Eimii wrote:
This is... later than I expected. I was hoping to be posting the
final
chapter in this story by now. Ah, well.
Bah; wait a year or two between chapters and _then_ you can feel bad
about being 'late' -_-;...
Heh.
Yeah, in the grand scheme of things this chapter didn't take too long,
but I was hoping (and based on past writing speed should have been able
) to get this story finished by the end of the year, so I'm a bit
disappointed I didn't manage it.
As always, I welcome any and all C&C. For various reasons, this
chapter
(in particular the latter portions) has been proofread and
sanity-checked less than usual; the possibility of it sucking
terribly,
or at least being disappointing, has risen proportionately.
Hate it when that happens; i can't find my own errors with a seeing eye
dog and a trained, mine-detecting mime >_<;...
Likewise. Sometimes I'm lucky enough to catch most of the mistakes.
More often... not so much.
Speaking of which, all the various typo-correction and word
choice/sentence structure comments that I don't respond to can be safely
assumed to be noted and added to the list of things to fix.
[Day Ninety-two]
"Are we just going to stand here and watch, Itachi-san?"
Hoshigaki Kisame's sharp teeth almost seemed to glow in the moonlight
as
he bared them. "I say we go in and take the Kyuubi brat."
"No," Itachi responded flatly, his crimson eyes not turning
aside from the small collection of tents spread out below the hill the
two missing ninja stood on.
On a moonlit night, with the high ground looking down on an enemy
encampment, should they really be 'standing?'
When infiltrating the Leaf Village, should one really wear very
distinctive, suspicious outfits, stand on top of the _village wall_ to
hold a discussion, then loiter around until you get spotted by a Leaf
ninja, then promptly and suspiciously flee the scene? ;)
"It's a shame Sasuke-kun needs his sleep," Orochimaru said,
smiling. "No doubt he would enjoy showing his elder brother what I've
taught him."
...he probably wouldn't enjoy it for long, though ^_^;
Probably not. :)
Has it ever been addressed what happens when a jinchuukiri dies with the
demon still inside them? The most likely options
seem to be that either the demon is freed, or it is killed. Neither
quite makes sense, though. If it were killed when the
host died, then someone would have killed Naruto long ago, and if it
were freed when the host died, the the Kyuubi would be
working a lot harder to get him killed... and Akatsuki could still
retrieve the Kyuubi even if Naruto were dead.
Kishimoto's never explicitly addressed it, so far as I'm aware. We can
conclude, however that:
1) The Kyuubi does not want Naruto to die, since he takes steps to stop
it from happening.
2) Akatsuki does not want Naruto to die, since upon deciding it would be
too dangerous if Akatsuki got him, Orochimaru tries to kill Naruto.
The bulk of the evidence seems to support the "the Kyuubi dies too"
theory, which is... awkward, since I find it hard to believe that not
once, ever, has a jinchuukiri died in battle. (Although it could depend
on exactly how the demon is sealed or which demon it is.)
What happens isn't really important for this story; my rough working
theory is that the demon dies and is somehow reborn/recreated (but not
in any way that's vastly preferable to permanent death for the current
incarnation). In the Kyuubi's case, his death might prompt the most
powerful eight-tailed kitsune to grow a new tail, creating a new Kyuubi.
Sakura took a deep breath as she locked the door to Naruto's
apartment behind her. She idly wished that she knew some sort of
warding technique; now that she knew just why his neighbors hated
Naruto
Is she idly wishing that she knew a warding technique as she stands in
front of the door, right after locking it? The
'behind her' sort of implies that she has already proceeded on her way,
but (to me, at least) it seems like she'd be having
these thoughts of wanting to do more while she was still standing at the
door. Just wondering...
Yeah, she's still in front of the door; will adjust the wording slightly.
"All right," Shizune said loudly. In an instant, all eyes were
on her. "Haruno Sakura, Hyuuga Neji, Nara Shikamaru, Rock Lee,
Yamanaka
Ino. As you've all been told, this is an S-class rescue mission. Our
first objective is to rendezvous with Jiraiya-sama and Hatake Kakashi
at
the Swamp Country border. Following that, we will proceed into Rice
Field Country to locate and retrieve Uzumaki Naruto. Do you all
understand?"
There were nods and a chorus of "Yes, Shizune-sama."
One would think that _someone_ would wonder why Naruto is so important
to rescue that they'd risk five chuunin to do it.
Shizune, Shikamaru and Sakura know why, and Lee probably wouldn't
question the necessity of saving a valued comrade, but
Neji and Ino might at least think of it a strange tactical decision.
Neji presumably knows that there's _something_ unusual about Naruto,
given what he sees with the Byakugan during their match. He might not
specifically have grasped that Naruto is holding the Kyuubi, but he
knows that he's got some sort of incredible power.
Ino hasn't a clue. Perhaps at some point off-screen she asked Shikamaru
about it and he either spun her a story or just said "trust me; it's
important."
"Good." Shizune sighed. "Since you are all only chuunin, I'm
required to tell you that your participation on a mission of this rank
is strictly optional. If you wish to reject the mission, say so now
and
no mention will be made in your record." There was only silence. "I
didn't think so."
"I already had to go through all the trouble of waking up this
early," Shikamaru said. "It'd be a waste if I quit now."
He _is_ prone to complaining about everything, but this time it seems
like a bit of a throwaway line without some sort of
surrounding description to hint at _why_ he's complaining (to lighten
the mood, to keep up the facade of being cranky and
cantankerous, etc).
True; will rework.
breath of the Kyuubi on his face, and he forced himself to stand.
Knowing that he really had no other choice, he made his way
through the dim corridors until he stood before the massive gate.
I do know its a dream, so sensations can be odd, but would he feel the
Kyuubi's breath on his face if it had to travel
through a long, winding corridor? He might smell in in the air,
perhaps...
It's a dream, and the geography is very weird. No matter which
direction Naruto travels in, it takes him closer to the Kyuubi.
There was a sudden sensation of terrible power, an almost
physical force that pushed the young ninja away from the gate.
"Remember who you stand before," the demon snarled, and for an instant
its sharp claws were visible in the darkness.
I know its canon, but it strikes me that the Kyuubi is remarkably lucid
and intelligent for a demon. It's been commented
recently by Akatsuki that tailed demons are no better than dumb beasts
that can't properly use they great power they possess
when they aren't controlled to a human, and Shuukaku seemed little
smarter than a child when he was fully released. Maybe it
varies, though... or maybe the Kishimoto is changing history -_-;...
I'm not convinced Kishimoto always thinks through the implications of
what he writes. (Just trying to reconcile Akatsuki's stated aims and
purpose for going after the bijuu with their and others actions makes my
head hurt.)
It could just be that the Kyuubi is older/more powerful/whatever than
the Sanbi. My pet theory is that the demon absorbs something from its
hosts; the Sanbi wasn't dumb because it didn't _currently_ have a host,
but because it had _never_ had a host.
Naruto groaned as he awoke, his eyes blinking wearily. He
ached
Same sentence formation as the beginning of this section; intentional?
Pretty sure it was.
"There are times when your insolence is amusing," Orochimaru
said mildly. Sasuke staggered suddenly, clutching at his shoulder.
"This is not one of those times," the Sannin finished, not a hint of
his
earlier gentleness remaining in his voice. "Remember your place,
Sasuke-kun."
The last time gentleness was witnessed, it was in reference to Kabuto.
In this encounter, Naruto has only sensed unpleasant
things from Orochimaru, despite his constant smile.
The "gentleness" here is supposed to refer to Orochimaru having been
speaking "mildly" - I'll play with the wording some, but I want to avoid
using "gently"/"gentleness" or "mildly"/"mildness" in such close
succession if I can avoid it.
Sakura - grimaced. "Now, now," Orochimaru chided. "I'm not asking
you
to actually sleep with him, Midori-chan. Just provide a bit of
competition to properly motivate Tayuya-chan." He smiled. "Is that
so
much to ask, in return for all that I have given you?"
I wonder if Orochimaru can actually restore Midori's ability to have
children, should the thing with Tayuya prove unworkable.
If anyone could, he could.
Midori made a disgusted face, but after several seconds she
said, "No, Orochimaru-sama," and vanished herself, leaving Naruto
alone
with Orochimaru and the last of the young Sound ninja - Jabisen was
his
name, Naruto recalled. He looked quietly at his master and Naruto for
just a moment, then bowed and walked off.
Poor guy- he doesn't even get to 'vanish' like everyone else ;_;...
Well, he is by far the least important character in the bunch, being
neither canon nor terribly connected to the story at hand. :)
The other way reality differed from Ren's imaginings was that
she knew nothing that was worth more than her relative comfort as a
cooperating prisoner, much less her life. It had been known that her
It had been known by whom? If she's pondering her own knowledge, than it
might be best to just say 'She had known'...
Whoever assigns the missions in the Mist Village; will reword.
"It's called the Heaven Seal," Anko said. "One of Orochimaru's
techniques. It grants incredible power, but at a terrible price."
The
special jounin's face was grim. "Nine-tenths of the subjects don't
survive the sealing. They're the lucky ones. The survivors belong to
Orochimaru."
I wonder what the survival rate is on the other seals, and what the
signifigance is of there being different seals. It was
noted that the 'earth' seal borne by Kimimaro is the only one as mighty
as the 'heaven' seal, but that's about all we know.
Yeah. Presumably, the lesser seals have a greater survival rate.
I would figure that, if they enhance different aspects or abilities,
Midori and Kimi might have gotten different seals.
Perhaps Kimi would have gotten the 'heaven' seal as well, for poetic
justice, but it seems to me that if Tayuya's seal
enhances her genjutsu ability, and Midori's techniques are primarily
genjutsu, Midori might have gotten a similar seal to
Tayuya...
I don't believe I explicitly say it, but Kimi gets a Heaven Seal.
Midori has a seal that's three interlocking rings on the back of one her
hands, not matching any of the seals we see in canon.
Ren shook her head. "The Sound and the Mist are allies," she
repeated. "I don't -"
Just like the Sand and the Sound were 'allies,' kid ^_^;...
Yup. :)
Ren stood up. She wasn't certain how much she could believe
what the older woman was saying, but if there was even a chance that
playing along would get her out of here, it seemed worth the risk.
"I'll come," she said.
Given that water is necessary for survival, and hidden Mist ninja are
specialists at water manipulation, one thinks that Ren
would at least be drugged or something at this point, to keep her
relatively 'safe,' and who knows what sort of condition
Anko is in...
Ren's just a genin, all the medic-nin who would be preparing drugs and
so forth are way overstretched dealing with other matters, and existing
supplies could have very well been destroyed in the fighting at the
interrogation center. It's all just handwaves, of course, but I can
believe that Ren isn't drugged (at least not nearly as seriously as
Kakashi was by the Cloud).
As for Anko, she's not in the best of shapes but she's functional.
Thanks very much for the C&C!