Eimii wrote:

"You need to calm down," Anko interrupted with a snort. Pushing off 
of
the nurse station beside the doors, she fell into step with the 
fuming
young kunoichi. "It hasn't been _that_ long, and you're making me 
look
bad."

Is that possible?

Well, Sakura's bad traits don't match Anko's bad traits 1-to-1, so it 
might theoretically be possible... and even if it wasn't, would that 
prevent Anko from saying it?

*She better not be holdin' out fer a fuckin' 'thank you,' though.* 
Maybe
she was being unreasonable, but she didn't have an ounce of gratitude 
to
spare at the moment. Quickening her pace, Temari elbowed her way 
through
the press of bodies in the hospital lobby, angling for the exit.

To her despair, green-haired girl that lay sprawled on the bench 
outside

"the green-haired girl"...and hasn't that worn off yet?

It had worn off by this point in the original version, but upon revision 
i realized that the stated duration i gave was measured in 'hours' so 
it's not odd that it should still be active...

Well yeah but my hypothetical clock says hours have passed since Sakura 
would have been a low priority patient and a doctor's looked at her, 
right?

the hospital doors didn't look like she'd moved an inch since they'd

That hospital must be really small if they can't even find a spot in a
hallway for her.

Well, it's not a large hospital no, plus its filled to well past 
capacity at the moment with people far more critically injured than 
Sakura is. She's technically in the 'triage center' they've erected 
outside.

"I dunno, why don't you ask _her_? It's not my fault that you can't 
stop
messing with things you don't understand," Anko hissed, shooting the
Sand nin a glare that would have made her soil herself a week ago.

By the way, I'm not entirely comfortable with referring to Sakura's
secondary personality as though she really is the host she's taken 
over.
 At the least, at the moment Temari is not a "Sand nin".

Hmm... i could not think of a better way to do it that would not be 
endlessly confusing to the reader. Any suggestions?

Just calling Temari a "Sakura-possessed Sand nin" would be enough to 
soothe me.

"-unngAAAAH! FUCK, MY LEG!"

I find this confusing.  Mostly because I wouldn't think that Sakura's
primary personality would ask people to fuck her leg particularly when
the other one is out and about.

Hmm... i'm not sure i agree with you there, at least given this fic's 
interpretation of Sakura's 'personas' and the hazy line between them. In 
prior chapters, Sakura has been given to swearing before in times of 
great emotional stress, even when she's in her own body...

Well I suppose it's an issue of whether she loses anything when she does 
her possession trick.  Does she just write a copy of her uninhibited 
self onto her victim, or is it something that is actually moved between 
them?  Normally I assume that her shadow self is the source of Sakura's 
recent tendency to become a potty-mouth because she no longer has it so 
thoroughly repressed.

This time, Sakura was faster on the uptake. "You're the expert they 
sent
for?" she asked, her face brightening at this odd coincidence.

"There aren't many things that these eyes miss," the ANBU pointed out
gamely,

gamely?  Why "gamely"?

In the 'plucky and resolute' sense. He's a nice guy; he's acknowledging 
that Sakura has 'found him out' in a good-humored fashion. Perhaps it's 
not precisely a perfect fit, adjective-wise...

Then perhaps "pleasantly" is the right word.

Tilting his head, the ANBU hummed thoughtfully. "You share the same
'unique' of sense humor," he decided. "I was also told that she'd
experienced some mental contamination, and was exhibiting signs of
sadism, heightened aggression and emotional instability."

"That doesn't mean she's acts like me."

she's acting like me
she acts like me

It was one of those at one point, and then i tried to change it to the 
other, but accidentally changed the wrong words in the sentence -_-;...

"Oy, oy- hold it!" Raising a hand for their attention, Anko pinned
Sakura with an accusing stare. "Aren't we forgetting something here? 
You
went ballistic on me in your girlfriend's flower shop, and 
Yamanaka-san
said he'd seen you like that before! He also said you had some sort 
of
split personality. That was before you possessed me, so it can't be 
my
fault."

Now I'm wondering whether they have the concept of a split 
personality.
Ino didn't put it in those terms when she talked about what the 
inside
of Sakura's head was like.

It doesn't seem out of place in the Naruto world to me, though... 
probably because _nothing_ of the modern world can truly be discounted 
in the Naruto world -_-;. Anko and Monkey-man probably know more about 
psychology than the average layperson as well, as it is their business 
(and pleasure?) to break people's minds...

Crossing her arms, Sakura looked away. "No, I didn't. I just said you
act like her; I don't think you _are_ her- no more than I am, 
anyway."

The dark-skinned girl felt her cheeks warm as she plucked up the 
courage
to say what came next.

Will that frickin' disguise come off already?  Its plot purpose seems
totally served out and it's annoying to read Sakura being identified 
by
physical traits she doesn't in fact have.  It's like having Lina 
Inverse
being described as buxom or blonde all the time.

<shrug> It can be a tad confusing, but i'm trying to serve consistency 
and as well as convenience. Internal logic that doesn't fall apart at a 
feeble poke with a stick is important to me. Anko used a disguise 
capsule that was meant to hold up for a longer duration, as they had 
anticipated watching the entire tournament, so Sakura's disguise is 
holding for the moment...


<snip>

Thanks for replying! The issues you raise with how Sakura is variously 
described by names or character traits that aren't usually associated 
with her are probably going to be an ongoing problem, if she ends up 
possessing anyone else, but i'm not sure how to make it better without 
making it more confusing as well -_-;. I don't want to call Sakura's 
'other personality' by the name 'Inner Sakura' for various reasons, and 
if i were to use that as a blanket term for 'person possessed by 
Sakura,' it think it might make folks picture Sakura doing something 
when in actuality it is 'Temari's body possessed by Sakura' doing 
something...

~Eimii 


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