Chapter TEN!
Hey, Chapter 10's the furthest I've ever gotten on an NETTG story. Funky. ^_^
On 1/10/07, Abdiel <gabriel_gabdiel@yahoo.com> wrote:
Lepardu(wearing a pair of bunny ears and carrying a pair of scissors):
Mmm, Du make like bunny, den SNIP-SNIP!
<Snip-snip>
Finally, I am not omnipotent. If I say something should be changed, you do not,
in fact, have to change it, if you don't want to, and you will not be visited
by plagues of frogs or anything of the sort. If you're satisfied with a story
the way it is, or with any factors I've said should be corrected, then leave
it.
Mmm. Rantage. ^_^
Occasionally I uncover some exception to the rules so I have to
disagree on some random grammatical points, but on the whole, most
corrections seem to be worthwhile.
On 5/29/06, Benjamin A. Oliver <boliver@email.arizona.edu> wrote:
G'day!
'Ello says I to you, to the fic, to me, and you back in return!
'Ello sez Oye ta yew ta 'im, ta Sommer, ta Lurker, ta Larry, ta Angel....
...ta 'im ta yew ta Oye, n' now we 'ave awl said 'Oi! ^_^
Been a bit busy, taking care of that graduating stuff, Larry's been busy, but
now he's gotten a chance to look it over, and now we can proceed. :)
Yayness! ^_^
Double yayness! Triple, even! Yes, your Yaynessness! Onwards to
fanfickery we go!
"I see," replied Tuxedo Kamen as he leapt from building to building.
He still
carried her on the way to the Hikawa Shrine. "Are you trying to tell me that
your whole life's been nothing but a series of huge screw-ups?"
Whose life isn't?
Mary Sue! Mary Sue!
Oh, how my fanfics suffer for you!
Oh, Mary, my Mary Sue!
Well, you annoy them, girl.
You annoy them, Mary Sue!
I think the cleanup cost millions and millions of pounds."
Her eyes widened as the full implications of her clumsy childhood settled in.
"Oh my. Maybe there were more reasons for leaving the country than I
supposed...."
"Looks like we're here," Tuxedo Kamen rapidly changed the subject. He
placed
Terra on her feet.
Well, one thing for sure, this fic isn't about to turn into a light romantic
comedy.
Terra even manages to screw up a potentially romantic encounter! :D
Right about that time, Sailor Chibimoon walked in. "Hi, everyone,"
she greeted
enthusiastically. "Did I miss anything? Look who I brought!"
Tuxedo Kamen followed the redhead into the meeting room, to everyone's
collective gasps.
Heh. Of course. But like I said ten C&Cs or so ago, the only ones who ever find
out secret identities are those who need to know. For good or for ill.
But then, the ones who find out tend to become people who need to know
or can use the information... or can be tortured to retrieve the
information from them. So really it's kind of a circular logic sort
of deal.
Rei slapped her forehead. "Sailor Chibimoon, don't the words 'secret
identities' MEAN anything to you?!"
Hehehehe. Actually, I've also said that in my C&Cs. That's what I was talking
about in the above comment. (Ah, Sailor Moon 4200. Ah, Ronin Summer.) It was
about the girls using their real names when addressing each other, even when in
magical girl form. I therefore postulate that as a general rule, secret
identities mean squat to fanfic authors.
I tend to think of it as... They'll keep to the "Sailor X" rule most
of the time except in a pinch, like when a close friend gets slammed
real hard by a monster, in which case, the girl in question might
shout out a name, I.E. *BLAAM!* "REI-CHAAN!"
It'd be a slip, more than anything--one that a cunning enemy might use
to its advantages.
"AHAH! Now we must lay a trap and invite every last person named
'Rei' in the city!"
And then the plot gets foiled by random and mysterious means. ^_^
Crouching atop a tree branch a short distance away, the Star Light
Knight
watched the group through a pair of binoculars.
Sashiburi, Roboto-san.
^_^
"Don't get smart with me!"
"How about if I got stupid with you? How about that? Huh huh! Huh
huh!"
Terra: (paraphrasing old Biff from Back to the Future) This looks strangely
familiar...
Awfully familiarly familiar. Haven't we done this line before?
Possibly, maybe, moight be. It would'a been if it wasn't, which it
was!
"Yeah, hopefully." He looked up at the sky. "Hey, how about we make
like
Tux-boy and go help out those gals directly? Nothing like a little teamwork
to
get people back in synch, y'know?"
Nitpick: synch --> sync
Okay. I figured it was just an alternate spelling of the same word.
"Hey, that was a good idea! It's better than dying."
"Besides, we got a great deal; the body came fully functional,
programmed in
multiple techniques--"
...And a nuclear warhead that turned out to be a dud.
Yeah, but that could've been due to the ambient magical field that led
to his quick and retconned mechanical demise.
"I would prefer," Ami said, "if we could accomplish our tasks without
doing
something that might bring the authorities down on us. Vandalism and
destruction of property are not looked upon favorably here."
As well as collateral damage, brrr...
Bwahahaha.
S.L.K.: Yeah, sure. Go sit with the rest of the pussies then... pussy!
^^ So it would seem.
"There was a mishap on my way home and my street clothes have
temporarily been
misplaced. Again."
Ranma-chan: Happens to me all the time. Especially with fics involving male
authors or catering to the male audience. Boys will be boys, I guess... but
GODDAMMIT, I'M A BOY TOO!
The added confusion makes the situation all the more amusing!
"I'm sorry," the man replied, "but the way you said it; the way you
talk... I
can't decide whether you sound like a genius girl, a robot, or an
absent-minded
absentminded (dictionary-verifiable, no need for the hyphen)
Grammar Rule #57 all over again.
Here's one of the cases where it can be:
absentminded
absent minded
absent-minded
...and every last one of 'em is correct and dictionary-verifiable! :D
For the context and existing grammar, I'll stick with the hyphen.
Luna shuddered at the species name. "Oh, HIM. Well, whatever you do,
keep him
very far away from here."
"G'day!" Arby said, hopping up next to the cat. He looked over,
smiled
broadly, and gave her an endearing pat on the head.
LOL. I feel ashamed by not expecting him to appear, but like I said, he's
genuinely unpredictable.
Speak the Fish's name and he SHALL appear!
Unless he doesn't feel like it, or a delay would cause more confusion.
Randomness and such.
"An Official Function, is it? Roight!" Arby fluttered around the
room before
landing on the table and nodding at each person in turn while saying, "'Ello
says Oye to you to him to Moon to Mars to Mercury to Jupiter to Chibimoon, to
Chibimoon to Jupiter to Mercury to Mars to Moon to him to you to Oye."
ROTFL! Yeah, at the very least, he's not cliche when he does his little
one-liners. Like him or hate him, he truly is the essence of everything NETTG.
Totally random, annoying, and yet ever so proper! Wouldn't be proper
if it wasn't.
"Chiba Mamoru?!" Usagi cried. "YOU'RE Tuxedo Kamen?" She blanched.
"EEWW,
YUCK! And to think, I actually kind of thought you were cute."
Hmmm. So apparently, no more Chibiusa. Hence Terra.
Unless... Hmm... red mixed with... blonde, means... Chibiusa is
Terra's and Usagi's daughter?! AAAAAH!
No, wait, I wouldn't do that. Or would I? Nah, I wouldn't. Unless
it were spamficcish, just to mess with peoples' heads.
At that moment, the Star Light Knight somersaulted through the window,
his
boots smoking as he screeched to a halt and struck a harsh discord by
slamming
a gas-powered guitar into Tuxedo Kamen's forehead.
"KABONG!" obnoxiously proclaimed the knight.
Aw. He just 'Quicks Drawed' him. Or 'Jeff Jarretted' him.
*SMASH!*" Kabong!
I remember that one father from "The Critic." He did that joke as
well. A long and glorious tradition.
"All right Sailor Soldiers, listen up," the knight said, then stopped
when he
saw Makoto. "What's this, huh?" He poked her in the sternum. "Out of
uniform
when we've got Negamafoozles to whack? And you call yourself a warrior.
DROP
AND GIVE ME FIFTY, SOLDIER!"
Heh. Yeah. Come on ladies, move it, move it.
Military discipline in a magical girl unit...
Actually, one wonders why they don't have a magical girl team in some
fantasy/sci-fi military or police force. I'd totally go for one of
those. And Power Rangers don't count. ^^
"Did I?" inquired S.L.K., looking quite perplexed. He nudged the man
in the
ribs. "Eh? So I did. Oh well, no big loss."
"No. Big. Loss?!" Terra asked incredulously. She looked frantically
at her
friends. "Somebody, help!"
Heh. Well, I kind of agree with him. Seeing the consensus of many a fandom,
it's fandom fanservice, that.
Gotta have points and counterpoints, y'see.
Tux-boy: But I'm cool, most of the girls swoon at me in the manga and anime and
I'm voiced by Amuro Rei's seiyuu! My name even means 'protect'! What's there to
hate?
...Whatever you say, John Cena.
Huh. Come to think of it, you have all of the makings of a Marty Stu. Or a
Canon Sue, as some people call it.
He DID come off as ever so slightly useless and pointless, really.
Kind of a token male/object of obsession. He did have usefulness at
some points, but he wasn't exactly a key fighter most of the time.
Though he did take out a big dragon in the R series, IIRC.
He's not really that powerful though. At least, he's not shown much
significant combat ability. At least, not when he's not off being
evil.
"C'mon! There's no way your transformation sequences can last THAT
long. Even
if you're using the old stuff, it can't take any longer than thirty seconds!"
S.L.K., you among everybody knows it seems much, much longer.
^_^ The endless two and a half minute transformation sequence! Feel
the breeze felt by all magical girls before the ribbons actually feel
like forming some variety of attire!
Well, some series have it as being instantaneous, or taking up to two
seconds while what the viewer sees is just, um, underage eye candy?
...good point, why ARE sequences so long? It can't be for the
marketing possibilities, can it?
"As the 'bereaved,' how about we give you the honors? Get the old
priest
conveniently turned into a monster, and you as a fighter against 'evil'
conveniently get to blow him away. It's TOO perfect. You set him up, didn't
you?! Not a jury in the world would fail to convict you, murderer!"
For good or for ill, as much as you want to seriously give Carrot's chosen
method of insertion a, and I quote, "boot to the head", S.L.K.'s attitude is
seriously giving me flashbacks of the very same fic. Yes, Insertion's a
self-glorification S.I. fic, but then again it still had great plot ideas and
Carrot and Dan's tart snarkiness knew no bounds. S.L.K. and Carrot are almost
parallel to each other in that respect.
A chosen theme tends to have similar events occur. Carrot had a
similar variety of character in mind, so he ran with it. But I had it
first. And before me were the writers of The Tick! And before
them... Chaucer! Probably...
A story can have similar elements, but it's very minute details that
determine whether it's a good characterization or an annoying one.
Sailor Mercury, who had kept her silence and observed for the majority
of the
meeting, blended seamlessly into the conversation. "We only have five Sailor
Soldiers, three of which have enough power to effectively take on a youma.
Awww, but maybe if you're faced with a situation of dire consequences/time of
great need (tm), I'm sure you'll get your power upgrade, Mercury! Either that,
or go fanficcy and use ice spears.
Hmm... Bunny-du.
Sailor Mercury, who had kept her silence and observed for the
majority of the meeting, blended seamlessly into the conversation.
"We only have five Sailor Soldiers, three of which have enough power
to effectively take on a youma. Four, if Chibimoon can figure out
more of those lucky tricks of hers."
"Five," whispered Jupiter into Mercury's ear, "if you can remember
how to use those ice spears!"
"Shh!" the geeky gal hushed her comrade before continuing with her
contribution to the conversation. "Those are not the best of odds,
and we would still need tracking devices to locate the crystal
fragments."
Terra looked down and confirmed that she was still missing one article
of
footwear. Her mind quickly supplied her with a solution. "I'll get rid of
this other boot and borrow a pair of Rei's shoes. She's got the same size as
I
do. Think she'll mind?"
So you'll be wearing high heels in a fight too? Greeaaat. I'm hoping for your
sake that you don't de-transform in the middle of a fight and provide Arby with
more pictures to distribute to j-list-type magazines this time around.
Arby(grins and holds a camera): Well she moight, just, ya know,
accidentally....
Terra(glares): ARBY!
"We cats have an under-the-table saying after human meals." Luna
smiled.
"Leftovers are good."
Sounds rather apt for her to say.
Referenced from Final Fantasy 9's part where the heroes were pairing
off to defeat lots of enemies at the last time. Everyone got a nifty
pairing, 'cept Zidaine, who got stuck with the weird... thing, the
gourmand that looked like a chef clown thing.
"And... looks like l got stuck with the leftovers."
"We have saying. Leftovers good!"
The masked man nodded, and leapt down to street level. From the
shadows,
dozens of pairs of glowing eyes glared at him. A loud chittering
Chittering? Don't you mean 'chattering' or maybe even 'tittering'? Correct me
if I'm wrong...
Chittering, as in twittering or chattering, like a bird.
Only higher-pitched.
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/Chittering
Sailor Nuke: CUTE?! He's a freakin' ROBOT! He hasn't even blown up much of
anything in this series yet.
I'm surprised Sailor Nuke doesn't appreciate the El Kabong.
Yeah... it just didn't fit properly in the joke sequence. That, or
I've been too tired/lazy to make one up. ^^
It'll do.
Sailor Kawaii: Anyway, the lesson is, the Star Light Knight is CUTE! Sailor
Kawaii says. Tee-hee!
Sailor Nuke: Meh. If anything, today, we learned that a good story needs
more
explosions than this. Sailor Nuke sez. BWAHAHAHHAHAAA!
4lr1gt33 t|-|3|\|. |30rk3|\| gr4|\/|3r r00lz0rz, Y0!!!11!
Temporarily Misplaced Poster: You fail at life.
^_^ l33tm4ster! You must not eat "scuzzy" things!
(ahem) Er, yeah... Fine. Broken Grammar Rules time! (grumbles)
Grammar Rule #57: Hyphenate words that should be hyphenated (usually
compound-descriptors) and unhyphenate words that shouldn't be hyphenated, even
though it'd seem that either form is correct (Don't leave those words hanging
in mid-air!).
And even that one I disagreed with this time. ^_-
...Aaaand that's that. Impressive. Most of the other corrections fall under the
'nitpick' and 'not sure, correct me if I'm wrong' bracket, so we're back to
your regular batting average of next to no mistakes. Coolness.
Sometimes they end up good, sometimes stuff gets missed due to haste
or fatigue. It happens.
The chapter this time around felt rather random... which, I think, is
unavoidable given the appearances of the nefarious S.L.K. and ArbyFish Prime.
ArbyFish Prime. Sounds like a giant robot ArbyFish that has a
mechanical mushroom bazooka. ^_^
And randomness isn't necessarily a bad thing when it comes to humor fics for
most part. Actually, the silliness found in this chapter kind of reminds me of
the many (script format) humor fics/MST critiques that was all the rage
six-seven years ago thanks in no small part to the Megane 6.7'S funny MSTs. But
did this chapter fall into the trap of lots of silliness, but little substance?
W-ell... who cares if it did or didn't? :P
It's a filler chapter, a linking one, to get everyone together. Is it
all filler? Perhaps, but it's story progression. There's been more
"story" in each of these chapters than some of the Classic chapters
I've written, due to excessive fluff. But a lot of people really like
the fluff. It's entertaining fluff that is somehow enjoyable to chew.
That's where subplots and discussions come in. Appeals to some, not
to all.
It was fun; that's what's important. Besides, the 'substance' of the plot
obviously lay in the setup of getting all the heroes together. The big three
protagonists have met each other (more or less... can't wait to see ArbyFish
and S.L.K. go at it in this fic universe, if possible),
Yup, the big three in NETTG: Arby, ASK, and Terra. As big as
Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman! In that order, even. Hmm...
and the Negamfoozles
are preparing quite the momentous second major arc. As per usual, can't wait
for more, so I leave you with the usual spiel of 'Keep on writing' so that I
can finally get to the eleventh chapter. Um... yeah. Bye!
There's some interesting chapters coming up after the next couple. I
have to hit multiple strides in the progress of the story because I
guess I get tired at some moments, or the action has to cool down
before something big and surprising occurs. Or I was just in a rush
to finish. In any case, what a ride! ^_^
Thanks for reviewing these! I appreciate it and it gives me a good
idea of when to release the next chapter of this. Plus, some things
get fixed, which is always nice.
I appreciate the time you've taken to look these chapters over with as
fine a comb as you've got.
Oh, and for those that might be interested, we changed the forum on
the comic website (nettg.com). We had to abandon the old forum like
the sinking, burning ship it was, under attack by Russian spambots...
and we replaced it with something safer. A fresh start, and it should
hopefully work for a good long while. Users'll have to re-make their
accounts, for one. But it works and we've held some interesting
conversations there already.
http://nettg.eamped.com/