C&C catch-up time again. Better late than never, I suppose.
Standard C&C Disclaimer: All the below is my only occasionally useful
humble opinion, my only occasionally correct grammatical and spelling
corrections, and/or my only occasionally funny humor.
Ben Jernigan wrote:
Nabiki started the tape playing. She had gotten it from one of her factors,
a girl in the schools jouranism club.
"school's journalism club"
Possibly capitalize Journalism Club? I'm really not sure.
The tape cracked a bit as if someone inexperienced with a microphone was
handing one.
"handling one"
The interviewer's voice was muffled and indistinct. Presumably, they had
their questions written down and didn't need to record them.
Ranma's voice came though clear.
"A lot of people who think they know all about my life ask me 'Ranma, why do
you put up with all the things your father puts you through?'
The best answer is simple: I love the old bastard. No matter what he does,
he's my father. I love him. Liking him is tricky at times, but love is
constant.
...while probably the case, I have a hard time imagining Ranma actually
saying it, particularly to some random interviewer.
Sometimes, I even respect him. Sure, he's sloppy and greedy, and thinks with
his stomach more often than his head, but he's never been cruel to me for
the sake of cruelty. It's always been incedental.
incidental
There is a pause on the tape, as the reporter asked an unheard question.
Tense confusion here; should be "There was a pause"
Long ago, he sat me down and told be point-blank: Ranma, there will be many
days ahead when you will hate me boy.
Missing comma after me.
There will be times when I will have
to make choices not as your father, but as your sensei. Through it all,
never forget that I love you boy
Again after you.
"The Art. Forget the bhudda, forget the kami.
Should "bhudda" be capitalized?
"We don't really talk about it much, but I know that Saotome was my Mother's
name. Pops didn't have a name when they married. He was taken in as an
orphan by the old freak. He was raised from a very early age to have no
morals at all and to capitalize on the limitations of others. It was the
stories told of Samurai and heroes of old where Genma first learned the
concept of honor.
I don't think samurai needs to be capitalized.
Stories told by a foolish young runaway named Soun Tendo,
who had taken up under Happosai to avoid an arranged marriage his parents
were forcing him into. From these stories, Pops learned a better way, the
path of the true martial artist, the path of honor. Over time, the stories
and the ideas they represented gave the two the backbone they needed to free
themselves from the old perv."
Besides not really sounding much like Ranma here, I don't get the
impression that Genma or Soun would talk about it like that to him.
It's a perfectly reasonable extrapolation from canon, but there's no
reason for Ranma to know about it.
"Yeah, the cat thing really sucked, but apart from the age thing, can you
really say it's worse than any other training regimen around here? Ryoga got
pounded with boulders to learn the Breaking Point. I had to stick my hands
in Fire when they were super-sensitive to learn the Chestnuts Roasting on an
Open fire attack.
First fire shouldn't be capitalized, second should.
"So yeah, Pops is a pain and all, but he's MY pain. No one else gets to
pound him. Excpet Ukyo, and that other girl, what's her name? oh, and Mom,
and Akane once in a while, and I think Mr. Tendo has hit him a few times....
"
Heh. Now that sounds more like Ranma.
Oh should be capitalized, though.
The recording fades out, and the tape stops. Nabiki smirked and made a few
notes on her clipboard, then reached out and turned off the tape deck.
"faded" and "stopped"
-END
i got tired of seeing so many Genma-bashing fics so I decided to put this
together. I have a turbulent relationship with my father in real life, so it
was pretty easy to get into Ranma's head here. Hope ya like it.
I generally agree with your perception of Ranma and Genma's
relationship, but I can't say the story really works terribly well.
Besides the issues I mentioned above of Ranma not really sounding or
acting like himself, you've fallen into the trap of telling instead of
showing. It would be much more interesting, though more difficult, to
take your picture of Ranma and Genma's relationship and build a story
that _shows_ that relationship, instead of just writing about Ranma
uncharacteristically talking about it.
The obvious story framework would be to put Genma in danger somehow and
show how Ranma responds and rescues him, but something as simple as a
brief story about the two of them training together with a few
well-chosen flashbacks could work just as well, if not better.
I hope something I said was helpful!