Subject: [FFML] Re: [C&C] Re: [fic][YST/SM]Ronin Summer Convergence 10
From: "Morgan Hudson" <dataraven_659@hotmail.com>
Date: 1/5/2007, 12:14 PM
To: anowack@mimiru.net
CC: ffml@anifics.com

Hi!

Man, I am so sorry for the long delay on getting back to you on this. I've 
been having a heck of a time lately with all the preperations for my big 
move. :p

Continuing with the catch-up:

lol - I know what you mean. I had almost forgotten I had posted this. If it 
helps any, responses always get backed up around the holidays. This is 
actually one of the first C&Cs I've gotten for this chapter so far.

Morgan Hudson wrote:
Hi!

Well, here we go again. As always, C&C is welcome, but this time more 
than
usual. I am a bit concerned about the formatting on this one - some of 
my
mails have been coming out with some odd line breaks lately, so if this
looks funny please let me know and I may have to re-post. :p

Looks okay to me.

That's a relief. The durned thing kept coming out funny every time I tried 
to send it from one computer to another. I was starting to wonder if I was 
ever going to get those formatting issues cleared up. Sounds like I did! ^_^

Even if the boy inside the
armour did not look quite the way they had remembered him, it could be
nobody else.

I'm not sure using "they" there is a good idea, given that it's a fiar
distance from the noun it refers to.  Suggest either changing it to "the
Medeans had remembered him" or "he had been remembered"

Very good idea. I think I will fix that, thanks. :)

	"You wouldn't be lying to the Masho of Cruelty, would you? Because
that would not be a very smart thing to do."

	"Wouldn't know," the youma croaked. "Never... heard of you."

	"You obviously don't get out much," the robed man replied flatly.
"Perhaps you are more familiar with the name of Sailor Pluto. Would you
like me to take you to *her* for questioning?"

	"There is nobody else," the youma said after a brief pause, his
spines drooping. "I am the only other one, I swear."

Hee.

Well, the Masho of the Dynasty have only been scary for about five hundred 
years. They have much, much farther to go before they can get close to 
matching Sailor Pluto's record. Not for lack of trying, mind you....

And, yeah - poor Toshitada is not getting any respect around here. Even the 
villains aren't cowering properly! ^_^

	"Glad to see you have the use of your legs back, Tenku no Touma,"
Toshitada said brusquely as he pushed his way between the two teens.
"Feel up to an evening jog? The correct answer is 'yes'."

*snrk*

lol - I always liked Toshitada. He's not evil -not anymore- but that doesn't 
mean he can't still be a jerk. I will admit that he usually tries harder 
than this not to grate on people, but he is under special circumstances 
here. Poor guy just woke up on the wrong side of the headstone. :p

	Toshitada chuckled softly and slipped the hat over his head. He
missed his cannon fodder. They used to come in handy all the time.

*snrk*

Hey, being a Samurai Trooper is great and all, but sometimes what a guy 
REALLY wants is some faceless cannon fodder who know how to lay down a 
search grid and secure an area.

	I am dead, he told himself. I have no body. I am not here. I am as
immaterial as the thinnest gauze, the haziest of veils fluttering in the
breeze. I have no weight.

However, the ground was saying "I am hard and painful to land on," much,
MUCH louder.

*snrk* ^_^

	How could she not remember a whole army of people who wanted her
dead? It seemed like the sort of thing that most girls would have no
problem keeping track of.

Well, yes, but she shouldn't be too hard on herself.  After all, most
girls only have one to keep track of at most.

True, Mako-chan does have a number of enemies by this point in time.

Depending on how and what
you count, the Senshi are probably up to a good half-dozen or so before
you even count the Medeans and whatever other personal enemies Makoto
might have.  :)

Well, Petz certainly counts as a "personal enemy" of Makoto, and Ail could 
be considered to be one of her ex-boyfriends. And they're both on the team 
that's trying to *rescue* her! Imagine how many of her enemies are on the 
team that's out to *get* her! O_O

	"Vengeance is nigh, traitor," the Medean croaked, its voice
cracking dryly as lightning split the sky overhead. "Your thunder shall
not avail you this time!"

I can't read that line without hearing Gandalf shouting "Dark fire shall
not avail you!"

No, no, no... the Dark Fire isn't until NEXT chapter! ^_^

	"SPARKLING WIDE PRESSURE!" she cried, and hurled a glowing disc
of lightning into the midst of three more piggish creatures that were
racing towards her with their spears at the ready. The porcine youma
screeched and fell, jittering and shaking as the electricity coursed
through their bodies.

So it seems we're working with movie-scaled versions of the Senshi
attacks as opposed to the much more ineffectual typical episode
versions.  :)

Well, considering that when Ryo blasts something, he destroys not only his 
target, but also most of the landscape behind it, I felt the Senshi needed a 
slight nudge in the offense department to keep up. Having Makoto throw a 
*lightning bolt* at something and then having it shake that off like it was 
no big deal seems a bit... off. I mean, lightning bolts are basically what 
Seiji uses in his special attacks, and he can destroy a whole building with 
one of those.

For the purposes of this fic, I am assuming that the Senshi *can* be as 
powerful as the Troopers, but usually hold back in order to prevent 
collateral damage. After all, if Makoto really cut loose in the middle of 
the high school, she might destroy the whole building, and there could still 
be students inside. Minako doesn't want to miss the youma and accidentally 
nail an innocent bystander with her full-power Crescent Beam, so she dials 
it down a little. But when they are, say, fighting the Snow Dancers who are 
trying to freeze the entire planet, the gloves come off and we get 
movie-level Senshi attacks. Like, the kind that nuke multiple youma in one 
shot.

Since this is clearly an alt (what with the Troopers existing in it, and 
all), I figure I'm allowed a bit of wiggle room just to make the pieces fit 
better. ^_^

	"Have the wraiths gotten to him?" Makoto asked, giving Touma a
concerned look.

	"No, he just gets cranky when he's losing," Touma reassured her,
as he fired an arrow into the throat of the youma standing on 
Toshitada's
skull.

Hee.

Monologuing is a hard habit to break for a reformed villain. The urge to 
scream one's threats of bloody revenge to the heavens is practically 
genetic. :p

"I'm staying here with Usagi and Rei. You guys don't need me
there
messing things up any further than I already have."

I see bad word-wrapping here.

Nuts! I was afraid I might have missed one. Thanks for the catch! ^_^

	"Besides," Ami mentioned thoughtfully," someone really should make
sure that Usagi remembers to get her arm checked out, too."

Need to switch the positions of the space and the quotation mark after
thoughtfully.

Good point - will fix!

	"What? No fair!" Touma Objected.

Objected doesn't need to be capitalized.

Oops. Better get that cleared up right away.... :)

	"I don't know," Touma said, handing her an arrow. "I've never really
used any of this stuff for breaking and entering before."

	"That's because you're not very creative," Toshitada commented.

	"This doesn't really seem like the sort of thing our spirit guide
should be encouraging," Touma retorted, placing his hands on his hips.

Heh.

Toshitada is not the best of moral compasses, to be sure. For one thing, he 
kind of hates everybody he's supposed to be helping, and he was never a very 
good person to begin with. As far as spiritual guidance goes, it's kind of 
like what would happen if, say, Nephrite were to wind up being reincarnated 
as one of the Senshi's cats. Would he be helpful? Sure. Would he always give 
you the best advice? Perhaps not.

Usagi: "Oh no! The youma disguised itself as one of those innocent 
bystanders! What should I do?"

Neph: "Disguise yourself as Tuxedo Kamen, lure them all into an intricate 
deathtrap, and drain every last one of them of their energy! That way, 
you're sure to get the right one."

Usagi: "I don't know... can't we try something OTHER than the deathtrap 
thing?"

Neph: "Hey, I'm a talking cat. If you can't trust me, who can you trust? Do 
it."

This could prove useful to us
when we need to locate Sailor Jupiter... were you aware how similar your
signature is to hers?"

	"We have a few things in common," Petz admitted. With a final gulp,
she finished her drink and set her cup down on the crumpled wing of the
plane.

There really is a fic waiting to be written on the origins of the
Ayakashi Sisters.

No kidding. They seemed a little *too* closely matched to the Senshi for it 
not to be on purpose. Plus, I find them fascinating and would love to see a 
fic that they were starring in. Maybe after I put this fic to bed, I'll get 
to work on that....

And the Witches Five, for that matter.

Another good one. I've always been a little curious on how exactly Kaolinite 
and her twisted little lab assistants managed to wind up with the Professor, 
too. Isn't it funny how few of the villains in these shows get definite 
origins? They're just kind of... there. And bad. And then they die. :p

	"Nah, that was in the sequel," Touma said absentmindedly, as he
crouched next to a shrouded piece of furniture and peeked under the 
sheet.
"Hey, there's a skeleton in this cage."

	"Is it human?" Makoto asked, looking concerned.

	"Is it moving?" Toshitada asked, looking disgusted.

Heh.

Hey, she has her concerns, and he has his. ^_^

It was probably nothing. Maybe Xiang Yao had wanted to
stretch her legs. He hovered for a moment on the cusp between dreaming 
and
wakefulness, teetering on the brink of the familiar abyss with only his
curiosity to keep him from sinking once more into slumber.

	Again a door slammed, and the Leviathan awoke.

...that sounds bad. :)

Oh, it will be. I've dropped a few mentions about this guy elsewhere in the 
fic, and he will be causing a bit of trouble in the near future. :p

Anyway, thanks for the reply! I know it's kind of hard to keep on top of 
stuff like this over the holidays, and I appreciate you taking the time to 
let me know you got it! Sorry again for the lateness of my own response... 
things have been a little hectic lately. The good news is that I'm already 
working on my next chapter, and it should make some of the people who were 
worried about Rei and the rest of the gang a bit of a respite.

Later!

-Morgan Hudson

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