, I am not omnipotent. If I say something should be changed, you do not,
in fact, have to change it, if you don't want to, and you will not be visited
by plagues of frogs or anything of the sort. If you're satisfied with a story
the way it is, or with any factors I've said should be corrected, then leave
it.

Oh, and oftentimes I'll rant. God generally doesn't.

And my current victim is... ;)

On 5/29/06, Benjamin A. Oliver <boliver@email.arizona.edu> wrote:

G'day!

'Ello says I to you, to the fic, to me, and you back in return!

Been a bit busy, taking care of that graduating stuff, Larry's been busy, but
now he's gotten a chance to look it over, and now we can proceed. :)

Yayness! ^_^

       "I see," replied Tuxedo Kamen as he leapt from building to building. 

He still

carried her on the way to the Hikawa Shrine.  "Are you trying to tell me that
your whole life's been nothing but a series of huge screw-ups?"

Whose life isn't?

I think the cleanup cost millions and millions of pounds."

Her eyes widened as the full implications of her clumsy childhood settled in.
"Oh my.  Maybe there were more reasons for leaving the country than I
supposed...."

       "Looks like we're here," Tuxedo Kamen rapidly changed the subject.  He

placed

Terra on her feet.

Well, one thing for sure, this fic isn't about to turn into a light romantic
comedy. 

       Right about that time, Sailor Chibimoon walked in.  "Hi, everyone,"

she greeted

enthusiastically.  "Did I miss anything?  Look who I brought!"

       Tuxedo Kamen followed the redhead into the meeting room, to everyone's
collective gasps.  

Heh. Of course. But like I said ten C&Cs or so ago, the only ones who ever find
out secret identities are those who need to know. For good or for ill.

       Rei slapped her forehead.  "Sailor Chibimoon, don't the words 'secret
identities' MEAN anything to you?!"

Hehehehe. Actually, I've also said that in my C&Cs. That's what I was talking
about in the above comment. (Ah, Sailor Moon 4200. Ah, Ronin Summer.) It was
about the girls using their real names when addressing each other, even when in
magical girl form. I therefore postulate that as a general rule, secret
identities mean squat to fanfic authors.
 

       Crouching atop a tree branch a short distance away, the Star Light

Knight

watched the group through a pair of binoculars.

Sashiburi, Roboto-san.

       S.L.K. shrugged.  "Considering we're the same person, I would imagine

so."

       "Don't get smart with me!"

       "How about if I got stupid with you?  How about that?  Huh huh!  Huh

huh!"

Terra: (paraphrasing old Biff from Back to the Future) This looks strangely
familiar...

       "Yeah, hopefully."  He looked up at the sky.  "Hey, how about we make

like

Tux-boy and go help out those gals directly?  Nothing like a little teamwork

to

get people back in synch, y'know?"

Nitpick: synch --> sync

       "Hey, that was a good idea!  It's better than dying."

       "Besides, we got a great deal; the body came fully functional,

programmed in

multiple techniques--"

...And a nuclear warhead that turned out to be a dud.

       "I would prefer," Ami said, "if we could accomplish our tasks without

doing

something that might bring the authorities down on us.  Vandalism and
destruction of property are not looked upon favorably here."

As well as collateral damage, brrr...

S.L.K.: Yeah, sure. Go sit with the rest of the pussies then... pussy!

       "There was a mishap on my way home and my street clothes have

temporarily been

misplaced.  Again."  

Ranma-chan: Happens to me all the time. Especially with fics involving male
authors or catering to the male audience. Boys will be boys, I guess... but
GODDAMMIT, I'M A BOY TOO!

       "I'm sorry," the man replied, "but the way you said it; the way you

talk... I

can't decide whether you sound like a genius girl, a robot, or an

absent-minded

absentminded (dictionary-verifiable, no need for the hyphen)

Grammar Rule #57 all over again. 

       Luna shuddered at the species name.  "Oh, HIM.  Well, whatever you do,

keep him

very far away from here."

       "G'day!" Arby said, hopping up next to the cat.  He looked over,

smiled

broadly, and gave her an endearing pat on the head.

LOL. I feel ashamed by not expecting him to appear, but like I said, he's
genuinely unpredictable.

       "An Official Function, is it?  Roight!"  Arby fluttered around the

room before

landing on the table and nodding at each person in turn while saying, "'Ello
says Oye to you to him to Moon to Mars to Mercury to Jupiter to Chibimoon, to
Chibimoon to Jupiter to Mercury to Mars to Moon to him to you to Oye."  

ROTFL! Yeah, at the very least, he's not cliche when he does his little
one-liners. Like him or hate him, he truly is the essence of everything NETTG.

       "Chiba Mamoru?!" Usagi cried.  "YOU'RE Tuxedo Kamen?"  She blanched. 

"EEWW,

YUCK!  And to think, I actually kind of thought you were cute."

Hmmm. So apparently, no more Chibiusa. Hence Terra.
 

       At that moment, the Star Light Knight somersaulted through the window,

his

boots smoking as he screeched to a halt and struck a harsh discord by

slamming

a gas-powered guitar into Tuxedo Kamen's forehead.

       "KABONG!" obnoxiously proclaimed the knight.

Aw. He just 'Quicks Drawed' him. Or 'Jeff Jarretted' him.
 

       "All right Sailor Soldiers, listen up," the knight said, then stopped

when he

saw Makoto.  "What's this, huh?"  He poked her in the sternum.  "Out of

uniform

when we've got Negamafoozles to whack?  And you call yourself a warrior. 

DROP

AND GIVE ME FIFTY, SOLDIER!"

Heh. Yeah. Come on ladies, move it, move it. 

       "Did I?" inquired S.L.K., looking quite perplexed.  He nudged the man

in the

ribs.  "Eh?  So I did.  Oh well, no big loss."

       "No.  Big.  Loss?!" Terra asked incredulously.  She looked frantically

at her

friends.  "Somebody, help!"

Heh. Well, I kind of agree with him. Seeing the consensus of many a fandom,
it's fandom fanservice, that.

Tux-boy: But I'm cool, most of the girls swoon at me in the manga and anime and
I'm voiced by Amuro Rei's seiyuu! My name even means 'protect'! What's there to
hate?

...Whatever you say, John Cena.

Huh. Come to think of it, you have all of the makings of a Marty Stu. Or a
Canon Sue, as some people call it.
 

       "C'mon!  There's no way your transformation sequences can last THAT

long.  Even

if you're using the old stuff, it can't take any longer than thirty seconds!"

S.L.K., you among everybody knows it seems much, much longer.

       "As the 'bereaved,' how about we give you the honors?  Get the old

priest

conveniently turned into a monster, and you as a fighter against 'evil'
conveniently get to blow him away.  It's TOO perfect.  You set him up, didn't
you?!  Not a jury in the world would fail to convict you, murderer!"

For good or for ill, as much as you want to seriously give Carrot's chosen
method of insertion a, and I quote, "boot to the head", S.L.K.'s attitude is
seriously giving me flashbacks of the very same fic. Yes, Insertion's a
self-glorification S.I. fic, but then again it still had great plot ideas and
Carrot and Dan's tart snarkiness knew no bounds. S.L.K. and Carrot are almost
parallel to each other in that respect.

       Sailor Mercury, who had kept her silence and observed for the majority

of the

meeting, blended seamlessly into the conversation.  "We only have five Sailor
Soldiers, three of which have enough power to effectively take on a youma.

Awww, but maybe if you're faced with a situation of dire consequences/time of
great need (tm), I'm sure you'll get your power upgrade, Mercury! Either that,
or go fanficcy and use ice spears.

       Terra looked down and confirmed that she was still missing one article

of

footwear.  Her mind quickly supplied her with a solution.  "I'll get rid of
this other boot and borrow a pair of Rei's shoes.  She's got the same size as

I

do.  Think she'll mind?"

So you'll be wearing high heels in a fight too? Greeaaat. I'm hoping for your
sake that you don't de-transform in the middle of a fight and provide Arby with
more pictures to distribute to j-list-type magazines this time around.

       "We cats have an under-the-table saying after human meals."  Luna

smiled.

"Leftovers are good."  

Sounds rather apt for her to say.

       The masked man nodded, and leapt down to street level.  From the

shadows,

dozens of pairs of glowing eyes glared at him.  A loud chittering 

Chittering? Don't you mean 'chattering' or maybe even 'tittering'? Correct me
if I'm wrong...

Sailor Nuke:  CUTE?!  He's a freakin' ROBOT!  He hasn't even blown up much of
anything in this series yet.

I'm surprised Sailor Nuke doesn't appreciate the El Kabong.
 

Sailor Kawaii:  Anyway, the lesson is, the Star Light Knight is CUTE!  Sailor
Kawaii says.  Tee-hee!

Sailor Nuke:  Meh.  If anything, today, we learned that a good story needs

more

explosions than this.  Sailor Nuke sez.  BWAHAHAHHAHAAA!

4lr1gt33 t|-|3|\|. |30rk3|\| gr4|\/|3r r00lz0rz, Y0!!!11!

Temporarily Misplaced Poster: You fail at life.

(ahem) Er, yeah... Fine. Broken Grammar Rules time! (grumbles)

Grammar Rule #57: Hyphenate words that should be hyphenated (usually
compound-descriptors) and unhyphenate words that shouldn't be hyphenated, even
though it'd seem that either form is correct (Don't leave those words hanging
in mid-air!). 

...Aaaand that's that. Impressive. Most of the other corrections fall under the
'nitpick' and 'not sure, correct me if I'm wrong' bracket, so we're back to
your regular batting average of next to no mistakes. Coolness.

The chapter this time around felt rather random... which, I think, is
unavoidable given the appearances of the nefarious S.L.K. and ArbyFish Prime.
And randomness isn't necessarily a bad thing when it comes to humor fics for
most part. Actually, the silliness found in this chapter kind of reminds me of
the many (script format) humor fics/MST critiques that was all the rage
six-seven years ago thanks in no small part to the Megane 6.7'S funny MSTs. But
did this chapter fall into the trap of lots of silliness, but little substance?
W-ell... who cares if it did or didn't? :P

It was fun; that's what's important. Besides, the 'substance' of the plot
obviously lay in the setup of getting all the heroes together. The big three
protagonists have met each other (more or less... can't wait to see ArbyFish
and S.L.K. go at it in this fic universe, if possible), and the Negamfoozles
are preparing quite the momentous second major arc. As per usual, can't wait
for more, so I leave you with the usual spiel of 'Keep on writing' so that I
can finally get to the eleventh chapter. Um... yeah. Bye!


Nakakatuwang basahin ang iyong mga sinulat,
Abdiel

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
"English: A language that lurks in dark alleys, beats up other languages, and
rifles through their pockets for spare vocabulary."

"Japanese: Tried to do the same mugging technique that English did, with
disastrous results."

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