----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Zorknot" <zorukonotsu@yahoo.com>
To: "M. Scott Eiland" <eilandesq@hotmail.com>; <ffml@anifics.com>
Sent: Saturday, September 02, 2006 12:07 AM
Subject: [FFML] [C&C] [FIC] [Justice League] "Court Etiquette"

C&C for M. Scott Eiland's "Court Etiquette"
Things I liked:

Your Batman seems more approachable than the movie versions and recent 
comics. A little more like earlier versions. A bit Adam West without the 
cheese. It's a nice change of pace. The fic as a whole had a light humor 
about it and the airy mood made it a pleasure to read

Things I didn't like:

The beginning has a lot of exposition in it concerning the return of 
superman and other events. You might try revealing this more subtly, 
through dialogue maybe, or you might break up the information so it comes 
organically as Batman thinks about it. This might be part of a larger 
work, in which case it's fine, but I would also consider whether you need 
the bits about Superman at all. I'm a big one for cutting out what you 
don't need.

The fic seemed more like the beginning of something rather than a whole 
work. The crux of the fic, which as I understand it was that Batman was 
commisioned as Wonder Woman's guardian seemed a little low key for the 
Justice League. Maybe I read that part too fast or there's some back info 
I don't know, but it seemed like the fic ended just when things were 
moving along.

There are also a few minor things...Alfred says "Master Bruce" a little 
too often, and some of the character descriptions are a little off 
putting. I don't have a good idea of what the Amazon priestess looks like 
for example, and at one point you have Batman raise an eyebrow and I have 
trouble visualizing this, what with Batman wearing a cowl and everything.

Overall:

A breezy and fun fic, but it has a few problems. A little more work I 
think could make this a lot better.

Thanks for posting,

-Z

Thanks for the feedback.  I'll try to address your points as concisely as 
possible:

1)  The story is based on the "Justice League" animated series that ran from 
2001-2006 (the title changed to "Justice League Unlimited" between mid-2004 
to the end of the series, but continuity was maintained after the change. 
If the reader is not familiar with the series, they'll have a hard time 
following the story;

2)  My comments above are consistent with my general philosophy of writing 
fanfiction; namely, that when I write a fanfic, I assume that the reader is 
at least reasonably familiar with the source material--and I make a point of 
noting the time frame so that a reader who has not yet seen/read the 
background material for the story is on notice and can decide to either 
abandon the story until they catch up, or read it knowing that they might 
not be fully up on current developments;

3.  In a story where there is no crossover, I am going to spend less time on 
describing the characters, as the main characters are very familiar with 
each other's appearances, and would probably not spend much time thinking 
about their hair/eye color and whatnot.  This is especially true in a story 
like this one, where there are only four characters, and all of them are 
quite familiar with how the others look (with the exception of Hippolyta and 
Alfred, who handled their introductions offscreen).  In crossovers, more 
time needs to be spent on description--Buffy doesn't recognize Duncan 
MacLeod on sight, and will spend time in her thoughts noting his appearance 
as she is introduced to him;

4)  I prefer to establish a thorough background for why characters are 
acting the way they are, given the time frame and canon events.  In this 
case, Batman is waking up after a physically and emotionally exhausting few 
days of activity related to the apparent death of Superman, and noting some 
offscreen activity--thwarting the plot of Vandal Savage that would have 
otherwise doomed the world--is appropriate in explaining his state of mind 
coming into the story.

5)  Yes, there are other stories in this "mini-universe."  Stay tuned. . 
:-)

Regards,

M. Scott Eiland 


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