Uzumaki Naruto's mind felt like a torrent as he turned back and forth

I'm sorry, a what?  "torrent" does not make sense.  "Whirlpool" might
work better.  Although that's his name.

A definition for torrent is 'a violent, tumultuous, or overwhelming flow', 
though it's not limited just to water.  In this case, I was meaning that 
Naruto had a great deal of thoughts and emotions going through him at the 
moment.

"Oh, isn't it?" he asked mockingly.  "Then tell me, Iruka:  Why has the
final test for the genin exam these last three times been Bunshin no 

Jutsu

when you know full well that it's Naruto's worst technique?"

Well hey, it's not like Naruto was all that good at any of the other
techniques either until Kakashi started teaching him.

Well, he did learn Sexy no Jutsu all on his own, which is just a form of 
Henge.  And even though they showed a flashback where he was unable to 
imitate the Hokage, it's not exactly known when that flashback actually 
happened.  He could have improved on it since this time.

The other techniques I'm not sure about, I guess.

"You want to know the truth, don't you Naruto?" Mizuki asked, ignoring
Iruka's continued pleas.

The need to sort out all of the confusing thoughts in his head coupled 

with

the natural curiosity of a young boy made Naruto immediately start 

nodding

his head.  "Yes, tell me!"

Too talky for my taste.  We don't really need all that explanation for
why Naruto would want to know.  It's self-evident.

I see.  I try to be as descriptive as possible with my writing, but I 
suppose there are times when I go overboard with the description.  I'll see 
if I can't tone it down a bit.

The Kyubi snorted, an action that almost blew Naruto off his feet.  "Now
that's hardly fair, mortal.  Really, do you think I enjoy being trapped
inside the body of a loudmouth weakling like you?  If you want to blame

On the whole, I'd prefer "weak loudmouth", myself, not that there's
anything really wrong with the way you wrote it.  It just sounds
stronger to me.

You might be right.  I'll consider that.

That 'guy', Naruto knew, had been the Yondaime, the person Naruto had
admired for the majority of his life and one of the driving forces 

behind

Naruto deciding to become Hokage himself.  But all of the admiration he 

felt

was now being rivaled by the seer amount of bitterness he was feeling 

upon

sheer

Right.  I'll fix that.  Thanks.

Naruto could slowly begin to feel himself returning to consciousness, 

the

only thing left of the sewer was the demonic laughter of the Kyubi that
faded away behind him.

Ordinarily I see "Kyuubi" spelled with more than one "u".  Doesn't mean
you're wrong of course.  Schemes of romanisation differ.

Yeah, I'd thought of that before, it just seems easier for me to leave the 
extra 'u' out.  I've tried to make sure I keep it the same with other words, 
like 'chunin' and 'jonin' instead of 'chuunin' and 'jounin' too, but I'll 
look through the rest of the fic to make sure I'm not switching back and 
forth.

It was well past midnight when Iruka had returned with the scroll and an
unconscious Mizuki.  After the entire ordeal was explained to the Hokage 

and

the rest of the shinobi that were present, the Sandaime had issued for
everyone to comb the area for Naruto.  Now everyone was back in front of 

the

ninja academy.

No one had seen anything of Naruto, save for a small trail that had led 

out

of the village.

Surprising that he can't be tracked.

He probably could have, but I didn't really explain this part as well as I'd 
meant to.  After Naruto left and Iruka brought the scroll and Mizuki back, 
I'd meant for the others to regroup and decide what needed to be done with 
Naruto.  Maybe not the most likely decision that they would have made, 
but...*shrug*

I'll go back through and elaborate a bit more on it.

It's a good start.

Thank you, and thanks for reviewing.  Much appreciated.

LL

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