I'm getting things in order to update my site, so this email had good
timing.
I've made a set of changes based on your suggestions and will apply them
to the site and FFN copies of TRTC12 post haste.

On 10/8/06, Jared Waddell <rick_spiff@yahoo.com> wrote:

Yes, Kuno had been quite lucky to escape with no major injuries.

There's something to go back and read.

Kuno, typically, was wounded on his very first mission.
"Duck!" means get down, not "Hey, Mousse!"



<snip>

He turned to the next question:

what is the circumference of a moose?

The derivative of its surface area.
Konatsu: "Easy!"



<snip>

"Could I talk to you for a minute, Konatsu?" Ryouga asked, politely.

"Of course, Hibiki-taichou!" he replied, bowing his head slightly. The
lost one seemed a little bemused by the response. Konatsu could
guess it
was more respectful than what he was used to from the members of his
squad. Tacking on the taichou suffix to indicate his superior rank was
likely something the others probably wouldn't tend to do.

It sounds strange too, but seems to be in the style of the story. I like
it.

Thanks.
Hibiki-taichou and Saotome-taichou do sound a little weird, but its a
Konatsu quirk. Of all the cast's varied backgrounds, Konatsu's really
suits him best to this sort of military atmosphere of following orders,
and having a regimented system of command.
On a side note, I've gotten mostly positive reactions from people about
Konatsu's characterization and presentation in TRTC.

Konatsu couldn't find any fault in that statement, but there was
something, while on this topic, that he now felt comfortable enough to
broach (having already bared his feelings on the matter).

Wow, that is one akward sentence. It would probably do better to make
everything up to the first comma its own sentence, since that is a
complete thought. Then cut 'but there was something' entirely and make
the remainder one whole sentence.

I've changed it to:
Konatsu couldn't find any fault in that statement, but there was something
in Ryouga's tone of voice that brought back old unanswered questions. Now,
while they were on this topic and having just bared his feelings on the
matter,
he felt comfortable enough to broach it.

few of these were Dojo regulars he had seen before, and some of the

others were mentors of the 'kids' in the two new squads. The only
conspicuous absences were those of India Squad, who had been sent off
over a day ago on a mission and had yet to return.

What, precisely, does 'over a day ago' mean?

India Squad left on the 19th for Osaka.

With a savage cry, okonomiyaki met shuriken, exploding in midair.

Solid fight scene, but that closing really takes the cake.

Thanks. Finding improvements for Ukyou's Okonomiyaki Martial Arts
was one of the harder things to take care of in getting this scene ready.
While there have been fics that have Ukyou a combat boost, like the
excellent fic "Relentless" I didn't just want to give her a new special
technique. I really tried to think, how would you fight with a giant
spatula?
What benefits would it have? How can you cook and fight at the same
time?


<snip>

"Trying to take advantage of a poor helpless beautiful young woman lost
in the city...!" Mrs. Hibiki suddenly took on a teary eyed look. "Did I
go too far when I broke their leader's arm? Perhaps. Did I go too far
when I threw one of them through a wall? Maybe. Did I go too far when I
made another one eat his cell phone? Ok, yes, I guess I did. But it was
self defense! I have a right to defend myself!"

Well, that is a convincing argument.

It gets worse.
He's ROAMING.
Gang Leader: "NOOO! My Minutes!"


<snip>

Wiping blood from his face, and taking in the ruined status of his
beloved restaurant, Kazuo wished he'd had that cognac handy. It would
be
a while before he could rebuild, but in the meantime there was always
the portable yatai grill. He turned and began to ponder how he would
explain things to the police. Behind him, the jagged pillar of batter
and building materials hardened to the consistency of concrete.

Very cool.

I'd originally planned for Ukyou to use this sort of technique, but it
didn't
fit in with her new, more mobile, style. Plus, it gave her old man a helluva
send off to his one and only fight.


Yes, that's usually how I begin the next chapter of any story.

Just a few small errors to report. I could have made more jokes but it's
late and I'm tired. I'm punching in my karma card and calling it a night.

Good luck on the next chapter.

Later,
Rick Spiff

Thanks for the comments and corrections!
It is late though, isn't it? 2:30?  Argh...

- Capn Chryssalid/JBW



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