Subject: [FFML] Re: [Fanfic][Naruto]Suiren, Chapter 8: Green...
From: "Henry J. Cobb" <hcobb@io.com>
Date: 11/23/2006, 11:51 PM
To: ffml@anifics.com

"Eimii" <eimii@bresnan.net> wrote:
I am uncomfortable writing Anko's character from an internal viewpoint,

I'm having problems looking at things from inside the head of my
three-quarters human version of Rei Ayanami, but I'm still going to do it.
 It'll only be for one chapter and I think it's worth the trip.

Another verb might have worked better, though i'm not sure which one.
The implication should have been that Sakura was less than purposeful in
her travel from the bathroom to the front door; had there been a
selection of viable routes from the bathroom to the front door, she
would have taken the least direct one.

Then you could simply show her pausing somewhere along the way to do
something that would not logically advance her march to the door and the
point would be clear.  In addition this could show Sakura's agenda.  Does
she worry about her appearance or grab a weapon?

The beats are coming on so fast that I feel beat up.

Should i endeavor to reduce the speed for easier consumption, or merely
feel pleased at this act of prosaic pugilism? I'm not sure...

All I'm asking for is proportion and a presumption for dialog.

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