And now to start catching up on C&C.
The Eternal Lost Lurker wrote:
Meitantei Conan belongs to Aoyama Gosho, Shogakukan, Yomiuri Television, VIZ
Communications, and Funimation. No permission has been obtained
from any of the copyright holders for the use of characters and situations
from this series. This work of fiction is not for profit and not intended
to infringe on copyrighted intellectual property in any significant or
harmful way.
Standard C&C Disclaimer: All the below is my only occasionally useful
humble opinion, my only occasionally correct grammatical and spelling
corrections, and/or my only occasionally funny humor.
I continue to have minimal knowledge of Conan; please forgive resulting
errors.
III. Disaster Preparations
Kisaki Eri snapped her umbrella to shake water off as she entered the lobby
of her office. As she did so, she caught a familiar--and unwelcome--sight on
the sofa. Her jaw tensed, eyes narrowing. "Anata," she said in a frosty
tone.
I think that "Her jaws tensed, eyes narrowing." might not be
grammatically correct, though I'm not certain. If it isn't either "Her
jaws tensed, her eyes narrowing." or "Her jaws tensed; her eyes
narrowed." should work, though neither sounds quite as good now that
I've typed them out.
So maybe you should just ignore me. :)
"Let's cut the usual sniping," Kogoro said abruptly, moving a few steps
closer to her. Eri tensed. "There's...a situation."
"A...situation?" Eri asked, raising one slender eyebrow.
"No. It's...a situation. Not a...situation. There's a difference!"
"A...difference?"
"No! Just a difference."
...I really have no idea where that came from. Probably lack of sleep.
"Ran...well, she's..."
Instantly, Eri's demeanor changed. "What's happened to Ran? What--" She
paused, face paling. "It must be something serious, if you came here to tell
me in person."
Kogoro nodded. "Ran...our daughter...is..." He swallowed. "Shimatta...I
can't say it."
I would turn the ellipsis after Shimatta into just a period,
particularly since there's so many ellipses around here.
Eri's hands flew to her mouth, her eyes wide in horror. "She's...what?
What's happened to Ran?"
"Well, it's her and that punk Kudou..."
Likewise with this one, since this works as a sentence on its own.
Something dark flashed across the child's eyes for such a brief second,
Kogoro wasn't sure he didn't imagine it.
Comma after second should be a semicolon.
"They're already on their way back to Japan," Conan said. "I took care of it
while I was at hakase's earlier."
Kogoro blinked, then narrowed his eyes at the bespectacled boy. "That's an
awfully responsible thing for a little kid like you to think to do," he
said. "And how is it you know how to get in touch with them in the first
place?"
Ah, the dangers of lying to detectives.
Suddenly, the little-kid voice was back in full force. "Ah, Agasa-hakase
told me to do it! An' my mom's related to Yukiko-bachan, remember? I know
she told Ran-neechan that once." He smiled a patently false smile.
Kogoro raised a sceptical eyebrow, but let it drop.
Should be skeptical, unless you're intentionally using the British spelling.
"Ojisan?" Conan piped up. "Don't...don't be too mad at Shinichi-niichan. I
don't think he meant for somethin' like this to happen, an'...an' he really
cares about Ran-neechan. It's not his fault bad people wanna kill him. If
you wanna blame someone for screwin' things up, blame the bad people an'...I
dunno, help try to catch 'em. You know, so Shinichi-niichan can maybe come
home?" He kicked the floor with one sock-clad toe, hands behind his head.
I hope Conan has an idea about what story he'll use if they _do_ get caught.
* * * * * * * * *
"Tissue, dear?"
"Thank you, honey."
* * * * * * * * *
Maybe I'm not paying close enough attention, but I have no idea who this
is supposed to... oh, wait. The sneezing when being mentioned thing,
which would mean it's Conan's parents.
You might want to consider making that more explicit, though.
And that's all I've got.
Anyway, I hope something I said turns out to be useful. Now on to the
main purpose of this C&C, which is simply to say that I am still reading
and still enjoying this story, and I'm looking forward to seeing more.
Though, as I seem to remember someone else saying earlier, I'm torn
between wanting to see more of this and wanting to see more of Midori no
Hikari. :)