eimii wrote:
BLOOD...
A most ominous title.
I work hard on these one word titles, but sometimes they don't always
reflect the content of the chapter so well ^_^;...
You've tried to be both side splittingly funny and advance multiple
serious plots (old and new) simultaneously. Either alone would have
made this a good chapter. They really shouldn't mix.
You know that saying that you'll know a great author by when the break
the rules? Congradulations. This is possibly the most perfectly
written chapter of anything I've ever read.
It's a relief that it isn't so jarring this time; i've tend to have a
lot of trouble with the serious bits of this story, in the past -_-;...
This chapter would have been a lot heavier near the end, if i hadn't
remembered one of the founding principles behind this fanfic: naked
kunoichi make everything better!
*Dammit, is he staring at my forehead?!*
Hehe. This is the only line I'm going to comment on for it's hilarity,
because otherwise the comments would be as long as the fic.
Okay ^_^
Staring at the place where the masked man been standing, Sakura
shifted uncomfortably. *He said 'stay away _for now_,' and he knew
about the mission...* Apparently, ANBU was keeping a closer eye on
her than she realized. *I wonder what they'd do if I were _really_
quitting. After reading all those ANBU mission scrolls, I'll bet
they'd kill me before they let me become a missing nin...*
Serious plot thread #1.
This one's more of a potential plot thread, really; all actions
potentially have consequences, and a lot of the time Anko doesn't
consider those consequences very carefully -_-;...
"Ah, I'm
sorry. My ears must be going in my old age; I could have sworn you
were someone else," he apologized, setting to work on Sakura's order.
And #2.
Heheh... had to get back to this; not all is well in Sakura land...
Sakura let the tea warm her hands as she stared down at her shadowy
reflection in the cup. *...I like dango, don't I?* Though the big
changes scared her, it was sometimes _more_ disturbing when she
couldn't tell if she was acting like Anko or herself.
I think technically the ...s in front of Sakura's thoughts are
incorrect, but they work very well to convey mood and hesitation, so
keep them.
In terms of punctuation, i do break a lot of rules; that, i will admit
to, though if it helps, i usually do it on purpose ^_^;...
You need to make more grammar and spelling mistakes so I don't feel
obligated to point out _something_ to you.
*The next person that %$*#in' sneaks up on me is getting an explosion
note shoved up her ass...*
One of these days you need to provide a translation guide.
I kinda prefer to leave it up to the imagination; after all, they might
not even be single-word curses, either...
For once, there was no doubt in her mind as to where _those_ thoughts
came from. "Would you like some dango?" She offered, viciously
stomping down the foreign impulses and putting on her sweetest, most
innocent smile.
I think you are overusing the _s a little.
Hmm... will look into it; in the fanfiction.net version, they'll become
italics...
"After having a look at your family records, I'm inclined to agree
with you," Kurenai observed sardonically.
And #3!
This one's been hinted at for a while, though. It's not really a huge
thing, as it's impact on Sakura's daily life is pretty minimal.
Returning to herself, Sakura's gaze drifted from Kurenai's face to
the improvised missile, then back again. "%$!@#%!"
See, I can't figure out which one this is, and it's driving me
_crazy_.
^_^;...
Much to Sakura's relief, this seemed to make Kurenai think for a
moment. The Lord Haruno was well known for having some rather
significant _issues_ with the relationship between Konoha and the
Fire Country, and it would be wise to tread carefully if they wanted
his cooperation.
And #4, if a bit closely tied to #3.
This one... may be rather important later, though probably _much_ later,
in the scope of this fic...
"Hmm..." The jounin's crimson eyes grew pensive, and a hint of worry
pinched the corners of her mouth. "I'd prefer to at least send Kiba
or Shino with you as an escort,
Hehe. Very subtle forshadowing and clue for the future. I caught it on
the first read through, but I doubt a lot of people will.
Well, on first blush one might be able to rationalize that Kiba and
Shino would be more effective bodyguards than Hinata, so Kurenai would
prefer it be one of them...
"...Fine, go. We should catch
up with you early this afternoon if there aren't any unexpected
delays."
She will so be kicking herself over this in a few hours.
Well, it's _possible_ that Sakura won't screw anything up this time...
isn't it? >_<;...
*_What?_ Oh, for the love of-* It didn't take Kurenai long to realize
what had happened; she'd been in this situation far more times than
she cared to remember. "You didn't make her pay when she ordered?"
she asked incredulously.
She will never be convinced this wasn't intentional.
Alas, poor Sakura; your pristine reputation is dragged through the
gutter once again...
Finishing off her last stick of dango, Sakura contemplated the naked
skewer
Those two words shall so take on new meaning later in this chapter.
...Naked, perhaps, but i'm wondering where the skewer comes in O_o;...
Thinking about what she'd done stirred conflicting emotions in
Sakura. She was ashamed of herself, and a little nervous about what
Kurenai might do to her later, but both of these seemed to only
enhance the thrill of the chase. Her limbs were light as she fled
from the scene of the crime, and she felt like she could run for
days. *Dammit, it's wrong to feel good about stealing food!*
Ho boy. She's addicted.
Well, Anko's not an _evil_ person, so there's gotta be a reason why she
does bad things, and my bet is on the 'because it's fun!' angle ^_^;...
*Maybe it would have been better to wait for the others.* Kurenai was
probably pretty experienced in diplomacy, and Sakura was confident
that she could at least get them an audience. *Whatever; they want me
to do _something_ here, so I guess I can at least I explain the
situation to him.
I doubt they expected her to explain it quite as bluntly as she did,
however.
Well, those who hadn't been around her lately, anyway.
Probably not... though even without her recent changes, Sakura's
relationship with her grandfather is such that she probably would have
given him the same frank explanation anyhow; this isn't really something
the higher-ups would be able to anticipate all that well.
When Gai-sensei was coaching her, he'd _insisted_ that she do all
sorts of silly 'image training' with him, so that she could 'find her
sense of style' and learn to project 'the power and beauty of youth.'
A forgiving interpretation might call the stupid poses and corny
lines a very bizarre form of psychological warfare, but Sakura had
never found a use for them until now.
GAI-SENSEIIII! Once again your greatness and wisdom is proven even to
the deepest doubters! Yosh!
Surely Gai, of all people, would recognize Sakura's formidable... er...
'fighting spirit' ^_^;;...
Also, it's no wonder Hinata's crushing on Sakura when she's so much
like Naruto. Dye her hair and dress her in orange, and I bet Hinata
would faint.
Heh... very similar, but not the same; Sakura's got a mean streak that
Naruto doesn't really share, and she can actually win arguments with her
wits ^_^;...
Hinata seemed surprised by the suggestion, and Sakura could see the
indecision gnawing at the dark-haired girl as she reflexively glanced
down at her feet before catching herself and looking at Sakura's face
instead. "I'm not..." Chewing her lip, Hinata wouldn't make eye
contact, but after a second she gave a jerky nod. "I- yes, that would
be fine."
And HERE is where I clued in something was seriously wrong. Crap,
Hinata-chan, that's rough. I suppose Sakura can be excused for being
distracted enough to miss this clue.
Plus, Sakura probably has the impression that Hinata's given to fret
about even little things, so the scale of potential 'wrongness' is
pretty broad...
I wonder where Hinata was originally planning to run away to? Probably
hadn't planned that far.
Run away? Hmm... i don't think she'd be able to fool herself into
thinking that she could actually run away; because of her position as
the heiress to the Main House, the clan actually has something to lose
if she were to be captured. That's all i'm going to say, though; her
plans and reasoning shall be revealed next chapter ^_^...
*Hmm... I guess she hasn't been briefed yet.*
The incredible ability of the intelligent to convince themselves of
what they never think to question. I love how subtle yet consistent
you are with this whole setup.
It's kind of a balancing act; Sakura is smart, but she's not going to
get it right all the time, even if she thinks things through...
"But what if your uncles dropped the charges?" Hinata prodded
insistently. "Then, couldn't your parents get married?"
You sadistic bastard, just tell us already!
Give it a moment ^_^;;
"It is not!" Stretching her arms above her head and then lazily
letting them drop to her sides, Sakura sighed in exasperation. "I
know it sounds like something outta some silly manga, but when a
_real_ nobleman can't
For a wonderful moment, I thought you made a mistake and needed a who
between real and nobleman. I felt useful, needed! Then I realized I
was wrong. Now I feel depressed.
Though lots of them still slip through, i try to make sure i catch as
many of those mistakes as possible before i post chapters publically;
it's the quality and content of the writing i'm worried about, at this
point...
"Gah! Now I _know_ you're teasing me," Sakura deadpanned, not feeling
any real animosity toward the giggling brunette. It was nice to see
Hinata relax for a change. *It sounds more like something out of one
of broom-head's dirty books, though.*
I'm sure Hinata is intimately familiar with them.
O_o;... well... perhaps...
"'_Princess..._'" Snorting, Sakura favored the white-eyed girl with a
flat stare. "The _real_ Lady Haruno would skin me alive if I ever
said something stupid like that.
Not that that will stop her from using it when it suits you, will it?
Nope!
Yeah, I guess there isn't any good way to indicate the change in style
to the next part in plain text, is there? It took me a little while to
figure out exactly what happened.
The entire section will be italicized on fanfiction.net.
And, good lord, I've read entire fics shorter than that story.
Sakura's grandfather can be less than concise when he warms to his topic
^_^;...
"The Lord Haruno isn't the _real_ Lord Haruno?!" Hinata sputtered,
forgetting her impeccable Hyuuga manners for a moment. "And your
grandmother, was it really- or did he-" holding her hands apart like
she wasn't sure what to do with them, she stared beseechingly at the
other girl.
I suggest she wring her hands. That's what I pictured reading the
paragraph, before I even got to the description of what her hands were
doing.
Hmm... i shall consider that.
In theory, if she could use chakra to support her own body weight on
the surface of a moving river, it should be easy for her to ward off
a few measly little raindrops. In practice, however, releasing chakra
from your hands or feet was _much_ easier than, say, releasing it
from the back of your head. Despite her best efforts, her hair was
still noticeably damp, and she was quickly tiring herself out.
I forgot about Kakashi's claim that the feet were the hardest, but
think about where you see chakra expelled from. I "figure" the
difficulty is tied to how precise your senses are at that spot.
So, the hands and mouth are the easiest location to precisely control
chakra. The soles of your feet, being comparatively insensitive, would
be much harder. Most of the skin would be very hard, as the
resoltution is smaller. The eyes are great for visual jutsu, but you
aren't going to see any ninja imitating Cyclops since you can't feel
anything moving around inside your eye and can't focus on anything
right outside it.
I'd considered that the senses and chakra control might be connected,
though the presentation of how chakra is used and the strengths and
limtations that we are given as examples tend to be... inconsistent, at
best, so i'm going to just try and rationalize things as best i
can -_-;...
Ok, I need to prep myself before reading the bath scene again. Wait a
day or two while I get myself prescribed some tranquilizers.
William
^_^;;... eheh, i wonder if i need a stronger warning at the start...
~Eimii
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