Hi David!

Thank you for critiquing this fic - I'm really sorry for the late response - 
I wanted to get to it last Wednesday, but didn't have time before heading 
out of town to Anime Evolution (did anyone enter Anime Evo's fanfiction 
contest?)

PART I & II RECAP: Worried about the possibility of permanent
blindness, Chikane is reluctant to chain Himeko to her side. In an
effort to distance herself from her beloved, Chikane urges Himeko to go
away for the weekend to attend Souma and Makoto's wedding. Brooding at
home, Chikane is haunted by dreams of eternal solitude, and the
possibility of losing Himeko forever. She is mildly comforted by Otoha-
san's efforts, but somewhere, a line was crossed.

It might be helpful to mention that Otoha is the maid.

Will do (for both Part II and Part III). Thanks!

Himeko had barely managed to open the front door to Chikane's home when
she heard a man's deep voice demand, "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!?"

She jumped back in surprise, bumping into Chikane-chan behind her and
almost sending the both of them sprawling on the doorstep. Luckily,
Chikane managed to hold onto Himeko's shoulders and steady the both of
them.

Chikane's mouth was turned down in a frown.

"Father?" She asked.

The front door was pulled fully open, and Himeko found herself face to
chest with a very angry man.

The lines on his face marked him as being an older gentleman, in his
fifties.

Too many words to say too little.

Are you refering to the description of Chikane's father, or the entire scene 
in general?

Chikane's father's eyes bulged with more anger. "What?!" He cried.
"What were you thinking?! Do you have any idea how serious your injury
is, Chikane? You could be BLIND! FOREVER!

Boy, he knows how to raise an invalid's morale.

Eheh... I think he would do very well with those sensitivity classes that 
some companies force upon their executives.

"Be prepared, Miss. You are going to be hearing from my lawyers."

"Miss Kurusagawa?  We're his lawyers.  We'd just like apologise on
behalf of our over-wrought and not terribly bright client..."

Ichirou: !!! What the hell am I paying you piranhas for?!

The man looked stunned for a moment and almost even took a step
backwards. He caught himself before he did however, and his face
twisted back into one of outrage. "How dare you talk to me like that,
Chikane?! I'm your FATHER!"

It's my job to humiliate you in front of your dates!

Lawyers from above: As stipulated in section 12 paragraph B line ix 
subclause omega of the Father's Handbook.

"So, Ichirou has always tried to prove Chikane's worth to her
grandfather. He was very upset, the first time we sent her abroad for
schooling. It was difficult to send her away when we loved her so much,
but for her to get the very best, for her to _become_ the very best, it
was a sacrifice we were willing to make. And she's done nothing but to

delete "to"

Done, thank you.

Chikane felt her desk shake as her father slammed his meaty hands onto
it. "No, Chikane! I can't sanction this. The doctor said that you were
to relax at home." Her father's voice was firm.

Chikane's voice was firmer. "No, the doctor said that I was to try to
avoid stress.

And Dad, I'd just like to thank you for how much less stressful you've
made things.

Hehehe...

And it would be far more stressful to cancel the concert

than to just go ahead with it." She realized her voice was a bit too
firm, and made an effort to soften it.

Of course avoiding stress doesn't even have much to do with whether or
not her eyes heal.  It's health advice in general based on how much
stress just being blind is putting on her.

Doctor: <frantically stuffing huge wads of cash into a giant sack with the $ 
sign on it> No it isn't! It's totally specific and sage wisdom that only a 
dozen years of medical training could have come up with!

"Father... I won't lie to you. There's a chance that I will recover,
but there's also a chance that I won't. Those chances will not change,
whether or not the concert goes on. And if I don't regain my vision...
I refuse to let this disability chain me to my house like a prisoner. I
will continue to live my life to the fullest that I can.

I will wander the land with a sword cane and get drunk and gamble like
Zatoichi!

Heh!

"Erm..." And now her father's voice was distinctly uncomfortable.
"This... this Kurusugawa... you were saying that... she's... your...
girlfriend?"

<Seinfeld>  Not that theres anything wrong with that! <Seinfeld>

Heh! I miss Seinfeld...

Chikane wasn't quite sure how to answer the question. Her father's
voice seemed so oddly vulnerable. Finally, she decided there was no way
to give him the sugar-coating his tone was begging from her. She nodded
simply. Her voice was soft. "Yes. I love her very much."

Her father made a gargling noise in the back of his throat. "Ah. Well
then. Erm... yes. Well." His footsteps were swift as he hurriedly left
the room.

After she heard the door close, Chikane allowed a small smile to come
onto her face. Never, in a thousand years, would she have guessed that
this was how she would tell her parents that she'd found the other half
of her soul... but... it went better than she thought it would have.

It's like breaking up with someone in a restaurant so they'll be afraid
to cause a scene!

Heh. ^_^ I'm actually thinking of removing this paragraph. Ichirou and 
Nadeshiko really are meant to be supportive, even if Chikane doesn't realize 
it, and I wonder if this paragraph undermines that too much...

Her worst fears came to pass when she heard the ensuite bathroom door

There's a term I'm not familiar with.

It's a bathroom that you can only enter from the bedroom. -_-;; Of course, 
it would help if I spelt it right - en suite.

Keiko collapsed onto the ground, shivering uncontrollably.

"O-Otoha-san?!" She felt the other woman run quickly over to her and
try to support her. "Otoha-san, what's wrong?? Are you alright?"

You fool... you stupid, stupid fool...

"No... no, Kurusugawa-sama. I am not alright. I... I have to tell you
something..."

Gah!  Don't confess, you stupid bint!  It'll make you feel better but
it'll screw them up!

For the longest time, I couldn't decide how this would work. Alternative 
sequences were a) Otoha confessing to Chikane, b) Otoha _not_ confessing, 
but Chikane finding out from circumstancial evidence, c) Otoha _not_ 
confessing, but Himeko finding out from circumstantial evidence.  I crossed 
off (a) and (b) pretty quickly, because I wanted Chikane to find out from 
Himeko instead of Otoha, and I couldn't get (c) to work, because Himeko's 
just not smart enough a character to figure it out. So, *sigh* poor 
Otoha-san gets to be the bint...

Chikane looked down unseeingly at the item in her hands, and then
looked back up in Keiko's general direction. "This is...?"

"My letter of resignation." Keiko replied hoarsely.

"... I see."

Again, the words had absolutely no affliction in them. Nothing to hint

inflection

Thank you!

Chikane-sama's words were everything she could have asked to hear. The
one in one million chance that the only good outcome would come to
pass... had occurred...

Hey, hot threesome would have been pretty good, too!

Himeko: <has a chibi-Chikane plushie in a deathgrip> No! She's mine! Mine, I 
tells ya! Besides, the author put us through that in Finally Healing's Omake 
#2 already!

"Chikane-chan..." Himeko's voice was soft, but Chikane had no problem
hearing it anyway. "Are you... are you going to be at home very much
from now to the concert? Won't you be very busy with rehearsals and
last minute changes?"

She instantly knew what her beloved was trying to get at.

Y'know, I hated it when my girlfriend laboured under the illusion that
she could read my mind and expected me to read hers.  As it turned out,
she didn't have any particular aptitude for telepathy.

Most women don't - Chikane included. I really envision it's something 
that'll blow up in her face in the future, since 
Chess-Master/Mind-Reading/Manipulation is a skill I can really see Chikane 
relying on. The second half of the series was all about Chikane manipulating 
Himeko into killing her, and in the end, she got it *wrong*.

The two women sat down and began to converse quietly as the auditorium
began to fill up. Himeko learned that the other woman had taken the
last few days to return to her ancestral home in the country side. The

countryside

Corrected. Thanks!

"Not at all, not at all. Erm, listen, I told my son, Sachisuke, about
you. He's a very fine land and he's very interested in meeting your

Hanh?  I'm guessing that's "lad" and "making" but for all I know he owns
 a big parking lot and wants to meet her maid.

<facepalms!> Do'h! Thanks for the (embarrassing) catch.

Chikane felt Himeko's soft lips touch gently against her own, feathery
light, but resounding with unbreakable promise.

They kissed. And kissed. And kissed.

We're just good friends.  Really.

Or, this is just part of the show...

"Chikane," Ichirou said softly, more than just a hint of guilt in his
eyes as he gazed at his daughter, then over at Himeko, before going
back to his daughter. "I know you must be exhausted, but Toshirou-san
insisted upon introducing his son to you."

He'd like to apply for the position of "beard".

Jokes aside, I have a little trouble believing that Toshirou would still
be pushing that, after their coming out party.

Toshirou is actually even more eager because now he sees the Miyahime's as 
an ally not only in business but also in personal matters. "My son's gay! 
Your daughter's lesbian! Let's force them together, and under our combined 
pressure, beat some sense into them!" Youko also sees Ichirou and Nadeshiko 
as allies, only her thinking is more, "you too, huh?"

Hmm... perhaps it would be good to add something to that effect in the 
epilogue to tie up some loose ends...

It was probably for the best then, that she was the only one who had
come to the hospital with Chikane today. After her grandfather had
officially announced his successor, Chikane's mother and father had
been very busy handling the multi-billion dollar project between the
Miyahime and Ogasawara zaibatsu, which were starting underway.

I'm a bit surprised that the very public coming out of his
grand-daughter didn't throw a wrench in those gears as well.

Grandfather is much more obsessed with keeping power and control in his 
bloodline, than he is about the sexual orientation of his granddaughter 
being public knowledge. His biggest conniption fit with passing the company 
down to her, was that her children would follow her husband's blood and 
name. The fact that her husband could just take the Miyahime name is an 
unlikely alternative, because Grandfather wouldn't approve of Chikane 
marrying a man who didn't have a powerful family background himself, and the 
massive ego and pride that comes along with that, which would prevent him 
from shedding his own name. So actually, Chikane being lesbian works out 
well for him. Grandfather's next move is to insist that Chikane and Himeko's 
children be adopted from one of the family branches, or better yet, that she 
declare her nephew (Jirou's infant son) to be her successor.

I didn't put any of this down, because I didn't think it had enough 
relevance to the plot of Blinded. Should this be explained?

Thank you for reading again!

Cheers,

Jenny




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