The recent change in temperature in the pacific has obviously sent my
body into one of those strange hibernatory phases - I sleep twelve hours
every time I hit the sack. Grrr...
Anyway, thankfully you all thought I was dead and sent in only a few
pieces of summary for me to review. APologies to the peopel who sent me
e-mail. I'll try to find time to answer them before I go somnolent
again.
Well, let's get this started.
-----
Series: Meitantei Conan Title: Typhoon Chapter: 1 Author: Eternal Lost
Lurker Web site: www.lurkerdrome.com Genre: Drama Status: Ongoing
Synopsis: In the days leading up to an approaching typhoon, an entirely
different type of storm wreaks havoc on the lives of Kudou Shinichi and
Mouri Ran--a storm no shelter will protect them from.
Review:
Ah yes, Meitantei Conan - Gosho Aoyama just churns it out like it will
never end, like Inu-Yasha. Grrr...
Anyway, apart from my prejudices, this promises to be a rather nice
little bit of story - promising a resolution unlike the entire parent
series. It's a bit short but that's to be expected with Lurker's style.
Recommended for fans.
-----
Series: Harry Potter Title: Harry Potter, the Arch-Magus Chapter: 5
Author: The DragonBard Web site: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/454273/
Genre: Fantasy Status: Draft
Synopsis: Harry continues his exploration of the magical world, and
raises some very interesting questions
Review:
Well, for all my Potter and D&D hate, phobia being too weak a word that
I feel for this aforementioned duo - this fic at least didn't make me
want to heckle the writer to just quit writing.
In my opinion it's still paced too fast and the dialogue a bit clunky
that you can actually hear the gears as Harry explains D&D magic, it's
still a passable bit of work.
If you're a fan of Potter - well, I can recommend better but you can do
a lot worse.
-----
Series: Ranma 1/2, Marvel comics Title: Avenging Act III All You Need is
Hate Chapter: Chapter 1 Author: DB Sommer Genre: Fusion, Action, Humor
Status: Ongoing
Synopsis: Kang tries to kill the Avengers again using an ages old
weapon, and Man Beast makes his move on the ALF, while some of the
Avengers deal with the knowledge that Ryouga is the Hulk.
Review:
Another fine, fine act of one of the few Marvel Comics based fics that I
would actually read. Actually, I think I prefer the fan stuff more than
the real stuff - continuity hell turns me off and with all these
different writers doing execrable, contradicting things, I am highly put
off by mainstream Western comics, especially the Big Two. Just give me
Vertigo and Dark Horse and everyone else.
Anyway, DB has managed to strike the balance again between humor and
serious stuff that hits the spot. It is advised to read the earlier
parts so that you can see where it's all been from.
Highly recommended.
-----
Series: Astonishing X-Men Title: Deathless Chapter: Chapter 3 -
Conversations Author: Jeremy Harper Web Site:
www.fanfiction.net/u/97543/ Genre: Action/Aventure Status: Rewrite/C&C
Synopsis: The Astonishing X-Men deal with the emotional fallout from
their battle against Nikolai Black Sun. Meanwhile, Nikolai and his
'father', Koschei the Deathless, plan their next move.
Review:
My comics hate shines through!!!
Joking, but seriously, I always have difficulty reading X-men fics. I
can never take them seriously which I admit is a problem when reviewing
fanfics bases on them.
Anyway, judging on technical merits, the fic is actually well-written
albeit pulpy. It has all the bad dialogue of the comics, though I think
that's my reading.
Well, better try reading it and judge for yourself.
-----
Series: Sailor Moon/Spider-Man/Moon Knight Title: The Silver Age
Chapter: Part One Author: David Johnston Web site: Naah Genre:
Fusion Status: First Draft
Synopsis: After the "Death of Gwen Stacy" in Amazing Spider-Man 121/122,
a talking cat intervenes to bring her back to life as a super heroine in
her own right, and a biochemistry professor does something stupid and
unethical.
Review:
No one stays dead in the Marvel Universe. Period.
Heck, Bucky and Uncle Ben are back from what I last heard! Anyway, in
what promises to be a fun romp Luna brings back Gwen and Prof. Tomoe is
at New York!!
I'll actually read this for the insanity factor - but it seems it's
being played for seriousness, which is a bit of a downer. How about
making it more crazy? Silver Age comics were on crack and you have to
preserve the tradition.
Anyway, a bit short and a bit lacking on any hooks that would actually
get the reader to just stay on reading it. Write longer parts or rather
release contained arcs like the old one-issue comics of old.
Needs a bit of work before I recommend it.
-----
Series: Ranma 1/2 - Jedi Knight: Jedi Academy Title: The Jedi of Chaos
Chapter: 4 (initial draft) Author: David Wong (uswong@palaunet.com for
now). Yahoo address (darksoar@yahoo.com) got some problems. Website:
www.geocities.com/darksoar/start.html Genre: Adventure, action, fusion
Status: Waiting for C&C
Synopsis: Finally at the Jedi Academy, Ranma and Rosh (unbelievably)
agree on something!
Review:
Well, arguable better than previous parts, it still suffers from my Star
Wars hate.
Cut down on the use of ellipses and onomatopeia, though. It has a few
humor bits and the final WTF moment was nice. Try to hit a better
balance of humor and seriousness, though - and resist the urge to
transplant everyone.
In hindsight, I think the story needs a tighter focus - both in terms of
story and POV. I get the feeling of wandering around for the entire
chapter - howabout sticking to a single POV for an entire chapter?
Anyway, good work. More polish though.
-----
Series: Ranma Title: Sounds Heard in the Street Chapter: 1 Author:
Fallacies Web site: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/819957/ Genre: Horror /
Lime / Humor, Experimental Status: Draft, awaiting C&C
Synopsis: Unnoticed by all but Nabiki, the consequences of a villain's
machinations begin to unfold on a quiet Monday morning. The changes
begin right inside the walls of the Tendo compound ...
This chapter: Nabiki notices that Kasumi and Akane are acting rather
odd, but files the matter for later investigation; Akane seems to have
developed certain male physical characteristics ... On the way to
school, our heroines are attacked by a nonsense spouting original
character by the name of "Indigo Smith." Genma, Akane, and Shampoo have
been kidnapped (possibly for experimentation) by the confederates of a
man who calls himself "the Doctor." Cologne is revealed to be an
extremely old magic girl ...
Review:
The fic concept seems derivative of an old DB Sommer fic with every
Ranma cast member having something hidden/secret about them. DB didn't
expand on it since it was a one-shot.
As for the format -- e-mail is never kind to experimental fic formats,
period. It would much better work in html on a website of your design.
The revolving POV is jarring and irritating - a more stable POV would be
preferrable.
Also, it's Ranma - that means it has to be very good to even get at
least a passing grade. Just Kidding. ^_^
But seriously, the opening chapter's uniqueness is in the format and the
writing tricks not in the subject matter or concept.
It does not fill me with confidence - but still I'll see what you can
work with it in future chapters.
-----
Series: Alice Academy / Gakuen Alice (English title not decided yet.)
Title: A Clockwork Tangerine Chapter: One, "Shake. Now that's a good
girl." Author: Henry J. Cobb Web site: http://www.io.com/~hcobb/anime/
Genre: Dark Status: Chapter one complete.
Synopsis: After Mikan's first escape attempt, Natsume adopts her as his
pet and starts her training.
Expect more than a nod to Kubrick/Burgess and McGoohan as the story
continues.
Gakuen Alice hasn't been released in America yet and so exists as the
original manga and anime in Japanese and Animax's English dub for Sony's
third world markets.
See here for more series details: http://fragiledreams.sitesled.com/
Review:
Disturbing. I like Gakuen Alice, though it has a storyline that could
have been made better with a tighter focus.
Anyway, the fic lacks meat. All I see is barebones narration and
dialogue and that makes it severely lacking in "show" and high in the
"tell" ratio.
I'm not asking for lush descriptions - just more meat on 'dem bones.
I advise revising.
-----
Series: Ranma, Evangelion, H.P. Lovecraft, Ah! My Goddess Title: Sic
Semper Morituri Chapter: Chapter 54 - Eagles Grow From Eggs Web site:
http://home.att.net/~danjess.gibson Genre: Fusion, Psychological, Drama,
Horror Status: Complete, I believe. A rewrite is planned.
Synopsis: Nabiki must deal with too much Coffee, the secret weapon
escapes and must be dealt with. Ranma gets a couple of unexpected
allies, Asuka and Rei forward their plans. Usagi deals with rebellion
and loses something important. The pilots discuss Shinji's new
revelations and react to their new reality, each in their own way.
Gendo and Simson forward their plans, other forces swirl and begin to
take up sides.
Review:
The problem with large fics, heck any media creation with large
continuity like comics, is continuity hell. I advise any future writers
to try to make small shorter fics. ^_^
Anyway, Chapter 54 is obviously not the place to jump in. Read from
Chapter 1 and see if it works for you. ^_-
-----
Series: Guilty Gear Title: At Freedom's Expense Chapter: 2: Persephone
Author: Christian Clark (Warhammer) Web site:
http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=twh Genre: Drama Status:
Work-in-progress
Synopsis: The half-Human, half-Gear, Dizzy, now under the protection of
Ky Kiske, has to make adjustments to live in hiding, out in the open.
Review: Well, a nice second chapter for an interesting little fic. I
like playing Guilty Gear though I'm unfamiliar with a majority of the
setting.
A good balance of descriptive prose and dialogue, though you could cut
down on the ellipses.
Not exactly recommended, but try it if you like GG.
=====
On Suspending Disbelief
A simple editorial on something that a lot of fanfic writers have
trouble with - to suspend disbelief in the reader.
We've heard the phrase "suspension of disbelief" so many times that we
may actually take it for granted, or maybe not know what it means,
though it's plainly spelled out in the phrase. It simply means that you
have to make the reader take away his instinct to not believe what he
reads/sees when it encounters something seemigly improbable.
Original writers have it easy - they're working with a new world or a
familiar world that the reader can buy into that world view with ease.
Not that all original writers can do it: I promptly put back Lynda La
Plante's Cold Shoulder on the bookstore shelf after reading the
prologue. Why? Because I wouldn't/couldn't believe the basic premise -
or more exactly I couldn't logically parse the premise. A married police
lieutenant with a loving husband and two children going down the spiral
of alcoholism and prostitution because her partner got killed?
Seriously, in the real world, there would be interventions and
psychiatric evaluations galore. All the prologue gave me was the sense
that this was a supposedly intelligent woman doing stupid things because
she was railroaded by the writer. The books a good seller though, so
some people can buy that. But me? No way, baby.
And that's the crux of it - you may be writing the thing, but you have
to work it organically, logically. It has to make the reader believe
that it could possible happen. The best fantasy writers write stories
that have a firm grounding, either in the human condition or a very
well-made world. SF writers, too, have their moments where they have to
strive to make the reader believe. Because that's the writer's enemy:
disbelief. Disbelief makes your work look like shit, it's the harsh
light of truth on your bundle of lies.
Some people would swallow any sort of tripe - that means their disbelief
is shot. An intelligent and discerning reader would be pretty sharp and
you have to work to actually make them believe. The key here is to make
them want to put aside disbelief and just enjoy the ride.
How do we do that? For some, it's elegant prose that does it for them.
Good writing is like hypnotism - you disarm them with fancy words and
beautiful imagery. For others, it's the details - worlds built like your
granfather's pocketwatch, gears turning this way and that like a well-
oiled machine. Plotting that is internally and logically consistent. The
real world maybe full of crazy shit but in your story if it doesn't
follow the law of causality it ruins the facade and puts the reader on
guard.
For fanfic writers, it's the "X wouldn't do that!" moments that entirely
ruin it for the reader. Out of character actions and inconsistend
background are the bane of your existence. But even then, it could work.
How? Write in a way that explains these actions - that defines them in a
way that can be understood and related to the canon material.
Causality is king and logic is needed for belief.
Remember - suspending disbelief is one of your primary goals.
Well, that's that for 2 weeks. Back to sleep and narcolepsy...
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