First off, we both know this has been done before.  Alot.  Yours is
refreshingly original so far.  Keep the originality and I'll keep
commenting.

The situation outside the apartments had become pretty much routine... scratch
that, it was dowright boring.  The reporters camped out on this SenshiWatch
detail would twiddle thier thumbs and ask any who left about Mizuno-san's
activities (the few cameras aimed at the heavily-draped windows were as much
out of habit as anything) only to get a simple shrug.  The only changes were
the large orderlies escorting Dr. Mizuno from a van to the door most days,

I had to reread that a few times.  The first time, I thought 'poor
Ami, they're taking her away.'

and

very occasionally that arcane fog shouding the rooftop from which a swift blur
could be occasionally seen emerging.

This, one could argue, was the punishment detail compared to 'V-chan's'
entourage.

I'm having mental images off Mina posting "Today's Itenerary and Press
Release" on her front door. :)

That particular morning was disrupted by a jogger.  It took less than a second
to recognise the tall girl in an expensive looking green jogging-suit (the pink
trim and embroidered astrological marking was less a giveaway than the green
eyes and chestnut ponytail).  As a body, the press corps made way as she slowed
to a walk directly through them, for most of the locals had learned from the
Jupiter shifts

*shifts*?
....
"shifts"?  This is some obsessive coverage here.

that civility would be rewarded by civil behavior (a curt "No

Comment." and a glare at worst)....

"Miss Jupiter! Ken Takizawa, FOX Ne-*urk*"

*WHAM*

*CRUNCH*

"<owie!>"

I can only imagine what this would look like from a TV viewer's perspective.

She was never certain what kept her from confronting her outright or conciously
making the link between the other senshi and Ami's four friends, but the
medical supplies and field medicine guides the Doctor left laying about their
apartment was enough of a hint for both.

THIS is original.  The mommy knows AND the senshi knows the mommy knows.

Dr. Mizuno knew, Ami knew Dr. Mizuno

knew, and frank discussion would have come in it's own time if it were not for
that camera crew covering the demon attack at the soccer championship.

Piece of advice: Don't EVER write that scene out.  There's no way you
could make it original enough to match shat you've already done.

(Usagi-chan was a dear for loaning her that 'disguise pen', and she was

guilty about running it through the MRI machine even if it was pointless),

*snort*

 and when the cram school asked her to leave

she gave up altogether.

ouch.

Even when her friends and comrades-at-arms came for

anything less than an emergency it often took the better part of an hour to
coax her out of her darkened room, and often it was easier to watch movies in
the living room.

Here's a few things to think about: (take 'em or leave 'em at your discretion)
     The effect on Luna & Artemis - nobody has ever covered that
before.  No nation in the world would ever give civil rights to a CAT,
so they instantly become fair game for reporters, souvenior hunters,
stalkers and breeders.
     The manga version of Ami was allergic to love letters.  This has
GOT to be worth a few paragraphs of funny.
     Rei is a shinto priestess.  How would the Shinto religion regard Rei now?
     Mecury, Venus, Moon, Mars, Jupiter... somebody's gonna start
looking for the Outers.  Are they already 'outed'?
     Headlines:  "ChibiMoon Is From The Future!"

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