Subject: [FFML] Re: [KP] The Dark Ocean (2/?)
From: Rann Aridorn
Date: 11/8/2006, 12:45 AM
To: Angus MacSpon , ffml@anifics.com



Angus MacSpon wrote:
    "You don't think that's how I feel?" Shego murmured sourly, 
turning his
head away.

her head.

Boy, I REALLY needed to give this a more thorough read-through. x.x I 
thought I'd read through the applicable parts several times for errors. 
Guess I was tired or something.

    Kim stayed distracted through the process of hotwiring one of the
facility's escape pods. No doubt about it, they'll eventually notice the
launch even with the various systems disabled, but by that time Ron and
Mego should have recovered her in the hovercraft, and they'll have
nothing but an empty pod to find. And her scheduled chat with Dr.
Director is in just over three hours. They might suspect it was her that
broke in, but they won't have time to confirm, unless Punk decides to 
talk.

The switching into present tense here reads oddly.  It'd be okay if you 
were directly quoting Kim's thoughts, but as it is I think it would 
really be better off in the past tense.

It wasn't intentional. For some reasons my thoughts kept trying to slide 
to present tense while I was writing this section. I fixed it on 
AdultFanfiction.net, but the fic had already been sent out to the 
mailing lists by that point.

Anyway, my copious errors aside, glad you enjoyed it, and glad I've 
turned you on to Kim Possible fiction, too. n.n

-Rann

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