OK, what follows are just some ideas I've picked up while reading grammar
books so that I can correct a bunch of Indian hack writers so please don't
take offense at my rambling and I'll try to keep my comments brief.
"Jenny Chan" <jen-chan@shaw.ca> wrote:
He promptly dismissed her, and looked over Himeko at Chikane. "Never
mind that. Just where the hell have you been, young lady??"
The word "dismissed" tells us your judgment, but doesn't show us his
action. We know what you think he's doing, but we can't see why you think
his actions are dismissing her. If his words are strong enough to carry
this message by themselves then you don't have to tell us this and you can
simply remove that phrase like this say:
"Never mind that." He looked past Himeko at Chikane. "Just where the hell
have you been, young lady??"
"Ichirou, please, calm down!! At least let them step into the house
first!"
A worried, but composed voice managed to throw some water before the
powder keg could go off.
Himeko looked over and saw that a slender woman, wearing a dark, solemn
kimono was pulling at the man's arm. She wore her blue-black hair - the
same shade as Chikane's - in a conservative bun, and her face was lined
with apprehension. She could only have been Chikane's mother.
I assume that these first two paragraphs belong together and have been
somehow split. Also the second paragraph seems to be as much about the
reactions of the other people in the room as much as it is about this new
voice.
I suggest moving the description into the paragraph with the spoken words
and moving the sense of relief into this third paragraph. But instead of
telling us about throwing water, why not show us Himeko reacting, as if
she had she had some sort of watery relief?
Himeko was still feeling sick and horrified. She hugged herself,
despite the summer heat.
What does the hug have to do with the heat? Why not show her being
chilled in some way "despite the summer heat"?
Presently, she heard a knock on the guest room door. She didn't really
want to see anyone except Chikane-chan, and her beloved would have
known to just enter anyway. There was second knock on the door and
reluctantly, she answered, "come in."
Why not take a few minutes to do a search in your text editor for adverbs
that end in the string "ly" and ask yourself why you need to tell us this
"ly" adverb instead of showing us why things are "ly"?